by Alexis Leia
“Already done?” he teased her and stepped out the water. She licked her lips as she took in his erection.
“Shit, I don’t have time. I have a meeting in an hour and I have to go home to change”, she said, her face full with regret.
“Later, then”, he said and planted a quick kiss on her lips. They dressed in silence, and Chris thought he would feel remorseful after this, but regret never came. He only felt... right. And that was the real bitch.
“Chris?” Selene asked behind his back, already fully dressed, except her underwear that was in her hand.
“Why did you change your mind?” she asked him, and he knew what she meant. He almost dry humped her on Friday and today he almost pushed her away. He was glad he didn’t, though.
“I didn’t want to give you false hopes. I’ll be leaving soon, and the last thing I want is to hurt you... again.”
Her expression was unreadable, which was unusual for her. He was fully aware that he hurt her when he left, but he sure as hell hoped she forgave him. She maybe didn’t even remember it much.
“Here’s the thing, Chris. I want you, and I hope this today won’t be the only time we have sex. Because, frankly, I’m attracted to you. But, I’m not the one to live in illusions. I know you’re not the one to commit, so I don’t want anything from you that you’re unwilling to give”, she said in her no-bullshit voice and surprised the hell out of him.
She was always straight forward, he knew that, but damn... He wasn’t used to women who didn’t pretend or act.
“And when you decide to leave, you let me know. We’ll say goodbye to each other and separate in a civil, if not friendly manner”, she continued after he stayed silent. She was every man’s dream; a sex goddess who wanted a no-strings-attached relationship. So why did it feel wrong?
“I’m not good with permanent. I hope you’re okay with that”, he said. She nodded and went past him toward the exit.
“Are you coming?” she asked and grinned behind her shoulder in a naughty manner, making him shake his head.
“Pun intended?” He joined her.
“Indeed”, she said and they walked in silence rest of the way. The air was cold, and he put his jacket around her shoulders since she shivered. Her hair was still wet, and he was worried she might get sick.
“Aren’t you cold?” she asked him and nodded at the ripped shirt in his hands as they took their seats in the car. He shrugged, staring out the windshield.
“I care about your warmth. The cold never really bothered me.”
CHAPTER TEN
Selene turned the heat on full blast and started driving down the mountain. She actually had to pay much more attention to driving than usual, because her body was extremely relaxed and slow due to an amazing passion session with Chris.
There was nothing she wanted more than to curl up under her blankets and fall into a deep, satisfied sleep. But even if she didn’t have any obligations waiting for her, she wouldn’t be able to sleep, because her mind worked a hundred miles per hour. She was so afraid that Chris might reject her earlier on the spring, but acted as if she was extremely self-confident, unwilling to show any weakness.
She knew why he wanted to change his mind and not fulfill his hot promise, and on some level, she understood; he thought she was going start hoping for something more from him, something he couldn’t give her. He never told her directly, but she knew he thought he was incapable of love. And that opinion sprang from his past, from the abusive relationship he had with his parents. She never found out the details, though, but she knew it had to be something extremely dark and ugly.
However, she didn’t think that he was incapable of love or deeper emotions, because she believed the past could never damage your soul’s capability. It could restrict it a little for sure, she was the walking proof of that, since she was very careful in giving her trust. But love... that couldn’t be stopped.
And even though she’s never been in love in her adult life, she firmly believed she’d find someone who could win her heart. And she believed that for Chris too, if he only gave someone a chance. She didn’t even imagine herself being that woman who could change his perspective about love, but she did hope it would be someone spectacular.
“Tell me about Annie and Emmet”, Chris said.
Selene knew he wasn’t fond of Emmet, simply because Emmet was a constant male figure in her life that replaced Chris when he left. However, she would never mistake Chris’s possessiveness and jealousy for some deeper emotion, because she knew he was territorial by nature and it had nothing to do with love. Sure, she believed he cared about her on some level, as a person who was a significant part of his past, but nothing more and nothing less.
“Annie... she’s a real firecracker. I’m sure you remember that one Christmas, when she turned off the heating in our foster parents’ room and locked the door so we could spend Christmas Eve on the lake. Well, she remained like that to this day on, always causing ruckus and then fixing it. She’s a really brilliant cook. She’s currently working as a sous-chef in that restaurant we went to on Friday. We actually live together”, Selene said, always eager to talk about her friends.
“What about Marcus? I haven’t seen him since I was here”, Chris asked, referring to the ginger foster boy who was Chris’s age.
“He left soon after you.”
“Wait, you were alone?” he asked, sounding shocked.
“I wasn’t alone. There were other ten kids with me.”
“Yeah, but they were all your age or younger, so there was nobody there to protect you”, he said, turning toward her and almost distracting her with his bare torso.
“I didn’t need protection”, she lied.
Oh yes, she had needed it, but there was nobody there. It would be stupid to blame Chris for leaving her alone to fend for herself; after all, each person on this world is an individual who has to strive to make their own dreams come true, but it took her a long time to stop blaming him. She was a human being, after all. Despite having a healthy head on her shoulders, it took a long time and a lot of self-reflection to stop blaming others and herself.
If Chris had been a bit less protective of her back then, maybe the people who hurt her wouldn’t have been so vengeful. But ‘maybe’ was the mother of all regrets, and she didn’t do regrets, not anymore. She didn’t want to talk about some aspects of her past, so she ignored him and continued.
“I met Emmet soon after, when we were both freshmen in high school. His friend Kyle, a junior quarterback in our football team, used to come on to me, but I was never interested and I ignored him for the most part. And then one day, when we had gym on the field outside the school, he started groping me in front of everyone. I tripped his legs and knocked him on the ground and rubbed his face in the dirt. When he was about to throw me off, Emmet came and sat on him while I stuffed grass and dirt inside Kyle’s mouth. Funny part was, Emmet was actually his friend. And the rest is history. He’s incredibly funny and protective, and he actually did most of repairs in my house. He’s the town’s sheriff, in charge of forty cops”, she finished, watching Chris from the corner of her eye. His expression didn’t change; he remained serious as usual, but she didn’t miss the slight frown.
“Can I ask you something?” she asked him while driving toward the hotel where he stayed.
“Sure.”.
“Why did you come back?” she almost whispered. He shook his head and chuckled darkly.
“Because of you”, he replied in full honesty. Her heart skipped a beat and she didn’t know what to say, but her questions burned her mind and soul in the need to know the answers.
“But why, after all this time? I thought I didn’t even exist in your mind”, she said and parked in the hotel’s parking lot.
“You were always here”, he said and touched his temples before continuing.
“I managed to push the thoughts about you to the back of my mind, because they were a huge distraction. You have no idea ho
w many times I wanted to come and see you, but I kept myself busy with work and everything I could remember of in order to prevent myself from coming back. But when I finally saw you on the news, something just... I can’t even describe it. I just had to see you.”
She stared at him with her eyes wide and disbelieving. She was supposed to believe that he thought about her all the time and didn’t even bother to pick up the phone and let her know how he was, where he was? If there’s a will, there’s a way, and she knew if their roles had been reversed, she would’ve done everything to keep him in his life one way or another. But she didn’t know what the reason behind his decision to end every contact with her was. Until few days ago, she believed it was because he didn’t want anything to do with her, but now everything seemed disconnected and different.
“And when are you going home?” she asked him, steeling herself and ignoring his previous monologue. He exhaled loudly and directed his gaze at the hotel building.
“My flight is booked for October 30th, so two weeks from now. My company is in good hands with my COO and VP, but my clients won’t be satisfied if I’m away for too long. We’ve already experienced some issues, which is why I almost left immediately”, he said, explaining himself without any need; his life was in Los Angeles, and she was very well aware of that.
There were so many differences between them, it was almost funny, in a twisted and demented way. But this was good, wasn’t it? He was leaving soon and their relationship wouldn’t go further from the physical, which was good. Her emotional wall would stop being in danger, and she would continue living her life the way she did before he came back.
“Can I now ask you something?” he asked, and she nodded.
“Why the sudden change of attitude toward me? When I arrived, you acted like you hated me. Now, we’re sitting in your car after having sex.”
“I don’t hate you. I was mad because you came back to the place you claimed you hated, and you barged into my life, expecting me to behave like you never left. For that, I am still angry. I won’t lie, Chris, I never forgot about you, but just like you, I buried the thoughts of you, placing you in the far past of my life. And if there’s anything I hate, it’s reviving the old ghosts. You shook the balance I’ve worked hard to create, but even with all that, I wanted you. And I still do. So why not act on it? I mean, after you admitted you don’t see me as a sister, which totally changed my perspective, by the way, I decided to do what I wanted. And I’m a woman, if you didn’t notice. I can be mad at you and want you at the same time. If you have a problem with that, well, tough luck.”
He started laughing in that deep timbre of his, throwing his head back and exposing his beautiful smile. She sat there and simply stared at him, wondering how he always managed to confuse the shit out of her.
“So, you’re basically using me for your own selfish, primal needs?” he asked her, his voice teasing and his eyebrow raised, a smile still on his lips.
“Yup”, she grinned. That was true, she was using him in a way; she acted on that attraction, and planned to ride the wave but get off of it before it hit the ground.
“That means I’m using you too”, he said, his face suddenly serious and his eyes full of promised heat. Her body reacted as well, but she didn’t have time for another round, no matter how much she wanted.
“That kinda makes us business partners”, she said and stretched out her hand, to formally shake his and seal the deal, so to speak.
He shook her hand for a second, but then pulled her forward and gave her a hot, wet kiss with both of his hands on her cheeks. She grabbed his shoulders and almost climbed on top of him, but she remembered they were in public, so she regretfully broke the kiss, and leaned across him to open his car door. Her arm accidentally brushed his erection, and he took a pained breath, earning a chuckle from her. She looked him in the eye with a smile on her lips as she handed him his jacket.
“C’mon, partner. Put your jacket on. We want our business to stay private”, she said, winked and watched him leave her car with a shake of his head and a husky chuckle.
CHAPTER ELEVEN
“It’s really good to see you, Christopher. Judging by how often we see each other, nobody would ever say that we’re on a vacation together”, Jacks said and grinned.
“Fuck off”, Chris said and smiled. He seemed more relaxed and satisfied, and Jacks knew that look.
“So you’ve done it?” Jackson asked Chris and took a swig of beer out of his bottle. They were in the Mountain’s Pub, a cozy little two-floor place with hardwood walls and soft leather chairs. He didn’t see Chris much since they arrived, despite being in the same hotel. But Jacks was busy with Annie, and Chris tried to spend as much time as possible with Selene.
“Yup.”
“Oh, please, spare me the details”, Jacks pushed him, fully intending to make the vein on his friend’s forehead pop out.
“What are we, a couple of high school girls sharing experiences in the school’s bathroom?” Chris complained.
“Nah, I’m just wondering about the girl who put a smile on my usually sulky best friend.”
“I’m not sulky”, Chris pointed a threatening finger at Jacks.
“No, you’re just suffering from permanent frown face paralysis.”
“Fine, what do you wanna know?”
“Was it good? I mean, have your fantasies come true?”
“Yeah”, Chris said mysteriously, his voice guarded and Jacks decided to push him a little more.
“Really? You don’t sound convincing. Should I give her a lesson or two?”
Chris stopped, his beer bottle in the air.
“Stay away from her. And don’t talk about her that way” he warned seriously. Knowing his best friend’s every mood, Jackson immediately raised his hands and dropped the issue. However, he couldn’t resist adding a last little jab.
“Fine, I’m sorry. But your face is still priceless. You look more miserable than you did back in ‘09, when you let me tattoo a hotdog on your back.”
“Fuck off. And I had that removed a year later”, Chris said again and drank his beer, making Jacks laugh.
“And what have you been up to? I haven’t see you as much as you haven’t seen me”, Chris said, changing the subject.
“Mountainview is actually a pretty interesting little town. I went hiking every day, just to enjoy the fresh air I won’t be getting back in Los Angeles. Serenity Waterfalls, Waterfall Lake, rafting... shit, I had more fun in the past week than I’ve had in years”, Jacks said. He really did enjoy Mountainview; for a person like him, who spent all his life trying to find a place where he belonged and failing in the process, this place called to him. It was homey and peaceful. Maybe Annie had something do to with it as well.
“Does a certain brunette have something to do with it?” now was Chris’s turn to tease, reading Jackson’s mind.
“We’re having fun”, Jacks shrugged and acted nonchalant.
“Uh-huh. Fun in the sack? Maybe I could give her a lesson or two.”
“Don’t talk about Annie like that”, Jacks warned, pointing his bottle at Chris who laughed, throwing his head back.
“But your face is still priceless!”
“What are you, Pete the Parrot?” Jacks asked, feeling annoyed himself.
“Just teaching you a lesson”, Chris said with a sly smile.
“Seriously, dude. What’s the deal with Selene?” Jacks turned serious, knowing this was a touchy topic for Chris. He wasn’t mistaken; Chris put on a neutral mask, hiding what he truly meant, and that’s exactly how Jacks knew he was full of shit.
“We’re just having fun.”
“Is that so? You’re just having fun with the person you’ve been obsessed with and haven’t seen in over a decade? You know, in my book, a person you’re having fun with is easy to break up with. How are you going to leave her again, Chris? She’s not just any woman”, Jackson laid out his logic. Chris leaned forward and gifted Jacks with his ever-
present frown.
“You think I don’t know that? I wanted to leave yesterday, I went to that parent thing to Sam’s school and fully intended to say goodbye to Selene after. When I tried, she just ordered me to sit in her car and drove us up the mountain to a hot spring where she… Well, she seduced me, alright?”
Jackson’s mouth dropped open.
“She seduced you? Well, holy shit. I like that girl already”, Jacks said, letting a slow grin overtake his face.
“How the hell was I supposed to turn down the biggest fantasy of my life? Jesus, she’s my addiction and I’m not ashamed to admit it.”
“Am I the only one who’s actually aware of the complications? Dude, you’re leaving in less than two weeks. What happens after? Do you think she’s going to wait for your next visit in, I don’t know, fifteen years or so? That she’s going to go all celibate because you might decide to pop around again randomly? She’s your addiction, for sure, but are you ready for the rehab that follows?”
“We made a deal. We’re going to... enjoy this time we have together, and once I leave, we’ll say a polite goodbye and go our separate ways”, Chris said, making Jacks groan.
“You have goddamn selective hearing. How are you going to leave, Chris? You claim it was nearly impossible the first time, and you were only just kids. What about now? Now that you know how it feels to have her, how will you walk away? We’re talking about the person who you have a history with. You don’t get to walk away without consequences, if you manage to walk away, that is.”
“What the fuck do you want me to say, Jacks? That I’ll stay here, leave my life behind and commit to her? You know I can’t do that; I’m not made that way. Love, marriage, family... that doesn’t work for me.”
“Oh, really? Did you maybe discuss the conditions of that little arrangement of yours? Like exclusivity, maybe? Who can guarantee you that she’s not talking to some hotshot politician right now, who’s asking her out on a date and who could offer her what most women want – a ring, a white picket fence and all that shit?”
