Night Born

by Godiva Glenn

  “Of course.”

  “If I don’t change within my time with the pack, I’ll never change at all.”

  “You can’t be negative—”

  “I’m being realistic. I can’t wish and dream. If I have to prepare for a life as a human, I can’t put it off. That doesn’t mean I’ve given up. It’s just me preparing for the worst.”

  He tilted his head, jaw clenched as if he’d argue the point, but finally gave a sharp nod. “Fine. I can’t say I don’t see that reasoning.”

  “Then keep in mind that while I have to have a plan for that life, doesn’t mean I want it. Leaving here without my wolf terrifies me. I can only imagine the emptiness. I don’t look forward to living a lie and doing so with half my soul.”

  “And I don’t want that for you. That’s why I’m trying to push you to keep trying.” His hands slid down, squeezing her upper arms. “I believe in you.”

  “And the rest?” She stared out at the dark line of trees. “If I do turn, my choices aren’t much better.”

  “You rejoin us.”

  She turned to face him. “Right. I’ll pretend nothing happened. Cozy up to my tormentors and abusers, because some of them are my secret friends.”

  “Kyra…”

  “Option one: I can stay and act like I wasn’t mistreated, and accept that there’s no changing the past,” she said heatedly.

  “Kyra, I’m sure—"

  “No.” The thoughts she’d wanted to hide only minutes before came piling out. “Option two: I can leave. See if my wolf is strong enough to support me alone. See if I luck out and find another pack that would take me in, and not kill me for being disgraceful enough to abandon my original pack.” She ignored how his eyes rolled. “But let’s be honest. If my wolf isn’t strong enough to pull me down on a full moon, the odds that I’ll survive without this pack are less than slim. If I leave, I’ll go feral.”

  “You wouldn’t go feral,” he said hesitantly. “True, we don’t usually last away from pack, but you aren’t even there yet. And unlike the possibility of living with humans, you can’t prepare for striking out alone.”

  “That doesn’t mean I ignore it.” She crossed her arms and sat back against the window ledge. “What choice would you make? Big, strong Mikos? Live with your oppressors or risk madness and death?”

  “I’d find a third option.”

  “Help me find one, then. I’ve been searching for years.”

  He joined her on the ledge, frustration creasing his brow. “We don’t have to solve every problem tonight.”

  “Two moons.” She sucked in a breath and exhaled slowly. “It’s not very long.”

  “Then make the best of your time here. It’s not unusual for our wolves to need solitude when the outside world confuses us.”

  Mikos’s optimistic side was more endearing than his tough love side, but Kyra’s mind was mostly made up. If it came down to staying or leaving, she was ready to go, even if that meant leaving him and everything she felt for him. If she found her wolf in time, her freedom was worth risking her life for.

  * * * *

  The door opened, and Kyra looked up from where she sat on the window ledge. Mikos entered and set a grey duffle bag on the ground.

  “It’s not much, but it’s what I could get,” he said.

  She slid carefully to the floor, making every effort to avoid disrupting her sore midsection. He tugged the drawstring of the bag open and pulled out a rolled-up mat.

  “An air mattress?” she guessed.

  “The best they had in town. Which doesn’t say much, but it’s got to be better than the floor.”

  She stood beside him as he rolled it out. He handed her the directions but got right to work, which was self-explanatory. A black pump attached to one edge and once it was plugged in it began to whir and breathe life into the flat gray mattress.

  “You didn’t have to do this,” she said.

  “If I had to or wanted to, it doesn’t matter. It’s done.”

  “But I know you hate going into town.”

  “Hate’s a strong word. I don’t dislike going into town so much as I feel lost when I leave our land.”

  She understood what he meant. The first time she’d made the trek into the strange world of humans, she’d been terrified. “It’s necessary though.”

  “I know. Keep up the rouse.”

  “Not only that. Forming social relationships, even the idle kinds that come from shopping at a store, are helpful to our lives. We have a human form for a reason.”

  He pressed a hand to the nearly full mattress, testing the firmness. Once his hand lifted, he removed the pump and patted it. “Try it out.”

  She lowered herself to the mat and sat, almost groaning to have her bottom on something soft for the first time in days. “Perfect.”

  “Good.” He sat next to her and ran a finger over the velvety surface. “I’ll grab you sheets, too.”

  “Thank you,” she said sincerely.

  “Don’t worry about it.” He gave her a wry smile. “You’re right. We have to work with the humans. It wasn’t so bad, today.”

  “They mostly ignore us. Everyone is caught up in their own business.”

  “Mostly. There’s some gossip,” he said slowly.

  She had a feeling she knew what he meant. “The pack has gotten large.”

  “Then you’ve heard it too?”

  “It’s only going to get worse.”

  “Ian goes back and forth on doing something about it and denying it.” Mikos leaned back, resting his weight on his hands. “It’s not like him, but I know the issue.”

  “Viktor...” Kyra replied softly.

  The frustrated expression on Mikos’s face was a confirmation.

  “If it’s any consolation, I think that being mated has nothing to do with being a stable alpha. And we’ve heard of packs where it isn’t tradition, yet they prosper.”

  Mikos laughed half-heartedly. “You don’t have to be nice about it. I love Viktor, and of course, I’d follow him. But he’s not alpha material.”

  “He’s strong. He’s loyal.”

  “He’s closed-off. He’s rigid. Most of the pack would follow him while gritting their teeth and cursing his name. Where he stands on issues—it’s a mystery for the most part. But where he does make a decision, he’s unyielding.”

  She pursed her lips. Mikos was right of course, but she’d meant to remain neutral. It had been years since she’d spoken with Victor or spent any time with him. Had she been born a few years earlier, she would have been betrothed to him.

  As she got older, she had the strange feeling that Viktor hated her being given to Mikos instead. But it was moot. She hadn’t changed anyways. She was with no one.

  “Does he want to lead?” she asked.

  Mikos ran a hand through his dark curls and sighed. “I don’t know. He’s closed off even to me. The only times we speak, it’s him lecturing me on my choices, my life. We don’t talk about him.”

  “It’s not like there aren’t plenty of females for him,” she pondered aloud.

  “Right? They all but strip and bend over before him. I don’t know what he wants. But if I ask, he turns it right around to me...” Mikos’s words faded.

  “What have you told him?” She couldn’t hold back her curiosity.

  “What can I tell him? There’s no way to put it into words he’d understand. I have no answer that could satisfy him. Him, Ian... nobody else can comprehend the bond you and I had.”

  “Because they only brought back the ridiculous notion of arranging our coupling for us. They wanted the strongest link. Even the elders grew up in a pack that had mostly let the notion of betrothals fade away. It was antiquated, nearly dead.”

  “Our mating was supposed to be the one thing in our lives that made perfect sense. It was absolute. Everything else, every other part of our future was a puzzle but us... We were supposed to be. It was something I counted on, even if I didn’t really get it. When
that fell apart, it’s like our bond and what we represented was the only thing holding pieces of me together.”

  Kyra looked away. Her hands were suddenly of particular interest. She tested the long edge of a fingernail against her thigh. What can I say to that? That confusion was something she’d handled alone as well.

  The silence spread and dissolved as the sound of rain pattering against the glass filled the room.

  “Anyways, the pack needs to split. Maybe Viktor will step forward. Maybe Ian will find someone else. But I’ll be reporting to him the anxiousness I felt in town.”

  “You’ll be going back?”

  Mikos scratched the back of his neck. “Truth? I’ve been avoiding most of the pack, but I’ve been back a few times. I check with what’s going on, but I can’t deal with the interrogation right now. I can get Ian to meet me, though. This is too important to put aside.”

  A sliver of guilt wormed its way through Kyra’s gut. It bothered her that he was having to distance himself from everyone because of her. Yet it comforted her. He didn’t have to stick around. He could have dumped her here to heal and been done with it. Or he could have left her alone with Sierra. She shivered away that thought.

  “Not that he’d listen but you could add that I’ve heard and felt it too. It’s not a good nod to his leadership, so maybe that would light a fire under him.”

  Mikos chuckled. “He’d be annoyed, true.” The amusement left his voice. “You spend a lot of time in town.”

  “Sometimes it’s nice to be where I can blend in a little. I don’t have friends there, but they talk to me.” She scratched idly at her leg. “It’s not healthy for me to be alone all day every day, surrounded by a pack that wants me gone.”

  It wasn’t complaining, but pure honesty. She didn’t look to Mikos to see how he took it. After this long, she was tired of hiding.

  “Yeah,” he said finally, and it sounded like a sound of resignation. He stood and stretched, his hands crossed behind his neck. “I’ll find some sheets to fit the mattress. Maybe sleeping better will help you heal faster.”

  “Then get me a better pillow,” she grumbled. “My neck bothers me more than anything else.”

  “Why didn’t you say so earlier?”

  She lifted her shoulders. “I didn’t think I could. I didn’t think I was allowed.”

  He shook his head and ducked from the room.

  SEVEN

  Outside, the first quarter moon shone through the trees. The glowing halved portion meant Kyra had been away from her pack for nearly three weeks. The full moon would grace the sky in eight days, and supposedly that would help her to complete her healing.

  She’d heard of cities so bright that no one could really see the stars or moon from the ground. It was something she wondered about. Would the phases matter once she left her pack? Would it be painful to look at and recall all she’d lost?

  Many lupine leaned heavily towards either their wolves or their human skins. Kyra had always thought she was balanced, that how she was every day was a perfect reflection of her inner self. Nothing had given her more excitement than waiting for the day she’d shift for the first time and meet the wilder half of herself.

  Spreading her fingers across the cool glass of the window she wondered if her fur would be tan and earthy like her father’s or dark shades of grey like her mother’s.

  Someone knocked on her door and she glanced back as Mikos entered. Even though it had become a common occurrence, her heart still sped every time he visited.

  “It’s not salve time,” she said. She only needed the sticky medicine once a day now, usually at night or during the day if her wounds felt tight. Though her arm itched, it was almost back to normal, though it felt ten times better than it looked. There was no disguising the angry scars. “My arm is good. No pus, no excess leaking. Stomach is fine too.”

  “I figured. How’s the grip?”

  “Like a baby,” she admitted. “But I think once the soreness goes away, I’ll be fine.”

  “Good,” he said staring at her scars.

  She knew he had the same concern as her. With the extent of the injuries, it wouldn’t have been a surprise if she’d lost some function. It wasn’t a guarantee, but she was optimistic. Her strength was missing, but she expected it to come back. Turning her arm over, she removed the puckered skin from sight.

  “Then... what’s up?”

  “I thought maybe you’d like to go for a walk. You’ve been cooped up in here and we’ve got a nice break in the weather. It’s cool outside, but dry.”

  She grinned, unable to help herself. “You’re going to walk me?”

  “Technically nothing is stopping you from going alone. But in case you start to hurt, I’d rather go with you.”

  She grabbed a sweater and followed him outside. It hadn’t rained today but there was still a damp scent to the air like clouds and mushrooms. Hands in his pockets, Mikos led the way into the dark woods. The tall trees knocked out every hint of light but for the tiniest spears here and there, but she had no problem walking beside him.

  “Something occurred to me,” she said, breaking the quiet.

  “Yeah?”

  “How did you come across us that night? Why weren’t you off with the pack?”

  He glanced sidelong at her for a moment before returning his eyes to a path only he saw. “Each full moon I’ve hunted you down. Just to check.”

  Her heart skipped a beat. “To see if I’d changed?”

  “Yes. To see if anything happened. If you looked different, smelled different.”

  “I had no idea. I’d never seen you around.”

  He chuckled, a low sound. “Your sight is amazing, but your hearing and general sense of smell, not so much.”

  Fair enough. Aside from being able to scent out streams, her nose was useless. She usually recognized his scent, but they had to be close.

  “You’ve been home, then couldn’t you have stopped at my place and grabbed some of my things?” she wondered aloud. “Instead of me wearing your clothes? And what I have to assume are Laurel’s jeans?”

  Laurel was another vaguely familiar scent. If she didn’t know that Laurel was happily mated, she may have been annoyed by how close she and Mikos clearly were. When they were younger, Mikos didn’t care for Laurel at all. Apparently, they were best friends now, or tight enough that she would lend him clothing. Which meant she probably knew where Kyra was as well. It fit his story, that she still had friends albeit ones that didn’t come around.

  “I didn’t want to...” He frowned into the night. “Yes, Laurel’s jeans. I’m really sorry. Your door was open... someone tossed the place.”

  She didn’t want to think about her horrid little home being ransacked. There was nothing material in her life that mattered, not really. But damnit if they fucked up my brand-new scarf...

  They came to a section of tall pines. The ground was dark and reddish with shed needles. In the center was a small circle formed of large, flat rocks around an extinguished firepit. He helped her sit then sat on the rock beside her.

  “This is nice,” she exhaled.

  “It’s where we come as a family sometimes.”

  Though part of the pack, Thea and Ross ran alone. That much Kyra had realized. But she hadn’t spent more time thinking about it, and it made her happy to know that there were still times when the Fekete’s got together like this.

  Judging by the look of the pit, it hadn’t been too long since their last gathering. Birds twittered far in the distance but otherwise, silence bathed them. Her fingernails scraping the rough stone beneath her, she absorbed the setting.

  If that night three years ago had gone differently, she’d have seen this grove before. She’d have sat with her extended family around a roaring fire. Her mind tumbled with the whispers of “what if” and different incarnations of her possible life with the pack played out before her in a ghostly scene.

  “I’ve watched you before,” he whispered. “W
atched you lay in the moonlight. Is it what I think?”

  She looked away from her gauzy dream life and nodded. “I can’t wake her. Not enough to change, even in the smallest way.”

  “She’ll come.”

  “I’m losing hope. I don’t feel like I’ve made any progress. This stupid injury isn’t helping.”

  “No progress? I feel like we’ve accomplished a lot.”

  “We... I suppose. I would be lying to say it isn’t nice to sit with you and talk. To feel like I belong for the first time in years.”

  “I think I’m surprised we got to this point.”

  “Agreed. At first, I thought we’d do nothing but argue.”

  He leaned forward and dragged a stick across the forest floor, drawing a line. “Yeah. It’s madness that it took such a vile event to give us this time.”

  “Fate is mysterious.”

  “I’m serious. I know I made mistakes. I shouldn’t have abandoned you.”

  “I can’t fault you for moving on.”

  He tapped the stick and shook his head. “I never moved on. Not fully. I couldn’t, because it wasn’t a matter of out of sight, out of mind.”

  “I know. You tried to figure out a way to get me back.”

  He met her eyes with a sincere expression. “I can hear the doubt in your words, but yes, I tried to figure out some day through the mess. And though I can’t say I never lost hope, I’ve done my best to keep my faith in you.”

  She glanced away, the weight of his gaze too genuine, too heavy to bear. Hope was a strange thing. It gave strength, but it also brought crushing blows. “I wonder if I’m worth having faith in, sometimes. Just because I want something doesn’t mean I’ll get it.”

  Or deserve it.

  “You never gave in to anger or hate. You’ve honored our ways. You lost your friends, your family, you lost me, but you still... So, for whatever reason, instead of moving on, I watched you. I witnessed your devotion.” His voice lowered. “And maybe you didn’t know, but there were nights I came upon you, and you smelled lupine.”