by Sarah Suk
His voice trailed off at the frozen look on my face.
“You’re upset,” he said. “I was afraid you would be.”
“I’m not,” I lied.
“Please, Val. Don’t pretend to me.”
“It’s just…” I swallowed hard, forcing the words out, feeling terrible for speaking them, and even more terrible for feeling them. “It’s not the end of the school year yet. What are we going to do if he stops sending us beauty products? We’ll have nothing to sell. Nothing! And we have that bet with Wes. We have to sell more. Can’t he just stay for a little bit longer? Just until the school year ends?” I hated myself for saying it when I knew how much this meant to Charlie, but I couldn’t stop myself. How did I get so low?
Charlie gave me a long, steady look, his face pained like there was a battle going on inside his mind.
“What?” I said. “What are you thinking?”
He sighed deeply, rubbing his forehead. “Nothing, Val. It’s just that sometimes I think you see me more as a business partner than as your cousin.”
“What do you mean? You’re both.”
“Yeah, I am. But I’m first and foremost family. And to me, family has always come first. Not business.”
My throat felt tight. I blinked back the sudden tears that threatened to spill. “What do you mean by that? You think I don’t care about family?”
“I think sometimes you take me for granted.” His voice wavered, but he kept his gaze steady, determined to say what he wanted to say. It made me wonder how long he’d been keeping this in. “I think sometimes you forget that I’m your family and you see me just as a business partner. Not even an equal partner, but someone to help you when you need me, like a handy sidekick, ready to jump in at your call. I think sometimes that if V&C ended, it would also be the end of our relationship, because you wouldn’t need me anymore.”
“That’s not true.” It couldn’t be true. I wasn’t so heartless, was I? Maybe I saw the other kids at school either as customers or competition, but I always remembered that Charlie was more than a business partner. He was family, and not only that, he was my friend. I knew that. He had to know that I knew that.
But what had I done to show him that I knew it? Maybe it wasn’t so clear after all.
“Listen,” he said. “I know… God knows I know just how important this business is to you. But we’re talking about my parents and me coming back together for the first time since I was like eight years old. I know this isn’t how either of us wanted V&C to end, but we still have enough products to last us a week or two. Is it so bad that I’m happy about this?”
I shook my head, tears brimming my eyes now. I wiped them roughly away. “No, yeah, I get it. Of course it’s not bad. It makes total sense. I’m sorry, Charlie. I really do know how much this means to you.” I took a deep breath, reaching into the part of me that wasn’t completely terrible, that wasn’t falling apart at this news and desperately thinking, But what about me? I offered him the small piece of me that wasn’t tainted by my own selfishness and whispered, “I’m happy for you.”
His face softened. “I know this is shocking and you must be feeling—”
I held up a hand, stopping him. “Can we not talk about how I’m feeling? Not right now? Because I don’t think I can talk about how I feel and tell you that I’m happy for you at the same time. It’s not because I’m lying when I say I’m happy for you. It’s just that I’m both. Okay? I’m so glad for you and so messed up in my head about this and what it means for me that I just can’t handle talking about both those things right now. Is that fine?”
He looked stunned, but he nodded quietly. “Yes. It’s fine.”
“All right. Okay, then. I’m gonna go.”
“Where are you going?” he asked, but I was already out the door.
* * *
Roseman Hotel is one of the ritziest places around. It’s the kind of place where you can spot celebrities walking in and out the revolving doors if you sit in the lobby long enough. A place with a rooftop swimming pool and spa that all the Instagram influencers go to, wearing monogrammed hotel robes and holding VIP lounge drinks. The view from these rooms is rumored to be among the best in the city. Mountains as far as the eye can see.
I wasn’t planning on coming here. At first I just started walking toward the mountains, fighting to make sense of the chaos in my brain. Everything was falling apart. Who would I be without V&C? What did I have left? I would lose the bet. Paris would be over. Umma and Appa and Samantha would go on laughing about my cute high school business club, and I’d have nothing real to show for it but a couple of Halloween ribbons.
No. I couldn’t let it end this way. I’d do anything to keep V&C alive. Even if it meant doing something I’d never thought I’d do before.
Determined, I headed straight for the hotel.
“I’m looking for Taemin Park,” I said to the front-desk manager.
She nodded over my shoulder. “Good timing. He’s right behind you.”
I turned around to see Taemin in his maroon bellboy uniform emerge from the elevator. We locked eyes at the same time, his widening in surprise.
“Nuna,” he said, approaching me. “What are you doing here?”
“Can we talk?” I glanced around. “In private?”
He nodded. “Sure. I’m just getting off my shift.” He led me to a cluster of couches in the lobby, taking a seat in the corner tucked away behind a giant plant. “What’s up?”
“The counterfeit items you mentioned,” I said, lowering my voice. “Way back when, that time at church. You told me there’s a guy who sells counterfeit beauty products. Can you still get those for me?” Guilt gnawed at my stomach, but I tried to ignore it. This was the only option left. I couldn’t afford to feel guilty.
“Whoa,” he said. “I thought Valerie Kwon didn’t do knockoffs?”
“She doesn’t,” I said sharply. “And that’s what you’re going to keep on telling anyone who asks. Now, can you get them for me or not?”
His eyes widened in surprise, and I sighed, pressing the heels of my hands into my forehead. “Sorry. I didn’t mean to snap. It’s just that you would be doing me a huge favor. Can you help? Please?”
He surveyed me carefully. “Yeah. I can. But are you sure you want to do this? I know I’m not one to go around trumpeting about morals, but this doesn’t sound like you.”
I paused just for a beat. It was either my morals or everything I’d been working for gone out the window. I’m sorry, I thought. To who? My customers? My business? Myself? Everyone. I’m sorry it’s come to this.
“Yeah.” I nodded once decisively, like I was certain. Calm, cool, and collected, even though I was anything but. “I’m sure.”
CHAPTER SIXTEEN WES
Monday / April 13
The past two months had been a fog.
I felt more machine than man, going through the motions of school, dancing through conversations with Mom and Dad where I never said what I meant and they only heard what they wanted to hear, filling every spare moment playing the saxophone, practicing for my Senior Showcase solo until my fingers ached because it was the only thing keeping me afloat.
I tried not to think about Valerie.
But of course I failed.
She was constantly on my mind.
Before, I’d tried to avoid her at school, but now I felt like I was always on the lookout for her. Whenever we passed each other in the halls, I would try to catch her eye, but she’d look straight ahead like she didn’t see me. Maybe she really didn’t. Maybe all she saw was a rival. Maybe that was all she’d ever seen.
Mostly, I felt like I was running out of time.
Time to make enough money for the May deadline. Time to win the bet with Valerie. Time to tell Mom and Dad the truth about how I’d applied to Toblie School of Music. Acceptance letters would be going out any day now for the first-year jazz program. What if I got in? I would have to tell them sooner or later.
But what if I didn’t get in?
The thought made my stomach churn. Maybe I should have applied to some of Dad’s schools as a backup plan. He would be furious when he found out that I didn’t. But even with a backup plan, I wanted to figure something out for myself, not just follow the path my parents chose for me. The lies kept growing. I wasn’t sure how much longer I could keep all the secrets in, but I couldn’t find the words to say what I wanted to. It was like Pauline had said. It wasn’t just the one conversation. It was everything that came with it.
This whole year has been about building confidence, so why am I right back where I started?
“Earth to Wes,” Pauline said. “The bell rang. We should start cleaning up.”
“Right.” I snapped out of my thoughts and started to clean up the leftovers from that morning’s sale.
At least business was going well. Mom was extra busy with work meetings these days, preparing for Crown Tiger’s new spring release, but her office was stocked with enough products that I didn’t have to bother her for new merch all the time. I just grabbed what I needed from the pile of K-pop stuff gathering dust on her desk. The most recent Crown Tiger sunscreen sample tubes were doing really well. We barely had any left from today’s sale.
“Listen, Wes,” Pauline said. “I know we’ve both been busy lately…” True. We hadn’t seen each other very much outside our Monday sales. On top of my music rehearsals and studying for final exams, Pauline’s haenyeo info sessions at the aquarium had been a big hit, and now she ran them twice a week. “But I wanted to ask if you’re doing okay. I know you always say you are, but you can be honest.”
I sighed, leaning against a music stand. I’d avoided talking about it, even with Pauline, because it stung too much to recount. But it was getting too much to keep to myself. “I just can’t figure it out, you know?” I said. “How Valerie knew about that deal I made with Lisa, Natalie, and Mimi. I asked them about it, and they all swore they didn’t tell anyone. Other than you, there’s no one else who knew.”
I couldn’t stop thinking about it. It was the one question I kept circling back to, again and again. How had this happened to us?
“Well, that’s not exactly true,” Pauline said.
“What do you mean?”
“One other person knew.” When I stared at her blankly, she said, “Taemin. Remember? That day at the aquarium? I mentioned it when he was sitting there.”
I blinked and then it hit me. That’s right. Taemin did know. But Taemin wouldn’t have told Valerie, would he? What reason would he have to do that? I had no clue, but I had an idea of someone who might know.
“Are you free to have lunch together today?” I asked, pulling out my phone.
“Yeah,” Pauline said. “Who are you texting?”
“Charlie.” I hit send and put my phone in my pocket. I couldn’t believe I’d forgotten that Taemin knew. I wasn’t sure what that meant yet, but it was time I found out. “We’re going to meet him at the courtyard at lunch.”
* * *
The weather was finally getting warmer, and it seemed like everyone was eating in the courtyard today. Pauline, Charlie, and I wove our way through kids playing Ultimate Frisbee, managing to grab a bench by the basketball courts.
“So why the emergency meeting?” Charlie asked, pulling a Tupperware of fried rice from his backpack. It had been a while since I’d had a conversation with Charlie about what was going on with the bet. I saw him in calculus class, but we never talked about business. Sometimes I’d casually try to ask him how Valerie was doing.
“You should ask her yourself,” he’d say, his voice encouraging.
“I don’t think she wants to talk to me,” I’d say, and he would have nothing to respond with. But today I had a different kind of question for him.
He beamed at Pauline with a full-wattage smile. “By the way, can I just say how beautiful you look today? New turtle earrings, right?”
“Okay there, sweet talker,” Pauline said, rolling her eyes and laughing. Ever since Pauline and Charlie had agreed to be honest in their friendship, he had truly done just that. He didn’t want anything to go miscommunicated this time. While he was obviously still smitten with her, he was content to be friends, and it was nice to see them getting to know each other again. “Wes has something he wants to ask you.”
“Fire away,” Charlie said.
“Do you know Taemin Park?” I asked, jumping right into it.
“Taemin Park from church?” Charlie looked taken aback. “How do you know Taemin?”
“It’s kind of a long story,” I said. “We met Taemin at the aquarium one day, and when we found out that he knew you and Valerie, I kind of… hired him. To spy on your business.”
Charlie stared at me. Then at Pauline. Then back at me. “No way,” he said finally.
“I know, I know,” I said. “It was shady. But it was just a one-time thing, when your sales were always overlapping with ours and we needed a way to—”
Charlie burst into laughter, his fist against his mouth. Now it was Pauline and me staring at him.
“What?” I said.
“Sorry, it’s just…” He burst out into laughter again, now laughing so hard no sound was actually coming out. He clutched his stomach, his laughter coming out in silent wheezes. “It’s just so ridiculous.”
“I guess it is pretty ridiculous,” Pauline said with a hesitant smile, clearly worried that Charlie had lost it.
Charlie waved a hand in the air, his laughter calming down. “No, no. You don’t understand. It’s not the fact that you hired him as a spy that’s ridiculous.” His face suddenly grew serious. “It’s that, uh… Shit, I don’t know if I’m supposed to tell you this. Valerie will kill me.”
“What is it?” I asked. The back of my neck prickled with sweat as I braced myself for whatever Charlie was going to say.
“Charlie?” Pauline said, her eyes widening like she was already putting the pieces together.
He chewed his lip, nervous now. “Okay. Well… Wow, this is so hard to say. Okay I’m just going to say it. Valerie hired Taemin to spy on you. That’s how we knew exactly what you were going to sell, and we strategized our sales so there was no way you could win. The day you saw Taemin at the aquarium? He was probably there because we told him Pauline narrates the sea-otter show on weekends and he needed an in to spy on you.” Pauline raised her eyebrows at this, and he lifted his hands like he was innocent. “I just overheard you telling someone in class that you were volunteering at the aquarium and we passed the info on.”
Uncomfortable realization slowly dawned on me. “Then that means…”
Pauline nodded grimly. “It sounds like Taemin Park has been a double agent this whole time.”
“Dude,” Charlie said, definitely not laughing anymore. “That’s messed up.”
“Wait,” I said, rubbing my forehead, trying to make sense of this new information. “So do you guys still see Taemin?”
“Here and there. He gave us info on a couple of your sales, and that was it for the spying, but we started hanging out more after that. I played basketball with him a few times, and the last time Valerie saw him was sometime in February, I think. She said they had bingsu.”
“Sometime in February?” Pauline said. “Do you remember what day?”
“Yeah. It was a Saturday, the day after Valentine’s Day. I remember because I was at her house dropping off the Valentine’s Day package that my dad sent my mom. A bunch of lavender-scented beauty products, which is annoying as hell because he should know by now that my mom doesn’t like anything flower-scented—”
Pauline cleared her throat. “Charlie. The story?”
“Right. So I was over at Valerie’s house when she came home from meeting Taemin. She didn’t say much more about it, but she seemed upset. She just went into her room and closed the door. Come to think of it, she never told me anything about what happened that day.”
Bingsu. With Taemin. The day after Va
lentine’s Day, which was the day before Valerie asked me to meet her in the courtyard.
“Oh my God,” I said, burying my face in my hands. “I can’t believe this. I have to talk to Valerie.” I sprang to my feet, but Pauline grabbed my arm.
“Hold up,” she said. “You said Valerie doesn’t even want to talk to you right now. If you want her to listen, you need the cold hard facts, and we need to make sure we’re not misunderstanding anything else before we move forward.” Ever since her conversation with Charlie, she’d become doubly intentional about getting the facts. “Charlie?”
He sat up straighter. “Yes?”
“Text Taemin and ask him to meet you,” she said firmly. “We have a spy to catch.”
Friday / April 17
Waiting till the end of the week was torture.
Friday after school was the soonest Taemin was free. Charlie asked him to meet up at Snow Bunny, a trendy bingsu café in the city.
As soon as we walked into the café, I saw him right away. He rose from the booth when he caught sight of Charlie, a big dimpled smile on his face. And then he saw me and Pauline behind Charlie and his smile faded.
“Well, shit,” he said, laughing nervously as we approached him. “What are you guys doing together?”
Charlie pulled out a chair for Pauline, and she sat down, folding her hands on the table. “Hello, Taemin,” she said. “We thought we could all get together and have a chat.”
“Over bingsu, I hope?” he said.
“No way are we treating you to bingsu, man,” Charlie said, irritated. “You’ve been double-crossing us this whole time!”
“Whoa, what are these accusations flying around?” Taemin said, holding up his hands. He lowered them guiltily. “I mean, they’re true. But I’m just proposing we get some bingsu at this bingsu café. It is a business, after all. We can’t just sit here for free.”
That made us all pause. This was true.
“Okay, I’ll buy one,” I said, sighing. “What flavor does everyone want?”
