If You Come Back

by Alexis Leia

  “What, do you expect me to say sorry for beating him up, when in fact he’s the one who started it?”

  “Yup”, she said, selectively not hearing the last part.

  “Okay. I’m sorry for beating up a guy who started the entire mess”, he said and grinned. Selene frowned, but her lips twitched in amusement.

  “Your lack of repentance should bother me but doesn’t, since I see your eye is swollen and your lip is bruised. And I’ve noticed you’re limping, so you got your fair share of injuries”, she said evilly.

  “Aren’t you supposed to be The Good Samaritan mayor, the one that takes care of everybody?”

  “You’re not my citizen”, she said and shrugged.

  Chris was feeling so goddamn tired his entire body hurt, and he wanted Selene so badly his teeth ached. Even though talking to her again was fucking amazing, doing it through the jail bars wasn’t really what he had in mind. He wanted to get in her good books as soon as possible and see if she was willing to continue where they left off.

  “Selene, enough with the small talk. Just tell me what’s on your mind”, he said.

  “Alright. I have a few questions”, she answered.

  “Shoot.”

  “What was so urgent in L.A. that you had to leave earlier?”

  “Three of my best clients wanted to break their contracts because they weren’t satisfied with how their albums progressed. They demanded I show up as soon as possible to deal with it”, he explained.

  “Okay. Who is Mona to you?” she asked him, a neutral expression on her face that he knew was a facade.

  Shit, he almost forgot Mona showed up. Nobody was eager to discuss their previous entanglements with other people, least of all with your current significant other. It could invoke jealousy and resentment about things that belonged in the past. However, the prospect of Selene’s jealousy was kind of appealing. He knew she was jealous; he could see it on her face, even though she tried to cover it up. But her jealousy compared to his was nothing, even though he could only imagine how she felt seeing his ex bed-buddy around him. If he saw one of Selene’s flings around her, it wouldn’t exactly make him happy.

  “It was just sex”, he told her honestly. He guessed she already knew that, since she didn’t even flinch.

  “Are you still in that relationship?” He felt like he was being interrogated.

  “It wasn’t a relationship. And no, I broke it off a few months ago, but she’s not giving up.”

  “How did you come back? Your vacation is over, your company had some issues. How could you leave?”

  He stood up straighter and sat a little closer to the bars. He stared at her mesmerizing green eyes, wanting nothing else but to get out of here, take a shower (with her) and spend countless hours making her knees go weak from pleasure. After that, he’d sleep for two days straight.

  “I took a creativity leave. It’s not uncommon for this field of business to take some time off and go somewhere to find your inspiration again. I told that to my artists, and they understood, even encouraged it, since they know how this business gets eccentric. I’ll keep working, but here in Mountainview. I’ll produce every album I’m working on from here, and the company is being well managed by my partners. I’ll have to fly out to L.A. a couple times a month, though. In fact, my equipment is on its way to being delivered to my house”, he said, smiling at the way her mouth gaped open when he mentioned the house.

  “What house?” she asked, a little breathless.

  “I’ve rented a house on the lake”, he said and grinned, barely containing his impatience to tell her where the house actually was.

  “Where on the lake?” she suspiciously said, asking all the right question.

  “Oh, less than a mile away from yours”, he said, enjoying the complete shock that overtook her face.

  But then her eyes darkened, and she went completely cold on him.

  “Why are you doing this, Chris? And don’t tell me it’s because you want to continue with our arrangement, because you’re not the type to turn your life around just for sex. You can get sex anywhere you want. Look at you, for God’s sake.”

  He leaned forward, putting his arm through the bars and grabbed her leg, pulling her closer.

  “We can both get sex everywhere, but I can’t get you everywhere. I’m doing this to give this thing we have a chance, because honestly, I can’t get enough of you. I thought when I finally had you that it would be enough, but I couldn’t get you out of my system. And I know it’s the same for you, so don’t bother lying. What’s happening between us is not something typical; this connection we have is something else entirely. You’re my addiction, Selene, and I’m not willing to undergo rehab. Not yet”, he told her, caressing her neck.

  “So, I’m the only reason you’re here?” she asked cynically.

  “For the most part. I’m also here to solve some… issues from the past. I honestly don’t know if I’ll make it, but I sure hope so.”

  Selene seemed to know what exactly he was referring to, because understanding overtook her expression.

  “But for how long, Chris? You can’t give me what I seek, you can’t give me commitment and love”, she said, her words soft and filled with regret.

  His chest constricted when he heard her saying the last word. In that moment, he wished more than ever that he was a different person. A person who could give her everything she wanted; a white picket fence, love, eternity. He firmly believed those things were out of his cards, and that he was emotionally impaired. What people in his past had done to him left a permanent imprint on his soul.

  “As long as you want me, I’m yours. I meant what I said about you being mine, Selene. I don’t think I’ll ever be able to give you up completely, but if you ever decide I’m not enough for you, that you want me out of your life… Jesus. I’ll let you go, even though it’ll kill me”, he admitted, his voice breaking a few times.

  If he had the ability to cry, this would be the moment tears would flow down his face. But his eyes remained dry, reminding him he truly was a cold bastard.

  “Why can’t you be enough for me?” she asked, her eyes flowing with unshed tears.

  His heart, the barely-used organ in his body, almost broke. Her tears were something he could never handle, something too painful to describe.

  “Because I’m not good enough. I’m too broken, Selene. It would destroy me to see you regret your choice of being with me, to watch you suffer because I couldn’t give you what you wanted. Nobody deserves to live without love, and I would rather die before seeing you hurt”, he told her, finally saying what’d been bothering him for over a decade.

  Now she knew the truth, not all of it, but enough. Tears spilled down her cheeks and he dropped his hand from her cheek, hating himself for hurting her after all. He said he would rather die before doing that, but he always somehow managed to find a way to hurt her.

  She furiously wiped the tears with the back of her hand and stood up. He got up too, afraid she was going to leave, but she grabbed the bars and spoke in a no-bullshit tone he was so used to.

  “Do you still want me?” she asked him.

  “With every breath I take”, he answered immediately.

  “Then this is how we’re going to work from now on. You say the best thing you can give me is sex and casual friendship. So that’s how it’s going to go down. We use each other for sex, no emotions, no strings attached. If I happen to meet someone I like, I’ll break up this arrangement between us. If you truly believe you can’t give me what I want, then I’ll look for what I want while wanting you. If that makes me a greedy bitch, then be it. But I get to be the one to end this, under my own terms. I won’t let myself suffer every time you decide to pop in and out of my life. And when I end it, it will be forever. No contact, no seeing each other, not even a text message. You say I’m your addiction, and I say you’re my weakness. And I don’t like feeling weak.”

  Jesus Christ, she was laying it all out in t
he open. He was aware that they had an expiration date, but hearing it from her mouth only made it feel more painful. One day, she was going to find someone who could give her the world, and he’d be forced to watch it happen. He wanted to smash his fist through the wall, to scream at her that she was only his, but he wasn’t allowed to. Because one day, when she got bored of him and his fucking issues, she would move on and destroy him. But he was a selfish bastard, a true masochist, and he wanted her for as long as he could have her. That’s why he immediately accepted her terms, knowing he deserved nothing less than being destroyed when all of it was over.

  “As long as you want me”, he vowed, his voice hoarse from all the conflicted emotions.

  She only stared at him, her eyes still glistening with tears. She pulled out a key from her pocket, keeping eye contact, and put the it inside the cell lock. But before she turned it, she spoke in a dreary voice.

  “You talk about your darkness, Chris, but you have no idea about the darkness inside me. You say you’re broken, but you fail to see how shattered I am. You’re afraid you’re going to extinguish my light, but you refuse to see that I shine because I choose to. You have eyes, Chris, but you still don’t see. You think you’re not good enough for me, but I think I’m bad enough for you”, she said and unlocked his cell.

  He grabbed the bars, opening them with such force, they almost fell off their hinges. Her words pushed him over the edge of something inexplicable. So, in the loss of words, he only lunged himself at her, pushing her against the wall as he lowered his forehead against hers.

  Her words made another crack in his icy soul, her sadness breaking him a little more.

  “Mine”, he whispered and closed his eyes, taking a deep breath of her beautiful scent. She smelled like winter, summer, spring and fall at once. She smelled like her, like his kryptonite.

  “For now”, she whispered back, wrapping her arms around his neck, throwing another spear through his lifeless heart.

  He wanted to protest, but he had no right. In the lack of a better reaction, he kissed her with all the emotions he felt, hoping it would be enough to show her how she managed to destroy him and make him whole at the same time.

  CHAPTER NINETEEN

  It was a cloudy, cold Sunday morning that did nothing to cheer up Selene, who was walking towards her car, with Chris right next to her. After that emotional rollercoaster, the only thing she was supposed to be doing was cry her eyeballs out under the covers. But she hated crying, not because she saw it as a sign of weakness, but simply because it wouldn’t change a thing. You could cry a river, a lake, a goddamn ocean, but your life would remain unchanged. Just like Chris; he wasn’t a person who could easily become someone else. And she didn’t want him to; she only wished he could come to a different conclusion about himself and about her.

  She now understood part of the reason for his hot-and-cold behavior. He thought he was too broken, too damaged to be good for her. And that was such a load of shit. He was either overestimating or underestimating her in his belief that she couldn’t handle whatever burden he carried. The point of a relationship wasn’t being alone in your darkness, and it wasn’t about carrying your burden alone. It was about sharing that burden, giving somebody a chance to help you carry it.

  She was absolutely sure Annie was going to kill her when she told her she got back with Chris, but Annie didn’t know how much Chris meant to her, what kind of connection they shared, how complete she felt when he was around or how happy she was with him in her life. Anyone who never experienced that kind of relationship with someone couldn’t possibly know how it felt to find your soulmate, only to lose them again when you realized that they didn’t believe in love. But Selene was willing to go through the pain of breakup and carry the memories with Chris for the rest of her life, just to be able to enjoy the short time they had together.

  She glanced up at Chris, seeing he wasn’t feeling any better than she was. For a change, he wasn’t bothering with wearing that damn mask of neutrality; his feelings were rather evident on his face. He looked... tortured, grim, and a little sad. Her heart was bleeding for him, because she knew he wanted her on many more levels than physical, but he thought he didn’t deserve her.

  She put her arm around his waist, giving him both emotional and physical support. Spending a night in jail was something he probably wasn’t used to, and she almost regretted pranking him like this. The key word was almost.

  He looked at her, hesitating for a second before putting an arm around her shoulders, leaning on her only a tiny bit, not allowing her to take any of his weight and help him walk. That only made her more aggravated.

  “You can lean on me, Chris. I won’t break”, she told him, making sure he understood the underlying message behind those words. He opened his mouth to say something, but it seemed he changed his mind, since he remained silent. He sighed heavily and leaned a bit more on her, giving her a chance to help him.

  They walked embraced like that, the awkward silence ensuing when they reached the car. She opened the door for him, seeing how he winced when sitting down, and tried hard not to show he was in pain.

  She most definitely wouldn’t leave him alone when they reached his house. God, she was still shocked by his announcement. He actually rented a house here, which meant he was going to be staying for a while. She couldn’t have imagined that, not in her wildest dreams.

  She glanced at him a few times while driving; his eyes were closed, but she knew he wasn’t sleeping, judging by his hard breathing and the hand placed over his ribs.

  “Chris?” she asked him softly, putting one hand on his knee in a soothing gesture.

  He opened his eyes, a storm of emotion going through those dark blue depths.

  “Yeah, baby?”

  She wouldn’t admit it, but she loved it when he called her like that. It made her feel special.

  “Where’s your house exactly?” she asked him as she took a turn that led deeper into the woods, to the other side of the lake.

  “Just follow the road after your house. I’ll tell you when to stop”, he said.

  His voice was a little strained, and knowing he was in pain, she caressed his knee and his arm in calming, comforting motions.

  “You don’t have to do that”, he said, as if it was a chore to help him.

  She rolled her eyes, making him chuckle weakly.

  “I want to”, she told him and put a hand on his cheek, which covered in a two-day beard that looked oh-so-inviting.

  After a second of hesitation, he leaned his face in her hand, making her heart swell with tenderness.

  Even the rough, dangerous, and dominant people needed some TLC sometimes, especially those who’d never received it in their lives. Chris even more so.

  “Pull over”, he told her and she slowed down in front of a huge, beautiful, wooden three floor house, with a stone driveway and amazing front yard, where multicolored flowers still grew, despite the cool fall weather.

  “I’ve always fantasized about having a house like this”, she said when they got out of the car, in front the four stone steps that led to the wide front porch. She stared up at the house, taking in every detail until she noticed Chris stayed silent, watching her with his intense gaze.

  “Oh shit, sorry. Let’s get you inside”, she said, completely forgetting the state of his body.

  She hugged him around the waist again, forcing him to cooperate, but he still didn’t say anything.

  “Do you have the key?” she asked him when they reached the door.

  “In my left pocket”, he said, a mischievous glint in his eyes.

  “Why don’t you pull it out?” she asked, her eyes narrowed in suspicion.

  “Because I’m waiting for you to do it. I’m hurt, remember?” he teased her.

  What he didn’t know was that she was absolutely up to the game. She missed him. Hell, she had missed him for the past thirteen years, and now she was planning on using every minute she had with him. Now that
he was staying for a while, there was no imaginary sword above their heads that threatened to suddenly cut their time together. Now, they could finally enjoy each other in peace, however temporary it might be.

  She put her hand inside the pocket of his dark slacks and took her sweet time searching for the key. They both gasped when her fingertips brushed his erection; she in surprise, and he in obvious pleasure.

  “Are you seriously turned on right now?” she asked him, her hand still inside the pocket, her fingers still on his private parts.

  “I’ve been hard since the moment you showed up in front of my cell”, he said in his husky voice.

  “But I didn’t do anything”, she whispered in wonder, her satisfaction immense knowing he wanted her all the time.

  “You only have to breathe for me to want you”, he said seductively, his hand already traveling across her waist up to her breasts.

  She turned around in his arms, her hand exploring his body as well. But then she grazed his ribs and he winced, clenching his jaw.

  “As much as I’d love to continue this little game, you can’t have me until you’ve had a shower, some rest, and something to eat”, she said and flashed him with the key in her hand.

  “But those are my secondary needs. What about my primary need?” he whined behind her as she unlocked the door.

  “Which would be…?”

  “You”, he said with his hands on her ass as he pulled her closer, brushing his erection against her back.

  Her breath hitched and she closed her eyes when his lips started making little trails on her neck. She leaned her head on his shoulder, her arms closing over his at her waist.