"Can't make up my mind if I want to fuck you or strangle you."
Tears filled my eyes. "I'm sorry." I was sorry that I'd ruined us with my selfishness and deceit.
He moved the few inches separating us and unexpectedly rested his forehead against mine and closed his eyes. "Me, too, Babe." The words were whispered against my lips. "Sorry I wasn't enough for you. Sorry I didn't give you the baby you wanted." There was so much anguish in his voice that it tore me up inside. The tears were flowing now, my mouth trembling as I fought to hold back sobs. When he spoke again I could barely hear him. "Have a good life, Babe. I'll try to leave you alone."
With that he turned and left, and I crumbled. I was such a fool. How was I going to live without him? If I could have gone back to undo the damage that I’d done, I would have. Maybe Sax would have forgiven me in time. I hadn't really given him a chance. I'd just taken the coward's way out, left him a note, and taken off.
As my sobs echoed off the bathroom tiles, I was sure that they could be heard outside at the bar. Hopefully the celebration was enough to drown them out. I had to pull myself together and get back out there to Ava. We needed to go home. But really, was I in any condition to drive?
The second time the door opened Raven walked in. Our eyes instantly met, and it didn't take her long to see the devastation on my face. She rushed to me and took me into her arms.
"Oh, honey," she said into my hair with understanding. "I saw Sax follow you, and when he came back out I thought I should check up on you."
I couldn't hold back my sobs as a fresh onset of tears exploded from me.
"I knew you weren't over that man."
"I'll never be over him, Raven," I confessed, pulling back and angrily brushing my cheeks. "I love him! I hate myself for what I've done to us."
"Then why did you break up with him? We've all been asking ourselves that for months. At first we believed it was because of what happened when the three of us were kidnapped, but it's about Ava, isn't it?"
I just stared at the concern in her eyes. Everyone knew Sax's thoughts about having a baby. It was on the tip of my tongue to just tell Raven everything, to confess my sins, but once the words were out there was no going back, and I wasn't sure that I was ready for that. Maybe I shouldn't have come back after all.
"Honey, it's not too late to undo it," Raven continued when the silence between us grew. "People break up all the time and then get back together. Sometimes a break is good for a relationship."
I half-laughed, half-sobbed. "I did something unforgivable," I whispered. Our eyes held, and I could see that Raven was considering my words, unsure about what she should say. Maybe she was afraid of what I'd say. "No. I made my bed, and I'll lie in it." God, that made me sound like such a martyr.
"Do you want to talk about it?" There was caring and sincerity in her soft tone, and I loved her for it. I knew that I could trust any one of the girls to be there for me if I needed them.
I shook my head. "Someday, but not today, and not here." I forced a smile to set Raven at ease. "And before someone claims that I've abandoned Ava, I'd better get out there." I glanced back in the mirror to see how bad my face looked. I looked a wreck.
Like a woman who'd had her heart broken.
Chapter 8
Sax
I sat back, relaxed against my headboard, legs crossed at the ankles, I played a jazz favorite of mine by Kenny G on my sax. "Alone" seemed appropriate to the way I was feeling these days, in spite of the fact that I was once again surrounded by my brothers. In many ways I felt more alone now than I had the whole time that I'd been on the road.
I was fucking pathetic.
I wished that I'd never seen Holly again, because it was messing with my fucking head. I'd kept to the declaration I'd made to my brothers on the day I'd received my VP patch. I was handling club business fine, but the rest of the time I was fixated on my ex-old lady and what had gone wrong with us. I missed everything about her. Hell, I missed everything about us. We'd been good together.
I was faking it, and my brothers weren't stupid, they knew it. Sure, I hung on to the club girls while I was out in the bar, gave attention to some of the hang arounds on Friday and Saturday nights, but I never took one back to my room. When the girls didn't get an invite to my bed, they tried fucking hard to get me to fuck them anywhere else. It wasn't lost on me that my VP patch drew them in like flies on shit, but I knew that all they wanted was bragging rights. Under different circumstances, I'd have been all over that.
The trouble was that I had two organs, my heart and my dick, that were refusing to let Holly go.
Truth was, I'd loved Holly since the moment I’d walked into the diner she'd been working at and saw her cute ass waiting tables. When she'd glanced up and our eyes had met that first time, it had been like a fucking ray of sunshine shining down on me. Her genuine smile and the glow shining in her friendly eyes had captured me and refused to let go. I'd gone back again and again just to watch her, never approaching her because I hadn't wanted to drag her into the danger and chaos of my world.
When my brothers and I had been asked by Moody, a nomad friend of the club, to rescue a woman out of the brothel she was being held at, and I'd walked in and found out that woman was Holly, our fates had been sealed. I’d had to have her, and I'd taken her to our clubhouse for safe keeping until the situation with Moody and his old lady was over. It hadn't taken me long to claim her ass.
She'd given me her fucking V-card.
I was finishing up the last notes of "Alone" when there was a movement at my open doorway. Goldie stood there, looking sexy in a short leather skirt and skimpy halter top that revealed more of her tits than it covered. The stiletto boots on her feet were decked out with silver spikes. Her face was already made up for the night, her blond hair braided and hanging over one tit. She was every man's fucking wet dream, but I felt nothing when I looked at her.
She had that coy, seductive look in her eyes, the kind that invited a man to put his dick in her, and I knew that if I let her get close she would try her damndest to get me to comply. A few years ago, before I’d met Holly, I would not have thought twice about dragging her into my room and fucking her six ways to Sunday. That's what club girls were there for. They were good at distracting us from the shit we didn't want to remember.
I lowered my sax, bringing my knee up.
"I love hearing you play," Goldie quipped softly with a smile.
She'd heard me before, when we'd been on the road. I'd got in the habit of ending most of my nights playing beneath the stars.
"What was the name of that song?"
"Alone."
Her laugh was low and husky as she took the few steps into my room to my bed. As she sat down, the scent of her strong perfume reached me. Her hand moved to where my pants hung over my boots, and her fingers began to walk up my leg.
"You don't have to be alone, Sax. I'll be glad to keep you company." Her fingers crested my bent knee and began to walk down my thigh. "I'd do whatever you want."
I smirked. "Sweetheart, save your moves for the guys downstairs, they're wasted on me."
She pouted, halting her fingers near my dick. "Why? You know I want you. I'm here for you."
"You're here for my brothers. I made that clear. If you came here thinking we'd be starting something up, you're going to be disappointed. It's not going to happen." I narrowed my eyes on her, hoping that I hadn't made a mistake in bringing her here. "If that was your reason for coming, maybe you should leave."
She released a sigh and removed her hand. "No, you were up front with me from the start. I just thought—" She shrugged. "You're stuck on someone else, aren't you?"
I held myself still, not responding. I knew that she must have heard talk about me and Holly.
She smiled. "There's nothing to say we can't be friends, right?"
Friends. I held back a snort. Men like me weren't friends with women unless they were our women. Goldie had a lot to learn about what i
t meant to be a club girl. Since I'd been the one to bring her to the club I'd been watching her on and off the last few nights, making sure that she was doing what she'd been brought here to do. She was friendly by nature, and seemed to have embraced the attention of my brothers, although the fact that she’d set her sights on me could become a problem.
I decided a little wakeup call would nip any thought of that in the bud. "How many of my brothers have you fucked since you've been here?" I could see it in her eyes, the subtle realization that her answer would matter.
She almost looked embarrassed. "Three."
That was a low number but I nodded, satisfied with her answer. I'd seen her going off with Loco more than once, and I was fairly sure she'd been with Snake as well. "Sweetheart, I don't mean to be cruel, but the cold, hard fact is that you belong to all of us. My brothers won't hesitate to fuck you, but that's where it ends. It's rare for a brother to get seriously involved with a woman who's already fucked around with his brothers."
She was quiet for a moment, reflecting on what I'd said. "I don't want to marry you, Sax. I just want to fuck you." There was a teasing light in her pretty eyes, a curve on her lips. I felt the slight flutter of her fingers next to my dick. "That's my job, right?"
I grinned, leaning forward. "I appreciate the thought, sweetheart, but not right now. I'll come to you if I'm looking to get laid." I sank back against the pillows.
Her laughter seemed a little forced as she slowly rose to her feet. "I guess I'll get downstairs where all the action is."
I smirked at her jab.
"Are you coming down?"
"Later." I watched the sway of her hips as she left my room, beating myself up for not tapping her fine ass. The truth was, I didn't want anyone but the woman who owned my fucking heart, and I would have felt like I was being unfaithful to Holly if I messed around with another woman right now.
Holly was back in Vegas. When we’d been together, we'd moved there to run the construction office and had shared an apartment for a while. After she'd taken off, I'd given it up for other members of the club to use until the lease was up. Annabelle had taken it over once she’d start running the office, and I'd found out that Holly had moved into a tiny home outside of Vegas. I didn't know much more than that, hadn't wanted to ask. The less I knew about her new life, the sooner I'd move on.
Yeah, I couldn't see that happening anytime soon.
I got up to go down to the party, which, from the sounds of it, was already going strong. When I got to the top of the stairs and glanced down I could see why. Some of the Vegas Watchdogs had shown up. Our two MCs had gotten close over the last couple of years. Some of their brothers worked on the construction sites with us, and they'd helped us take care of the Insane Boys. It didn't surprise me to see Demon and Cole sitting with their president, Trip, and his VP, Murphy. They were at the bar, their heads bent close together, and I could tell that they were having a serious conversation.
I stepped up between Demon and Trip. "What are you ladies gossiping about?"
"Hey, Brother." Trip leaned in, and we did the man-hug thing. "I hear congratulations are in order."
"Thanks, Brother," I grinned, and then I shot Murphy a look, following it up with a chin lift. "What brings you brothers here?"
"Just needed a change of scenery," Murphy answered, picking up his beer. Murphy was a bigger version of grizzly Adams, big as a fucking mountain and twice as hairy. In the dark, the man looked like a fucking Sasquatch. He was intimidating as hell, and I'd seen grown-ass men piss themselves when confronted by him.
"Like what you see so far?" I smirked, noticing that he had eyes on Lulu.
"Yeah, like it a fucking lot."
Demon snorted. "Be gentle with Lulu, yeah? She's sweet, and a favorite of my brothers."
Murphy pinned his eyes on Demon, a slight quirk on his lips. "I'm known as a gentle giant in the bedroom, Brother."
Cole turned on his stool and raised his arm to catch Lulu's attention. She scooted over to us immediately, a welcoming smile on her pretty face. She went up to Cole, but knew better than to touch him. That was one thing I liked about Lulu—she didn't mess around with the brothers who had old ladies.
"Yeah, honey?" She smiled up at Cole before letting her eyes wander around our little circle.
"Vegas Watchdogs are in the house. Think you can give Murphy here some of your time?"
Her smile grew bigger, making it clear that she wasn't afraid of Murphy's menacing size. She sidled up to him. "You want a little company, honey?" Her hand looked fucking tiny against the massive chest she was petting.
His growl could be heard over the music. "I want a fuck lot of your time, baby." He left his stool and took her hand. "Take me someplace private where your screams won't be heard."
The four of us laughed as we watched them walk away.
"My VP likes them small."
"Maybe it makes his dick feel bigger," Loco joked, joining us at the bar.
"So, you were saying?" Demon's edgy tone indicated that he wanted to get back to whatever they'd been discussing before I’d shown up.
It couldn't have been too important if Trip's VP hadn't stuck around.
Trip shrugged his wide shoulders. "Just giving you a heads up on some shit I've heard concerning the Knights. Seems their goal is to become the biggest and baddest in Nevada. They’ve been targeting smaller, weaker MCs and forcing them to move on or to patch over."
A heavy frown formed between Demon's eyes. "I'd caught wind of that, but thought it was bullshit. Stretch isn't that strong of a leader."
I agreed with him. I'd always thought of them as boy scouts playing at being bad asses. Their MC hadn't done anything noteworthy that would warrant changing their status to a serious MC.
Trip shrugged. "Don't have to be a strong leader if you got the fucking numbers backing you up. Bullets kill no matter who's holding the gun."
"You thinking he's amassing an army?" I inquired.
"Sure sounds like it to me," Colt added. "And what about the fact that they've been nosing around some of our businesses?"
Yeah, there was that. Demon had sent them a warning that we were on to them and it appeared that they'd stepped back, at least for the time being.
Demon released a heavy breath, running his hand over the scruff on his lower jaw. "Why the fuck now? The Knights have been practically dormant the last few years."
Snake and Reid came up and joined us at the bar.
"He's a sneaky bastard," Trip snorted. "Two of his brothers were doing time the last couple of years. Just got released. Word is, he was waiting for them to get out and quietly recruiting in the meantime."
We all knew that Hank and Screw had been in the slammer for selling drugs and stolen car parts.
"What are the other MCs in Vegas saying?"
"Jacked Up and the Guardians aren't worried," Trip smirked.
"Why would they? Their clubs have been around a damned long time and are going strong," Loco quipped.
"So have we," Demon snapped. "But you’d be a fool not to take it seriously. We need to get someone on the inside."
Trip sat back on his stool and crossed his arms. "I think I know someone who can help with that." He wasn't as big as some of us, wasn’t muscled up, but his unfriendly expression, the heavy brows and narrowed eyes, and the scars lining one cheek were intimidating enough. He wore his long brown hair braided, his beard cut close to his jaw. Gauges decorated his ears, and he had piercings in one of his eyebrows and on his lip. "You know him, too."
"We know a lot of people," I muttered.
"Who?" Cole asked.
"Brody Savage."
Demon grunted. "Good man. Not connected to any club though. Not even a nomad."
"No, but he's a free agent," Trip said. "Takes on jobs for a price. Not afraid of a little danger."
"And he's damned good at what he does." I knew Savage, and his reputation put him in a position to pick and choose his jobs.
"He did a
small job for me back when I needed someone to keep eyes on Raven." All eyes turned to Cole. "Before she became my old lady."
I laughed. "That time she ran from the club to Boulder City?"
Cole nodded, grinning. "Yeah. Had Savage stalk her for a week until I went and got her ass and brought her back."
A sound of disbelief escaped Trip. "That seems kind of tame for him."
"Yeah, well, he's getting older, just like the rest of us," Demon said with mild humor. "Christ, the man doesn't even need to work." He picked up his beer and drained it before asking, "What makes you think he'll want to get involved?"
"Nothing, but it won't hurt to ask. If he can become friendly with some of the Knights, he might be able to find out some information that would help us stay a step ahead of them."
Demon snorted. "When you say ‘we’ that mean our clubs are in this together?"
I knew what Demon was asking. If Savage took the job, we weren't going to foot the bill alone. He wanted to make sure that Trip understood that he would have to pay his share if they would both reap the rewards. Savage didn't work cheap, and this particular job could mean his life if the Knights found out what he was doing.
A slow smile spread across Trip's mouth. "Got no problem going in with you, Brother."
My president turned to me. "Get in touch with Savage, set up a meeting."
I responded with a chin lift. That wouldn't be an easy task.
Chapter 9
Holly
I walked in the back door of Grinders at precisely two minutes before the start of my shift. I hated being late, and the last thing I wanted to do was take advantage of Demon, who’d given me the temporary job. I was just thankful that I'd be bringing money in to cover my bills and wouldn't have to touch the little nest egg that I'd put aside for a rainy day.
My eyes met Candy's when I walked into the main room of the bar. She was already filling drink orders. "Sorry," was the first thing out of my mouth.
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