Maybe This Christmas

by Susannah Nix

  “You’ve got a fiancée,” Farley said, as if Lucas needed to be reminded. “How does Kelsey feel about you talking to your ex-girlfriend so much?”

  “Kelsey loves Alex. She knows we’re friends.”

  “You sure about that? You actually talk to her about it?”

  “Yes,” Lucas said, feeling affronted even as doubt crept into his mind. Had he talked to Kelsey about Alex? Did she know about the texts? She must.

  “Then what about Alex?” Farley said, growing even more serious. “You ever consider maybe you’re leading her on?”

  “How could I be leading her on when she knows I’m marrying Kelsey? That doesn’t even make sense.”

  “Because she’s still hung up on you.”

  “No, she’s not.”

  Farley laughed. “Come on, man. She’s totally hung up on you, and you’re giving her hope with all this shit.”

  “You’re wrong.”

  “Am I?” Farley leaned back and took a long swig of beer. “I guess you’d know.”

  Of course he was wrong. Lucas knew Alex better than Farley did.

  Lucas was responsible and normal and he was boring—basically, he was everything Alex had never wanted (except for that brief period when Alex had wanted him, but he tried not to think about that anymore). Lucas was one hundred percent certain Alex wasn’t looking for anything from him but friendship.

  Ninety-five percent certain, anyway.

  At least eighty percent.

  Alex showed up a half hour later, and Lucas was the first person she hugged, even though she’d seen him just a few days before. Farley shot Lucas a what did I say? look over Alex’s shoulder as he let go of her. Lucas rolled his eyes in response, but the seed had been planted.

  He watched her for the rest of the night, trying to discern if she acted any differently with him than with everyone else. Sometimes he thought maybe Alex smiled more at him, but it could have just been his imagination.

  It was definitely his imagination, he decided as he watched Alex talk to Chris. She was smiling a lot at Chris. In fact—was she flirting with him? Probably. Chris kind of looked like Michael B. Jordan and was objectively the most handsome man Lucas knew.

  Farley had gotten into Lucas’s head and under his skin, and it was making him wonder things he shouldn’t be wondering. Lucas should know better than to listen to Farley, who’d once broken his wrist attempting to do a backflip off a cafeteria table. Just the other day when they’d met for lunch at Poseidon Pizza, Farley had talked about quitting law school and investing his trust fund in some video game company a friend of his was starting.

  Farley was full of terrible, fanciful ideas.

  But then a little while later Alex pulled Lucas aside and said, “Can I ask you something?” and Lucas’s heart crawled into his throat.

  Farley was right, his brain screamed in panic. Fuck Farley for being right. What would he do if Alex told him she wanted him back? Please be nothing, he thought desperately, at the same time as a small part of him thought, Please be something.

  “Is this about my sweater?” Lucas asked, trying to deflect with a joke. “Because I know it’s hideous. Theo keeps giving me these things every year and I’m convinced he knows how ugly they are and is just daring me to wear them.”

  Alex smiled, but her voice was serious, just like Farley’s had been. “Why aren’t you with Kelsey tonight?”

  Lucas swallowed down his rising alarm with a swig of lukewarm beer. “She’s in Victoria with her grandmother.”

  “Why didn’t you go with her?”

  “Because I didn’t want to leave my dad and my brother on Christmas Day.”

  Alex seemed to hesitate. “What are you going to do once you and Kelsey are married?”

  Lucas shrugged. “I don’t know. We’ll figure it out.”

  “Okay.” Alex sounded like she wanted to say something more, but she didn’t. She just left that “okay” hanging there like a misplaced comma.

  “What?” Lucas said when he couldn’t stand it anymore.

  “Nothing. It’s none of my business.” She shook her head, like she was trying to chase away whatever was on her mind.

  “What if I tell you it is?” Lucas wasn’t sure he wanted to know, but he also couldn’t stand not knowing. He couldn’t just let it drop, even if he should.

  Alex’s hand came up, as though she wanted to touch his arm, and his heart just about had a seizure inside his chest.

  But then she stopped halfway and let it fall back to her side. She swallowed and smiled thinly, locking everything away. “Am I gonna have to plan your wedding myself in order for you two to finally tie the knot?”

  Lucas laughed, because it was such a horrifying thought. “Let’s hope it doesn’t come to that.”

  “Yes,” Alex said, laughing along with him. “Let’s hope.”

  Nine

  Alex

  December 25, 2018

  It was the worst Christmas ever.

  Alex had a cold. On top of that, she had a client who’d decided it was a great idea to get married the day after Christmas. Alex hadn’t been able to go home for Christmas this year, because she’d worked late Christmas Eve and needed to be at the venue again early the day after Christmas, and really what she needed to do today was get some rest instead of driving back and forth between Houston and Beaufort.

  So instead of opening presents with her family and eating her mom’s cooking, Alex was alone on her couch with a box of tissues, a frozen turkey dinner, and season two of Making a Murderer.

  Worst. Christmas. Ever.

  Her mom had shipped her present to Houston, and Alex had Skyped her parents this morning so they could watch her open it. It was a very nice weighted blanket that Alex had already fallen in love with and knew had been one hundred percent her mom’s doing. Her dad probably hadn’t even known what it was until he saw Alex open it over video chat.

  He’d moved back home earlier this year. Alex still wasn’t sure why her mom had deigned to take him back, but apparently he’d gotten tired of his bird-watching girlfriend and begged to come home, and something he’d said had managed to persuade Alex’s mom to give him a second chance.

  Alex had only been home once since he’d moved back in, for Thanksgiving, and it had been weird. Not because things were different now, but because they were exactly the same. Both her parents acted like nothing had ever happened. They’d reverted right back to the life they’d had before and seemed absolutely fine with it.

  Alex couldn’t understand it. As far as she was concerned, nothing was the same. Her relationship with her father had been irreparably damaged, because now when she looked at him all she saw was a liar who’d hurt her mother.

  At least she was getting along better with her mother now. The two of them had finally achieved some kind of truce after twenty-six years of tensions. Alex had started giving her mother the benefit of the doubt, and her mother had started letting Alex live her own life without judgment. Alex supposed she had her dad’s infidelity to thank for that.

  Alex’s phone vibrated underneath her and she dug it out of the couch cushions. It was a text from Lucas.

  Merry Christmas!!!! How’s the cold?

  A little better, Alex texted back. How’s your dad’s turkey?

  So far so good. He hasn’t burned the kitchen down yet.

  Lucas’s dad was cooking Christmas dinner himself with Theo’s help. Mr. O’Hara’s latest girlfriend, who’d outlasted the previous ones by a good six months so far, was coming over later to eat with them. Lucas thought there was a chance this girlfriend might actually stick. He hoped so anyway, and therefore Alex hoped so too.

  She and Lucas had gotten a lot closer since he’d broken up with Kelsey last April. Alex had tried to be a good friend, to offer support and cheer him up when she could by texting him funny videos and pictures of dogs that looked like baked goods. The more she’d texted, the more he texted her back, until they were talking pretty much all the time, ju
st like they used to. They talked about almost everything: their jobs, her sexuality, his relationship with his mother and her feelings about her father. Alex hadn’t had a best friend for years, and it was freeing to finally be able to open up to someone like that.

  Then a couple months later, when Lucas had seemed to be feeling down, Alex had suggested he come to Houston for the weekend. And he had.

  She’d shown him around the city and taken him to some of her favorite restaurants. Once they were too stuffed to eat anymore, they sat on her couch and talked for hours, just like they used to. The last eight years seemed to fall away, along with all the distance and awkwardness between them.

  Neither of them were the same people they’d been in high school, but Alex had been surprised to discover it didn’t matter. Lucas still understood her better than anyone in the world. And she still…

  She loved him. There was no use denying it. She was in love with Lucas O’Hara.

  What she didn’t know was if he felt the same way about her.

  The one thing they’d never talked about was exactly why his engagement had been called off. Alex had asked him about it—more than once—but Lucas had refused to talk about it with her, which she supposed she could understand. He must have felt it would be a betrayal of trust or something.

  But she was curious—and maybe a little hopeful that it had something to do with her.

  Wishful thinking, probably, but she couldn’t help it.

  Nothing had happened that weekend he’d stayed with her in Houston. He’d slept on her couch and she’d slept in her room—although she’d been tempted to shoot her shot. Mightily tempted.

  But as far as she’d known he was still nursing a broken heart. He and Kelsey had been together for two and a half years. They’d planned a whole life, with real estate and savings accounts and everything. You didn’t just get over something like that overnight.

  And Alex had really no evidence at all that Lucas was interested in her as anything other than a friend. So she’d played nice, and kept her hands and lips to herself. But she’d dreamt about him that night, and a lot of nights since. She’d spent a lot of time trying to remember how it felt to kiss him. How he tasted. How he used to touch her, like she was something beautiful and unique. Like she was his favorite thing in the world.

  Eight months. That was how long it had been since Lucas broke off his engagement to Kelsey. Eight months that he’d been single, and Alex had incidentally also been single, and they’d texted dozens of times a day and talked on the phone at least three times a week.

  Alex had thought maybe…something. She’d thought maybe with Kelsey out of the picture there would be room for something more to develop between her and Lucas. Anything, really. But so far it had only been friendship. Eight months of friendship.

  So maybe he didn’t want anything more. Maybe this was all he ever wanted from Alex, and that was just the way it was. Wouldn’t he have said something by now if he’d wanted more?

  A few minutes later, Alex’s phone rang, and Lucas’s picture lit up the screen. She paused the TV as she took the call. “Hey.”

  “Merry Christmas,” Lucas said, the sound of his voice as soothing to her as warm honey.

  “Merry Christmas to you,” Alex said. “Shouldn’t you be helping your dad in the kitchen?”

  “He and Theo can manage without me for a while. I wanted to hear your voice.”

  Alex tried not to read anything into that. It was the sort of thing Lucas said all the time. He was a naturally affectionate person. It didn’t mean what she wanted it to mean.

  “How do you like the weighted blanket?” Lucas asked. “Be honest.”

  Alex rolled her eyes even though he couldn’t see her. “Why are you talking to my mom all the time? You need to stop talking to her about me.”

  They’d had this conversation before. A lot of times, actually. Alex’s mom was always talking to Lucas and texting with him. The two of them conspired behind Alex’s back, sharing intelligence and making plans that Alex only found out about after the fact.

  Like when her mother had come to Houston for Alex’s birthday. She’d wanted to surprise Alex, but Lucas had talked her out of that, thank god. But he’d pried all sorts of information out of Alex beforehand, being very sly about it, then turned around and fed it all to her mother. Like what restaurant to make reservations at for her birthday dinner, and which store in the Galleria to get her a gift certificate to. And then Alex’s mother had suggested Lucas come with her to surprise Alex, which he’d done, and actually it had all been really sweet and pretty much the best birthday ever, even if Lucas had stayed in a hotel and there’d been no chance for them to spend any time alone together with her mom around.

  But Alex still didn’t like to think of her mother and Lucas talking so much. If Lucas was going to talk to anyone, it should be Alex, not her mother. She was actually jealous, which was ridiculous, but Alex was jealous of anyone who got more of Lucas than she did. And her mother got to see Lucas all the time, since she recommended his dad’s company to all her real estate clients in need of a contractor.

  Also, it made it hard to confide in either of them, because Alex couldn’t be certain they wouldn’t share the information with each other. Which was why she hadn’t told her mother about her plans yet. Alex hadn’t told anyone, because she hadn’t wanted Lucas to find out until it was certain.

  She’d been afraid that if he knew what she was doing, he might try to talk her out of it. She hoped not. She hoped he’d be happy about it and supportive. But there was a small voice of doubt in the back of her mind that couldn’t help worrying he wouldn’t react the way she hoped.

  She was going to tell him soon though, because it was all a done deal now. She’d tell him the big news the next time she saw him again, which would be the day after tomorrow when she finally went home.

  Alex was moving back to Beaufort. For good.

  She’d taken a job as the Sea View Hotel’s new events manager. It was the perfect job for her—pretty much exactly what she was doing now, organizing conferences and workshops and special occasion events, but on the hotel side instead of the client side.

  Alex was excited to be moving back home. Funny to think that ten years ago she couldn’t wait to get away from the island, and now she couldn’t wait to go back.

  It wasn’t that she was unhappy in Houston, exactly. Houston was fine, just like Austin had been fine. But she wasn’t especially happy either.

  It had taken her a while to realize it. All those things she’d thought she wanted for herself—a big-city career and a big-city social life—she’d had as much of all that as she wanted. It was fine and everything, but it hadn’t actually been all that fulfilling when it came right down to it.

  For the first time in her adult life, she missed home. She no longer felt the same burning need to get out from under her mother’s thumb, now that she’d made her own way in the world and her mother had learned how to treat her like an adult. Alex actually thought it might be nice to live closer to her family. Well, her mom, anyway.

  Beaufort wasn’t a complete backwater—it actually had a huge Pride Parade every summer—and these days Alex had more friends there than here. Gabby had just moved back to teach orchestra at the middle school, and Linh was planning to practice at one of the vet clinics on the island after she finished her clinical rotation year. Farley had moved back home earlier this year to work at his dad’s firm (although he still hadn’t passed the bar exam), and Chris had gotten his real estate license and was turning out to be one of Alex’s mom’s biggest competitors.

  It wasn’t like Alex was leaving much behind here in Houston. The job in Beaufort was just as good as her job here—better even, in a way, because she’d only be working at one venue, which would make it easier. She’d made a few friends here through work, but none she felt especially close to, and her dating life could best be summed up in one word: unsatisfying.

  None of the friends she’d made
meant as much to her as her friends back home. None of the people she’d dated had been as special as Lucas.

  Yes, okay, maybe this move had something to do with Lucas.

  Alex couldn’t keep herself from hoping that maybe they could have a future together. But it would definitely never happen as long as she was living in another city. At least this way they might have a chance.

  Even if they didn’t—even if Lucas never felt that way about her again—at least she’d have his friendship. That was a lot. A not-inconsiderable gift. It was worth the move, if it meant she got her best friend back in her life.

  “Is there anything you need?” Lucas asked. “For your cold, I mean. Do you need soup or tissues or anything?”

  “That’s sweet but what are you gonna do, have it delivered to me?”

  “Well, yeah.”

  “On Christmas Day? I don’t think any of the delivery services are open today.”

  “I could bring it when I bring your present.”

  “What are you talking about? You’re not coming here. Are you?” Alex got up and started pacing around her small apartment, which was a mess.

  Lucas didn’t say anything. There was nothing on his end but silence, and for a second she thought they’d been disconnected.

  “Lucas? Are you there?”

  “I’m here,” he said finally.

  Was it her imagination, or did he sound out of breath?

  “Where are you?” she asked, trying not to let herself hope, because that would be ridiculous. He was back on the island with his family. He’d never drive two hours to Houston on Christmas Day just to see her when she was sick.

  “Open your door,” Lucas said.

  Alex was already halfway there. She practically leaped the last few steps and threw the door open.

  Lucas stood on the threshold grinning at her. “Merry Christmas. I’m your present.”

  Alex’s mouth fell open. “But you—how—why?” She was too stunned to form complete sentences.