The Man I Thought I Loved (Two-Faced Book 2)

by E. L. Todd

  I remained still on the couch and tried to keep my heart closed to his story. I didn’t want him to break me down, to make me sympathetic so I would forgive what he did to me.

  “It haunts me every day. My sister works here with me, and she resents me for it…not that I blame her. My family told me to get a prenup, but I didn’t listen. It’s not about the money, but the way I disregarded my family’s wishes, the way I assumed I knew everything…when I knew nothing at all.” He shifted his gaze for the first time, looking toward his desk and the window behind it. With those dark eyes and unbelievable good looks, he could make anyone forgive him for everything. “Safe to say, I’m pretty fucked up from it.” He turned back to me. “After my divorce, I went back to the playboy, manwhore bullshit. But I couldn’t do it anymore. It’s the same shit just on a different night. It’s the same girl but with a different face. Even though my marriage was a sham, there were aspects I liked, and having a real connection to someone is far more fulfilling than casual sex. I didn’t expect to find someone I liked anytime soon…but then I met you.” He focused his stare on my face, those brown eyes shining with sincerity. “It would be easy to argue that pretending to be something I’m not is despicable, staging an apartment to make it seem like I live there is disgusting. But I’m tired of my billionaire title. People say money doesn’t matter, but it matters to everyone. It skews all my relationships, and I’m tired of it. I’m sorry I hurt you, but I don’t regret what I did—because I found you.”

  I had been understanding of his story until that point. “You don’t regret lying to me?”

  He dropped his elbow from the armrest and gripped his calf instead. “Think about it. What would have happened if I’d told you the truth right off the bat?”

  “I don’t know because it didn’t happen.”

  “Our relationship would have played out completely differently, and you know it. You either would have wanted me more because of my money or wanted me less. You can sit there and say money doesn’t matter to you, but if my wealth is a turn-off to you, then it does matter. You never would have given me a real chance.”

  “And that would be for me to decide. I probably wouldn’t have been interested since I deal with rich suits all the time and they think they’re entitled to do whatever they want—which is exactly what you did.” Because the badge was around my neck and I was on the clock, I could speak in a normal voice, even though we were alone. I remained professional and calm, like the interview was actually taking place.

  His eyes narrowed on my face. “Not the same thing at all.”

  “I disagree.” I didn’t take a single note because none of this would go in the article anyway.

  He held my gaze for a long time, comfortable in the silence, unaffected by the intensity coming from both of us as invisible balls of energy. “You were cold and distant when we met, treating me like an object instead of a person, and I was understanding when you told me about your divorce. I get it. I’d appreciate the same understanding now, in light of what I told you.”

  “Dax, if you’d sat me down at dinner and told me all this yourself, I would have been understanding. I’m not unreasonable. But you let it go on for so long and then let me find out in the worst way possible.”

  With his eyes locked on mine, he inhaled a deep breath.

  “I’m sorry about Rose. I’m sorry someone used you like that. It’s disgusting. Since you knew what happened to me, you would know that I would understand the pain, the humiliation. But you didn’t confide in me. Instead, you continued to deceive me. When were you going to tell me?”

  “When I took you to the dinner we had planned.”

  “You say that, but who knows? You wanted to start screwing without condoms while keeping me in the dark.”

  He closed his eyes for a second. “I got carried away because every single time we’re together, it’s fucking fire. And then you wanted to screw in the alleyway, which is already hot enough, and you wanted to ditch the protection because I didn’t have any. You remember what I said? I said no. Because I knew I had to tell you first. Let’s not forget that night.”

  He did deny me, and now I knew why. “I’m not sure what you want from me, Dax.”

  His body stilled at my words, and his eyes narrowed a little farther, like my statement was genuinely surprising. “You.”

  “That’s not going to happen. I don’t know you.”

  He leaned forward, his arms resting on his knees. “Then get to know me. Let’s start over.”

  “I don’t want to start over. I want to move on.”

  “Carson—”

  “Listen to me.” I held up my hand to silence him. “Look, I understand where you’re coming from, why you did what you did. It’s a reasonable thing to do, to hide your money to make sure you fall for someone who falls for you and not the wealth attached to your name. I don’t think you’re a bad person because of it. But I’m still so fragile.” I had to pause to take a breath, to digest the pain I suddenly felt, to let the water in my eyes disappear again. “I’m still broken. When I was married, I loved my husband with everything I had, and it’s not just his infidelity that hurts, but all the lies…the lies to my face. Charlie encouraged me out of my comfort zone when I knew I wasn’t ready. I’m too sensitive to handle this, to bounce back like nothing happened. If I’m going to be in a relationship with someone, it has to be based on a foundation of complete honesty. No surprises. I want to forgive you and just move on, but that’s not me, not in my current state. I’m sorry, but it’s not going to happen…and there’s nothing you can do to change that.”

  He bowed his head and looked at his hands, his shoulders sagging with defeat.

  I wasn’t sure if I should just get up and leave…or proceed with the interview. The room was filled with so many of our emotions.

  He cleared his throat. “I shouldn’t have rushed things with you. I should have just left them alone. I should have been patient.” He raised his head and looked at me. “I was selfish because I wanted you, and I took this relationship in a direction you weren’t ready for, without being honest about who I was.” He shook his head. “I see that now…and I’m sorry.”

  Now it was hard to look at him because I could feel his pain, his regret. I was pretty astute at reading people, and I could read him so clearly. It didn’t matter that his face was still blank, because I could feel the pain radiating from his soul. It filled the room, changed the energy. “We can still be friends.”

  He lifted his chin and looked at me, his hands together, his body still leaning forward. He stared at me for a long time, his eyes slightly shifting back and forth. “I thought you had enough friends?” He smiled slightly, forced it to stretch across his lips, but no amount of force could make it reach his eyes.

  I remembered the words I’d said to him at the bar, the cold reaction I gave that resulted in him putting me in my place. He was the one hurt in that moment, but he tried to lighten the mood, because he accepted my answer. The conversation was finally over. He would stop trying. It was done. “I can make room for one more.”

  Three

  Dax

  I was just about to leave the office when Renee walked inside.

  “I’m going to head out.” I placed my laptop inside my satchel then placed the strap over my shoulder. “You want a ride?”

  “Your driver doesn’t mind?”

  “He’s paid too much to mind.” I walked out of the office with her by my side. We entered the elevator and hit the button to the lobby.

  She kept glancing at me.

  “What?” I could see her blurry reflection in the steel doors, see her turn to look at me.

  “How did your interview go?”

  It didn’t go the way I wanted, but I’d accepted the results. “It’s not going to happen.”

  “Really?” she asked in surprise. “She really can’t forgive you?”

  “No. But it’s fine…I understand.”

  “I think she’s being
unreasonable—”

  “Really, it’s okay.” The doors opened, and I let her step out first.

  “How is it okay?” she asked. “I thought you really liked her.”

  “I do. But it’s just not meant to be. She wasn’t ready for a relationship in the first place, and I kinda steered her into it. I was selfish. I see that now.”

  “Wanting to be with someone isn’t selfish, Dax.”

  “It is when you aren’t honest about who you are.” I walked through the double doors to the car waiting for me. I opened the back door for her. “I don’t want to talk about this anymore, Renee. Let’s just move on.”

  She looked at me before she lowered herself into the car, like she wanted to say something to make this better, but there was nothing she could say.

  I’d made my bed. Now I had to lie in it.

  She got inside.

  I got into the other side.

  The car took off, the driver already knowing to take Renee to her penthouse.

  I looked out the window, my arm on the armrest.

  “You seem okay with it.”

  “She said we can be friends.”

  “Then it sounds like the conversation ended well.”

  “Yeah, I’d say so.”

  She watched me from her seat, having that same sad look in her eyes the way Mom used to. “You’ll find the right person, Dax. She’s out there…and she’s amazing.”

  I didn’t want to go back to my old lifestyle, but I didn’t want to date either. Both seemed like a lot of work for very little reward. The positive relationships in my life gave me more happiness than the cash in my bank account, so I would just focus on that. In time, the right person would come along, when I was ready and she was ready, so there was no rush. It would happen when it was supposed to happen. “So, still seeing your mystery man, William?”

  “Yes.” Her mood improved, a slight smile coming into her features. “He seems like the real deal.”

  “You won’t know until I check him out.”

  She rolled her eyes. “You’ll just scare him off.”

  “No, but I’ll try. If he sticks around, then he’s solid.”

  “How about you just be pleasant company instead?”

  I turned to her. “Does this mean this dinner is happening?”

  “Maybe…”

  “Good. Let me know when and where.”

  “He’s actually the one who’s interested in this dinner. I’d avoid it forever if I could.”

  “Really?” With my elbow on the armrest, I turned my head toward her, my interest piqued. “He’s the one who wants to meet me?”

  “I couldn’t believe it either. I warned him about your obnoxiousness, but he still wants to do it.”

  “Sounds like he’s serious if he’s willing to go to toe-to-toe with me.”

  She rolled her eyes. “Why does this have to be a hostile meeting?”

  I chuckled. “Renee, I’m kidding. Everything will be fine…unless I don’t like him.”

  “You will like him. And honestly, I don’t care if you don’t like him.”

  I grinned. “Yes, you do.”

  She looked out the window and shook her head.

  “Come on, admit it.”

  “I don’t,” she repeated.

  “Whatever you say, sis.”

  She kept her eyes out the window, playing with her earring. We spent the rest of the drive in silence until we pulled up to her building. She opened the door but turned to me before she got out. “Alright, I do care.”

  “Knew it.”

  “So, it would mean the world to me if you would try as hard as he’s going to try.”

  I watched her leave the car and shut the door behind her. “Always.”

  Nathan and I met up after a day at the office. We got a couple beers and sat in the booth, waiting for Jeremy to join us whenever he got his ass over here.

  “How are things with Kat?”

  He drank from his beer and looked at the TV behind me. “She’s pretty cool. She’s laid-back, easy to talk to, got great style…I like her.”

  “See it going anywhere?”

  He shrugged. “You know me, I like to take things slow.”

  “You mean, never commit until you’re coerced,” I teased.

  “Yeah, same thing. What about you? That whole thing with Carson is really done?”

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  He shook his head. “What kind of chick gets pissed when she finds out her man is a secret billionaire? No offense, man, but I think you dodged a bullet.”

  The contrary, actually. The fact that she didn’t want me even though she knew my status made it harder to let her go. She was the real deal, and I’d screwed it up so badly, beyond repair. When she’d told me how she felt, it gave me the closure to move on, because it really was never going to work. Friendship was all we would ever have. “Didn’t dodge a bullet. I like that she doesn’t care about my money.”

  He shrugged. “The fact that she won’t look past it makes her seem dramatic.”

  She was just my friend now and I didn’t have to defend her, but I felt obligated. “She’s not dramatic. I understand her perspective, and it’s fine.” I wouldn’t share the intimate details about her marriage and her heartbreak. It was no one’s business.

  “I guess I’ll always dislike her for hurting you.”

  “Well, don’t. Because I’m fine with it.”

  He watched me for a while, pity in his eyes. “She’s the first woman you felt anything for since Rose. And now you’re just fine being friends?”

  I shrugged. “I’m not going to fight for a woman who doesn’t want me. She made her decision, and I respect it. No drama. No hard feelings. Let’s just move on.”

  He shifted his gaze back to the TV. “Alright, if you say so.”

  Jeremy walked in a moment later and joined us. “Hey, what are you bitches talking about?”

  “Carson,” Nathan said.

  “Oh yeah, so that’s really over?” Jeremy asked me.

  I didn’t want to have this conversation again. “We decided to just be friends.”

  “Is that going to be a problem for us?” Jeremy asked. “Because Matt and I are joined at the hip.” Jeremy was lean and athletic, working for a fashion designer as a photographer. He was artistic and creative, and his blond hair and blue eyes made him look like a model who should be on the other side of his camera. “What about you and Kat?”

  “We’re still seeing each other.” Nathan had always been reserved, never being vulnerable or putting his feelings on the line. He had his heart broken a long time ago and never learned how to drop his guard. He had dark hair and green eyes, with a muscular build despite the fact that he sat in a chair all day at the office.

  Jeremy turned back to me. “So, is that going to be weird?”

  “Not at all,” I answered, holding my beer. “We can be friends.”

  “You’re sure?” Jeremy asked.

  “Yes,” I repeated.

  “Come on, look at him,” Nathan said. “This guy can get pussy every night of the week. He’s fine. He’ll be over her in a couple days.”

  “True,” Jeremy said. “You’ll bounce back.”

  “Definitely.” I drank from my beer and didn’t correct them because letting the assumption linger was the best way for this conversation to end. “I’m going to get another beer.” I scooted out of the booth and walked to the bar, setting my bottle on the counter and ordering another.

  “I feel like every time I see you, you’re drinking.”

  I turned to see Charlie beside me. “When you don’t see me, I’m drinking more.” I smiled and extended my hand to shake his. “What are you doing here?”

  “I’m meeting someone.” He was a lot more relaxed around me compared to our last interaction, so Carson must have said positive things about our conversation.

  “Like, a lady?”

  He nodded.

  “Who is she?”

  “I was
in Brooklyn, working on an assignment, and we bumped into each other at a coffee shop.”

  “Cool.” I took the beer from the waitress and twisted off the cap before I took a drink. “So, still no Denise, then?”

  He shrugged. “I can’t be celibate, right? Guy’s gotta eat.”

  I chuckled. “True.” I was fine not seeing anybody for the time being because it hadn’t even been two weeks since I’d tied Carson to her headboard and fucked her good. But give it another week, and I’d probably start to get anxious.

  “So…Carson told me about the other day.”

  “Yeah, we decided to be friends.”

  He studied me, as if he expected a rebuttal. “You’re okay with that?”

  “Yeah.”

  He raised an eyebrow.

  “Wasn’t meant to be.”

  “So, you don’t want me to try to change her mind?”

  I shook my head. “No. But thanks.”

  “Alright. But for the record, I did want this to work. I really pushed her on you because I thought you would be great together.”

  “I appreciate that, man. But she and I never had a chance.”

  “Are you going to keep dating the way you did before?”

  I shrugged. “No idea. I’m not really interested in dating right now. Carson was an anomaly. Wasn’t expecting to find her. She’s a needle in a haystack, but I found her too quickly. I’ll probably just fuck around for a while.”

  “Guy’s gotta eat, right?” He clinked his beer against mine.