Every Wound We Mend

by J. E. Parker

  I traced a knuckle down her cheek as her voice trailed off. "If they're alive," I replied, understanding the words she'd failed to speak, "we'll find them." I prayed I wasn't making a vow I couldn't keep. I had broken enough of those already. "And if they’re anywhere outside of Toluca, we'll contact them. I promise."

  "Okay."

  Shaking herself free of the pain that had gripped her, she extended her hand and waited for me to take it. "Are you ready to roll now? Because I think it's time for us to blow this popsicle stand and go check out the North Charleston Women's Shelter. The social worker downstairs said it was one of the best."

  I only hope it's safe. Exhaling, I slipped my hand in hers. "I'm ready."

  She laced her fingers with mine and pointed to the postcard with her free hand. "Grab that. We'll drop it in the mail collection box out front."

  Once again, doing as she said, I picked up the card and the rest of my discharge papers.

  Wanting to be closer to her, I then let go of her hand and stood next to her, shoulder to shoulder.

  Focused on the empty hallway that would lead us to our new life, I took a shallow breath, the deepest my lungs could manage.

  We can do this.

  If only Chiquita was—

  "Ashley should be here," she whispered, her words mirroring the thoughts that had stirred in my head. "James, Hendrix, and Alejandro, too."

  I winced.

  Thinking of the ones I'd lost or was about to walk away from was hard enough. Throw my hermanito into the mix, and I was ready to fall to pieces.

  "Along with Faye and Amelia," she added, stopping the meltdown I was less than half a second from having, in its tracks.

  "Maybe someday they will be," I replied, latching onto the tiny ember of hope that somehow still danced in my chest, just as James had once told me to. "And if that day ever comes, it will be the sweetest we've ever lived."

  Jade didn't argue.

  How could she?

  "Come on," I said, once more lacing my fingers with hers. "It's the first day of our happily ever after, and we don't want to be late."

  "Let's go."

  Her fingers tightened around mine.

  And together, we took the first step.

  To freedom.

  4

  James

  The pain never ends.

  My thumb traced the leather bracelet wrapped around my wrist as I stared at the black and white clock that hung on my office wall, counting down the seconds as they ticked by, adding to the time I'd been without Carmen.

  It was my own unique brand of torture.

  One I’d perfected over the last six weeks.

  "Pop...”

  Though it brought me the slightest bit of comfort, I neither moved nor spoke at the sound of my son's voice.

  Instead, I just kept watching that godforsaken clock, unable to pull my eyes from it no matter how damned hard I tried.

  "Did you eat anything today?"

  When I didn't answer, he stood straight, removing his shoulder from the door frame it had been propped on, and cupped the back of his neck. Exhaling, he moved into the room and took a seat in one of the plastic chairs across my desk.

  "I can fix you something if you want. God knows I can't cook a damn thing except for eggs, but Maddie says I make one hell of a peanut butter and jelly sandwich."

  He chuckled, but I remained mute.

  With hunger being no match for the incessant gnawing ache that lived in my chest, I no longer ate as much as I once did.

  Too focused on the relentless grief that clawed at my insides without giving me the smallest reprieve, forcing food down my gullet didn't take precedence.

  Missing Carmen did.

  "Come on, old man," my boy urged, rapping his knuckles atop my paper-covered desk. "If you don't eat, you'll wither away. And that can't happen."

  Not liking the worry in his voice, I mumbled, "I'm fine, Buddy." It was a damn lie. I wasn't fine. Never would be again either. "I'll eat later. Maybe I'll order a pizza or something."

  I flinched as a memory rushed forward.

  Extra cheese, double pepperoni.

  My throat tightened as Carmen's words, the ones she'd spoken seconds before I ordered Faye, Little One, and Amelia pizza, replayed on a loop in my head.

  I would have given anything to go back to that night, where she'd sat across the table from me at Mi Tierra, her eyes dancing with happiness as she ate one small bite of food after another, her upper body swaying to the beat of the cumbia music that had floated through the restaurant's speakers.

  It was the same night she'd confessed that her soul had recognized mine the moment we met, making me the happiest man to walk the face of the earth.

  My vision blurred as the nauseating ache in my chest intensified, radiating up my throat and down into the pit of my stomach.

  "I miss her, Hendrix," I whispered, fighting to keep my shoulders from shaking. "I miss her so damn much." I swung my gaze to meet his. "I'll never fucking forgive myself."

  His face fell. "It wasn't your fault."

  "You're wrong," I replied, guilt wrapping around my neck like an invisible noose. "It took me a long time to begin to understand that what happened to your grandmother wasn't my fault."

  My father's sins weren't mine to bear.

  It was a truth Carmen had helped me see. Hendrix and Maddie, too. And even though I sometimes lost sight of said verity, especially when my demons rose and started singing their favorite taunts, it was a fact, nonetheless.

  "But what happened to my woman, who I swore to love and protect no matter the cost, is on me."

  "Pop—"

  "Now she's gone," I interrupted, words pouring out of me before I could stop them. "And she's never coming back."

  There were so many things she'd miss.

  Hendrix and Maddie's wedding. The birth of my second-born grandchild. Me finally telling Shelby that she was mine.

  I couldn't stand it.

  Without Carmen, life hurt.

  "Yeah, about that…"

  Hendrix's head dropped forward, momentarily stealing my attention from the agony slicing me apart, bit by bit. Face tilted toward the ground, he pulled off his ball cap and ran his fingers through his short black hair.

  "It's fucked up for me to ask this of you. I know that. But, Pop, I lied to Maddie about what happened to Pixie, and if she asks, I need you to back me up."

  My brow furrowed. "What?"

  "I lied to my girl," he reiterated, eyes meeting mine and looking so damned ashamed. "I feel guilty as hell, and I hate myself for it, but I knew it would kill her if I told her what happened, so I made up some bullshit about her leaving you and disappearing."

  Jerking his gaze from mine, he stared at the far wall, bouncing his leg up and down. "I know it was wrong, but she's pregnant, and if she gets to upset, I worry it might cause her to lose—"

  "It's fine, Buddy," I interrupted, hating to see him so worked up. "I know you were just protecting her and the baby."

  Even if he'd lied, my kid was only safeguarding his family. Any man worth his weight in salt would do the same. Too bad I hadn't been one of those men all those years ago.

  "I get it, trust me. If she asks, I'll cover your ass."

  Heavy silence ensued, filling the room.

  "I'm sorry Pixie and Shorty are gone," he whispered after what seemed like forever but was only a few minutes, his tone dripping with pain like my own. "I may not even know their actual names, but from the moment I met each of them, I could tell they were special.”

  They damn sure had been. Chiquita, too, though I never got to meet her. Without the three of them, the world was darker. Not to mention, a lot emptier.

  "I'm so sorry, old man," he repeated. "If I could've saved—"

  "You have no reason to be sorry,” I interjected, the ever-present guilt I harbored encroaching on my heart. "What happened to them isn't your fault. It's only mine."

  "Oh, fuck that," he started. "How—"
>
  "What the hell are you two yapping about?" Ty interrupted as he stepped into my office, followed by a pissy-faced Tuck. "I swear you guys are worse than the Crazy Old Biddy and the rest of the ladies down at the women's auxiliary when it comes to gossiping."

  Upper lip curled, my son flipped him off.

  And rightfully so.

  Now wasn't the time for his shit.

  "I got the mail," Tuck said as he moved past Ty and dropped the pile onto my desk. "Box was damn near full. One of you dickheads”—he pointed from Ty to Hendrix—"should check the damn thing occasionally. It's not like y'all do shit else around here."

  And here we go.

  Hendrix opened his mouth to reply, but before he could throw whatever insult danced on the tip of his tongue at his best friend, the station's sirens wailed, piercing the air.

  I nodded toward the hall. "You three head on out to the bays and suit up." My stern voice held more bite than I'd intended. When no one moved, I shot each a glare. "Now."

  This time, they listened.

  It was a miracle.

  Knowing I needed a few seconds to tamp down the anguish curling around both my heart and windpipe, my kid stopped in the still open door. Eyeing me over his shoulder, he cleared his throat. "See you at the truck, Pop."

  I nodded. "I'll be there in thirty seconds."

  Without another word, he walked away.

  Intent on grabbing my cell phone, I ripped open my desk drawer, nearly breaking it. At the move, the leather bracelet Carmen had given me, the same one I'd been touching minutes earlier, caught my eye.

  Pain stole my breath as I stared at it.

  But just like always, the devastation I felt gave way to something darker, more sinister, seconds later. And that something? It was straight-up rage I had neither the ability nor the desire to contain.

  "Goddammit!"

  My cracking chest heaved as I swept my arm across my desk, knocking a pile of incident reports and the stack of mail Tuck had just placed there to the ground.

  Half of it fell into the trashcan next to my desk, while the other half fell to the floor, scattering in all different directions, making my office more of a mess than it already was.

  Too bad I didn't give a shit.

  Barely able to breathe and completely blinded by the sorrow suffocating me from the inside out, I didn't see the postcard that had landed in the bottom of the trash can, hidden beneath a supermarket advertisement.

  Just as my stupid ass didn't catch sight of the feminine handwriting scrawled across the front.

  Unaware of the secret that danced in the room, offering to help glue my shattered heart back together, I grabbed my phone from the still open drawer before slamming it shut with ten times more force than necessary.

  Standing, I rounded my desk, a tangled mess of hurt, guilt, and self-hate, kicking away the scattered mess littering my path, as I went.

  It was one of the worst mistakes I ever made.

  James

  Four Months Later

  My cell rang as I was leaving the station.

  Already pissed off after having the shift from Hell and having to deal with Tuck nearly sticking his hand through the shower wall in a fit of rage, I was half-tempted to throw it across the parking lot instead of answering.

  But knowing it may be Hendrix, I didn't.

  After having told him hours before that I needed to talk to him about something important when I got home from work, he was on edge and had been checking up on me, sensing that whatever I intended to speak with him about was heavy.

  And it was.

  Done beating around the bush where my daughter was concerned, I planned to tell Shelby everything, Hendrix too, as soon as Maddie's bridal shower concluded over at the Crazy Old Biddy's in the next few hours.

  I didn't care if it was midnight. I couldn't wait any longer. I'd been a pussy, letting my fear of Shelby pushing me away stop me from telling both my kids the truth.

  That was ending. Tonight.

  I only prayed my girl didn't bolt, taking my grandson with her the second she found out that I was her dad and not just her best friends overly concerned future father-in-law. If she rejected me, it would kill me.

  Of that, I was sure.

  But no matter the risks, I had to tell her.

  Once and for all.

  The thing was, even if she wanted nothing to do with me, I wasn't going anywhere. I had no plans to interject myself into her life if she wanted me out of it, but I damn-well intended to watch over her from afar.

  I'd made the fatal mistake of not protecting the women in my life twice now. I wouldn't be doing it again. Come hell or high water, my daughter would remain safe.

  My phone continued to ring, so I dropped my duffle bag to the asphalt-covered parking lot and pulled it from my back pocket before answering the call without so much as looking at the illuminated screen. "Yeah?"

  My back snapped straight when a low, accented voice, which belonged to Shelby's new boyfriend, Anthony Moretti, who'd coincidentally bought the house across the street from mine, met my ears.

  A New York transplant, he'd moved to town a few months before and now worked as a homicide detective for Toluca PD. I didn't know him, not all that well, but he treated Shelby good, and from what I’d seen, Lucca as well.

  For his sake, I hoped he continued to do so.

  If he didn't, he'd die bloody by my hands.

  "I know your dirty little secret," he said, taking me by surprise. "I know all about your connection to Shelby, to Lucca."

  My heart thundered.

  How the fuck—

  "Tell me, asshole," he continued as I remained quiet, stunned into silence. "How do you think your precious Maddie is going to feel when she finds out the truth? How do you think she'll react when she finds out you could've stopped it all? All the hurt, the pain, the suffering that her best friend endured could've been stopped if you'd only been man enough to do the right thing."

  My temper skyrocketed.

  Head nearly exploding, I fisted my free hand and paced. I didn't know how he'd found out I was Shelby's father, but he had no idea, no damned idea, what he was talking about.

  Granted, I didn't know everything that Shelby had been through while living with my piece of shit ex-wife, and I had a feeling, a bad one, that Lucca's MIA father had hurt her, but I hadn't even known I had a daughter. Not until Shelby walked into my life, thanks to Maddie.

  And that was only months ago.

  Not years!

  If I had known…

  "Fuck, Moretti!" I screamed, drawing the attention of my guys who stood in the open bays. They turned and gawked at me as I spiraled. "You can't tell Shelby. Not yet. She's too—"

  "You can bet your ass I'm about to tell her," he interrupted, not giving me one second to explain. "She deserves to know what kind of man you are. What kind of coward you are!"

  On that account, he was right.

  I was a coward.

  I should've told Shelby who I was the moment I first laid eyes on her. Me fearing her reaction was no excuse. It was time I took responsibility for that fact.

  Yet, I'd been ready to tell her.

  What were the chances he'd call me now, only hours before I planned to confess one of my biggest secrets to both my kids?

  This was bullshit—that's what it was.

  "Don't do this," I begged, needing to tell her the truth myself. "I didn't—"

  "It's too late for your excuses," he interjected, cutting me off again. "Because of you, the woman that I love was hurt. Lucca could've been ripped from her before she ever got a chance to hold him!"

  I didn’t know what he was talking about, but I would find out. And then I'd act accordingly.

  "That's unforgivable, as far I'm concerned," he sneered, speaking nothing less than the truth. "I just hope you've made your peace with God because I'm coming for you."

  He ended the call without another word.

  I exploded. "That motherfucker!" I
roared, taking off running for my truck, leaving my packed duffle bag behind.

  Reaching the driver's side door, I ripped it open, jumped behind the wheel, and started the ignition. "If he tells her before I have a chance to," I yelled to the empty cab, "I swear on everything holy that I'm going to end up in jail for murdering a cop!"

  Determined to reach my daughter before he did—if he hasn't already—I shifted the truck into gear and stomped on the gas, pushing the pedal clear to the floor.

  Then, like a bat out of Hell, I took off.

  "Something is wrong."

  Stomach dropping to my boot-covered feet, I mumbled the lone sentence aloud as terror gripped me at the sight of the flashing blue and white police lights illuminating my street.

  "What in the absolute fuck?"

  Taking off my ball cap, I tossed it onto the dash as I stopped near a makeshift police barricade and rolled down my window.

  A uniformed officer, a kid who couldn't have been over twenty-one from the looks of it, approached me, flashlight in hand.

  "You James Cole?"

  Not surprised that he knew my name since most fire personnel and law enforcement in both Kissler and Toluca did, I nodded.

  "That's me." Gripping the leather steering wheel so tight it squeaked beneath my grip, I nodded to the string of police cars lining the road. "I live down at the end of the street, right before the cul-de-sac. What's going on?"

  The officer pursed his lips. "I'm afraid there's been a shooting." One sentence and acid shot high into my esophagus. I was on the verge of vomiting all over the punk kid blinding me with his flashlight. "The area around your house is an active crime scene and likely will be for a while. You won't be able to proceed—"

  "Where was the shooting?" I growled, a whole new level of panic seizing me. Maddie's bridal shower was happening right next door to my house, and all the women she worked with at the shelter were in attendance, my daughter included. Not to mention, my son, plus Tuck, were waiting for me at my house.

  If any of them are hurt…

  The kid readjusted his service cap. "At the Moretti residence. Seems someone shot up the house. We don't know if it was an attempted burglary or—"