Long Haul- The Complete Series Bundle

by Harper Logan

  “Daddy, it’s not good to lie,” she huffed.

  “Why do you think I’m lying?” he asked.

  “Because… Because I just know.” She looked down in that sheepish way she always did when she was hiding something. He frowned.

  “April.”

  “Because I can tell. And... And…” Suddenly she looked like she was about to cry. “Promise not to be mad?”

  He didn’t know what there could possibly be to get mad about, but he said, “Honey, you know what I always say to that.”

  “You can promise not to be mad, but you can’t promise not to be upset.”

  “That’s right.”

  She sniffed. “Daddy, there’s the box in your room, and the box was open, so I looked inside and saw the letters, and I read one and I’m sorry I read it.”

  He sighed. He wasn’t upset with her, but he was mad at himself for leaving the letter so accessible. He’d never wanted to burden April with his problems, especially ones so complicated.

  “Thank you for telling me,” he said. “You shouldn’t go through people’s things without asking them. I forgive you, honey. I’m not upset.”

  “I’m sorry, Daddy. I won’t do it again.”

  “So, you read one of the letters, huh?”

  Which one? It didn’t really matter, since all of them pretty much all of them contained that same basic truth. The question was, did she actually understand what she’d read? And how could he explain this to her?

  “I read all of them.”

  He nearly swerved the truck off the road. “All of them?!”

  “I’m sorry, Daddy,” she said quietly.

  He had to laugh. If anything, he was proud of her for her ability to read through all of them. “No, honey. I’m just surprised, is all. That’s one heck of a pile of scribbles for a five-year-old to read.”

  “Daddy?”

  “Yeah?”

  “Are you in love with Adrian? Like how you used to love Mommy?”

  A fist of pain grabbed his heart and squeezed it. He was silent in thought for a moment, trying to figure out what to say to his little girl, who was obviously even sharper than he realized. He looked into the rear-view mirror, and saw her patiently looking back at him. He could see parts of Julia in her face, and sometimes he worried that April would develop the same weaknesses her mother had. He didn’t like to think that way. As terrible a person as she was, Julia was also responsible for giving him the joy of his life, and because of that he could never hate her.

  “No, honey,” he said softly. “No… I love him a whole lot more than I did your mother.”

  He turned the truck into the complex, and the two of them walked hand in hand to the apartment. Chandler didn’t think he’d ever seen his daughter look so contemplative before. Her forehead was crinkled in thought, and her eyes were bright and shining. Neither of them had spoken another word. He was worried about how she’d taken what he’d said.

  He picked April up and plopped her on the couch, and then sat down on the floor in front of her. “It’s a lot to take in,” he said. “I know it’s difficult to understand… Sometimes I don’t get it either. A man ain’t supposed to love another man, but it happened to me, and I don’t got any control of it.”

  She shook her head. “No, Daddy. It’s not difficult to understand at all. If you’re in love with Adrian, that’s okay. There’s nothing wrong with that.”

  He really hadn’t expected to hear her say that. It was like he was getting battered in the ring, and April was the one delivering the punches!

  “W-well, honey, I… A man is…” Chandler stammered, trying to find the words to justify his position, but he couldn’t come up with anything. Why was it wrong for a man to feel that way about another man? He hadn’t ever really asked himself that question, he’d just always believed it. “Who taught you that?” he ended up asking.

  She shrugged. “I don’t know. I just think so.”

  “You just think so,” he repeated.

  Any of the apologetic tone that’d been there in the truck was now gone. Now she was giving him a lecture. “Life can be so much more if you’re in love with someone.”

  “That right?” he said smiling, amazed at his clever little girl. “And you just thought that up, too?”

  “No,” she said, shaking her head. “Princess Anna said that.”

  “Right.” One of her Disney lessons, apparently.

  “Why did Adrian leave, Daddy?” she asked.

  “He had to go home, honey.”

  “But if you are in love, why didn't he stay?”

  “Just doesn’t work that way, April.”

  “The letters say you want to go to him.”

  Shit, he had written that, hadn’t he?

  “Yeah… Well, Adrian asked if we wanted to move out to where he lives. But Daddy had to say no.”

  “Why?”

  “Because it’s too much of a risk. Daddy’s got a job here, and we got this nice apartment. You’ll be starting school soon, so I gotta make sure we’re all taken care of. Understand?”

  “No.”

  “Honey, well… We ain’t the richest family in the world. It costs money to move across the country. And it ain’t easy for Daddy to get a new job.”

  “Why not?”

  “It’s just the way the world is, honey.”

  She frowned. “That doesn’t make sense. We should move there. If you’re in love then you should be together. You should get married and live happily ever after.”

  Chandler was touched by his daughter’s judgement-free enthusiasm. “I wish it were possible,” he confessed.

  “We should go, Daddy! Let’s go see Adrian!”

  “April…”

  She took his right hand into hers and shook it up and down as she bounced excitedly on the couch. “We have to, Daddy. Remember Mr. Craven?”

  “Yeah,” he said.

  In The Secret Garden, Mr. Craven buried the key to his wife’s walled garden after she tragically died. During their bedtime readings of the book, April always expressed her sympathies for Mr. Craven’s situation.

  “He was so sad when his wife died,” she said. “He was all alone, and so sad. I don’t want you to be sad, Daddy. So we need to go.”

  “Thank you, honey,” he said, kissing her on the forehead and fighting away tears. “I know how you feel, but just try to understand why we can’t.”

  He knew he couldn’t expect her to understand the reasons why they couldn’t just up and leave, but at the same time… Her innocent idealism offered a perspective he hadn’t considered—or was just too afraid to consider.

  She looked away, disappointed. Then her eyes flashed and she sat up, excited. “I know! We can send a letter! We can send a letter telling Adrian how you feel!”

  “Aw, honey… I don’t think so.”

  “Don’t be scared, Daddy. Don’t be scared. We can do it together.”

  Her words were like a jolt of electricity to his body, and a shiver ran from his toes up to the top of his head. He was scared, and had been since the moment he first found himself helplessly attracted to Adrian. He’d buried away the key to the garden of his love for Adrian, unwilling to let anyone inside, even himself.

  Chandler stared at the floor. It was time to stop being so afraid. He had to, because not only was his fear keeping him from the love of his life, it was hurting his little girl. It was keeping them in this place with no future. It didn’t matter if the shop didn’t work out with Adrian, he would find a way to support them. He’d work all day and all night if he had to.

  “Daddy?” she asked, worried.

  “You’re sharp as tack, you know that?” he said softly. “You know how proud your daddy is of you?” He squeezed his arms around her. “I’ll be brave for you, honey.”

  Her eyes glittered hopefully. “You’re gonna send a letter?”

  April’s urging was the final push he’d needed. He knew what he had to do, and that same stubbornness that’d kept
him from doing it for so long was now going to drive him forward.

  “No, honey,” he said. “Better.”

  11

  Of course he knew that what he was hoping to see wouldn’t be there, but he had to check anyway. Adrian opened the mailbox and peered inside, only to find a postcard from a local landscaping company offering up their services. He shut the door without even bothering to clear it out.

  After locking up the shop, he hopped into his truck and headed to the store to pick up some groceries for Mom. He figured he would cook dinner and spend the night at the house. He was used to being alone, but the solitude had been getting to him. Not only that, but he had to get something off of his chest. It had weighed on him for too long, and he’d decided that it was time Mom knew about it.

  “Jesus, Adrian, you look like shit,” Mom said when she opened the door for him. “Or are you purposely growing it out?”

  He touched his growth of beard and shrugged. “Just forgot to shave. I brought you groceries.” He brought the bags into the kitchen and started to unpack them into the fridge. “I’ll cook, Mom.”

  “Adrian,” she said from the kitchen doorway. “Is everything okay?”

  “Yeah, just haven’t shaved, that’s all. I’m going to take a shower. I think I’m going to stay over tonight.”

  “Okay...”

  He went upstairs, undressed and took a shower. Afterwards, he stood in front of the mirror and examined his grizzled reflection. It was a few days growth, and she was right, he did look like shit. He missed Chandler so goddamn much. It was like there was a void in his heart that was growing larger every day, and there was nothing he could do to stop it because the only thing that would fix it would be to hold Chandler in his arms again.

  He shaved, and went back to the kitchen to make dinner. Mom sat in the living room, watching TV with a glass of wine. “A little better,” she said, coming over to him. “But my god, Adrian. Those bags. You haven’t been sleeping well?”

  “Not really,” he admitted.

  “It must be stressful, running the shop all by yourself. You still aren’t looking into hiring anyone?”

  “It’s not really the shop, Mom,” he said.

  “What is it?”

  He chewed his lip. “You got any more of that wine?”

  They returned to the living room, and Adrian downed nearly the entire glass in one gulp. Mom stared, but said nothing.

  “Mom, I’m in love with a man.” He said it plainly, his voice shaking just slightly.

  She blinked and swallowed. “You’re… in love with a man,” she repeated, like it had come out of left field. And it had—he’d never given any indication that he was attracted to men. He’d had a girlfriend, and as far as she knew, he was straight as the side of a doorframe.

  “Yes,” he said. “I guess I’m gay. Or bisexual, I don’t know. I don’t know about any of those labels. I’m attracted to women too, but no one in my entire life has gotten me like this guy has.”

  “Adrian, you can be whatever the hell you want to be. You know I’ll love you no matter what.”

  “Thanks, Mom.”

  “So, this man is what’s causing you to lose sleep?”

  He sighed and nodded. “It’s the army buddy I told you about. That’s where this whole shit show started. I hadn’t seen him in years, but my trucking job took me through his town, and I found him again. Turned out, nothing had changed. Now every day I wish that I hadn’t done that, because I might’ve had a chance at moving on with my life if I hadn’t seen him again. But now I can’t stop thinking about him.”

  Mom rubbed his back and his hair. “Oh, sweetheart,” she said.

  “He’s got this amazing little girl, Mom. Smartest kid you’d ever meet, and she’s only four. I wanted them to move out here. I was hoping we could start a life together, because it was so obvious that we were meant to be with each other. Nothing we’d felt had gotten any weaker during the time we’d been apart. That’s how I knew. It could be a chance for a better life for April. Better than anything that dead end town could provide.” He shook his head. “I don’t understand how he could be so blind. Fucking stubborn.”

  “You two have been fighting about it?”

  “We agreed to end it after I left Everetteville. I haven’t spoken to him since.”

  “Does he still love you?”

  “I don’t know.” No, that was a lie. Deep in his heart, he knew the answer. “Yeah. Probably.”

  “Then what are you doing fucking around for?” she said. “You’re here wearing yourself out about it when there’s a clear solution to your problem.”

  “We agreed, Mom.”

  “Screw your agreement. Besides, if he’s as stubborn as you say, then don’t you think he’s probably thinking the same thing as you?”

  “I don’t know.”

  “I don’t know, I don’t know. Since when were you so indecisive? You need to contact him, or else you’ll regret it. You know your father almost let me slip through his fingers?”

  “Dad? What happened?”

  “I was planning on leaving for university in Oregon, so we broke up. Your dad waited until the last minute to ask me to go to Beasley University instead. He told me was in love with me, and that he couldn’t imagine life without me. I didn’t tell a soul this, but I was hoping he would ask me to stay. I’d just about given up on him when he did ask.”

  “Why didn’t you just tell him yourself?”

  “I didn’t want to be the one to ask,” she said. “It wouldn’t have been romantic.”

  Adrian laughed. “So if he hadn’t said anything, you two wouldn’t have been together?”

  “Who knows. Maybe not. I wouldn’t have waited around for him.” She smiled. “Kidding.”

  “I miss him.”

  “Me too. Every day. So don’t miss out on your chance with this one. Your father would tell you the same.”

  They hugged. “Thanks, Mom.”

  The two of them cooked dinner together, and Adrian felt surprisingly light. He was glad he’d finally told Mom about Chandler. Keeping it all to himself had worn on him more than he had realized. And now he felt clear about what he had to do. He would write to Chandler and tell him how he felt. Everything after that would be left to fate. If Chandler still refused him, then he would just have to live with that. It would be painful, but at least he’d have the knowledge that he tried. At least then, he might be able to move on.

  That night, he lay awake in his old bedroom unable to fall asleep. What could he say to him? What could he write? He thought of what felt like hundreds of possibilities—long expressions of everything he felt for him, lists of why moving to Rosebridge was a good idea, and even just plain begging.

  When he finally did sleep, he dreamed of Chandler. It wasn’t unusual to dream about him; it happened nearly every night. What was different this time though, was that the ever-present ache in his heart was joined by something else—hope. Hope that maybe, just maybe, they might see each other again.

  12

  Lexie wore a sad smile on her face as she watched Chandler collect his final paycheck. “Leaving me all alone with these crazies,” she said.

  “Are you mad?” he asked.

  “No. No, I’m happy for you. I just wish I could do the same.”

  “I don’t know. Who knows? This all might be a big mistake and you might see me come crawling back. He doesn’t even know I’m coming. Shit, I don’t even know if he’s gonna be there. He could be driving his truck through California right now.”

  “I don’t understand why you couldn’t just contact him first.”

  Chandler shook his head. “I just need to jump in. I don’t want to give myself any excuses to change my mind.”

  “Stubborn as always.”

  He put the envelope with his check into his back pocket. “I wouldn’t complain if you came out there too. It’d be nice to have a friend in town. April would be happy about it too. She’ll be starting school in a few m
onths.”

  “When do you leave?”

  “Tomorrow, crack of dawn. Got a long drive ahead of us.”

  “Well, come here.” She held out her arms and Chandler wrapped her up in a tight hug.

  “Goodbye, Lexie. Hopefully this ain’t the last we see of one another.”

  “Don’t make me miss you more than I already will. Get on out of here.”