A Love Worth Saving

by Amanda Canham

  ‘A couple of—’Ana began, but was cut off by an abrupt jab from Cara. ‘Actually, we’ll get our own. Thanks, though,’ she nodded.

  ‘You sure?’ he checked, flicking his glance from Cara to Ana as he fished his wallet out of his back pocket. Ana nodded in support of her friend, not that she personally had an issue with a free drink. At her nod, he paid for the drinks he’d already ordered and picked up the tray containing three schooners of beer, a glass of bubbly and a Tequila Sunrise. ‘We’re just parked over there,’ he indicated a table near the dance floor before disappearing into the crowd behind them.

  ‘Eurgh,’ Cara shuddered delicately once they were alone. ‘He made my skin crawl.’

  ‘Oh, give him a break. That’s just Will. He’s harmless,’ Ana said, a part of her feeling extremely defensive of her new colleague.

  ‘You weren’t on the receiving end of that look.’

  ‘I’m sure if you were interested you wouldn’t have been grossed out.’

  ‘Well, I’m not. Why are you defending him so much? You barely know him.’

  ‘He’s a friend of Brad’s,’ she shrugged, moving up to the bar and trying to catch the barman’s attention.

  ‘So? I wouldn’t exactly use him as the ultimate barometer of human decency.’

  Thankfully the barman turned to Ana then, saving her from answering Cara. She really didn’t want to get into an argument over Brad. She didn’t want to talk about him. She didn’t want to think about him. Since her conversation with Natalie last night, it was all she seemed to be doing and it was driving her insane.

  No. Tonight was going to be a Brad-free night.

  She placed their order, and stood tapping the sticky bar with her fingers, watching the frozen drinks slide out of the daiquiri machine.

  ‘Speak of the devil. I thought you said he wasn’t coming tonight,’ Cara muttered just above her ear as she reached past Ana to pick up her drink.

  Ana whipped her head around in the direction of Cara’s gaze, her pulse pounding through her veins. It wouldn’t be him. It wouldn’t be him. It wouldn’t be him.

  Even as the words ran through her head, her eyes scanned the group of people sitting at the table, hoping it was him. Will was leaning down, setting drinks in front of the recipients. She saw Stevie’s cropped blonde hair; Stephanie was beside her laughing and flirtatiously grabbing the forearm of the guy next to her.

  The man tilted his head up at that exact moment, his eyes colliding with Ana’s, sending a hot, burning shaft twizzling deep inside her, a bitter cocktail of pleasure and pain. She wanted to race to the table, rip that woman’s hand off, then sink herself into him with a kiss like there was no tomorrow. No one would have any doubt as to who had claim to him then.

  But she couldn’t. He wasn’t hers.

  Dammit!

  Why did she have to react the same way every time she saw him? Would she never get over him?

  ‘He wasn’t coming tonight,’ she clarified, managing to push past the swirling emotions to answer her friend, though pulling her gaze from his was more than she could achieve. He smiled, that special smile she knew was just hers and frissons of happiness shimmered over her. It was so hard to fight against the hook he had in her. She found herself walking towards him, tugged by their invisible connection.

  ‘Hey,’ he stood to greet her, and the warmth in his voice enveloped her. His eyes raked down her body, deepening in appreciation and she was glad she’d gone to the effort of wearing her new bright blue baby doll dress.

  Brad took a step towards her, his arms lifting and she thought for a moment he was going to pull her close and hold her tight. A wave of anticipation washed through her, even as her mind fought against the desire. She should move away from him. She should sit at the other end of the table. She should definitely not lean in towards him as she was doing right now.

  ‘Why don’t you take my seat?’ he said instead, waving a hand towards the chair he’d just vacated. ‘I’ll grab a couple more and bring them over,’ he continued, moving straight past her, keeping a firm distance between them.

  Ana tried not to feel the ache of emptiness but it yawned as wide as an open cavern inside her. It was for the best. Of course it was. Hell, according to Natalie, this need to stay apart was important for both of them.

  Why, then, did it feel so wrong?

  ‘You sitting?’ Cara prodded, catching up with her.

  ‘Yeah, I…’ Ana looked around, acclimatising to the sights and sounds of the busy pub; zoning back into where they were and what they were doing. Her co-workers seated at the table were glancing up, waving greetings at her. Forcing a wide smile she returned the greetings and introduced Cara to the group as a whole before sinking into Brad’s vacant seat. At least with Cara between them she wouldn’t have to watch Stephanie paw Brad all night.

  Brad dragged two chairs back to their table. He seated himself opposite Ana, leaving the one beside her for her friend to occupy.

  ‘Cara, what a…pleasure to see you.’ It was only the slightest of pauses, but it spoke volumes, enough to earn him one of Cara’s icy glares.

  ‘Wish I could say the same. But, you know,’ Cara shrugged, her mouth twisting into an unfriendly grimace, ‘I can’t.’

  ‘Cara. Behave,’ Ana hissed, shooting an apologetic look towards Brad.

  ‘This is behaving, darling,’ Cara assured her, patting her lightly on the hand.

  ‘Those drinks look interesting,’ Brad offered in a desperate attempt to move the conversation along.

  ‘They’re delicious,’ Ana agreed, taking a long slurp from her cup.

  ‘Ooh, is that Sex on the Beach?’ Stephanie asked.

  ‘Mm-hmm,’ Ana nodded, conscious of Brad’s lips quirking as he tried to repress a grin.

  ‘I didn’t know you liked sex on the beach,’ he threw at her, his laughing eyes trained on her.

  Battling to keep the blush away, Ana maintained eye contact, ‘Well, there are some things I like to keep to myself.’

  ‘Clearly,’ Brad returned, the mischievous twinkle in his eyes warning her he wasn’t done teasing yet. ‘Like neck massagers.’

  This time she lost the battle with the blush, her eyes falling to her drink. ‘There’s that,’ she conceded before grabbing hold of the straw and sucking deep on the drink.

  ‘See? You’re not the “Ana expert” you like to think you are,’ Cara muttered spitefully, and Ana cringed as she saw the words hit home. She was just thankful no one else heard her friend.

  ‘You know, I love sex on the beach,’ Stephanie declared into the burgeoning silence, flicking flirtatious moon eyes across the table to Brad. It was all Ana could do to stop from sticking her fingers down her throat in disgust.

  ‘Who loves sex on the beach?’ She could almost see Will’s ears prick up as he caught the tail end of the conversation. ‘Do you?’ he threw the question at Cara, his eyes eager, his tongue practically hanging out of his mouth. Well, not literally. But he was doing a remarkable impersonation of an eager-to-please Border Collie salivating over the juicy bone in its master’s hand. ‘I’m wide open tomorrow if you want to head down to the beach then? I’ve had a few too many to drive down there tonight, though,’ he raised his glass to indicate his schooner.

  ‘Will, man,’ Brad sighed, shaking his head at his friend.

  ‘What? Too much?’

  ‘Way, way too much,’ Brad confirmed.

  ‘Oh. My. God.’ Cara gasped, her eyes wide with horror, her mouth gaping as she stared at Will. ‘Did you seriously just propo—’

  But just as she was getting worked up she stopped abruptly and gave Will the most withering once-over Ana had ever witnessed. ‘Not worth it,’ Cara dismissed, her lips curling in disdain before she pulled her phone from her bag and started typing furiously into it.

  ‘Whoops,’ Stephanie giggled beside her, and after a couple of seconds, Will joined in. Ana whipped her gaze back and forth between the two of them, thoroughly confused. Laughter was
not the usual response to a Cara-dissing, and she’d witnessed enough to know. Getting no sense out of either Will or Stephanie, she turned a querying eye on Brad.

  ‘We’ve been here a few hours now,’ he shrugged, nodding towards the beer in front of Will.

  Awesome. So everyone was half-cut. This night was just getting better and better.

  ‘How come you’ve still got your wits about you, then?’

  ‘I’ve still got to make that party tomorrow.’

  ‘So if you’re not here to get plastered, then why are you?’

  ‘The company,’ he said, and the warmth was back in his eyes as he looked at her, sending goose bumps of anticipation soaring across her skin. So, maybe she hadn’t imagined it earlier.

  Not that she could do anything about it. At least, not until she got answers to the questions wrapping their tight claws around her heart over the last twenty-four hours. But as much as she needed the answers, she was scared too—scared of what those answers might mean.

  She was caught in the cross-hairs of indecision, not sure if she should push for an answer or avoid him. But staring into his eyes like this, feeling his warmth, his desire, and maybe even his love, made her want to forget both options and just fall with him forever.

  Dragging her eyes away from his, Ana took another deep suck on her straw, the icy drink doing nothing to cool the desire shooting through her veins, making it difficult to concentrate on anything but Brad. On the way his firm fingers slid around the glass, small droplets of condensation clinging to his skin. On the small curling sprig of hair peeping above his button-up shirt. On the long, fine lashes framing eyes she could lose herself in.

  But she couldn’t. She had to find a way out.

  ‘I had a call from your patient Ralph today.’

  That was the way. Maybe if she brought them back onto a professional footing she could keep some distance between them.

  Instant concern flickered across his face. ‘Is everything alright? He was a bit nervous about—’

  ‘Don’t stress, Brad,’ Ana reached across the table to cover his hand with her own, stroking it, assuring him with more than just her words. She couldn’t seem to help herself. ‘He was ringing to tell me how wonderful he was feeling. He slept like a baby, woke without a parched mouth for the first time in forever, and even managed to join his wife for an early morning walk.’

  ‘Already? But it’s only been one night.’

  ‘Sometimes that’s all it takes. There might still be some teething problems, but with such a positive first night, I can’t see him having too many issues.’

  ‘That’s so…’

  Words seemed to fail him, but the massive grin spreading wide across his face said it all. His hand beneath hers twisted, his fingers squeezing tight around hers.

  ‘Thank you,’ he mouthed the words, his eyes capturing hers, telling her he placed the success solely at her feet.

  She stared into his eyes, bathing in his warmth. It was addictive. An addiction she needed to break.

  She pulled her hand away, taking another long sip from the straw and tried to focus on the conversations around her. But her attention continually returned to Brad. Granted, Stephanie, Will and Stevie were in the throes of a very serious discussion about absolutely nothing and Cara was either texting or throwing surly glances at Will and Brad.

  Leaning across the table, Brad tapped his glass against hers, drawing her focus back to him. ‘Want to dance?’

  ‘Hmm,’ Ana pretended to give the question serious thought, before grinning up at him. ‘Hell, yes!’

  Not needing to be asked twice, she pushed herself up and out of the chair in one swift movement. She needed to do something—sitting down, drinking and simply staring at Brad was driving her insane.

  Then again, the two of them dancing, brushing against each other, moving closer…her body tingled in anticipation. Maybe it wasn’t the best idea. But it was a completely legit way to get her Brad-fill without crossing that line she’d sworn not to cross tonight.

  ‘Dancing? Yay!’ Stephanie jumped in, raising her hands to shake little pom-pom fists beside her head. ‘I love dancing!’

  Of course she did. Forcing a smile when she really wanted to scream, Ana leant down to Cara on her way past. ‘You coming?’

  ‘I’ll pass,’ she answered, waving Ana to the dance floor.

  That was a little odd. Cara usually loved to dance, especially when she hated the company. Dancing meant she didn’t have to make conversation. Admittedly though, it seemed Cara had already given up on making conversation tonight.

  In the end there were five of them on the dance floor, grooving away. Ana had just enough alcohol buzzing through her system to relax into the fast-paced music. Will and Stevie were fun, exaggerating their movements and acting out the lyrics, and Ana found herself enjoying their company, laughing at their antics. Will grabbed her hands and spun her around and around, until the lights were a kaleidoscope of colours.

  The riff changed and he spun away from her, leaving her drifting, falling, landing on something firm and familiar. Brad’s arms wrapped around her waist, steadying her, and for a moment she let herself sink into him. His arms were the only place in the world she wanted to be. He felt like home.

  What the hell was she doing? Less than a week ago he’d run out on her in the middle of the night. After he’d promised to stay.

  She knew there was more to it. She knew his leaving wasn’t about her, at least not entirely. But with the fresh burst of clarity that only alcohol can bring, she realised nothing, absolutely nothing had changed the way she so desperately needed it to change. Brad hadn’t made any moves to explain himself; or tried to sort through his issues.

  And yet, here she was going back for more. Making stupid moon-eyes at him, falling into his arms, lapping up any skerrick of attention he threw her way.

  Where was her self-respect?

  He wasn’t her home. He never could be. It was about time she started remembering that.

  So, instead of staying where she was, pressing herself against him and moving into the familiar rhythm she always fell into, she bounced out of his arms and danced across the circle of their friends to keep dancing as far from him as she could.

  She felt his eyes on her. For a brief moment she met them, saw the questions inside them. She needed to get away from him, but if she left the dance floor now, he’d follow. He’d ask the questions she could see in his eyes. But she couldn’t answer them for him. Not now. She wasn’t strong enough. She’d only just managed to pull herself away.

  She kept dancing, throwing herself into the rhythm, sticking close to Will and Stevie, and making sure she stayed on the far side of the circle from Brad. Stephanie unwittingly helped Ana achieve this goal, moving in closer to Brad, trying to draw his attention on to her.

  Her windpipe closed over as Stephanie’s fingers slid across Brad’s arm, drawing him away from the group. She struggled to breathe as Stephanie tugged his arm around her waist. Brad tried to pull away, his head twisting around and his eyes locking with Ana’s, his expression playfully begging her to save him.

  It was a balm to her ego, a salve to the pain to know he’d rather it was her there with him.

  But she couldn’t do it anymore. No matter how wonderful she felt when she was with him, she couldn’t put herself through the pain of waking up without him every morning.

  Forcing a playful smile to her face, she winked at him, her eyes darting to Stephanie, encouraging him to enjoy himself. Brad’s gaze dropped to the other woman as she pressed herself in close to him, closing the distance between them, her body swaying seductively to the music, pulling him away from the group and deeper into the crowded dance floor.

  Pain ripped through her and somehow she managed to keep moving to the music, keeping herself upright until the song finished. As soon as it was over, she excused herself from the others, told them she was going to get another drink, and escaped to the bathroom.

  Holing
herself up in a cubicle, she stared at her not-quite-shaking hands. She’d done the right thing. She had. She needed to let go. But why did it have to be so hard?

  Taking a deep breath, and then another, Ana felt the pain start to dull; the ache in her chest easing. It had to get better, easier, with time. As long as she remained strong, it would be easier. And it was for the best. She needed to move on.

  Oh, God, how many times had she said that to herself?

  But it was still true. And she meant it. She had to mean it. She couldn’t keep going round and round in the same damn circle!

  Tonight she needed to stick with Cara, to listen to her friend. As rude as she’d been this evening, it had been well intentioned. If she left herself to Cara’s devices, there’s no way she’d end up going home with Brad tonight.

  Satisfied with her plan, Ana emerged from the bathroom. She threw a quick glance at the table, but the others hadn’t returned from the dance floor yet. Stopping by the bar, she downed a quick tequila shot before moving to the table with a glass of wine.

  ‘There you are,’ Cara smiled as she set her glass on the table. Ana blinked, surprised at the change in her friend—Cara was practically beaming out of her chair. She looked to the man beside her, her hand resting proprietarily on his arm.

  ‘You remember Levi, don’t you?’

  ‘Of course,’ Ana returned the smile, nodding a greeting at the too-perfect blond, the new man in Cara’s life. She’d met him the first night they’d hooked up—was it only a week ago? But there was something about him she didn’t quite like. Maybe it was the perfect, bright-white teeth, or the short perfectly styled hair, or the deep tan that had to be fake considering he was a lawyer who spent most daylight hours inside an office. But she hadn’t seen her friend this happy in a long time, so maybe she was wrong about him.

  ‘And this is his friend Xavier,’ Cara continued, pointing to a man who’d just approached the table, two schooners of beer and a glass of white wine in his hands.

  The guy was stunning, with adorable black ringlets haloing deep-set dark eyes, and high, angular cheekbones a supermodel would kill for. There was a mischievous curve to his wide lips that promised hours of fun—exactly the kind of distraction she needed if she was going to move on from Brad.