The Man I Thought I Loved (Two-Faced Book 2)

by E. L. Todd

  “He is a fucking catch. Some other woman is gonna come along and sink her claws into him, and then it’ll be too late.”

  “I’m sure plenty of women are sinking their claws into him.”

  “And that doesn’t have to be the case. Give him another chance.”

  “Look, I’ve heard you.” I raised my hand. “I will consider what you said.”

  “There’s nothing to consider. Be with him.”

  “You don’t know what it’s like to get your heart demolished, Charlie. You have no room to tell me how to feel, how to brush it off.”

  He shook his head. “You’re acting like he did something really terrible to you.”

  “I’m not talking about him.”

  His eyes softened.

  “I gave Dax more of my heart than I realized, and it left me so vulnerable. I’m just not ready for that again. There’s nothing I can do about it. I can’t force myself to be ready…”

  “He’ll take it slow.”

  “Doesn’t matter. I can’t force this. It’s not fair to him or me. Now, let’s move on because we’ve got bigger fish to try.”

  “I’m not sure if I agree with that, but whatever.” He closed his laptop and pushed it to the side. “So, what exactly happened with Denise?”

  “She’s attracted to you, basically.”

  He grew excited again. “And she told you that you could share this with me?”

  “No…”

  His eyebrows rose.

  “I’m in such a tough position right now. I can’t keep everyone’s secrets. I can’t be loyal to everyone. Shit is gonna hit the fan regardless of what I do, so I may as well just put everything on the table and let it happen.”

  “Then what should I do?”

  “Honestly, I get the impression it’s just physical for her right now. Because she said she would never act on her feelings because of Kat, so maybe a one-night stand would work, but then she would feel too guilty about it.”

  He closed his eyes and dragged his hands down his face. “Jesus…”

  “You can’t just go for her because Denise will turn you down. And you shouldn’t go for her unless there’s a chance it could be more than physical, because you’re hurting Kat for no concrete reason.”

  “Then what the fuck do I do?”

  I shrugged. “No fucking idea.”

  He looked at the table as he sighed. “I…I’m really frustrated with this Kat situation. It’s been nine months since we broke up, and that shouldn’t stop me from being with the woman I really want—”

  “Don’t be cruel. The way you feel about Denise…is the way Kat feels about you.”

  He closed his eyes like that pained him. “Fuck.” I felt bad for betraying Kat, but I couldn’t keep all these secrets anymore.

  “So, it’s not going that well with Jeremy?”

  “It’s still early in that relationship.”

  “So, what am I supposed to do?” he asked incredulously. “Never make a move on the one woman I want because the woman I don’t want who still wants me will get hurt?”

  “I…I don’t know.”

  He rubbed the back of his neck. “You realize I can’t do that, right? I can’t just ignore the way I feel.”

  “I know. So, we need to come up with the best way to do this.”

  “Is there a best way?” he asked.

  “I could talk to Kat…or you could talk to her.”

  He shook his head. “I’m not gonna take her out for coffee and tell her I want Denise.”

  “Okay, then I’ll do it.”

  “Still…weird.”

  “You guys date in private, and she finds out?” I asked. “That would be worse.”

  “Yeah.”

  This was so shitty, and I would be the one to take the most heat. “I think I should talk to Kat. Tell her that both of you have told me you’re into each other…and I’m going to pass that information on. But first, I wanted to give her a heads-up.”

  “I guess that’s a good way to go about it.”

  “And if she has a hard time with it, I can talk her through it, prepare her…et cetera.”

  “What if she says she doesn’t want you to tell us?” he asked.

  “I’ll make sure she doesn’t stick with that decision. That might be her initial response because she’ll be emotional, but she’ll see reason at some point. She’s not a selfish person, so she’ll get there.”

  He nodded. “I appreciate your telling me. I know that must have been hard for you.”

  “You have no idea.”

  “And I appreciate that you’re doing everything you can to make it work out for everyone.”

  “Yeah…”

  “That’s the way I feel about you, which is why I think you need to work it out with Dax. Because he’s the best thing for you.”

  Nine

  Dax

  “Happy birthday, motherfucker.” Clint clapped me on the back when we entered the club, one of the hottest strip clubs in the city. The cost to rent out a place like this had to be a million dollars just for the night, but Clint and the guys split the cost to give me the party of a lifetime.

  Women danced on the poles, topless waitresses walked around, and a group of beautiful women immediately came to me and escorted me into a chair. A crown was put on my head, my favorite drink was served, and I felt like a king.

  Clint and the guys took a seat. Clint reached into his jacket and pulled out a stack of twenties. “Fight for it.” He threw the bills into the air, and they cascaded down onto the floor. Girls got on their hands and knees and picked up as much cash as they could.

  He pulled out a cigar and lit it, watching them fight like animals. “This is the life, isn’t it?”

  I stared at him, watched the smoke rise from the cigar and reach the ceiling, watched the greed and surge of power in his eyes. The rest of the guys were thrilled, grabbing asses as they passed, wearing their suits that cost as much as a car. Loud music played, the girls remained on the stage, and the darkness swept over us all.

  The sunlight came through the window and hit me right in the face.

  I didn’t want to wake up, but the sun forced me to.

  I opened my eyes and sat up, knowing the switch to the blinds was above the nightstand.

  But I was boxed in on both sides.

  A brunette on one side, a blonde on the other.

  I pinched the bridge of my nose and sighed through the migraine before I leaned over one of the strippers I’d brought home last night and flicked the switch.

  She groaned then turned over so I wouldn’t be in her way.

  I hit the switch then grabbed the glass of water there. I took a big drink but felt the headache pound anyway.

  The shades hummed as they fell down over the windows, bringing the bedroom into darkness.

  This headache wasn’t going to go away, so I crawled over one of the girls and got to my feet. I fished my phone from my pocket and then walked down the hallway. The rest of the penthouse was bright because there were no shades for all the windows, so I squinted as I made my way to the pantry and found the pills.

  I swallowed them dry before grabbing another glass of water.

  I leaned against the counter and drank it, rubbing the sleep from my eyes, feeling the soreness in my body because of all the crazy shit that happened the night before. I cupped my face and sighed before dragging my hands to my chin and letting them fall.

  I stood in my twenty-million-dollar penthouse in the morning light, two gorgeous women in my bed, and felt empty, like I didn’t have anything at all. I had a lot to be grateful for, not a single reason to complain when my life was so much better than most, but somehow…it wasn’t enough.

  My phone vibrated in my sweatpants.

  I fished it out and looked at the screen.

  It was Carson. Got plans tonight?

  The bitterness in my mouth amplified when I heard her voice in my head. I could hear her excitement, her playfulness, like she w
as standing right behind me. Flashbacks of the previous night came back to me, the two women I pleased at once. There was no reason to feel guilty, but I did anyway. Sex was supposed to help me move on, but it only made it clearer that I hadn’t moved on at all. In fact, it was making it worse. Every time I was with another woman, I wanted it to be someone else. The physical intimacy couldn’t override the emotional attachment I’d formed with another person. The heart beat the brain—every time. No. Why?

  We’re going out to dinner if you want to join.

  I should say no. I was hungover, felt like shit. But I couldn’t resist an opportunity to see her, to feel that peaceful calm any time I was in her presence. I’ll be there.

  After a day of hydrating smoothies and a love affair with my bottle of pills, I finally felt better. The girls left when they woke up, leaving their numbers even though I would never call. I was back to my old ways, a Manhattan playboy.

  I felt too old for this shit.

  Instead of walking to the restaurant, my driver took me. There was no reason to hide my wealth anymore, and I wasn’t in the mood to walk five blocks there and back. The car pulled up, and I got out before I headed inside.

  They were sitting in a booth, their drinks on the table with an appetizer in the center. It was Charlie, Matt, and Carson. Carson had just dipped a cheese stick into the marinara before dropping it into her mouth.

  I couldn’t stop the smile from spreading across my face.

  “That looks good.”

  Carson chewed quickly so she could talk, but she bit off more than she could chew.

  Charlie was beside her and rolled his eyes. “She says hi.”

  Matt patted the seat next to him. “Hey, man.”

  I took a seat across from Carson, who was still chewing as quickly as possible.

  Charlie watched her and slightly shook his head. “Why do you shove the whole thing into your mouth? Why don’t you take a bite like a normal person?”

  She smacked him as she continued to chew.

  The waitress came over, and I ordered water.

  “Water?” Matt asked. “That’s it?”

  “Just not in the mood today…” If I drank another drop of alcohol, I might die.

  Matt grinned. “Oh, I got it…crazy night, huh?”

  I shrugged. “A bit.”

  “It was your birthday, right?” Charlie asked.

  I nodded. “Yep.”

  Carson finally finished with her bite. “Okay, hi. Sorry. That was bad timing.”

  “No, that was a bad bite.” Charlie eyed her with his elbows on the table.

  “And happy birthday,” she said. “You make thirty-one look good.”

  I gave her a slight smile. “Thanks.” I noticed the bread crumb in the corner of her mouth but didn’t tell her about it, because I thought it was cute. She was in jean shorts and a purple top, her curled hair over one shoulder, revealing her lovely fair skin, her beautiful complexion. Her mascara and eyeliner were heavy, giving her a sultry look that was nearly irresistible. I barely noticed the guys because she was the most addictive thing I’d ever seen.

  “So, what kind of wild night did you have last night?” Charlie asked.

  I didn’t lie. “Strip club.”

  Carson didn’t give any reaction, like that knowledge didn’t bother her in the least.

  “Not a bad way to spend a birthday.” Charlie gave a glance at Carson before grabbing a cheese stick.

  “It was my friend’s idea.” I didn’t want to make it seem like I was the dirty playboy Carson had assumed I was when we first met. “They pooled their money together and rented the place out.”

  “Damn,” Matt said. “Those are good friends.”

  I shrugged. “I think it was more of an excuse to party.”

  “You don’t look hungover,” Charlie noted.

  “I’ve had a couple smoothies and lots of pills…” I took a lot to get rid of the headache that had nearly incapacitated me. I couldn’t remember all the details of last night and I could handle booze well, so I really must have reached my limit.

  “Well, I’m glad you were able to join us.” Carson took a drink, but she licked her lips, and that was when she caught the breadcrumb on her tongue. Her eyes were kind and open, like there was no jealousy or possessiveness on her part.

  It was hard not to be disappointed, not to feel that emptiness inside me grow even more. How could she turn off those feelings so easily? Why did mine linger and hers disappear entirely?

  The waitress came back over. “Ready to order?”

  “Yep.” Carson didn’t look at her menu. “I’ll do the double-stack burger.”

  I grabbed my menu and looked for something.

  Charlie and Matt ordered, which turned the attention back onto me.

  “Uh, I’ll do the Caesar.”

  Carson looked offended. “You’re getting a salad?”

  I hadn’t eaten anything all day, but I still had no appetite after all the scotch and cigars from the night before. “Had a big lunch.”

  “Well, we can split my burger,” she said.

  I grinned. “Like you would ever share your food with anyone.”

  She took a drink. “With you, I would.”

  I held her gaze a moment longer, felt that connection that spiraled all the way down to my soul. Just a single look from her was more exciting than a private striptease. It satisfied my body without even touching me. It gave me what I was missing, when I wasn’t even sure what that was. “Well, thanks.”

  We talked about basketball, sports, the article Carson was writing about me, and other inconsequential things. There was no talk of money or fancy cars. It was a real conversation with real friends. It was nice, relaxing. Even with my high school friends, it wasn’t quite this casual, but there was always a subtle hint of distance from all of them. My wealth hadn’t changed our friendship much, but it did…a little bit. But with these guys, it really meant nothing, and it was so much better than my drunken night in the strip club.

  Dinner was finished, so the waitress brought the tab.

  I fished out my wallet.

  “Nope.” Carson took the tab. “I don’t think so, birthday boy.” They put their debit cards in the folder so they could split it three ways.

  “Don’t need to do that.” I was touched by the gesture anyway, because Carson really didn’t care about my fat wallet at all. She treated me like a regular person.

  “Too bad.”

  The waitress took the tab, but she came back a moment later with a small cake with lit candles.

  I saw the writing on the surface. Happy Birthday, Dax! So, it wasn’t a free dessert offered by the restaurant.

  Then Carson started to sing. “Happy Birthday to you…” The guys joined in.

  I smiled as I watched the waitress set the lit cake in front of me. It was embarrassing, to have people sing to me on my thirty-first birthday, but I smiled as I watched Carson as her eyes lit up in excitement because it made her feel good to do something for me.

  “Happy birthday to you…” She had a nice voice, could probably be a singer if she wanted to. Then she clapped quickly, with the guys.

  “I thought you said you weren’t going to pull any stunts.”

  She shrugged. “Guess I changed my mind. Now, make a wish.”

  There were two candles on the cake, a three and a one. I stared at her for another moment before I took a deep breath and blew out the candles. Her request suddenly made me feel empty again, because the one thing I wanted was inaccessible to me. There was really not a single thing in the world I wanted more. Nothing.

  The waitress took back the cake to slice it in the kitchen.

  But my eyes remained on Carson’s face, my heart suddenly aching in a way it never had before. This dinner was so casual, and I hadn’t even known the three of them for long, but it felt like they’d always been in my life. It was crazy to me that I met this woman in a bar, by chance, and now she was so important to me.

&
nbsp; I couldn’t think clearly anymore. Rational thought was gone. I spoke my mind and didn’t think twice about it. “Take me back.”

  She immediately stilled at my words, the excitement fading from her eyes.

  Charlie flinched at what I’d said before his eyes darted to Carson’s face to see her reaction.

  Matt glanced back and forth between us.

  I didn’t care that they were there. I didn’t care about anything anymore. I’d spent the night with two women who somehow made me feel alone…and there were three of us. I lived for the chance to see Carson, fell harder for her after every intimate conversation we had. I didn’t want to go back to a strip club. I didn’t want another one-night stand. There was only one woman I wanted to be with.

  “I will never lie to you again, Carson. I promise.”

  She breathed hard as her eyes filled with emotional gentleness.

  “I…I don’t want to be friends. I want you, all of you, because we’re great together.”

  Charlie and Matt were both boxed into the booth and they couldn’t slip away, so they had to sit there and try to act like they didn’t exist.

  “Please,” I whispered. “I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

  She held her silence, her eyes slowly dropping.

  “Sweetheart, come on…”

  She kept her eyes down, holding her silence for minutes.

  The tension was killing me. What the hell was she thinking? Did she really put this dinner together because she wanted to be friends?

  “I’m sorry…” That was her only statement, no further explanation.

  It was like being stabbed right in the fucking throat. I couldn’t breathe.

  Charlie gave her a subtle nudge in the side.

  But she didn’t change her answer. “I just want to be friends.”

  It was a million times more painful than the first time we broke up. My feelings for her had only become stronger, had evolved into something much deeper. It was torture to be around her and not touch her, not kiss her, not hold her. We hadn’t really had a chance to be together, and it was a fucking travesty that we never would. “Well…I can’t be friends with you.” It hurt me to say it, to lose her altogether, but there was no other option.