Committed

by Penelope Sky

  His words cut me like a knife. “Why?”

  “You know why.”

  The lull in our conversation stretched because there was nothing else to say. I wanted to get my way, but arguing over the phone wasn’t the way to accomplish that. So I just let it be. “I’ll see you tomorrow?”

  His deep voice was reassuring. “Yeah…I’ll be there.”

  9

  Hades

  I entered the hotel bar and saw Maddox sitting alone. It was a strange image, a very powerful man sitting alone by the window with a glass of water in front of him. The man never drank…at least not in public.

  I walked through the sea of empty tables until I reached the small table up against the window. The Tuscan Rose was more overrun with shady characters than it had ever been, and if Sofia could see it, she would turn pale as milk.

  I sat across from him and watched him look out the window. He seemed to be observing a group of girls walking by, holding bags of designer clothes as they ambled off together. His eyes studied them closely, like a cat stalking prey. His intentions didn’t seem sexual…they didn’t seem anything.

  We hadn’t spoken since the night he’d saved my life. After that happened, I worked on my own projects and took care of business from a distance. His kindness pushed me further away than his evilness ever did.

  The waitress came over and brought me a glass of scotch before she disappeared.

  Maddox slowly turned his gaze on me, his expression deflated. His shoulders slumped with fatigue, and he seemed to be in a solemn mood. He wore his heart on his sleeve, and his emotions were very theatrical. When he was mad, he was really mad. When he was happy, he practically giggled. And right now, he seemed down.

  I refused to ask him about his feelings. That implied I cared…and I didn’t. “I need to leave for a few weeks.”

  After I spoke the words, Maddox gave me his full attention. He looked at me with crystal-blue eyes, eyes so bright they made the sky look black. Whenever he stared at me, he always seemed mesmerized, like he’d never really looked at me before. “Where?”

  I hated answering to anyone. I wasn’t going to start now. “Doesn’t matter.”

  Maddox grabbed his water and took a drink. Instead of taking a sip like most people, he chugged half of it, like he’d just run a marathon. He set it down again with a heavy thud. “It matters to me.”

  “Personal reasons. Leave it at that.”

  “If it’s personal, then you confide it to me. That’s what friends do, right?”

  If only I had the audacity to grab a butter knife and shank it up his rib cage. “I’ll confide in you when you confide in me.” He never shared anything with me, not that I ever asked. I’d made the statement just to prove a point and get him to leave it alone.

  “Alright.” He rested his elbows on the table and leaned forward, regarding me like a lover instead of a partner. “You killed your father, right?”

  The blood slowly drained from my face.

  “I killed my mother.”

  I didn’t ask for the details because I assumed they were disturbing. There was an innate creepiness in the air around us, like his mother’s wounded spirit had entered the room to haunt him. But evil couldn’t be haunted.

  “I feel so much closer to you now.” He said the words matter-of-factly, but there was a slight hint of threat to his tone. “Now, will you answer me?”

  Out of principle, I refused to.

  “I assume you intend to spend your vacation time with your new son in Rome. I suppose that’s fine. If something comes up, I’ll let you know.”

  I shouldn’t be surprised he knew that information, but I still felt violated by it. This man knew everything about me. He probably kept tabs on me when I was off the clock. Every time I visited Sofia, he knew about it. He probably even knew I fucked her too.

  He tapped his fingers against the table as if he were playing a song. But the music was chaotic and unpredictable. If anything, it just sounded like noise. Is that what he heard inside his brain every day? Noise?

  “Aren’t you going to thank me for saving your life?”

  “I don’t understand why you did.”

  His fingers stopped drumming. “I think it’s obvious. And I would hope you would do the same for me.”

  I couldn’t stop myself from shaking my head.

  “When are you going to leave the past behind you? Hades, it’s time to move on. We’re partners now.”

  “No, I’m a hostage.”

  Maddox smiled like it was impossible to take me seriously. “You should look up the meaning of hostage because you clearly don’t understand it. None of your rights have been revoked. You are paid handsomely. And you are protected.”

  He made it sound like I’d won the lottery. “Why did you save me?”

  He cocked his head slightly.

  “Why?”

  His eyes narrowed.

  “Answer me.”

  He leaned forward again and dropped his voice to a whisper. “Would you rather me not save you?”

  “Yes.”

  He slowly leaned back, his body sagging with devastation. The pain entered his eyes, and it was the first time he actually seemed wounded. Up until that point, he’d seemed invincible. But something about my words hit him right in the heart.

  He rose from his chair and didn’t look at me again. He slowly moved through the tables and exited the restaurant. He didn’t come back for me. And a moment later, I saw him walk past the windows, his hands in his front pockets…like he was just another person on the street.

  I stood on her front doorstep and waited for her to come to the entryway. I was in jeans and a t-shirt, surprised summer had come so soon. Last summer, I married Sofia. That felt like a lifetime ago. I still remembered the way she looked in her wedding dress… I remembered taking it off when we came home.

  My marriage didn’t last long, but it was happy for its duration.

  Sofia opened the door wearing a blue dress that fit her comfortably. Her hair was thick and curled, and even though she looked beautiful, she clearly looked distressed. Her stomach was considerably bigger than the last time I saw her. “Hey…”

  Maybe when she looked in the mirror, she saw a large pregnant woman who wasn’t the least bit arousing, but I saw something completely different. I saw a woman doing the sexiest thing in the world…giving birth to a son.

  When she’d made a comment about me being with strippers and whores, it offended me because she didn’t understand the depth of my feelings. Maybe they were thinner than she was, but they certainly weren’t as pretty. Being with them would just make me lonely and depressed. This long venture into celibacy wasn’t a good solution, but I didn’t know what else to do.

  I couldn’t be with anyone else.

  She opened the door wider, and she stepped aside. “Come in.”

  I moved inside, but I hoped I wouldn’t run into her mother. The last time I saw her, it was awkward. I suspected an awkward conversation was about to follow, but when I stepped inside the house, it seemed quiet. Now that I was with Sofia, I didn’t know what to do. It felt strange to go to her bedroom, but it felt odd to leave the house when she was so obviously uncomfortable. I stayed quiet and let her decide.

  “Where are your bags?”

  “I already checked in to the hotel.”

  Her eyes slowly fell with sadness. “Oh…”

  I didn’t want to repeat what happened last time. It had felt good in the moment, but afterward, I’d felt like shit. I was sure she felt the same way.

  “You want to go to dinner?”

  She stared at me blankly like she hadn’t heard a word I said. “I don’t want you staying at the hotel.”

  I’d hoped this argument wouldn’t come up, but she seemed adamant about having it. “I think it’s more appropriate.”

  “I don’t want appropriate. I want you beside me every night so you can feel your son kick and move. And I want to make sure we’re together when he comes
. When my water breaks, I want you there for that. I don’t want to be sleeping alone when the biggest event of my life happens.”

  I watched the emotion in her eyes and felt powerless to resist it. She didn’t just want me for sex. She wanted us to be a family before the third member arrived. But there was no way I could sleep beside her without taking off my clothes and making love to her between the sheets.

  It sounded like a nice picture…until I had to go home and be alone.

  “So, you can stay here, or I can stay there. What’s it gonna be?”

  When she got like this, I knew there was no arguing. Besides, I didn’t want to upset her when she was already so big, she was about to blow. I wanted her to be calm and relaxed, and if I was what made her calm, then so be it. “Alright.”

  She visibly relaxed.

  “But what about your mom?”

  “What about her?”

  “You don’t think that’s awkward?”

  “I don’t care if it’s awkward. She lives with me, I don’t live with her. So, she can deal with it.”

  I’d prefer if we had more privacy, but Sofia probably would be more comfortable here than at the hotel, so I dropped my reservations. “Alright. I’ll get my stuff, and I’ll be back.”

  “Good.” She walked to the front door and opened it again. “Hurry.”

  With my bag over my shoulder, I returned to the front door with hesitation in my veins. I knew I shouldn’t do this, but I couldn’t walk away either. When I got sucked into this beautiful connection again, it would just make it a million times harder to go back to my broken life. A few weeks of bliss would pass quickly, and then I would be back with Maddox, sitting across from him and trying to understand who he really was. That was my life now. This was just a glimpse…a dream of what I could have if things were different.

  If I were a better man.

  The door opened, and Sofia stood there, her eyes immediately going to my bag to make sure I’d followed directions. When it was clear I’d obeyed, she stepped aside and let me in.

  I entered her large home and noticed all the old furniture that used to be in her house back in Florence before we got married. It was a nice place, just a little closer to the street than I would prefer. But it was near her work and a good school, so it was a nice spot for Andrew.

  Sofia shut the door behind me then faced me. “Thank you.”

  She had no idea what I was about to put myself through. If she really understood the depth of this torture, she would never ask such a thing. I’d never considered telling her the truth about the gypsy and the curse. It seemed too ridiculous. But sometimes, I wanted to cave…and hope she would believe me.

  Just when we were about to take the stairs, Maria appeared in the hallway. Her eyes moved quickly, spotting the bag in my hand and the tense expression on my face. A smile immediately emerged, and she moved toward me with genuine affection in her eyes. She was always kind to me, even a little clingy, so I knew her enthusiasm was real. “Hades, it’s so nice to see you.” She moved into my chest and hugged me, held me the way a mother held a child. There was a tight squeeze, and when she pulled away, that smile was still there. “I hope you’ll be staying with us for a while.”

  She’d annoyed me in the past because she smothered me with her attention, but seeing her was actually nice…made me feel less lonely. “I’ll be here until Andrew gets here. Don’t want to miss anything.”

  Her eyes softened. “You’re going to be a good father.” She squeezed my arm before she excused herself.

  Sofia watched her go before she turned back to me.

  I knew we were having a son together, but it hit me hard that we were having a baby. I was about to be a father. I was about to be in charge of a whole other being. It wasn’t just a son, but a boy who would be named after me.

  Now, I felt so ashamed that I’d ever taken out the revolver.

  What kind of man was I?

  Sofia studied my gaze. “Are you okay?”

  Not in the least. Just a few weeks ago, I’d considered suicide. But if I didn’t take that way out, what choice did I have? I would be tortured every day until I was lucky enough to leave this earth. I wanted to be there for my son always…but could I?

  “Hades?”

  My eyes flicked back to hers. “Yeah…just excited for Andrew.”

  The last time I was in her bedroom, we were naked and doing what we did best. I hadn’t had the opportunity to appreciate her bedroom, to notice her things in the space. There were paintings on the wall and a couple necklaces on the dresser. I carried my bag inside and put it on the armchair near the window.

  Sofia came in behind me. She was in a loose dress with her hair done and her stomach stuck out so far that nothing she wore could hide it. “Are you hungry? I can make you something.”

  I’d skipped dinner, but I wasn’t hungry. “You never have to make me anything.” I looked out the window and admired the nighttime view before I turned around and faced her again. “I should be taking care of you.”

  Her hand moved over her stomach as her eyes softened. “This is the man that I miss…”

  Things had been heated between us. Resentment bottled into rage. I never truly forgave her for leaving me, even though it was the right thing to do. I probably would’ve continued to be angry with her…until she put her lips on mine and forced me to buckle. “Don’t expect me to be this way all the time.”

  “Why not?”

  Because I was a bitter, angry, and sad man. “Because things change.”

  She held my gaze for a long time, the frustration slowly coming to the surface. Her hand slid from her belly and returned to her side. “Some things never change.”

  I didn’t want to warn her of the things to come. This was the last time we would be together like this. Once Andrew was here, we would move on with our lives. We would drift apart. She’d fall in love with someone else…and I’d spend my nights with women I would quickly forget. This was the last time I would feel truly alive, the last time I’d want to be alive. I appreciated her faith in me, but it was misplaced. “I’m gonna get in the shower.”

  She seemed taken aback by the change in subject, but she didn’t protest. “There are already fresh towels in there. Let me know if you need anything.” She drifted away to give me privacy.

  I got under the warm water and let the day’s travel wash away. The smell of her shampoo and soaps was identical to her scent. I admired her loofa, the bar of soap she used on her perfect body, and even the razor she used to shave her sexy legs. To anyone else, they were just items that sat in the shower. But to me, they reminded me of what I lost. I used to see these things every day of my life. They were a part of marital bliss, sharing my space with hers.

  Now all those things were gone.

  My shower consisted of shampoo and body wash. That was it. Back to a simple bachelor life.

  I took the longest shower of my life, letting the warm water drip down my body and wash away the stress and pain. When I returned to the bedroom, the most beautiful woman in the world would be waiting for me. But it was just a mirage, an oasis in a desert. It wasn’t real. It was temporary. Everything that would happen at night would quickly turn to old memories.

  Maybe I should tell her how hard this was for me…so she would let me leave.

  But I didn’t want to go either.

  After my shower, I stepped out of the bathroom in a new pair of boxers. Sofia was in bed, reading a book on her large stomach. She was in a nightgown with her makeup gone. It was just the way it used to be…like we were married again.

  There was a small table near her balcony doors, and on the surface was a plate of dinner along with a small vase of flowers. The food was covered with clear plastic, and the steam from the food was fogging the covering. It was chicken with rice and vegetables, probably her mother’s cooking, but touching nonetheless.

  Fuck, I missed being married.

  Even though I wasn’t that hungry, I sat at the tabl
e and ate the food she’d placed there for me. I should look out the window and admire the view, but my eyes kept shifting to the woman in bed. To any other man, she was just some pregnant woman reading a book. But to me, she was the most desirable woman on the planet. From her dark hair to her beautiful fair skin, she was perfect. She had a faint glow that radiated from the boy inside of her. Her full lips were softer than a cloud, and they fit in her perfect face like God put them there himself. I absentmindedly ate my food while I studied every single aspect of her face, committing it to memory as if I didn’t already have a million pictures of her on my phone, pictures that I stared at in my darkest hours. I could be sitting in the back seat of a car waiting for our enemies to arrive, and my phone would be pulled out with my favorite picture on the screen. The sight of her face gave me a reason to keep going…even if she would never be mine again.

  She must have finally noticed my stare, because she turned my way.

  Ordinarily, I wouldn’t have averted my gaze because I didn’t give a shit if I was caught. But now, it seemed inappropriate, to stare at her like a man stupidly in love with his woman. She wasn’t mine anymore…and she wouldn’t be again.

  She set her book on her lap. “How’s your dinner?”

  I finished chewing before I answered. “Good.” I couldn’t really taste the food because I wasn’t paying attention. I never appreciated my meals anyway, because they were flooded with scotch.

  “My mom’s not a bad cook, huh?”

  I shrugged. “She won’t take Helena’s job, but she’s good.”

  Sofia chuckled. “I miss that woman. My mom tried to cook like her…doesn’t work.”

  “You want her?”

  Sofia’s eyebrows rose off her face. “What?” she asked with a laugh.

  “Well, you can have her if you want her.” Sofia could have anything that she wanted.

  “I’d love that, but she’s yours. I’ll find my own Helena.”

  We’d been divorced for months, but comments like that still killed me. Still ripped open old wounds. My hand ached like I’d just gripped a pen too tightly and signed our divorce papers. My heart bled the same as the night she told me she was going to leave. I was stuck in a time vortex. Months passed for everyone else, but for me, everything stayed the same. I couldn’t bed another woman because it felt like I was cheating on my wife.