Brighter Shades of Light

by Jaclyn Osborn

  “Sorry,” Tristen said, once we were at the building. “Didn’t mean to piss you off.”

  “Hey.” I touched his arm and waited for him to look at me. “I’m not pissed at you. Nothing’s going on with me and Dr. Vale, but is it bad of me to wish there was? Like, I really like him.”

  “Yeah, it’s kinda bad, Cody. He’s your professor.”

  “I know.” My heart dropped into my stomach as I joined the other midshipmen who were lined up for morning accountability. Tristen stood beside me, appearing way more alert than anyone had right to be that early. “He doesn’t feel the same, anyway.”

  “Oh my Christ. You’ve actually hit on him?”

  “Yeah. But he didn’t return it. It’s one-sided.”

  Or maybe Dr. Vale didn’t know how to go about it. Because I got the feeling he felt what I did between us.

  Gunnery Sergeant Colgrove was in charge of physical training this morning, and after everyone’s name was called, we went outside to the green. We stretched and prepared for whatever exertion we were about to put our bodies through. The chilly air stung at first, but I wouldn’t notice it after a while.

  “Suicides today,” Colgrove said.

  Tristen groaned. “God help us all.”

  “You’ll live.” I cracked a smile.

  I loved doing suicides. It was basically nonstop running, working on speed and agility. Everybody lined up at the starting point on the track, some stretching their arms and others bouncing in place, getting amped up.

  Tristen took a stance beside me and furrowed his brow.

  “Try to keep up,” I said.

  “Fuck you.”

  “Go!” Gunnery Sergeant Colgrove shouted.

  I burst out of my starting position, taking the lead. My shoes skidded on the track, but I didn’t lose my balance. I ran ten yards and back to the starting position, then thirty yards and back. My legs burned by the time I reached fifty yards and back to start. The burn was my push not to give up.

  “Keep going!” Colgrove yelled.

  Tristen stayed a few paces behind me the whole time, and though he looked like he was about to fall over, he didn’t give up, either.

  After the first set of suicides, I jogged in place with the others who were done while we waited for the rest of the midshipmen to finish. We cheered them on, encouraging them to keep moving. Once everyone returned to the starting point, we took off again.

  Sprints weren’t as fun as long distance runs, but they helped get my blood pumping. The conversation with Tristen made me think of Dr. Vale, and I couldn’t get the sexy professor out of my head.

  Maybe it was pathetic, but I couldn’t wait to go to his class today. The thought of him helped push me harder, too.

  At the end of training, all the midshipmen formed a circle on the green and cooled down. We were a sweaty, stinky bunch. Marcus looked pissed, which was how he always appeared when worn out, and Keith looked like he was on death’s door.

  “How do you still look so perfect?” a sweat-drenched Tristen asked Rachel.

  “Because she’s Rachel,” Marcus said. “Girl always looks good.”

  “Aw, I’m flattered.” Rachel smiled and nudged Tristen’s foot. “But you boys can’t smell me right now.”

  After the workout, I showered in the PT building with a few of the others, since Tristen would be hogging ours. I washed and got out before changing into my outfit for the day and returning to the dorm.

  Tristen was in the living room when I got there, putting on his shoes. He seemed sad lately, and I didn’t know why.

  “What happened to that witch guy?” I asked, bumping his arm and trying to make him smile. “The one you thought wanted to put a hex on you?”

  “Ah, he’s dating some vampire-looking guy now,” he answered.

  “So, you’re telling me you got dumped for Edward Cullen?”

  Tristen laughed and grabbed his backpack. “I gotta go. Talk to you later.” He walked past me to the door and turned back around. “And try not to drool too much in Vale’s class.”

  I flipped him off.

  There was still an hour before class started, and I was starving. On PT days, it was too much of a hassle to cook, so I had started eating at the dining hall.

  I grabbed my bag and left the dorm, taking the stairs down into the lobby and heading outside to the next building over.

  The dining hall usually wasn’t as crowded for breakfast as it was for lunch and dinner, so I was able to scan my student ID and go inside right away. Most of the tables were empty, and it was so quiet I could actually hear the music playing. For the first few weeks, I hadn’t even known they played music.

  A head of blond hair caught my eye.

  Dr. Vale sat at a table at the far back of the room, staring out the window as he sipped coffee out of a white mug.

  I scooped scrambled eggs onto a plate and dropped a blueberry bagel into the toaster. As the bagel toasted, I poured a cup of coffee and added a ton of cream and sugar. Once I had everything, I walked over to him.

  “Good morning.”

  He looked up and blinked. “Cody.”

  Fuck, I loved when he said my name. I loved it even more that we were at school and he still said it. It took a few times to break the habit of him calling me by my last name.

  “Can I sit?”

  “Please.” He gestured to the empty seat.

  “What are you doing here so early?” I sat down and dove into the eggs, shoveling them into my mouth. PT mornings made me ravenous.

  Dr. Vale watched me with a slight tilt of his head, seemingly amused. “I’m always here early.”

  “Not in here, though. You never come to breakfast.”

  “True.”

  “It was for the amazing coffee, right?” I grinned and took a drink.

  “Possibly,” he said, not taking his eyes off me.

  Something told me the coffee had nothing to do with it.

  The last time we’d met at Brewed Emporium, I mentioned I ate at the dining hall each morning. But it seemed too much like wishful thinking for that to be the reason he was here.

  “Going over today’s lecture notes?” I nodded to the journal in front of him. It appeared to be the same one he’d had the other time I saw him in the dining hall. The binding was red, and it was worn around the edges.

  “No, this isn’t for class.” He closed the journal and pushed it aside, almost protectively. There was no writing on the front.

  “What’s it for?”

  “It’s…” Dr. Vale pressed his lips together. “Personal.”

  “Like a diary?”

  He opened his mouth to answer but took a drink of coffee instead.

  We’d spent quite a bit of time together over the past two weeks, but while I had shared a lot about my life, I still didn’t know much about him.

  “Are we friends?”

  “Pardon?”

  “Are we friends?” I repeated.

  “Well, we’re friendly. But you’re still my student.”

  “And the coffee dates?”

  “Dates?” He cleared his throat, looking suddenly awkward. “They’re not dates, Mr. Miller.”

  “Not romantic ones, no,” I said, tearing off a piece of my bagel and shoving it into my mouth. I might be ticked off, but I was still hungry. “The least you could do is admit we’re friends, though. We get along, and you seem to like being around me just like I enjoy being around you.”

  “Friends.” Dr. Vale said the word as though testing the way it sounded on his tongue. It hit me then that maybe he didn’t have any friends. “Perhaps we are.”

  Why did that make my stomach do flips?

  “Well, since we’re friends now, can you tell me what will be on the test this Friday?” I smirked when he pinned me with an incredulous stare.

  “Too clever for your own good.” A hint of a smile touched his lips. “A true friend wouldn’t let you take the easy way out.”

  I was glad he knew I was jok
ing.

  He drank more coffee, and I ate the rest of my food. The silence wasn’t bad, though. I glanced his way and was met with a small smile, which I returned. Dr. Vale was a man of few words, but being around him soothed me.

  I hadn’t even known I needed to be soothed.

  The air shifted between us when I looked up again and our gazes locked. The spark I’d felt earlier had grown past attraction and moved into something deeper. By the way he stared at me, I suspected he felt it, too.

  “I want us to go out again,” I said as an uncontrollable force went through me. I was tired of dancing around my feelings. Men never held my attention for so long. But he did. He’d held it from the very first time I saw him. “We can go to dinner at that new seafood restaurant that just opened up. I heard it’s pretty good and reasonably priced.”

  “I…” He adjusted his glasses and swallowed. “I don’t think that’s a good idea.”

  “Why not?”

  “Enjoy the rest of your breakfast, Mr. Miller.” He gathered his things and stood from the table.

  “You don’t have to leave.” I held his gaze. When conversation turned into something deeper, he bailed. On campus, at the coffee shop. “You’re always running away from me.”

  The last part was said more to myself.

  “Mr. Miller, we,” he paused to look around, “we probably shouldn’t see each other outside of class anymore.”

  “Why?” My chest hurt.

  Tristen wasn’t wrong in his earlier implication. I had become so defensive about it because I was thinking exactly the same. Dr. Vale could say we were meeting to talk about the TA position—one he still didn’t know if he’d even open, which told me it was bullshit from the start—but I knew better. The weekly tutoring sessions hid something deeper between us.

  “It’s become a routine we need to break,” he said.

  “That didn’t answer my question.” My heart thumped faster. “Are you afraid of something happening between us?”

  The question slipped out before I could stop it.

  He stared at me, emotionless. “See you in class.”

  ***

  Three days later, I was pissed. Well, more upset than pissed, but being mad was easier than being hurt.

  Dr. Vale had canceled our Tuesday tutoring session. Truth be told, I hadn’t needed the extra help for quite some time. Once I understood entropy, everything else became clearer. Having a one-on-one study session with him was amazing, but it wasn’t necessary. Apparently, he had picked up on that fact.

  In class, he scarcely looked at me. When I asked questions, his responses were straight to the point. When I approached him after class to say something—anything—he treated me just like any other student, lacking the warmth he once gave me. We had reverted to how we were prior to tutoring.

  And it was bullshit.

  Amphibious Warfare wasn’t holding my focus like it usually did. I enjoyed learning about the evolution of sea power and the innovations over the years. We discussed historical campaigns, too, which was interesting. But I was too down in the dumps to pay much attention.

  Gunnery Sergeant Colgrove taught the course. He stood at the front of the class, and I pretended to listen. Tristen nudged me a few times when Colgrove asked me a question.

  After the lecture, I left the room and began walking toward the math and science building. I caught myself. It had become a habit to go directly to Dr. Vale’s office after class.

  “See you in the dorm later?” Tristen asked.

  “Yeah.”

  He seemed concerned but hadn’t pressed me on the matter yet, which was good because I didn’t want to talk about it.

  Even though I wasn’t that hungry, I went to the dining hall. The place was crowded, and I had to squeeze my way through the line to grab a cheeseburger from the grill and a basket of salty fries. Spotting a booth near the wall, I plopped down in it and stared at my food, trying to find an appetite beneath the disappointment.

  I needed to pull myself together. Dr. Vale and I had never even been together.

  “Hey, cadet!” Brandon yelled from across the dining hall. He grabbed a tray and came toward me, a self-satisfied smirk in place. “Shouldn’t you be at your tutoring session? You have them on Thursdays, right?”

  “Not anymore.”

  Fuck you and your stupid-ass smirk, Brandon.

  “Oh, that’s too bad. Gotta admit, though, I’m happy I was wrong about you.”

  “What do you mean?”

  “With you being my competition in class,” he said, smug as ever. “First you failed the exam, and then you needed to be tutored. I hear a lot of your kind need help with their schoolwork, though. Too much time spent on building muscle and not enough on building intelligence.”

  “Look, Brandon.” I scrubbed my hands over my face, doing all I could not to hit him. “I know you’ve convinced yourself there’s some kinda rivalry between us, but honestly, I don’t give a shit. I just want to pass my classes and graduate.”

  “And suck up to Dr. Vale,” he said with a curled nose. “I know what game you’re playing, and it won’t work. He’s not impressed by your mediocre grades, so you can give up now.”

  Sometimes, the best thing to do was nothing. Even if I wanted to squash Brandon like a bug.

  I stood from the booth, grabbed my tray and dumped it in the trash, and left the dining hall. The run-in with Brandon pissed me off just enough that I wasn’t thinking clearly.

  Or maybe I was thinking crystal clear.

  I walked toward the math and science building across campus. On the way, I passed colorful trees and not even my shitty mood could keep me from taking the moment to appreciate them. The crisp October air was cool, but the sun was warm. I loved it.

  Not as much as I would love some goddamn answers, though, so I kept walking.

  Inside the building, I took the stairs up to the second floor and advanced down the hall. Dr. Vale’s office loomed closer and my feet carried me faster. I knew he was in there, and I wouldn’t leave until he talked to me.

  As I reached the door, I raised a hand and knocked.

  Then I realized how horribly this could go. He could get mad and kick me out of his class. I’d have to scramble around and figure out how to make up the course credit so I could still graduate next spring.

  Too late now.

  The door opened, and a disheveled Dr. Vale stood on the other side, his hair tousled and glasses slightly askew on his nose. God, he looked tired.

  “Hey, can we talk?”

  “Mr. Miller.” It took him a moment to focus on me. “What are you doing here? I thought I made it clear we weren’t meeting today.”

  “Yeah? Well I’m un-making it clear.”

  “What?” He blinked.

  “Okay, that didn’t make sense, I know. But we need to talk.” I stepped closer and said just loud enough for him to hear, “Unless you want me to make a scene in the hall?”

  He hesitated before opening the door wider. “Come in.”

  Chapter 13

  Sebastian

  Out of respect for him as my student, and out of fear of the repercussions if something happened between us, I had pushed Cody away all week. Emotions were messy, much like relationships. Probably why I tended to avoid both.

  As Cody stood in front of me, I knew I couldn’t avoid him any longer.

  Although I had kept my inappropriate thoughts to myself over the weeks we spent together, my feelings must have come through anyway—the desire I had pushed back; the line I had refused to cross.

  I didn’t have to cross it. Cody stepped over the line both literally—into my office—and metaphorically.

  “Mr. Miller,” I said, once the door closed. Tearing my gaze from him, I turned toward the desk and fixed my crooked glasses. My mind felt fuzzy. I had accidentally fallen asleep and woke up when Cody came knocking. “Have a seat.”

  “I don’t want to sit.” He walked closer. “I want to talk.”

 
“Very well.”

  “Look at me.”

  My gaze was fixed on the chair he refused to sit in. Slowly, I did as he said. A strange feeling coursed through me as I met his stare, a pull to him I had worked so hard to ignore. Why did it have to be a student? Not just a student, but one who would be leaving for the Marine Corps in a year.

  “Am I wrong in feeling like this?” he asked, his eyes wide and unsure.

  “Like what, Mr. Miller?”

  “Stop calling me that.” Cody moved even closer, causing me to back up into the desk. He stood a foot away, clenching his fists at his sides.

  “It’s your name, is it not?”

  His eyes narrowed, like a stormy sea crashing against jagged rocks. “I know what you’re doing. Pretending like you don’t care, when you really do.” The storm moved closer, invading the bubble I kept around myself. “I know you feel it, too.”

  My breath hitched, and I wanted to flee the room…but I also wanted to close the short distance between us. I did feel it. Yet, I wasn’t allowed to feel this way. It was wrong.

  “You should leave, Mr. Miller.”

  Cody didn’t move. “From the first day we met, I felt something with us. Even when you were trying not to kill me in the professors’ lounge, I sensed there was this unspoken thing between us.”

  I suppressed a smile at the memory. I had compared him to a gnat after that first meeting, buzzing around my head and annoying me when all I wanted was to be left alone.

  Things had certainly changed since then.

  “All the times after that—the random run-ins, the talks after class, and the chats during coffee—they mean something.” Finally, Cody moved, but it was closer to me instead of toward the door. So close I felt his body heat. “This thing that keeps pulling us together is getting stronger.”

  I stared at him, at a loss for words.

  “Tell me you don’t feel the same,” he whispered, his breath touching my lips. “Tell me you feel nothing for me, and I’ll leave.”

  “I…” My gaze flickered from his eyes to his mouth and back up again.