Return to Darkness

by Rebecca Royce

  Robby stared up at me, the smile gone, so I bounced him again. “That’s okay,” I said as I bounced. “We’re fine.”

  “Lacey Madison.” Mr. Chee spoke my name, and I tore my gaze from Robby’s.

  “Hey,” I greeted, and then because this world was pretty messed up and I didn’t have time to make this pretty, I went on, “Um. You fucked up big time.”

  He crossed his arms, staring at me as if such a thing were impossible, but I merely lifted an eyebrow. The proof was in the pudding—or standing in his kitchen—so to speak.

  “How did you get here?” he asked.

  “You,” I replied. “This?” I held the baby with both hands, so I circled my finger. “All this mess is you. You—not the you standing here—but the you I left behind—decided to travel through time and kill Erdirg. Because you did that, you created this reality. This super horrible reality where everyone I love is miserable.”

  He scoffed. “I don’t think that’s true.”

  The front door opened and shut, and Oliver strode through. He stared at me holding his nephew and then his dad. “What did I miss?” His face was sweaty, but he didn’t look like he was about to puke anymore.

  “Our father was just telling Lacey how happy everyone in this reality is.”

  Oliver snorted. “Oh yeah. I’m just living my best Oprah Winfrey life.”

  “Hold on.” Their father looked around. “We need to start over here. What happened?”

  I took a deep breath, and knowing I might need to be really adamant here which would require my hands free, I handed Aaron the baby. “In my reality, where I’m not dead, I got rid of Erdirg. Not you. Then I left. It was a decade before any of us would see each other again. Things did not go well with you and your kids, but they went on and lived very wonderful lives. Did big things. No one went to jail or took up cancer causing habits.” I shot Aaron a look. He grimaced. “Kelly does have kids, but she’s very happy. I guess you’d been obsessing over this for some time and decided that the moment it all went badly was the moment that I was the one who put the demon to sleep. You altered things. There was a time maneuver. You used these.” I put my hands out toward him so he could see the rocks. Or whatever they were. I didn’t really care about details right then.

  He stared at them and his mouth fell open. “Fuck.”

  I could see he recognized them. Oliver walked up and past him, grabbing a beer from the fridge. “Where’s Mom?”

  “Doing yoga.” His father had still not taken his eyes off the stone-things. “I really did this. And here you are. I guess that’s a good explanation.”

  Little hands clutched at my shoulder, and I turned to find Robby reaching for me. I took him and repositioned the baby, who nuzzled my shoulder. I had next to no experience with babies, but this one was going okay. He smelled really good. Although, I guessed that would change pretty fast if he pooped. Ugh, the thought. Why couldn’t we be born just using the toilet?

  But I was getting off topic here. “We need to fix this.”

  He winced. “I don’t know how to do that or if I want to. This is my life. Why would I want to change it?”

  “Well, you don’t know that you will, right? No one knows what will happen. This might be an entire existence where you continue to exist. But I need to go back to my own. I can’t stay here like this, and it’s wrong for you to make me.”

  He was quiet, glancing away from me to study his sons. “They’re happy?”

  “Yes,” I answered. “Oliver is a vet. Aaron writes. All of us are together, and though we’ve had some challenges, we’re happy.”

  “Is Erdirg dead in your reality?” He stared at me. I couldn’t lie to him, but I didn’t want what I said to push him toward keeping things as they were.

  “No,” I answered. “I put him back to sleep. Or at least, I think I did. You—with all your good intentions—might have woken him up when you started this whole thing. Who knows? Maybe you’ll get a chance to kill him again. How did you kill him?” Seemed like a good piece of info to have if I had to fight him again.

  Mr. Chee shook his head. “I went someplace really dark. If you can put him to sleep and keep him asleep, do that. There’s no returning from what I did.”

  Sighing, he pulled out a chair and sat. He put his head in his hands before lifting it to stare at me. “Since I haven’t messed with time in this reality, I’m not sure I can help you. But I do want my sons and daughter to be happy. I want my wife to be happy. Will you help me with that? If I can get you back, can you try?”

  I thought about the Oliver I left behind and glanced at the one here who was opening his second bottle of beer. “Yes.” It was probably going to take years, but I would work at it. Families weren’t perfect, so I didn’t need to shoot for that. “I’ll try.”

  There was a bang in another room, and I jumped. “It’s just Jacinda,” Mr. Chee informed. “She was standing on her head when I came in.”

  I chuckled. Sounded like maybe the quirky Jacinda I knew hadn’t changed as much as everyone else. Robby yawned hugely, stuck his fist in his mouth, and laid his head on my shoulder.

  I melted a little, rocking side to side. “I really like this baby.”

  Mr. Chee snorted. “He’s a good baby. Very easy going. He has to be with a mom like Kelly.” A change came over him. He rapped the table with his knuckles and stood. “Let me get some stuff together and we’ll see what we can manage.”

  Chapter 12

  I sat on the couch in the Chee’s living room. My feet were draped over Thorn and my back was against the arm. Robby was asleep, conked out and drooling a little on my neck. Every so often, he made these tiny little grunts, but he was so warm and sweet.

  “You know,” Thorn said, twisting a little to face me. “If we’re together in that other reality, you should really bring up the topic of having a baby.”

  I glanced at him sharply. He was smiling, his gaze on the baby and how I rubbed slow circles on his back. “I wasn’t sure I wanted kids.”

  “Wasn’t.” He gave me finger quotes. “You seem like a natural. I don’t want kids. My kids are on my team. And once you were gone…” Trailing off, he broke eye contact and stared out the window.

  “Me either.” Colton sat in one of the easy chairs, foot propped on one knee. “Never wanted to get married. Never wanted to have kids. Not that I thought much about it in high school, but in the last few years, I realized that when you died—that was when everything changed for me.”

  Aaron shook his head. “Things get so fucked up. I don’t want kids.” He eyed me with his nephew. “But I’ve never seen someone just hold a baby like you’re doing. I guess my mother begrudgingly holds Robert when Kelly takes off. I haven’t seen anyone want to before. Do people just like holding babies?”

  I raised an eyebrow. “You could hold him. It’s not a female thing. Men hold babies.”

  He shook his head. “I’d break him.”

  “You would not.”

  It was a dead end with this conversation. Aaron was so not going to hold the baby. And at some point, Robby was going to need to be held, and much as I liked holding him, I didn’t have what he needed to be fed. Unless they used formula. In fact, I hoped they did, considering Kelly wasn’t here. Could I feed him?

  I still hadn’t seen their mom. That seemed so weird for her. She used to be involved in everything. Giving me permission to sleep with both her sons. Maybe she didn’t want to see me.

  “God, I hope I don’t have kids. Poor little thing would be doomed.” Oliver spoke so low, I could barely make it out, but I did hear him.

  I needed my guys back. I needed them to be the men who were hopeful about their futures. I couldn’t be the most put together person in a room. That was selfish, but if I was the most emotionally competent person here, then we were all fucked.

  Mr. Chee walked back into the room then followed by his wife. She had a glazed look in her eyes. “So it really is Lacey?”

  “It’s me.” I
smiled at her, half expecting a hug, but she didn’t move.

  Aaron rose. “How many pills did you take, Mom?”

  Yep. I was the most put together person here. Well, maybe not. Maybe Robby was. I squeezed him tighter. That was official—Robert Chee was the most emotionally stable person in this house.

  Mrs. Chee shrugged. “Who knows?”

  Aaron took her arm. “Come on. You need to puke. Let’s go.”

  No wonder Aaron smoked cigarettes. He was in constant clean up mode with his family. What a damned mess. I stared at Mr. Chee. “Going to help?”

  “Yeah.” He ran his hands through his hair, watching his wife be led down the hall toward the bathroom like this was an everyday occurrence. “I will. But I need to do some research. I don’t want to send you to some other dimension.”

  I had a feeling if he could just get me started, just open up whatever needed to be open, I would walk through it and end up right where I needed to be. Robby gave a tiny cry and rubbed his face against my chest.

  “He’s hungry,” Mr. Chee said. “I’ll make a bottle.”

  In minutes, he handed me a bottle. Robby had awoken by then and was surveying the room with a wobbly frown. It was heartbreaking. “I wish I could remember the name of Kelly’s kids.” I didn’t really talk to anyone, but Mr. Chee sat on the coffee table next to me.

  “What does Kelly do?” he asked.

  “She runs events at a vineyard. I haven’t seen her in ten years, but Aaron and Oliver told me she was happy. She has kids and a husband. Is successful. I hope one of them is named Robby. This little guy is too special not to exist somewhere.”

  I stuck the bottle in his mouth and his dimpled hands grasped mine. He stared at me while he ate, his little lips puckered around the nipple. I’d never had baby fever before, but this kid was definitely infecting me with it.

  “Go do your research,” I directed. If he didn’t, I’d end up staying here to take care of this little guy. “I need to get home.

  After Robby’s feeding, I fell asleep on the couch with him and only woke up when Kelly lifted him from my arms. Her hair was messy, and her makeup was smudged.

  “Are you okay?” I asked, glancing around. Oliver and Aaron had found spots in two armchairs. Thorn was still on the couch, and Colton was asleep on the floor.

  She shrugged, transferring Robby to her shoulder. “Fine. So what are you doing here, dead girl? Really?”

  “I’m trying to get back to my own reality. The one where I didn’t die.”

  The baby grunted, and Kelly began to rock from side to side. “Another reality? A better one?”

  “Yes,” I answered—because I was never one to beat around the bush. “You’re happy there. You’re married, and whoever he is, Oliver and Aaron haven’t mentioned he’s a liar.”

  “Ha!” Her laugh made her son startle, but she patted his back and he went back to sleep. “Do I have him?” She glanced at the baby.

  “I don’t know,” I answered. “I know you have kids. I don’t know their names.”

  “I hope so.” She sighed. “He’s a really good baby. He deserves someone who has their shit together.”

  “So get it together.”

  Shaking her head, she turned and started down the hall. “Easier said than done.”

  She left, and I lay there, staring at the ceiling.

  In my world, at least one of the guys would have been with me at all times. It was strange to not be snuggled next to one of them. Maybe I should start insisting on some alone time so I didn’t get caught up in being the kind of person who couldn’t be alone with her thoughts.

  The house shook and I jumped to my feet. What the hell?

  That was when I saw him.

  Erdirg.

  He stood surrounded by a red light. It was like he was there, but he wasn’t there, too. He stared at me and I back at him. My breath caught in my throat. Motherfucker. What was he doing here? In this reality, he was dead. Stopped by Mr. Chee after I’d been killed. And yet he stared at me, his darkness pulsating around me.

  “Mate.”

  Oh, he was still on that track. I looked left and right. He hadn’t moved since he shook the house, and no one had awoken to see what happened. Maybe I was the only one who saw him here or felt the house move.

  Why? I made my tired, scared, overwhelmed brain work. He wasn’t moving. Maybe he couldn’t. Erdirg always found me, except when he was sleeping. And Mr. Chee had woken him up in my world. Maybe… maybe he was finding me here because that’s what he did.

  “I’m not your mate. Not in this or any other universe. If you know what’s good for you, you’re going to go away. Or I’m going to knock you out again and this time, I’ll make it hurt.”

  It was a baseless threat. I had no idea how to go about doing that. I wasn’t even sure I could recreate what I’d done the first time. I didn’t feel as dark as I used to. I was thawing inside. Inch-by-inch. Could I find that darkness again and do what I had to do?

  What choice did I have?

  Was I still the girl who had no one and didn’t believe I ever would? Was I dark? Could I return to that place? Was my life going to be shaped by who I was before I was eighteen? Would I ever really be able to escape the person I was in order to be who I should, or was something always going to drag me back?

  There were too many questions to answer that right now. Not with the nightmare of my young life staring at me across the room.

  The house shook again, but he didn’t move. That was when it hit me. “You’re stuck, too.”

  His nose wrinkled when he glared. I studied him. For so long, he’d hidden his true form from me. It surprised me that he didn’t now.

  He stood as tall as I remembered, his skin that bright red like traditional illustrations of the devil. That was who he was—the demon who inspired the Christian devil.

  “I’m not stuck,” he said. His voice rattled the walls, but still, the men asleep on the floor and in chairs didn’t so much as twitch. “I’ll be coming for you. Nothing could keep us apart.”

  “Is it because you’re weak?” I didn’t expect him to answer. “I put you to sleep and you aren’t ready to fight.”

  “I could wait right here for you.” He took one step toward me, his cloven hooves stumbling when he seemed to hit something between us. “You’ll come to me.” Shifting, he seemed to study the guys. “You couldn’t keep away.”

  “If you’re waiting for me, that’s fine. It wasn’t enough to put you back where I found you. I’ve always known that. I’ve always known I’d have to end you for real.”

  Erdirg laughed. “I am glad I chose you. Any other mate would be afraid. Not you. You have spark. Fight. It will make your surrender that much sweeter.”

  The light around him faded, drawing around him tighter and tighter until he disappeared.

  The moment the living room was bathed in darkness, Aaron stirred. The others slept on, but he blinked and sat up. Breathing in deeply, he suddenly stilled and turned to me. “Something was here.”

  I nodded. “Erdirg. He’s waiting for me.”

  Aaron lifted a shaking hand to his hair, pushing it through the strands. “He’s dead.”

  “Not in my reality. In mine, remember, he’s just asleep. But he’s looking for me.” Mate. If that happened… I shuddered. I wouldn’t let it. And what was more, the guys wouldn’t let it happen. With that, some of the anxiety in my chest eased. If I got to them, we could do this together.

  I realized I was staring into nothing and turned my gaze to Aaron. He was watching me closely. “Who we are now, I don’t think we could beat him. If he comes here. We’re not strong like we were. Together I mean.”

  I surveyed the room. Oliver twitched in his sleep. Outwardly, he struggled the most of the guys, but I had a feeling if I stayed here even longer, I’d learn all the little ways they’d fallen apart.

  I didn’t blame them, and I didn’t think they were weak. I thought they’d broken and when they’d put themse
lves back together, the edges were left jagged.

  This was the result.

  If I stayed, maybe we’d reshape ourselves, fit all our pieces in a way that worked, but I couldn’t do that. With the appearance of Erdirg, I knew for certain I didn’t have that time.

  What the fuck was Mr. Chee doing? Why hadn’t he figured out time travel, or reality travel, in the time I’d given him to get it done?

  As if he could read my mind, Aaron smiled. “He’ll figure it out. If he did it in one reality, he’ll do it in another. But give him time.”

  Exactly what I didn’t have.

  Like we’d conjured him, Mr. Chee came out. He was dressed in pajama pants and a t-shirt that said Scooby Doo Detective Agency on it. I blinked. I wouldn’t have seen him as a fan of The Mystery Machine, but then again there were lots of things I didn’t expect in this world. Being here at all was one of them.

  He held the stones in his hand and then sat down on the edge of the couch.

  “What if I could undo this but redo it in a way that made it all better? A third option. Not yours, not this. Something else.”

  Regardless of what world we were in, Mr. Chee really could be a jackass. “Listen, we could try this a million times and not get it right.”

  “I have to believe I had a good reason to do this. Maybe it was a selfish reason, but it was justified.”

  I leaned forward. “If you don’t help me do it, I’ll figure out how to do it myself. And maybe I’ll fuck it up even worse. But one way or another I’m getting back to my own time. That is how serious I am about this.”

  He stared me in my eyes, his gaze intense. “I believe you.”

  Well that was good. “You should.”

  “I’m wondering why we didn’t just give you to Erdirg.”

  I would have gasped, but somehow, I wasn’t surprised he’d said something so terrible. Would the Mr. Chee in my world have said that? No. He’d talked on a podcast about his regrets when it came to me. But this one… he wasn’t the same. His mind contained information I needed, but otherwise he wasn’t the same man I’d known all those years ago.