Although the reasons why she shouldn’t seemed harder and harder to pin down.
He stopped them short of the step that would take them up to the altar. She gazed at the small stained glass window sitting high on the whitewashed wall. It was a scene of the nativity, Mary holding Jesus with Joseph looking over her shoulder.
“Tabby.”
She couldn’t look at him, but her heart overrode the self-preservation of her brain. He grabbed her other hand, and they faced each other on a cool morning, in an empty church, where love had been pledged in both their families.
Only he wasn’t going to pledge love.
Their gazes met and focused. So much uncertainty was swimming around his chocolate depths. Uncertainty gave her pause. Eli Ellis wasn’t uncertain about anything. Even now, knowing he dealt with family issues and guilt, she knew he would realize with certainty his place was back on a savannah or high in the mountains.
But uncertainty in looking at her?
Hope sprouted a tiny root. What was this thing between them, these moments of support while she was sick, while she carried on the legacy of her family? Were they rooted in something deeper than his protectiveness? Emotions were engaged on both sides. She no longer doubted that, but was the emotion engaged? The only one that might possibly induce her to fully consider a life with him?
Eli moistened his lips, and Tabby both feared and hoped for what he was about to say.
A shrill whistle ripped through the church, splintering the moment into tiny shards of broken wishes. Eli dropped one of her hands and pulled his phone from his pocket. He swiped the call, and silence followed.
“Sorry,” he said grabbing her hand again.
“You should take that.”
He shook his head. “It was just the magazine. I’ll call them back.”
Ice settled across her limbs. Stupid. She was so stupid. The moment, the atmosphere had played on her sensitivity. Preyed on her love for this man and had allowed herself to hope. To dream of what never ever would be or could be. He hadn’t been about to pledge undying love. The uncertainty probably stemmed from the attitude she’d given him the past few days. He would want to protect and most likely didn’t want a big fight.
Confidence in her thoughts infused her limbs, and she stood straighter. Eli didn’t belong here. He didn’t belong with her, and the longer she allowed him to support her, the more he would convince himself he did belong here. The more she would be drawn into this fantasy of them and a family with the babies.
She tugged both hands free. “No, really, you should take it. I have to go.”
She rushed back down the aisle and into the park. Birds chirped, and the sun beat down on her, and even its heat couldn’t warm her body. Couldn’t melt the frozen moment when everything she’d secretly dreamed about had washed away on a phone call. When she realized she wanted more than faith and sacrifice and support.
She wanted love.
Continuing down the hill, she headed toward the stables, praying Caleb was still there. She could borrow his car, and he could hitch a ride back with Eli.
But her steps grew heavy, her impulsive flight suddenly seeming like a coward fleeing.
She stopped and leaned against a tree. Had she left what might have been the most pivotal moment in her life because a phone rang?
Her feet made the decision before her brain, and she hurried back toward the chapel, intent on letting Eli finish whatever he’d been about to say. How she would react, she didn’t know, but she owed it to herself and to Eli to hear him out.
She came up on the back side of the church and rushed in the side door. Eli wasn’t there. Movement down the aisle caught her eye. Eli stopped in front of the steps, his back to her, phone on speaker. She moved down the aisle, intending to wait out the call and let him talk.
“What, Sara?”
“Good morning to you. Did you get my email?”
“Yes. All of them. And I’ll tell you what I said in my response and what I have said for the past weeks. I’m not interested.”
“I overnighted the plane ticket.”
“Sara, I don’t know what else to say. I’m not doing it. You’ve wasted your time and your money. You could have spent the time cozying up to someone else.”
“No one else can do this, Eli.”
“Tons of people can do this. You’re just too stubborn to realize it. Yes, it is a great opportunity, but I have to stay here. Tabby needs me. Case closed.”
Tabby stumbled backward, bumping into a pew.
Tabby needs me.
She spun around and fled in the direction she’d come. She hadn’t overreacted before; she’d guessed exactly what was about to occur.
Her biggest fear spoken aloud. Confirmed. Her heart and brain couldn’t argue any longer.
Eli didn’t love her. She was an obligation.
She needed away from there. Away from Eli and shattered dreams.
…
Eli ended the call on a swipe. Not nearly as satisfying as being able to slam down a phone. He wished he could understand Sara’s insistence on him and only him to do this. He hadn’t even worked on a story with her. This crazy obsession made no sense. Sure, she was a meticulous editor and known for being a challenge to work with, but only because she recognized her worth and demanded it accordingly, even from the males who had a stick up their ass and thought they were better. He treated her as an equal, a no brainer as far as he was concerned, but that apparently put him in his own category. One she couldn’t seem to make room for anyone else.
A roar erupted, and he glanced at the screen to see a text, That was rude, flow across the screen.
Growling, Eli pulled up the draft of an email. The one he hadn’t thought about since the night he’d written it. With no hesitation, he sent his resignation out into the great email void. Maybe Sara would finally get the hint.
He shoved the phone in his front pocket and went to find Tabby.
He drove her here, so she couldn’t have gone far, and when he found her, he would pin her down until she explained just what the hell her problem was. What the hell had sent her fleeing from the church? He’d been ready, ready to spill so much emotion on the floor that even he might have needed a pair of waders. And he knew she had recognized the moment. Their connection was that clear.
Then the damn phone had rung, and it was if a veil had been ripped away and she’d seen a future that terrified her.
Was life with him terrifying?
No. There was more there, he knew it, and if he could find Tabby, then he would find the answer.
Five minutes later, he was across from an equally furious Caleb, both brother’s arms crossed, stance wide, ready to battle.
“What the hell did you do to her, Eli? I mean, if you were mad at me for something, take it out on me, not on the pregnant woman.”
Eli gripped his sides and squeezed hard, imagining Caleb’s throat. “I didn’t do anything. Now where the hell is she?”
Caleb laughed. “Dude, she could barely string three coherent words together. I gave her my keys, so I imagine she’s halfway back to Gatlinburg by now.”
Eli turned, but before he could take a step, Caleb yanked him back. “Let’s talk about earlier. Let Tabby cool down or regroup or whatever she needs to do, because I guarantee it isn’t you bearing down on her trying to make something right. Especially if you don’t know what that something is.”
Eli jerked out of Caleb’s hold. “There’s nothing to discuss.” He headed toward the entrance.
“Running away again. Pretty good at the retreat. I knew it was only a matter of time.”
Eli froze. Caleb’s words sliced through the guilt and concern and laid his sensitive spot bare.
“Trying to solve things isn’t running away.” He spoke each word clearly and to the ground.
�
�No. But avoiding conflict is.”
Eli shook his head and walked toward the entrance, ignoring the truth in Caleb’s tone and words.
He broke several traffic laws in his quest to run Tabby to the ground. But he was surprised to find her sitting on the front steps of her cabin. Their cabin. He thought for sure she would’ve sought refuge in the malting house or one of the cask barns.
Her hands hung between her knees and her shoulders drooped, as if the weight of the mountains was hers to bear. Had he done this? Unwittingly upset her to the point that she was broken and dejected? He’d wanted a future. To build them up. Not break whatever fragile foundation he’d helped her build after the deaths.
She didn’t look up at the sound of his slamming door. Each crunch of gravel under his booted heel caused a flinch in her delicately rounded body.
Eli stopped three feet from her, her defeat a palpable balloon keeping him away. The pain emanated from her.
“I want you to leave.”
The words were soft, carried on the wind. He took a step closer only to stop short as her head snapped up, and the face she showed him broke his heart.
“Why?”
She stood, the movement stilted and slow. “Because it’s time. You need to be back where you belong, and I’m fine. I appreciate all your help in getting me through this period, but I need to do it on my own.”
Anger brushed the concern right out of his tight muscles. “And the babies?”
Tabby’s hands moved to her abdomen. “Are fine.”
Eli brushed past her and entered the cabin. He knew she would follow, and he made himself at home in the armchair. Nothing made sense. Nothing fit into the future dream he’d all but seen in front of him this morning at the church. What had happened?
Tabby shut the door and leaned against it. He waited, stretching the silence, gaze zeroed in on a face that refused to look at him. She finally broke and pushed off the door, crossing into the kitchen. She poured herself a glass of lemonade and swallowed it in one gulp.
“Are you ready to tell me the truth?”
She froze, her glass suspended in midair. “What truth? It’s time that you left. You were never supposed to be here permanently.” A bitter laughed escaped. “You weren’t supposed to be here at all.”
He was up and next to her before the glass clattered into the sink. “Look me in the eyes, Tabby. Tell me you don’t care for me, that you really do not want me here with you, raising these babies.”
She shoved him in the chest. “Of course I do. But you can’t be here. You can’t do that. You can’t turn down great opportunities ’cause you think I need you. You don’t love me, Eli. You love helping and supporting, but you would resent me and the babies eventually. We would be anchoring you to the one thing you have run away from your whole life. That kind of sacrifice…I don’t want you to make it. Not for me, not for anyone. How can I prove myself if I have you to catch me or boost me? What kind of life would that be for you?”
His hands dropped. She’d slapped him with that word again. Only he wasn’t running. He wanted to stay. He’d thought he’d shown her a million different ways that he wanted this. To be with her. To love her. His actions should have spoken where words wouldn’t have mattered. He’d miscalculated, and now she wouldn’t believe anything. She would argue it away. She was too upset, too blinded by doing what she thought was right for him.
Funny, since she’d accused him of doing the same damn thing.
He’d leave.
But he wasn’t moving out, and he certainly wasn’t giving up. He’d heard the love. She’d said he didn’t love her, but she hadn’t said she didn’t love him. The truth was they loved each other, and he would make sure the blinders fell and they embraced that love. Because if they’d learned anything over the past few weeks and from the deaths of their family, it was that no time was promised to anyone.
“You’re wrong.”
He pulled her close and kissed her hard and fast. No mercy, no softness, just the pent-up passion that continually simmered between them, especially when they were worked up. As fast as he started, he stopped and turned and walked to the door.
Opening it, he glanced back. “And who are you to judge what’s in my heart?”
…
Eli let his gaze linger on each of his sibling’s faces. Becky smiled and shrugged, and he swallowed a small smile. She would try to break the tension floating about the sunroom. She was a peacemaker, first and foremost. Always had been.
Lucas looked bored, running his finger down the side of his boot, seemingly contemplating the world and his place in it.
Caleb came next, and while welcoming, he was definitely reserved, no doubt a carryover from their confrontation earlier that day.
And last he met Sam’s arched eyebrow. His folded arms and tapping foot told Eli all he needed. Sam wanted things over and done so he could get back to whatever he needed to do.
Eli cleared his throat. “I asked you all here to say I’m sorry.”
Four pairs of eyes locked on him. They ranged from sympathetic to distrusting, and each deserved whatever they were feeling. He’d failed them over the years. Not intentionally, but intentions didn’t matter. And he would be no man, no brother, if he didn’t accept that responsibility and learn from it.
“I’m sorry I wasn’t here for the funerals and even more sorry that I just wasn’t here.” He met Caleb’s gaze. “I truly wasn’t running away, but I can see and accept that in your eyes that’s how it came across. I love you guys. I loved Isaiah and Dad and Mom. It was never about not appreciating what I had or the love and support of my family. It was because of that support and love that I knew I was safe to pursue my passion. But what I didn’t realize, until I stood at their graves, was that in pursuing me, in being wholly selfish and focused, I denied you my support and my help and my part in this family.”
He once again glanced at the members of his family. Becky had tears streaming down her face. Lucas sat with hands hanging loosely between his legs, the carpet his current object of inspection. Caleb looked relieved, and Sam still had skepticism written over features identical to his own.
He held his hands out in a plea. “I’m here. I’m not going anywhere. I want to be another strong back and pair of shoulders this family can utilize to continue our legacy. Whatever means I can provide, you have it. I’m an Ellis, and I want to show you how much that means to me.”
Becky launched herself at him, squeezing him until he yelped for surrender. He dropped a kiss on his sister’s head and ruffled her hair. Lucas broke his carpet contemplation and pulled him into a quick, tight hug followed by a nice whack on the back. “Glad to see you finally reached your peace, brother, dear.”
Caleb was slower to respond, but in the midst of his brotherly affection, he whispered, “Your job doesn’t make you who you are. Your heart does.”
The three of them left, leaving Sam and Eli to stare it off. Sam’s arms folded across his larger chest, and the buttons on his oxford looked about to pop. Eli knew Sam would be the stingiest in acceptance. He had every right to be. As twins, they should have been bonded beyond reproach, but Eli had broken that bond, and it would take time and a lot more than I’m sorry to fix it.
After several minutes of silence, Sam poured him a Brodie whiskey and asked, “What about Tabby?”
Leave it to Sam to ask the one question guaranteed to put Eli on the defensive.
“What about her?”
Sam downed the drink and poured another. “Where does she fit in this epiphany of a life change?”
“She is the epiphany, Sam.”
Chapter Twenty-One
Tabby threw clothes at her bed, uncaring if they were wrinkled or not. The meetings with the suppliers couldn’t have come at a better time. Of course, the fact that there would be an empty seat beside her would rear its ugly head at some
point.
Realizing she was in outer space, she stomped her foot. She’d done the right thing. This thing between her and Eli had lingered well past the stage it should have. He wouldn’t have left; she realized that now. He would have anchored himself out of duty. Kicking him out was the right thing.
Who are you to judge what’s in my heart?
The raw honesty and pain uttered with those words were what itched under her skin. If she’d done what was right, why was it sitting so wrong on her heart?
No. She flicked through several more clothes and tossed two more pairs of pants on her bed. No, it was just the mourning. The mourning of a dream she’d let herself believe. It would get better. Things would eventually return to normal, and then she would be able to remember the good parts without the pain piercing her heart.
A noise downstairs had her jumping out into the hallway.
“Hello?”
A dark head ducked out from underneath the walkway. “Hey, just dropping off a little something I found at the mall today. I knocked, but you didn’t answer, and I got worried.”
Tabby rounded the bannister and skipped down the stairs toward Becky. She searched the young girl’s face but couldn’t detect anything other than slight concern and utter honesty. It didn’t appear Eli had sent her.
Disappointment rose up and wrapped around her, but she refused to show it on her face. “Sorry I didn’t hear you. Trying to pack for this Midwest trip and it’s not going well.”
Becky smiled. “No biggie. I just couldn’t resist these when I saw them.” The young girl pulled cream and tan colored jumpers out of the bag displaying Aida’s Threads.
“They’re adorable and so soft.”
“And neutral,” Becky added. “Since you don’t know yet.”
Tabby hugged her surrogate sister. “Thank you so much. I love them and cannot wait to put them on the babies.”
His Reason to Stay Page 16
