Damaged

by Miley Maine

It was logical. Business-like. There didn’t have to be anything sentimental about it. Just another day of work.

  We were meeting pretty early in the morning, around 6:30 am, as the school was an hour and a half away from Disney World and the theme park opened at 8:00 am. I was tired, but I had had my coffee and so the journey wasn’t too bad.

  As I pulled up, I saw that the students were already lined up and the person who I assumed was their teacher was taking attendance. I parked, and then got out of my car and walked over to where she was.

  She turned in surprise as soon as she noticed me. “Are you Mr. Eldrige?”

  “Yes, and you are?”

  “Emma. Emma Richards.”

  The name was pretty and it suited her greatly. She almost had the look of a Disney princess around her, like Snow White. Her skin was pale, her eyes were a shimmering blue, her hair was dark and fell from her bun in a way that framed her face perfectly, and her lips and cheeks were a perfect rosy red.

  But from the way that she held herself, I could tell that she wasn’t exactly conscious of what great beauty she held. That was better as she probably wouldn’t try to use it on me.

  “Lovely to meet you, Ms. Richards. Are you the teacher of this class?”

  She nodded. “Yes, and we also have our lab science teacher Ms. Adelberg and one of her permanent subs, Mrs. Ndala.” She pointed to the two other teachers, a younger mousey looking one who I assumed was Ms. Adelberg and a slightly older dark beauty who had to be Mrs. Ndala judging by the wedding ring on her finger.

  “A pleasure to meet all of you as well,” I said, nodding at the two of them. I then turned to the students. “As you’ve probably guessed, I’m Mr. Eldrige. I’m sponsoring this trip and want you all to have a great time, so please don’t hesitate to ask me if there’s anything in particular that you would like.”

  “Mr. Eldrige has been very generous,” Ms. Richards said, piping up. “I think a big thank you is in order.”

  “Thank you Mr. Eldrige!” the students all said, more or less in unison.

  “Now, we have to get going,” Ms. Richards said, looking down at her watch. It was a slim little pink thing, very pretty on her wrist. “Everyone get on the bus, one line, let’s go!”

  Chattering excitedly, the students filed onto the bus and took their seats. Then the teachers entered and finally, I was last.

  At first, I wasn’t exactly sure where I wanted to sit. But Ms. Richards was currently sitting alone and I realized that I wanted to know more about her. The program that she was currently teaching at the school intrigued me greatly and I found myself wanting to know even more.

  So I sat down next to her in the front of the bus and turned to her with a smile.

  “I hope you don’t mind if I sit with you,” I said.

  “No, not at all Mr. Eldrige.”

  “You can just call me Vincent.”

  “Then you should call me Emma,” she said, sounding a little shy. Indeed, there seemed to be a bit more of a flush to her cheeks now, but perhaps it was just the lighting inside of the bus.

  “Alright, Emma. I look forward to getting to know you,” I said. “I find what you do quite interesting and I’d love to know more about it.”

  “Of course!” Her face lit up. This was obviously something that she cared about a lot. The bus hummed to life beneath us and the driver started to slowly pull out of the school parking lot. I tried to keep my breathing calm. I didn’t want her to notice that I was nervous.

  “I never planned to have a job like this.” She let out a little laugh. “I thought I would be working in a clinic or maybe with the government, something like that. I studied social work and art therapy in college as I’ve always loved art and wanted to be able to help others. I knew that I wanted to work with kids, but I didn’t exactly know how to go about it.

  “One of my teachers found out that they were looking for a new art teacher for the program at this school and she ended up recommending me. When I was first approached I didn’t actually know if I was going to be able to take it. I love to do a lot of painting and reading, and I knew that I needed money to continue doing what I love. But they worked with me to make sure I could maintain a quality of life that I wanted, so I accepted.

  “I actually teach the whole school art, but these are the kids that come to me regularly. Every other school day they get an hour with me to do art. It helps me to get close to them without interrupting their regular learning. That way, I can begin to help them work through some of the things that they are dealing with.”

  As she talked, her whole face glowed. She had such enthusiasm about the whole thing that it made me admire her. It made me want to listen closely to know more about exactly how it was that she taught her class or got close to her students.

  “That’s amazing,” was all I could say, as I feared anything else would come off a little overbearing.

  “Thank you,” she said. “What about you? All I’ve really heard is that you own a law firm.”

  I sighed. Unlike her, my job was not something that really brought me joy. Instead, it was a distraction from the sorrows I had experienced.

  “It was never really my choice, but my parents started it,” I explained.

  “Did they push you to take over?”

  I shook my head. “Not exactly. They died when I was young and I felt a sense of duty to carry on what they had created, so I went to law school. It wasn’t my favorite thing, but at least I was good at it.”

  She looked down as if embarrassed that she had pressed me. “Oh, I’m sorry.”

  “Don’t apologize, Emma. It’s not as if it was your fault. “Besides—” I stretched out slightly in the seat. “—I wouldn’t share that with you if I didn’t feel comfortable to.”

  “Thank you, then,” she said. “For sharing, that is.”

  There was a beat of silence, then, “Do you mind if I ask another question?”

  “Depends what it is.”

  “Why did you choose Disney World as a way to honor your son?”

  “Ahh….” I looked off into the distance, feeling the thoughts come back into my mind. They felt more invasive now and I found I couldn’t quiet them.

  Maybe Genevieve had been right and I needed to sit with my thoughts. I had pushed them away for so long that I didn’t know how to deal with them now.

  She was always right, of course. It was just one of those things about her.

  “I’m sorry, please don’t feel pressured to answer,” Emma said, breaking me out of my thoughts. “I know it must still be fresh. I just thought it might help me to understand the situation better.”

  Maybe it was because she was trained in art therapy. Maybe it was because she was so incredibly beautiful. Maybe it was because her mannerisms reminded me a bit of Maya. Perhaps it was none of those things at all, and it was just that I finally felt the need to open up and share these feelings with someone.

  “If you want to know the truth, it was because he always wanted to go.”

  “To Disney World?”

  “Yes. His name was Gavin and he was four years old when he died. His mother passed after giving birth to him, so he was the only thing I had left. He begged and begged to go to Disney World, so I decided I would take him for his fourth birthday, just the two of us.

  “We never ended up making it there. We were on the freeway when a car came speeding up behind us out of nowhere and collided with the back of our car. It was too fast for me to do anything. And though I had made sure that he was oh-so-carefully strapped into his car seat, his little neck snapped on impact.

  “I think the only consolation I have is that he probably felt no pain, no fear either. He was asleep when it happened. And now he’s up in heaven with his mother and his grandparents.

  “I wanted to give someone what he never got to have. I think he would have wanted that, for people to smile. He was like his mother in that way.”

  There was a wetness in my eyes, but I wasn’t crying. No, I
wasn’t crying yet. Though there were plenty of things to cry about all I felt was a sense of relief as Emma listened to me, nodding. It felt as if a weight was lifting off my chest.

  She reached out, putting one gentle hand on my shoulder.

  “That’s a lot for one man,” she said.

  I laughed at the thought of that. Someone else was seeing how unfair it was that all this had happened to me.

  “Thank you for sharing that.”

  “Thank you for listening,” I said. “It’s been a while since someone’s done that.”

  She shrugged. “It’s kind of my job. I’m always willing to listen. Sometimes that’s all we need, to tell someone else what we’re going through. Of course, more often than not, there’s a lot more needed. But having someone to listen is the first step.

  “That’s how I get my students to open up. I ask them small questions first, and then I just let them talk as much as they need to, making sure that the space is safe for them. It’s worked wonders and their foster families thank me all the time for helping them adapt.”

  “Well thank you, I think that helped a little,” I said with a laugh, still trying to brush my feelings off.

  “I hope so,” she said, then turned to look out the window. “You know, I’ve never actually been to Disney World.”

  “Neither have I. I always saw it as something that kids did with their parents, so I never went.

  “Then this will be a new experience for the both of us,” she said, turning back to look at me. “Don’t worry about figuring out what you want to do. The kids will inevitably drag us around.”

  I found myself actually looking forward to it. It would be fun to spend more time with Emma, to learn what she was about and what she liked to do. I just hoped it was enough to keep my mind from wandering too much.

  Chapter Five

  Emma

  Vincent and I spent the entire day together. At some point I had expected him to wander off, maybe take time to grieve the fact that his son had never gotten to experience this magical place, but he stayed with our group instead.

  There were definitely times when he was quiet or seemed to be looking off into some faraway space, but he still stayed with us. Or, more accurately, he stayed with me.

  He was always at my side, pointing off into the distance to make some humorous comment or watching as I tried my best to wrangle the children.

  We were all wearing Mickey Mouse ears that the whole group had gotten right after entering the park.

  Vincent had insisted on getting a pair for me and the other teachers as well, so then I had turned the tables and told him that if we had to wear them, he also had to get a pair. If nothing else, it would be a good souvenir of the day.

  To my surprise, and slight embarrassment, he had gotten a pair that matched the Minnie Mouse ears I had picked out. He said it was so we would be easily recognizable to our group, but I couldn’t help but feel a fluttering in my chest knowing that we were matching.

  He continued to be generous throughout the day, buying the other two groups gift cards that he could refill from his phone before we separated so that they could buy whatever snacks or souvenirs they might want.

  It seemed so strange to me, the fact that he could pay for all of this without a second thought. Just how rich was this man?

  I would have to do a search on him when I got home. Nothing too invasive, obviously. I was just curious and I didn’t know if I would ever see him again after today.

  We met up with the other two groups for lunch, and then dinner, and then it was time for all fourteen of us to head to the fireworks show.

  The children were all full by now, their fingers sticky from cotton candy and their bags filled with souvenirs and plush toys. A few of them had changed into costumes that Vincent had bought for them upon their request. We had quite a few pictures that we would be emailing to their foster families of them and the various characters.

  Vincent stayed close beside me as we found a place to watch the show, the children chattering excitedly about what they had done that day and showing each other the things they had bought.

  “Are you cold?” Vincent asked, leaning over to whisper in my ear. I couldn’t help but shiver. “I could lend you my jacket.”

  I pulled my own jacket tighter around me. “I think I’ll be fine, thank you, though.”

  “Just let me know, I don’t want you shivering,” Vincent said with a wink. “That wouldn’t paint me as the gentleman now, would it?”

  “I guess not, but I don’t see the problem. I already see you as a gentleman.”

  “Is that so?” He looked quite pleased with himself.

  “I mean, you’ve given this wonderful experience to the kids that they never would have gotten otherwise, and you’ve been so generous. Even just taking time to come with us.”

  He fell silent. “Maybe. I wanted to see what my son wanted so badly, experience what he didn’t get to. Part of that is selfish, I guess. Maybe, I’m just filling a void.”

  “I don’t think it’s selfish at all—” I had more that I was going to say to him, but at that moment a large boom caught my attention and I saw that the fireworks were going off above our heads.

  They were beautiful, and so close. So many colors intertwining together, sparkling in the night sky and leaving ghostly impressions behind for several seconds.

  I didn’t realize that I had stepped closer to Vincent until he put his arm around me. I looked over to see that he was watching the show, a faint smile on his face.

  I imagined that he was thinking about his son again, wondering if he would have liked this fireworks show. I wanted to comfort him, but I realized that I was probably doing the most I could just by being there next to him while he was processing things.

  “They’re beautiful,” I said, almost under my breath, as I turned back to look at the fireworks again.

  “Yes...beautiful,” Vincent said and I got the sense that it was me he was looking at and not the fireworks.

  After the show, we all made our way to the front, where the bus was waiting for us. I sat next to Vincent again, and the children’s chatter died down as some of them began to fall asleep, exhausted from their day.

  I was beginning to feel in a similar state and I wished that I could fall asleep like them, but I didn’t want to be inappropriate.

  I was still a little shaken by the fact that Vincent had actually put his arm around me while we were watching the show. It made me aware of how much I really was attracted to him.

  Part of it was definitely his looks. He was handsome, in an old money European sort of way. His cheekbones were high, his eyes were dark, and his black hair was slicked back in a way that framed his face elegantly.

  But there was a large part of my attraction that had nothing to do with his looks. He was so generous and his tragic story had touched me. The whole way that he had approached today, how he had opened up to me. It all just made me more and more attracted to him. I could feel my heart beating fast whenever I was around him.

  I realized that this was inappropriate, so I tried to force these feelings away. I definitely wanted to be friends with him, that much was evident, but I knew that anything more would be taking advantage of his vulnerable state. He was still processing his loss and he didn’t need the pressure of romantic relationships during that time.

  It was as I was thinking about this that the movement of the bus slowly lulled me to sleep and I found myself drifting sideways until my head rested against Vincent’s shoulder. He didn’t move me and I was too tired to process what was happening, so I stayed there.

  When the bus got back, Vincent woke me up by gently shaking me awake.

  “Emma, Emma, we’re back,” he said.

  I jolted up, realizing what it was that I had done, where I had been sleeping. “I’m so sorry.”

  He looked at me quizzically. “There’s no need to apologize. I can understand that the day was exhausting. Are you going to be okay to get home
?”

  I nodded. I was wide awake now, mostly from the embarrassment of having fallen asleep on his shoulder.

  “Yeah, I’ll be fine. Don’t worry about me.”

  “Okay, come on then, let’s get up.”

  The bus was empty as the children were already out and being handed off to their foster families. Vincent and I exited last and the bus driver gave us a wink, much to my mortification.

  “I had a good day with you,” Vincent said. “Thank you for listening to me.”

  “Of course. Thank you for this, all of it,” I said with a smile. “It wouldn’t have happened without you.”

  Vincent was quiet then and I felt that maybe that was the wrong thing to say. He had to be thinking about his son again.

  “Yeah. Goodnight Emma.”

  “Goodnight,” I said as he turned away to head back to his car.

  Stupid stupid, I thought to myself. Why had I done that? Couldn’t I have stayed awake for the rest of the ride home? Or at least fallen asleep against something else? But instead, I had to embarrass myself and make Vincent uncomfortable on top of that.

  “Is there something going on between the two of you?” Ms. Adelberg asked, stopping me in my tracks as I turned to walk to my car.

  “I don’t think so, he’s just nice,” I said, giving her a smile. I hoped that the dark was enough to cover up the blush on my cheeks.

  “Nonsense, I saw the way he looked at you, the way he spoke to you. I think he likes you.”

  “Maybe, but you know that would be unprofessional and I’m not looking for that kind of relationship right now,” I said, brushing off her thoughts, and walked over to my car.

  I didn’t want to talk to her, or anyone else for that matter, about what had just happened. I just wanted to get home and distract myself as best I could.

  I sighed and turned the key, making the engine rev to life beneath me. With careful movements, I pulled the car out of the parking lot and out onto the road that would lead me back to my apartment.

  Once I had parked in my space, I hurried to my door, unlocking it and then locking it behind me and dropping my bag, letting myself slump against the door.