by Sarah Suk
“Just get anything,” Pauline said at the same time Taemin said, “Berry, please.”
“Anything but berry is good, Wes, thanks,” Charlie said.
Ten minutes later we were sitting around the table with a bowl of shaved ice topped with injeolmi, Korean rice cakes coated in powdered soybean.
“All right, bro, time to come clean,” Charlie said. “You’ve been spying for both of us, haven’t you?”
“Yes and no.” Taemin ate a spoonful of bingsu and sighed, sitting back in his seat and looking around at all of us. His face grew serious. “Yes, I did gather and leak info at both of your requests. But it wasn’t at the same time. Valerie asked me for help, so I helped her. After that was over, I got to know Wes a little more, and I felt bad that I’d put him in a tight spot. So when he asked me to help him, I helped him. The way I see it, me helping Wes canceled out me helping Valerie, so we’re right back to the beginning of things, right as rain.”
“No,” Charlie said. “Not right as rain. What the hell, man! That’s weird logic!”
“But also, it kind of makes sense,” he pointed out. “I was trying to be helpful, okay? Besides,” he added defensively, “everything I ever told any of you was true. I wasn’t trying to hurt anyone. And may I remind you, you were the ones who hired me. In my opinion, I haven’t done anything wrong here.” He hesitated. “And, to be honest, I liked hanging out with all of you. It was fun.”
We fell silent. As much as I hated to admit it, there was some truth to what he was saying. He was right that we were the ones who’d hired him. We’d started this whole thing, so who did we really have to blame here?
“Valerie Nuna was understanding about it when I told her,” he said. “Well, eventually.”
“Wait,” I said. “Valerie knew?”
We all stared at him. He nodded. “Yeah. I told her a while back.”
“Ugh, she doesn’t tell me anything,” Charlie said.
“Wait, wait, when did you tell her that?” I asked. “Was it the day after Valentine’s Day?”
Taemin nodded again.
“What else did you tell her that day?” I asked.
He looked uncomfortable now, swirling his spoon around in the shaved ice. “Well. I may have told her that you were getting closer to her so you could spy on her business yourself. And that you made a deal with some girls from school to stop them from shopping with V&C.”
My heart dropped, suspicions confirmed. More than confirmed. He didn’t just tell her about Lisa, Natalie, and Mimi. He told her I was spying on her. “Dude, how could you tell her that? That’s not what I meant!”
“What do you mean that’s not what you meant?” Taemin said, his mouth dropping open. “That’s literally what you said to me. So what was I supposed to do, huh?” He pointed at a booth across the café. “We were sitting right over there and she was over-the-moon happy about having a new boyfriend who I happened to know was leading her on. I was doing the right thing, telling her the truth. I even told Pastor Richard about it, and he said I did the right thing!”
“But it wasn’t the truth!” I cried. “I just said that in the moment so you wouldn’t ask me about it! I really, really like her!”
My throat got tight hearing she had been over-the-moon happy, only to be heartbroken moments later, but another hurt part of me felt angry with her. If she had just let me explain, we could have avoided this whole thing. Why couldn’t she have just given me the benefit of the doubt and been honest with me instead of pushing me away?
Silence fell around the table. Charlie and Pauline stared somberly at the melting bingsu as Taemin looked at me, his spoon frozen in his hand.
“Well, shit.” He slumped back in his seat and dropped his spoon. “I messed up, didn’t I? Oh God. If my dad finds out about this, I’m going to have to work for the church this summer, aren’t I?”
“Go on, Wes,” Pauline said gently. “You have all the facts now. You need to talk to Valerie.”
She was right. I pushed my chair back and ran out of the bingsu café, the bell on the door jingling as it slammed shut behind me. Moments later, the bell jingled again and Taemin’s voice called out, “Yo, Wes! Wait up!”
I turned around, halfway down the sidewalk already.
He ran up to me, trying to catch his breath. “There’s one more thing you should know.”
“Listen, man, I really don’t want to hear it right now,” I said. “If it’s about Valerie, I need to hear it directly from her.”
He shook his head. “She won’t tell you this. But I think someone should know, and she made me promise I wouldn’t tell Charlie. Seriously. I helped her with something, and I think it may have been a mistake.”
I gave him a steady look. “What is it?”
Monday / April 20
Valerie is going to sell counterfeit products. I helped her get in touch with a guy who gave me his business card, but I haven’t felt right about it since. And man, if I don’t feel right about it, there must be something wrong, you know?
I’d turned over Taemin’s words in my mind all weekend. I needed to see Valerie. I called her, left her voicemails, sent her text after text.
Me: Valerie, can we meet? I think we need to talk.
Me: I’ve typed and retyped what I want to say so many times, but I think I really need to say this in person.
Me: Please? Call me back.
She never replied.
I even asked Charlie to get in touch with her, but he said she wouldn’t even reply to him.
“I swung by her house but she’s not home,” he’d said on Saturday. “Sorry, Wes. I don’t know where she is.”
So on Monday morning, I showed up early to school, earlier than I’d ever been, and I waited by her locker.
It wasn’t long until she arrived, lugging a big cardboard box in her arms. She froze when she saw me standing by her locker, but then continued on, her lips set in a grim line.
“Excuse me,” she said when she was right in front of me.
I didn’t budge. She moved to the right, trying to get to her locker. I moved too, blocking her. She sighed and moved to her left, but I mirrored her again, getting in her way.
“What do you want, Wes?” she said, annoyed.
I looked her in the eyes. There was such deep fatigue there and something else. Something like desperation.
“What’s in the box, Valerie?” I asked.
She tensed, her fingers tightening around the box in her arms. “Beauty products,” she said. “It’s Monday. I always come early to get my locker ready on Mondays.”
I winced at the way she sidestepped the question, hating that this box was between us when all I wanted to do was pull her into my arms. I asked again, “What’s in the box, Valerie?”
“I told you.” Her voice rose as she put the box down on the floor, stepping in front of it like she was trying to protect it from my gaze. “Now please move out of my way.”
She tried to move past me, reaching for her lock.
“Please, Valerie,” I said. “Don’t sell those products. I know they’re counterfeit.”
She froze. “How do you know that?”
“Taemin told me.”
“Taemin.” Her voice fell flat.
“I know he was spying for both of us, Valerie. It’s a long, messy story, but the main thing I need you to know is that I never wanted to get close to you so I could get insider info on your business. I wanted to get close to you because—” My voice broke off. This wasn’t how I’d imagined saying this next part, but I had no choice. I couldn’t let us lose years like Charlie and Pauline just because I wasn’t honest. It was now or never.
“Because I like you. Because you’re smart and beautiful and independent and I learn so much every time I’m around you. What I felt for you—what I feel for you—is real. It has nothing to do with money or business or anything like that. It’s just you. I like you. And I’m so sorry about that deal I made with those girls in school. I know how much y
our business means to you, and I hate that I tried to steal your customers in such a petty way instead of actually earning their sales like you did. Please believe me. And please don’t turn me away. You can’t keep doing that. I’m a human being, not just an obstacle in your life, and this isn’t some business transaction. It’s a relationship. I need you to talk to me.”
For a hopeful moment, I thought everything might be okay. Once she knew the truth, we would laugh about it and finally talk and move on. Instead she just stared at me, absorbing everything I was saying, and then she looked away.
“Maybe what I heard from Taemin isn’t true,” she said. “But it doesn’t change the fact that I’ve been losing focus on what’s really important. Now, please get out of my way so I can set up my locker. I have a bet to win.”
I stared at her in disbelief, so shocked that I stepped out of her way as she reached for her lock again. “You can’t be serious.”
“I am serious.”
She dialed her combination, swung the door open. The battery-powered lights came to life inside her locker.
I shook my head. “No. No! I want to call off the bet. I don’t want to take part in this anymore. Who are you going to bet against now, Valerie? Yourself?”
She whirled on me, anger blazing in her eyes. “You have to. We shook on it.”
“You’re the one who told me to stand up for myself more, so that’s what I’m doing. I’m not going to carry on with this. Not if you’re going to start selling fake beauty products. Are they even safe? What happened to sourcing ethical products for your business, huh? What happened to all the things that are important to you?”
“Don’t,” she said, her voice dropping dangerously low. “Don’t pretend like you know what’s important to me.”
“Please,” I said, begging her. “Don’t do this.”
Valerie gave me a long look. I willed her to see me, to see herself, to see that it wasn’t too late to turn things around.
“Try and stop me,” she said. And then she turned to her locker and started to fill it with products from the box. She picked them up one at a time—moisturizers, serums, toners, bottles with brand names that were all a little off if you knew what you were looking for—and slid each one onto its designated shelf. When she was done, she slammed her locker door shut, crushed the cardboard box with her foot, picked it up, and walked down the hall without looking back.
I stared after her. My heartbeat felt like a metronome in my ears, speeding up faster and faster. Try and stop me. I didn’t want to try to stop her. I really didn’t. But there was something in my gut that told me I would regret it if I didn’t, and that, worse, maybe she’d regret it too.
My fingers tightened over my backpack straps as I walked down to the second-floor social studies wing, where I stopped at room 217.
“Wes?” Ms. Jackson looked up from her desk as I opened the door. “How can I help you?”
“Ms. Jackson. There’s something I need to tell you.”
CHAPTER SEVENTEEN VALERIE
Monday / April 20
None of the beauty products smelled right.
I’d gotten the box from Taemin’s contact over the weekend, just in time to refill my locker. Last week, I had officialy run out of the supplies that Charlie’s dad had sent us in his final package. It was perfect timing, really.
Except it felt all wrong.
The colors were garish. The textures were off. And I didn’t even recognize some of the ingredients on the labels. What was in these things?
But it was too late to go back. I had already invested in these products. And without them, I had nothing left.
I sat through all my classes that day, my knees jittering under my desk. My conversation with Wes this morning had left me shaken. So Taemin was wrong. Wes had never tried to get close to me so he could sabotage my business. He actually really liked me. He said his feelings for me were real. But that didn’t change anything, did it? It didn’t change the fact that I had money to make, a point to prove, and a business to salvage. Nothing was different.
Was it?
Wes likes you, a voice whispered inside my head. And he said sorry. Remember what Halmeoni said? “See how much more fun life is when you let people in?” Besides, he has a point. He’s a human being, not an obstacle. All he needs is for you to talk to him. So why don’t you let him in?
I couldn’t. There was too much on the line.
The bell rang, signaling the end of class. I grabbed my backpack and shoved my books inside. It was my free period now, my last chance to tidy up my locker before customers started coming after the final bell. I had already Instagrammed my new products for the day. People were excited. I had to be excited.
But when I got to my locker and opened the door, the wrongness of it all washed over me again, making me feel physically nauseous. This wasn’t V&C K-BEAUTY. This wasn’t the business I had built up from the ground and worked so hard to manage over the past three years. This wasn’t me.
Wes was right. I couldn’t go through with this.
The sound of clicking heels came down the hall and I quickly closed my locker, locking it tight. I would figure out what to do with these products later.
I looked up to see that the person approaching was Ms. Jackson. She was heading straight for me, a grim expression on her face.
“Hi, Ms. J,” I said, trying to keep my voice steady.
“Valerie,” she said. “I thought I’d find you here. Can I see you in my classroom for a moment please?”
My stomach sank. I had a bad feeling about this. “Um, sure.”
I followed her down to room 217, taking the same seat that I had sat in dozens of times before. Usually I felt right at home here next to her familiar WORLD’S BEST TEACHER mug, but today I felt like I was in the hot seat. My palms grew clammy. I wiped them against my jeans.
“What’s going on, Ms. J?” I asked.
She folded her hands on her desk and gave me a long, searching look. “Valerie, you are an extremely smart and talented young lady,” she said at last. “You’ve impressed me time and time again with your quick thinking and creativity. Not only that, but you are a student full of integrity. I know you are. It’s one of the reasons I respect you so much. So please be honest with me when I ask you this next question.” She took a deep breath. “I’ve received word from a source that you plan on selling counterfeit goods through your business. Is this true?”
My mouth went dry. “I—Who did you hear that from? Was it Wes?”
Her face betrayed nothing, but I knew immediately that it was him. “Why would he do that?” I said, my voice shaking, but even as I asked, I already knew why he would. He did it to stop me. Just like I had dared him to.
“Please answer the question, Valerie,” Ms. Jackson said. “Is it true that if I were to open your locker right now, I would find it full of counterfeit products?”
I swallowed hard. I couldn’t lie to Ms. Jackson. I nodded slowly.
She shook her head, not understanding. “Why would you do that, Valerie?”
Why? Because Charlie’s dad is coming back. Because my business is falling apart and I have no control over it anymore. Because I need to take Halmeoni to Paris so she can see the world like she’s always dreamed. Because I need to prove to Umma that I can do something worthy of her attention, that Samantha’s not the only one in the family who can make something of herself. Because I got rejected by a college and I’m scared I’ll get rejected by more. Because without V&C K-BEAUTY, I don’t know what I have or who I am, and I can’t lose everything all at once.
But I didn’t know how to say all of that to Ms. Jackson. I didn’t have the words or the strength to speak them out loud. “Because,” I said instead, my voice hoarse, “it was a fast way to make more money.”
Ms. Jackson closed her eyes, pressing her folded hands against her face like she was getting ready to pray. In that moment, I felt so sorry for disappointing her. But the truth was too painful. I couldn’t
face it.
When she opened her eyes again, they were full of sadness. My heart ached. I had done that. I had put that sadness there.
“Valerie, I have always held you to a high standard because I believed so strongly in your entrepreneurial skills,” she said. “This is extremely disappointing to hear. It also strictly violates the code of conduct for student-run businesses at Crescent Brook High to sell staff-approved products only. I’m afraid I have no choice but to suspend your business for the rest of the school year.”
“Suspend?” I said.
“Yes. No more sales. No more promotion. V&C K-BEAUTY is officially closed for business.”
I sat there, fists clenched against my knees, completely lost for words. I opened my mouth, closed it again. I had nothing.
No words. No business. No V&C.
“I’d like to see you in my classroom again tomorrow during lunch,” Ms. Jackson said. “I’ve known you for several years now, Valerie, and I have a feeling there’s more to this story than just your desire to make more money. You might not be ready to talk about it right now, but I hope tomorrow you will be.”
“I understand,” I managed to whisper.
Her face softened. “I want to make this clear. I’m not giving up on you. I still believe in you and your future. But I can’t let your actions go unpunished. I will be recording the suspension of your business at the school office.”
I nodded, swallowing the lump in my throat. “I understand,” I said again.
Except I didn’t really. How could she still believe in me after all this, even when she didn’t know the whole story? I’m not even sure if I believe in myself anymore.
The final bell rang and she rose from her seat, walking me to the door. “See you tomorrow, Valerie,” she said.
I stepped out of the classroom just as the halls filled with students shouting and laughing and bounding for their lockers. I wondered how many people would be lining up at my locker right now, expecting to see me there like I was every Monday after school.
I didn’t realize my hands were shaking until I reached for my phone, my fingers quivering as I typed a message to Charlie.
