If You Come Back

by Alexis Leia

  “Why do you want me to do that?” Chris asked him, his voice steely.

  “To show me you’re different from all the other labels, of course. I’ll give you two months, and if you have a song for me then, I’ll sign the contract. If you don’t, well... I guess the Moon Records are not for me”, Jamie said and scratched his unkept beard.

  “And since when are you the one to make terms and conditions? Especially without your agent present?” Chris asked.

  “Be lucky I didn’t ask for a Ferrari. As for my agent, he trusts my instincts too. Plus, I pay him a shitload of money, so sometimes he’s gotta keep his mouth shut”, Jamie laughed.

  “I wouldn’t buy you a Ferrari even if you begged”, Chris said and got up to leave.

  “So, do we have a deal?” Jamie asked behind his back. Chris turned around with his hands in his pockets.

  “You’ll know in time.”

  “You know, I can sign with other labels like right now.”

  “Then do it”, Chris said with a crooked smile and walked out.

  The ride back was much shorter because he drove like a maniac. He was getting that feeling again, that restlessness that made him want to run away and never look back. But this time, he was rushing to the same place he ran away from, in order to find his consolation. And subconsciously, he knew that consolation was Selene.

  That’s exactly why it was completely wrong to want her, he knew that too. He was going to go away again, and doing that to Selene for the second time was too much. He perfectly remembered her face when he had told her he was leaving, and he most definitely didn’t want to see that expression marring her beautiful face ever again. At the same time, he couldn’t stay away from her, for a variety of reasons. He wanted her, that was as clear as day, but more than that, he wanted to be in her proximity.

  The years of maturity on both sides transformed his need for her; when they were kids, he needed her friendship and her attention, but now he needed all of her, any way he could get her. Maybe he was giving himself too much value, and maybe she wouldn’t even react badly once he left again. God knew she acted as if his presence in Mountainview was an inconvenience at best, and a disturbance at worst. Except for the physical, of course. She might even hate him, but she did want him. Her possible hatred of him, as much as it hurt him to even think of the notion of that, might be even worse when he’d have to leave again.

  It would be best if he left immediately, if he just drove through Colorado, Utah and Nevada to California, and never looked back. But he still found himself driving back to Mountainview and he couldn’t define a specific reason for that. It was a multitude of different factors; maybe it was to say a proper goodbye to Selene, the one he owed her for a long time. He knew if he asked Jackson to go back to L.A. immediately, his best friend would do it without question. He also knew if he left immediately, it wouldn’t cause a big shock altogether, because Mountainviewers were used to people coming and going, but he still felt something pulling him back.

  And he knew it was someone, rather than something. He almost regretted kissing her last night and giving her false hopes. He should’ve let her believe that he saw her as a sister instead of a woman he wanted, that way everything would’ve been easier. Especially his attempt to atone for his sins of the past.

  Yeah, he was cold, but the fire in her started melting the ice in him. And that’s exactly why he had to make her think he didn’t want her, that he was just playing a game, however cruel that might seem. Selene deserved someone who was willing to crack that ice for her, becoming someone worthy of her. He wasn’t the one, and dragging her into something similar to a one-night-stand would be painfully unfair to her. He was going to have to lie to her, no matter how much it killed him inside.

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  “Where is he? Is he going to come? I don’t think he’s going to come. There’s only ten minutes left, Selene”, Sam nervously blabbered and walked in circles in his school’s hallway.

  They were the only ones outside the classroom, where parents and their children already took their seats and waited for the program to begin. In Selene’s opinion, the Parents’ Day was pure bullshit. There were kids who had no parents, children who lost one of them, and those who had shitty parents, because let’s face it – some people should get a legal permission to have a child, let alone raise them.

  Why not call it a Friends’ Day? Where you could bring someone you liked or loved to speak in front of your classmates, without it having to be a parent? Selene already had a conversation with Sam’s teacher, when she informed her that Chris and Selene would be at Sam’s side today, and Mrs. Mills completely understood. They were now only waiting for Chris.

  “Did he make a promise to you?” Selene asked.

  “Not in those words, but he said he’ll come”, Sam said and looked adorably worried.

  “Chris always fulfills his promises, Sam”, she said and immediately thought about Friday night, when he promised they would finish what they started.

  If she said she wasn’t up to that idea, she’d be lying. Especially after talking to Annie and Emmet about it. After she’d come home, she invited Emmet over – after bribing him with pizza – and explained to him and Annie what had happened. Emmet whined at first, saying he would have to dig his own ears out after hearing what Selene and Chris were about to do, but then he stayed silent, listening to Annie’s expert analysis. Annie told her if she wanted Chris, she should go for it.

  ‘‘For God’s sake, Selene, sex is about orgasms, multiple if possible, not always about love’’, Annie said when Selene explained her worries about emotions getting involved in her barely-existent relationship with Chris.

  Emmet agreed half an hour and two beers later, saying that if she thought she was capable enough to keep it casual, she should go for it. And that solved most of her worries. She couldn’t fall in love with Chris because he wouldn’t be around long enough for her to even get into the danger of falling in love. As Emmet expertly put it, she was going to ’’use that son of a bitch for them primal needs’’. Needless to say, Emmet wasn’t really fond of Chris.

  When Selene thought about all of it, she almost laughed at the mere idea of falling in love with him. She didn’t even know how that notion of love appeared in her mind. After all, so many years stood between the two of them, that the chances of her teenage love surviving the initial heartbreak and the following decade were slim to none. They were adults, so different than they were when they went their separate ways. Still, a lot of the traits remained: Chris’s stubbornness, his intensity, his unyielding passion for things he wanted, needed and cared about.

  What remained of Selene were shards of what she used to be: her naivete disappeared, the lack of self-confidence was destroyed when she saw what she was capable of, and her limitless trust in people was eradicated long ago. What did remain of the old Selene was the hidden sentimentality and stubbornness that rivaled Chris’s. That’s why each time they saw each other, it was like a clash of Titans. All of it, his return and his yet unrevealed intentions were confusing. Her emotions were confusing too. The only thing that remained clear was her decision of not getting too involved, because dealing with Chris was walking on slippery ice.

  “There he is!” Sam excitedly yelled, interrupting Selene’s thoughts, and she turned around to take in the walking danger that was Chris Ledford.

  He was wearing a dark blue suit that oh-so-deliciously fit him. His hands were in his pockets as he casually and confidently strolled over to where Selene and Sam stood. His face, however, was very grim. He only nodded to her in greeting, not even sparing her a second glance. He patted Sam on the shoulder, who looked worried.

  “Who stepped on your tail this morning?” Selene attempted to diffuse his mood. His behavior got on her nerves. If he didn’t want to be here, he should’ve simply said so, not giving Sam false hopes.

  “Business went wrong”, he replied shortly, giving her a curt stare. That passionate, hot man wa
s gone, replaced by this cold and obnoxious jerk. Well, two could play that game.

  “Sam, why don’t you go inside the classroom, and we’ll be there in just a sec, okay?” Selene asked of Sam, faking a smile.

  “Oh-kay”, Sam said as his beautiful blue eyes darted from her to Chris. When he went inside, Selene unleashed the force of her rage on the asshole whom she still wanted.

  “I don’t give a shit what happened and why you’re acting like a grade-A jerk, but you’re here because you promised Sam. A promise nobody forced you to make. Now, if you’re mad at me for some reason, which is pretty obvious since you’re looking at me like I pushed your Ferrari into Waterfall Lake, just spit it out”, she said in a furious, whispered monologue, since the door to the classroom was open.

  “I don’t drive a Ferrari”, Chris said, absolutely missing the point.

  “Do I look like I care? What’s wrong with you?” Selene shot back. He frowned and pressed his lips together, his eyes roaming all over her and heating her skin.

  “You are what’s wrong with me”, he whispered so quietly, it was barely audible.

  “Is that so? What did I do?” she asked, crossing her arms over her chest, steeling herself from him.

  “You know what –”, he began, but Mrs. Mills walked out and rushed them inside the classroom where children sat between their parents.

  Sam was sitting alone on the chair in the back, with two more chairs on each side of him, and the sight broke Selene’s heart, because she knew the feeling very well. Chris took the chair on Sam’s right, and she sat on the left. They shared a look above Sam’s head, throwing imaginary daggers at each other.

  Selene looked around and noticed all the familiar faces, including Mike Waltz, his wife and his son, Mike Waltz Jr., who was as obnoxious as his father. Sam told her that the kid was the leader of the group that teased Sam for being an orphan, and she could really see who he got it from. Mike turned his head around and looked at her, and she nodded simply out of social obligation, not respect. He simply gave her a look of disdain and turned back forward. So much for being polite, Selene thought.

  “Thank you all for coming today. The Parents’ Day is one of the most favorite festivities in our school, and we are always happy to welcome our children’s parents... and friends”, Mrs. Mills said, her words carefully used, since she remembered Sam and his situation.

  “First, I’d like parents and other visitors to introduce themselves and say a little something about their professions, and then the kids will say something about themselves. This way, the children will have the chance to meet each other a little better, since fifth grade is a very important milestone in their lives”, Mrs. Mills finished and gave word to one of the kids’ parents who sat up front. This went on; parents introduced themselves – a retail worker, a construction worker, a fashion blogger, a carpenter, a lawyer, and so on.

  Selene could tell Sam was getting more and more nervous as they waited for their turn, and she didn’t know how to help him. Chris sat still throughout the entire thing, but when the last child finished speaking, he bent down and whispered something to Sam, making the kid look more self-confident and defiant. Selene raised her eyebrow at Chris, for a second forgetting that they were at odds, and he masterfully ignored her. Alrighty then.

  “And the last group for today, Sam Lockwood and his friends, Selene McClaran and Christopher Ledford”, the teacher said and the three of them took their place in front of the class, with Sam in the middle. Before Selene had the chance to speak, Sam spoke first.

  “I am Sam McQueen and I am an orphan”, he said, causing a stunned silence in the room. Selene widened her eyes and looked at Chris, who didn’t really look surprised, but rather calculative.

  “I know you all know this, so why pretend? The other kids sure as hell know because they can’t stop teasing me about it, and it’s not something to be teased about”, Sam began and Selene wanted to laugh at all the different expressions in the room – the teacher looked like she wanted to faint, the parents looked a bit uncomfortable and some of the kids looked repentant, while the others looked disinterested.

  “Sam, what are –” Selene began, but Chris pinched her ass discretely in order to silence her. Oh, he was so going to pay for that.

  “I don’t care what they’ll say, Selene. They already teased me, pushed me and beat me just because I’m not a normal kid like them, but you know what? They can keep doing that, but I’ll keep fighting back, no matter the detentions. Because after all that, they get to come home and be with their families while I have to live in a foster home with other nine kids who are also alone. But it’s still better than being with my father. So, you jerks can keep hating me or become my friends, I don’t care, as long as you leave me alone”, Sam breathlessly said and stormed out of the classroom, shocking the hell out of everybody.

  Mrs. Mills stood up and furiously took both hers and Chris’s arm and pushed them outside, where she fumed.

  “What was all of that? Did you encourage him to say such awful things?” she angrily asked Selene and Chris.

  Selene always liked the teacher, but Sam wasn’t the one to blame for this. He said what he meant, and if there was anyone to blame, those were the children who abused him and the parents who allowed such behavior.

  “We didn’t say anything to him, he only defended himself against some kids who attack him regularly”, Selene said reasonably, but that didn’t seem to get through to Mrs. Mills.

  “In that case, he should’ve come to me and we would have put an end to those incidents. This way, he only ruined Parents’ Day”, she spat out, making Selene’s blood boil. She put hands on her hips and spoke in a no-bullshit tone.

  “Mrs. Mills, are you seriously blaming Sam for this?”

  “Selene, he is –” Mrs. Mills began.

  “Enough”, Chris said coldly, putting an end to every discussion. He looked very dangerous and very focused. And very hot, Selene thought as she let him have the word.

  “Sam will suffer no consequences for what he said. He only said his honest opinion about everything he’s been through, and now he’s finally being heard. If you and these kids’ parents paid more attention to what’s Sam been going through, you could’ve stopped it in time”, Chris said in a voice that tolerated no defiance.

  “Mr. Ledford, I hear what you’re saying, but this can’t be our fault. We can’t control all these children at all times”, Mrs. Mills said, looking much more timid and a little frightened.

  When Chris loses his shit, everybody hides, that’s what Selene learned so many years ago and she could see that nothing had changed. She was the only one who wasn’t afraid of him, apparently. And Jackson too, since he was his best friend.

  “Then try harder”, Chris said and turned around to walk away. Selene watched him leave and after he disappeared out of sight, she spoke to Mrs. Mills.

  “We’re not blaming you. I know how kids can be cruel and, of course, there are too many children for you to be able to supervise them all. But orphaned children need support from their peers and other adults in their lives in order to make their existence easier. I speak from my own experience, and Chris’s too”, Selene said calmly. Mrs. Mills shook her grey head and adjusted her thick-lensed glasses.

  “I wish I had known about his earlier. When Sam got his detentions, he never spoke about the reasons behind it. I thought he was the problematic one’’, she said repentantly.

  ‘‘It’s okay. I also never spoke about it when it happened to me, but I am glad that Sam stood up for himself”, Selene said and put a hand on the old teacher’s shoulder.

  “If you don’t mind me asking, what does Mr. Ledford have to do with Sam?” she asked.

  “They became friends when Chris arrived here, and Sam obviously cares about him. I don’t know the rest.”

  “Why don’t you come back inside the class and finish the Parents’ Day, and I’ll go and find Chris and Sam. I hope you don’t mind that we won’t return�
��, Selene said and after Mrs. Mills nodded, she ran down the hallway and toward the exit.

  Chilly October air greeted her outside, despite the Sun shining brightly on the sky. The snow still hadn’t fallen, but up on the mountain, the peaks were already white. She was wearing only a white sweater with moderate cleavage and a high-waisted black skirt that fell down to her knees. She almost regretted wearing black pumps, but her legs looked much better with some extra inches.

  She looked around the empty school yard, and spotted a broad back clad in dark blue suit, and a much smaller back in a blue t-shirt. Chris and Sam sat in the school’s park, on top of a big wooden table, staring up the mountain. Admittedly, Selene’s heart skipped a little at the sight. She slowly approached them, not wanting to interrupt a men’s moment.

  “Can I join you?” she asked Sam and smiled, her hands behind her back. She glanced at Chris, who looked very neutral. She knew that mask of his, and didn’t like it one bit. She only wondered what she’d done to make him angry.

  “What do you say, Sam? Should we let Red witness our bro time?” Chris asked Sam who mimicked Chris’s pose – his elbows on his knees.

  “She’s cool. She’s more like a boy than a girl”, Sam said and patted the spot beside him.

  “Gee, thanks for calling me masculine”, she said and rolled her eyes as she sat next to him.

  “I didn’t – I, uh... You’re definitely a girl, but uh –”, Sam stuttered and made Selene laugh.

  “Shut up, you little dork. I know what you mean”, she said and poked him under the ribs, where she knew he was ticklish.

  “What do you mean Selene’s more like a boy?” Chris asked Sam.

  “Well, for example, she was the one that taught me how to catch a football and how to throw a baseball”, Sam said.

  “I taught you that”, Chris said and smiled faintly, making Selene smile back as she remembered the chaos fourteen years ago, when Chris spent an afternoon showing her all kinds of sports skills.