If You Choose Me (A Sugar Maple Novel)

by Ciara Knight

  He set the plate down on the counter and then collapsed into the chair next to the couch. “You might as well know.” He ran his hands through his hair and then down his face. “Ugh. I made a huge mistake.”

  “You mean about how you lied to get close to the Besslers so you could get inside information for a story you want to write for some Detroit newspaper?”

  He dropped his hands to his sides. “How’d you know about that?”

  “Who doesn’t?” Mrs. Slaughter laughed. “You don’t lie well, and—”

  “And Glen told you.” He sighed. “He’d seemed so trustworthy.”

  “He can be trusted to help or to do anything you might need, but he’s never been good at keeping secrets.”

  Wayne held his head in his hands. “I don’t understand how Mr. and Mrs. Bessler could forgive me but Shirley can’t. I never meant to deceive anyone. I only wanted to meet them before I told them about the story.”

  “Because Mr. and Mrs. Bessler only wish to be your friend. Affairs of the heart are much more complicated. Shirley started to trust you and opened her heart to the possibility of you despite her obvious desire to remain closed off from the world.”

  The telephone rang, shrilling through the quiet house and shattering what was left of Wayne’s nerves.

  “Answer that thing please. I can’t believe I decided to have that monstrosity installed.”

  Wayne ran over and picked up the receiver. “Hello, Mrs. Slaughter’s place.”

  “Call from New York City, connecting now,” a woman’s voice said in a rehearsed and rushed voice.

  It had to be important if someone were willing to pay the expensive long-distance fees. “Hello? Is this the man who placed the advertisement in the paper about Davey?”

  Wayne didn’t know if he should be happy or worried. “Yes, that was me. Who am I speaking with?”

  “Sorry, connection isn’t great. Difficult to hear you. I’m Davey’s uncle. Who’s caring for the boy?”

  “A lovely couple. They adopted five children.”

  “Six children and another woman in the picture. Must be a full house.”

  “That’s the nanny and her daughter. Listen, I need you to notify the Nashville orphanage that you will relinquish custody. Davey is in an excellent home.”

  “Don’t want to take the boy if he’s good. But I need to see for myself. I’ll be down there in a few days.”

  “There’s no need.” Wayne didn’t get to argue his case further because the man disconnected the call on his end.

  “News?” Mrs. Slaughter stood with wide eyes.

  Wayne placed the receiver down on the phone. “Yes.”

  “Good or bad?”

  “I’m not sure.” Wayne scratched his head. “Davey’s uncle says he wants to make sure he’s well cared for before giving up custody but isn’t interested in taking the boy if he’s satisfied. That’s good news, right? I mean, who wouldn’t approve of the Besslers?”

  Mrs. Slaughter looked to the door. “I guess you have a reason to go visit with Shirley now.”

  Wayne wanted to go see Shirley more than anything, to beg for her forgiveness after spending the last week feeling more alone than he had his entire life. In that moment, he knew he wanted more than to travel the world alone. He wanted Shirley and Beth with him, but had he ruined his chances before he’d even realized how he felt?

  With a heaviness in his chest he hadn’t felt since he lived in a combat zone overseas, he put on his coat and hat and headed up to the Besslers’. His stomach rolled at the thought of giving the information to Vic and Rosie and facing Shirley for the first time since she’d sent him away.

  Chapter Seventeen

  Not even the fire warmed the living room with the tension that bubbled over in the Bessler house this morning. Shirley had been waiting any day for someone to knock on the front door and take her and her daughter away. Not to mention the threat of Davey’s uncle wanting custody. Rosie had been sick each morning, obviously so stressed by the situation that she couldn’t keep any food down.

  Shirley wanted to do something to make them feel better, but she couldn’t think of anything that could distract them from discovering if Davey could stay or would be torn from their lives.

  Davey crashed through the front door. “I delivered the food, but Mrs. Slaughter said not to send no more because we have too many mouths to feed.”

  “She’s being polite. The doctor says she shouldn’t have her place open any longer, but if she doesn’t, I don’t know how she’ll afford to eat. She’ll have to sell the house, I guess.” Rosie held her stomach and sat down in the chair.

  Victor was by her side, rubbing her shoulders. “Take it easy, darling.”

  “Would you like some tea?” Shirley offered.

  Rosie pinched the bridge of her nose. “No, thank you. I don’t think I should.”

  “I know it’s cold out, but I could take the children into town while you rest. I don’t have to open the shop today,” Vic said.

  “It’s Saturday, the biggest day of the week for you. I won’t hear of it. However, I think I’ll take the day off and spend it with our children.”

  Rosie had been getting done early and going in later each day, and now she took off all day. Shirley was happy she was taking the time for herself, but she worried that the stress would get to her, sitting around the house all day.

  “What if we all went to the picture show?” Shirley offered.

  Victor didn’t leave Rosie’s side, but he offered a reassuring smile. “That would be a grand idea, but it’s too cold to sit in the back of the truck.”

  Davey went to Rosie’s side. “No it ain’t. We lived out in this with less. I think it’s a swell idea. You know I want to see The Enchanted Forest. And I’ve never been to no moving picture before. You said you’d take us.”

  Shirley admired Davey’s attention to Rosie and how he always wanted to help. “I’m happy to ride in the back of the truck.”

  “It’s settled. We’ll all go to the moving pictures,” Victor announced.

  The kids erupted in applause and squeals of delight. Even Beth jumped up and down, despite the fact she didn’t even know what a moving picture was.

  Victor knelt by Rosie. “Please, we could all use a day of fun. Don’t you think?” He took her hands and kissed them with such love and tenderness, it almost made Shirley believe there were good men and a chance at happiness someday.

  Knock. Knock. Knock.

  The eruption of joy silenced. Victor rose. “You kids go get ready to leave. I’ll send whoever it is away, and we’ll head out to the show.”

  “I don’t know. We don’t want the kids to catch a cold or fever.” Rosie worried for her babies, something Shirley could understand as she stood there, holding her breath and waiting. Waiting to see if these were the thugs her parents sent to take her home.

  Shirley closed her eyes and said a silent prayer.

  “Good morning, Victor. I’m sorry to trouble you.” Wayne’s voice echoed from the front door through the living room.

  “It’s no trouble, but I’m afraid we’re heading out in a bit to the moving pictures so I can’t visit right now.” Victor glanced back as if he couldn’t keep his gaze from his wife for too long.

  “I understand, and I wouldn’t trouble you if it wasn’t important. It may calm your nerves if you have a minute to hear what I have to say.” Wayne removed his hat and crumpled the brim with his hands. “It’s about Davey.”

  “Please, come in. Sorry. You must be cold out there.” Victor closed the door and took Wayne’s hat and hung it on the rack. He offered to take the coat, but Wayne shook his head.

  Rosie raced to her husband. “You have news about Davey?”

  “Yes. I’ve received a long-distance call from New York.” Wayne glanced at Shirley, and she retreated behind the chair.

  He knew. He knew everything.

  Her hands trembled, but she remained in her spot, ready to face the lies of her
past that had caught up to her. Why had she thought she could lie to get what she wanted in life? It wasn’t right, but what choice did she have?

  “It was Davey’s uncle.”

  Shirley let out a long breath, rubbing her chest free of the sting, but she knew that her good news could be bad for the Besslers. She straightened and swallowed her own fear to be by their side. “What did he say?”

  “He said that he didn’t want to take Davey.”

  “That’s a relief,” Rosie said in a rushed, weak tone.

  “Not unless…” Wayne looked to Victor.

  “Go on.”

  “Unless he feels like Davey isn’t well cared for.” Wayne stepped forward with hands in the air as if to hold them both up. “I told him that Davey could be with no better family and there was no reason for concern.”

  “Then that’s good news for sure. Did you hear that, Rosie?” Vic squeezed her tight into his side. “He’s not going to take our boy.”

  “I’m sure he won’t, but he didn’t take my word as fact. He’ll be here in a few days to see for himself. But don’t be worried, there is no way he could be anything but pleased with the care you provide Davey.”

  Rosie burst into tears. Shirley had never seen her cry before, and she couldn’t help but rush to Rosie’s side. “It’ll be fine. We’ll make sure that he sees you both for the amazing parents you are and how lucky Davey is to have you as his mom and dad.” Shirley ushered her from Victor’s arms and into the kitchen, where she made Rosie a cup of tea and then sat next to her.

  “I can’t lose another child. Not Davey. Is this my punishment for wanting one made of Victor and me?”

  In that moment, Shirley realized the poor woman wasn’t sick from stress but from the baby. “I thought you couldn’t…I mean…” Shirley wrung her hands, realizing she should keep her thoughts to herself.

  “It’s true, I have never been able to carry a baby, but the doctor is hopeful this time. I will be showing soon. He said that if I make it to February 14th, my chances of carrying full-term go up substantially.” Rosie grabbed one of the place mats and curled the edge of it. “Funny thing is that when we tried, we could never conceive or we would lose the baby early on after the first miscarriage, but this time… This time I thought the baby was meant to be. As if God gave us this special gift.”

  “I’m sure he did.”

  Rosie laughed, not hysterical as if she’d slipped into some sort of state but as if there was something truly humorous. “And to think I embarrassed myself and my husband when he returned from war by going to the store to buy rubbers.” She laughed harder. “We got pregnant despite them. You see, that’s why I thought this baby was meant to be.”

  Shirley didn’t begin to understand why, if they wanted a baby, they would use such a thing, but it wasn’t her place to ask. “Your baby will be fine, and so will the rest of your children. I think you’re right. God put this family together.”

  Rosie abandoned her assault on the place mat and grabbed Shirley’s hand. “He did. And you’re part of our family now. He brought you to us. I couldn’t survive all of this without you.”

  “Nonsense. You’re the strongest person I know. If I could be half as brave as you…”

  Rosie wiped the tears from her eyes and leaned in, capturing Shirley’s gaze as if she were about to say the most important thing to her. “I’d say you’re strong. You’ve survived something in your past so dark you don’t want to tell me about it. Of course, you never have to tell me, but I’m here if you ever want to talk about it.”

  Shirley looked away, the shame filling her to the brim. “I’ve been lying to both you and Mr. Bessler. I don’t deserve—”

  “Hush now.” Rosie glanced over her shoulder as if to make sure no one else could hear. “I’m telling you now that whatever is in your past, I know who you are today, and that’s what matters. It’s not a lie to withhold the truth, not when it’s too painful to discuss. You never have to tell me because I don’t need to hear it to know how great a person you are. Now you just need to believe that you deserve what you want in life. And I know one person who hopes he’s deserving of you.”

  Her words twisted Shirley up inside. Part of her wanted to walk out there and tell Wayne that she did care for him and that she didn’t hate him but she hated herself.

  Rosie stood but didn’t leave. “However, I do think you should tell Wayne since he deserves to know the truth before he becomes any more attached to you. I mean, he’s already considering staying in Sugar Maple, and I know that isn’t because of us. It is all because of you.”

  Rosie left Shirley sitting at the kitchen table. She couldn’t manage to get up and face the family and Wayne. How could she tell Wayne the truth and risk everything she had here that she’d built for Beth?

  But if she didn’t, how could she move forward with the man who was honorable enough to tell the truth despite the chance he’d lose his job, the man kind enough to try to keep a family together, a man tender enough that her own daughter called him daddy?

  The house erupted in cheer as if someone had cut through the tension and released it in a burst of air. Shirley peered into the living room.

  Victor slapped Wayne on the back. “Thanks for the offer. I’d feel better with the kids in Mrs. Slaughter’s car instead of in the back of the truck all that way.”

  “My pleasure. I’ve been wanting to see a moving picture again. I’ll, um, tell Shirley,” Wayne said.

  If he was going to the picture show with them, she’d make an excuse to stay home. Beth was awfully young to go, but she’d be upset that all the other children went without her.

  “I think that’s a great idea. Victor and I will be in the back of the house getting the kids ready to go,” Rosie said loud enough that it was obvious she meant Shirley to hear. “I think she was looking to speak with you anyway.”

  Shirley retreated deeper into the safety of the kitchen and held herself up by the counter.

  Wayne entered, but Shirley didn’t look up to greet him. She closed her eyes and willed herself to figure out what to do.

  “I know you’re angry with me, but I can’t just leave you alone. I need to apologize again. And I’ll keep apologizing until you forgive me. I promise never to lie to you again—”

  “I forgive you,” she whispered through the rawness of her emotions.

  “You do?” Wayne’s footsteps drew closer.

  “Yes.” She still couldn’t face him, though.

  “What’s wrong? Is there anything I can do?” Wayne offered. Of course he did. That’s what he always did when someone needed something.

  Shirley blinked, trying to remain focused on now instead of her fleeting thoughts and fear. “The bigger question is if you can ever forgive me.”

  Chapter Eighteen

  The ride to Clinton was long and uncomfortable, but not from the rough road and bouncing in the Cadillac with Beth in Shirley’s lap next to Wayne and Betty by their side, Ava, Reggie, and Gina asleep in the back seat. Only Davey had gone with Victor and Rosie in the truck. This was warmer for the younger ones and gave Davey some time alone with them. Wayne wished for time alone with Shirley, though.

  He wanted to know her secrets. His instinct was to drill her for the information and not stop until he knew everything, but if he did, he knew he’d lose her. The little snores from the back seat and Beth’s head bopping until it landed on Wayne’s shoulder told him they were finally semi-alone, and he knew he had to say something. If for no other reason than to relieve Shirley’s distress. She’d been chewing on her lip and fidgeting since they’d left Sugar Maple, and he couldn’t be the cause of it any longer.

  “You don’t have to tell me,” Wayne announced, his voice too loud for inside the car.

  “But I have to if…” Shirley eyed her baby girl in her arms and then eyed him. “At the same time, I struggle with what trouble it could bring for myself and Beth.”

  Wayne straightened, gripping the steering wheel, and r
ealized that he cared more for them than the story. He’d guessed she’d struggled as much as his sister-in-law had, but there was more to her than a lost husband at war. Perhaps her husband had done something wrong, died a coward, or something she had to face the shame of when people discovered her truth. He’d heard many tales of such problems from the war. It didn’t matter. “I don’t need to know anything you don’t want to tell me. Only that you promise to tell me if I need to chase something away. You and Beth mean more to me than I could have expected. I’ve always been a loner, but there’s something here that I want to discover.”

  “But…” Shirley brushed Beth’s hair away from her face. “Rosie says that I can’t move forward with how I feel about you if I can’t be honest.”

  His heart stuttered and fell into a new rhythm, one that connected with Shirley. “You feel for me?”

  She looked up at him with hooded eyes and nodded. “I fear that I do.”

  He wanted to pull her into his side, kiss her, tell her how there was nothing to fear, but he didn’t want to scare her away, so he took her hand and pressed it to his lips. “There’s nothing to fear. I’ve got you.”

  She closed her eyes, and he noticed her hand trembled, so he held it tighter to his chest. After a few miles, she relaxed into him, and he wrapped his arm around her and Beth.

  They reached Clinton and found parking. Wayne escorted the children to Rosie and Victor, who looked like they were excited and alive for the first time in a week. Wayne’s chest warmed at the sight of how happy they looked, and in that moment he knew he wanted that, so he lifted Beth into his arms, took Shirley by the hand, and headed forward together. And he didn’t let go. Not when they reached the ticket booth, or when they walked through the lobby with Beth pointing at the grand entrance, or when they sat to watch the picture. He didn’t let go of her when they left, or drove home, or any moment they were in the same room for the next two days.