1 To Have His Cake (and Eat It Too) ~ Mr. Darcy's Tale

by P. O. Dixon

  In the absence of the gentlemen’s company, it was only a matter of time until Elizabeth, Georgiana, and even Lady Grace grew weary of Caroline’s and Louisa’s propensity to take pot-shots at Elizabeth. Caroline’s comments were also extended to Elizabeth’s family, sometimes to the point of being harsh, such was her vitriol towards Elizabeth. When Caroline chose to disparage Jane’s working as a governess in Scotland, Elizabeth had endured all she could take, and yet continued to remain civil. Lady Grace was offended deeply on Elizabeth’s behalf. She wondered if all the money in the world could compensate for having to endure such a sister.

  Elizabeth, Georgiana, and Lady Grace formed a close bond. The three decided upon pastimes that Caroline and Louisa were not inclined to pursue, such as outdoor activities, for the only time Caroline sought to be out-of-doors was when she thought she might encounter Darcy.

  One evening after dinner, while awaiting the gentlemen’s company, Caroline overheard the new sisterhood discussing plans to spend the following morning horseback riding. Anxious to have her share in the conversation, she promptly moved to the other side of the room where the three ladies sat.

  “Why, Miss Eliza, my dear,” Caroline condescended, “I did not think you rode horseback. During our time at Hertfordshire, you seemed to take an eager interest in walking throughout the countryside.”

  Georgiana responded, “Elizabeth rides very well. My brother taught her.” Georgiana could not resist exacerbating her guest because of the way Caroline shamelessly flaunted herself in front of Darcy.

  “Mr. Darcy taught your companion to ride. When did this happen?” Caroline asked, doubting the veracity of what she had heard.

  “I learnt to ride since coming to Pemberley. Both Mr. Darcy and Georgiana have been very instrumental in my training.”

  The gentlemen chose that moment to join the women, spurring Caroline to seize upon Darcy. She immediately rushed to his side and intertwined her arm with his.

  “Mr. Darcy, I understand you taught Miss Eliza to ride. How generous of you... few can boast of having such an attentive master.”

  “I do what I can,” he replied as he tried, unsuccessfully to remove her arm from his.

  “Is that so? I think I should like to have a few riding lessons myself, if you are still in the business of providing them, that is,” she cajoled, while batting her eyes suggestively.

  “Miss Caroline, you are welcome to visit my stables at any time. If you insist upon riding lessons, I will speak with my groom and have him attend you.” Before she could respond, Darcy excused himself from his guests and acted as if he were heading out to make such arrangements.

  ~ ~ ~

  Bright and early that next day, Lady Grace, Georgiana, and Elizabeth headed towards the stables as planned. They were not alone. It seemed everyone wished to ride that morning. Darcy, Bingley, Mr. and Mrs. Hurst, and finally, Caroline rounded out the party.

  Darcy’s groom expected them. Eight fine horses were properly saddled and lined up in the stable yard. Without much thought, Darcy went to Bella’s side, intending to help Elizabeth into her saddle. Caroline immediately lost all interest in the horse she initially favoured. It seemed that Bella was the only choice for her.

  “What a beautiful creature, I should be delighted to ride her,” she said, as she quickly approached Darcy.

  “Then, I am afraid you will be most inconvenienced. Bella is Miss Elizabeth’s horse,” Darcy responded, with no thought for the implication of his words.

  “A paid companion with her own horse, I never heard of such a thing!”

  Darcy ignored Caroline’s protest and led Bella to Elizabeth. “Miss Elizabeth, your horse eagerly awaits. May I assist you?”

  Elizabeth smiled. Given the awkwardness of the moment, what else was there to do? She remained speechless as Darcy lifted her into the saddle, the same as he had done countless times before. Somehow, in front of the Bingleys, the meticulous attention he showed her left her feeling a bit uncomfortable. As usual, he lingered by her side until he was thoroughly convinced of her security.

  In the meantime, Caroline grew more and more incensed by the minute. She refused the horse the groom brought forward to her. “This is absurd. I insist upon being satisfied. Since when does the hired help usurp a guest’s prerogative? Surely, Miss Eliza can be inconvenienced for a day!”

  The last thing Elizabeth wanted or needed was to be the subject of Caroline’s diatribe. “Very well, Miss Caroline, you are welcome to ride Bella.”

  Darcy intervened. “Miss Elizabeth, are you quite certain? You are not obliged to give up riding Bella, simply to appease her.”

  “Indeed, Mr. Darcy, it is no bother at all. I shall ride one of your other beautiful horses this morning.” Darcy would have objected, except he now had an opportunity to aid her once again. Darcy assisted Elizabeth down and led her by the hand to the horse originally selected for Caroline. His attentions went unnoticed by everyone, except Caroline.

  “Mr. Darcy,” Caroline carped, “I could use a fair bit of your assistance as well.”

  Without directly acknowledging her, Darcy turned to his groom. “Mr. Jones, will you give help to my guest?”

  “Yes Sir, Mr. Darcy,” the somewhat reluctant groom stated. That was not the first time he had dealt with the tempestuous young woman.

  Darcy quickly returned his attention to Elizabeth, who had freed her hand from his by then. “Miss Elizabeth, though I am confident in your riding ability, I urge you to take your time this morning. Furthermore, I insist upon riding along beside you.”

  “As much as I fear it will only make matters worse with your guest, I think I should like it if you were to stay close by until I grow comfortable with the horse.” Elizabeth smiled. “What is its name?”

  Darcy returned her smile. “I will introduce you.”

  While Darcy acquainted Elizabeth with the other horse, Caroline was causing quite a scene. It seemed that Bella was not of the same mind as Elizabeth. She would not stand still for Caroline’s mount. Caroline refused the groom’s assistance out of spite, and insisted upon using a mounting block. After several unsuccessful attempts, finally Caroline was saddled and ready to proceed. Suddenly, after only a few steps, in a decidedly uncharacteristic display of unbridled aggression, Bella reared up on her hind legs—a move that rendered poor Caroline faced down upon the ground.

  Everyone, including Darcy and Elizabeth, raced towards her. The latter two attempted to calm Bella. As regarded Caroline, fortunately, all that was wounded was her pride. Her brother helped her to her feet, and her sister did her best to brush away the soil from her clothing and remove the straw from her hair. Again, Caroline was vexed by Darcy’s inattention. There she was, an honoured guest, and he was tending to the wild beast having just tried to kill her. Caroline brushed her eager attendants away and stormed off to the manor house in a huff, convinced that Darcy might rue the day he had treated her so abominably.

  ~ ~ ~

  A couple of weeks after the arrival of the Bingleys, Colonel Richard Fitzwilliam showed up at Pemberley. Darcy had grown tired of Caroline’s antics and her disparaging attitude towards Elizabeth. He even counselled Bingley to admonish his sister, but to no avail. Darcy welcomed the excuse to spend time alone with Richard. They were practically inseparable. The two were mindful of joining the guests for meals and after dinner entertainment, but other than that, they enjoyed long horseback excursions and other sporting activities.

  One afternoon, whilst in the billiard room, Richard brought up a conversation he had put off for a week. “I say, old fellow, when are you planning to return to town? Very soon, I hope.”

  “I plan to stay here through Christmas and return to town for Lady Ellen’s Twelfth Night Ball.”

  “So long, you say. You have become quite the domestic, have you not?” Richard asked sarcastically.

  “I must admit, I am quite content when at Pemberley,” Darcy stated, as a matter of fact.

  “And speaking of conten
tment, I glimpsed the pleasing Antoinette before I left London. She looked fairly restless, what with so much idle time on her hands.”

  “Antoinette is not your concern,” Darcy voiced quickly. After a long, reflective pause he continued, “Despite the obvious drawbacks, her advantages are not to be disregarded. How many in her place are better compensated? What more might she wish for?”

  “Well let us see—perhaps companionship, passion... Look, if you are no longer interested, why do you not let go of her? There are plenty of gentlemen waiting in the wings, including myself.”

  “I have no intention to ‘let go’ of her. It is not as if I never plan to return to London.”

  “Good Heavens, you are a selfish prick! She is a passionate, desirable woman who should not be placed upon a pedestal, waiting for you to return. She is not some vestal virgin; she is a whore. Have some compassion and end your ridiculous arrangement over the poor thing.”

  “She is the one I prefer. I will not share her!”

  “For Heaven’s sake, you are simply using her to satiate your lust for Miss Elizabeth!”

  “Even if that is true, what of it? I do as I please without answering to anyone, even you. Stay out of my affairs Richard, and do not go near Antoinette.”

  “Calm down, old man! Look, how about we settle this with a fencing match? If I win, we are off on a quick jaunt to town.”

  “What makes you think I would agree to that? Everything that I want and need is here.”

  “Not everything,” Richard said with certitude. “How long has it been anyway? I am only looking out for you, my friend.”

  “Fine, if I win, you will back off on this subject once and for all,” Darcy uttered as he threw the pool cue stick down on the billiards table in surrender.

  “It is a deal,” Richard cheerfully agreed, after inwardly congratulating himself on his ability to disturb the composure of his otherwise calm and collected younger cousin.

  After a bruising match, Darcy conceded defeat and agreed to a brief sojourn to London, once the Bingleys departed. There was no way he would leave Georgiana and Elizabeth at the mercy of Caroline Bingley. He wondered if he had let Richard defeat him. Many months had passed since Darcy last had shared Antoinette’s bed, not since before the start of the Season when he had stayed out all night and had been “caught” coming home just before dawn. After months of fantasising of making love to Elizabeth, whom he could never have, he was tormented and in desperate need of a passionate release in the arms of a woman.

  ~ ~ ~

  Less than a week later, Darcy and Richard returned. Richard remained a few days at Pemberley before going to visit his parents. As Richard made the short journey to his family’s home in Matlock, he could not help but reflect upon the changes in his cousin Darcy. The brief sojourn was far from entertaining. Darcy had become quite the killjoy. He decided he would not try again to persuade Darcy to accompany him to town, as he shamelessly had done so. Richard considered that his lovesick cousin was determined to put his life on hold while he decided whether to pursue Miss Elizabeth. Who was he to interfere?

  Feeling guilty for his debauchery during his trip with Richard, Darcy immersed himself in his work upon his return to Pemberley. Much like he did when they first arrived at Pemberley months ago, Darcy isolated himself in his study. Elizabeth and Georgiana rarely saw him. Darcy reckoned that his guilt was not associated with the idea of having betrayed the woman he loved, but rather that he had abandoned the young women to go off to enjoy his carefree bachelor lifestyle in London.

  Frustrated by his lack of concentration one morning, Darcy set off on horseback. He rode out to the temple. Elizabeth was there.

  “Good morning, Miss Elizabeth, I am surprised to find you here.” He dismounted his horse and bowed to her.

  “I am quite sorry to have intruded upon your sanctuary, Mr. Darcy. I warned you, though, that it might become a favourite of mine, did I not?”

  “I do not mind sharing it with you, Miss Elizabeth.”

  Darcy walked towards the pond and stared off into the distance, seemingly distracted. His detached demeanour prompted Elizabeth to wonder if she should be there. She cautiously approached him from behind and said, “Perhaps I should leave.”

  “No, do not leave on my account,” he replied, without turning to face her.

  “Forgive my saying this, but you seem so distracted. In fact, you have been distant since your return. We hardly see you at all,” she expressed tentatively.

  “I am sorry for neglecting you,” Darcy responded, still somewhat faraway.

  “Mr. Darcy, you have not neglected me. If you would like to talk about what is bothering you, I am happy to listen.”

  At last, Darcy turned towards Elizabeth. He murmured with deep remorse, “I feel as though I have been negligent. I feel that in leaving Georgiana and you here at Pemberley, whilst I gallivanted in town with my cousin, I was being dishonourable. Better that I had remained here with you... two.”

  “You must stop berating yourself. Georgiana and I missed you, but we hardly felt abandoned.”

  “I am afraid it is more than that. I should not have gone,” he confessed. “If you knew, really knew what I am like,” he struggled with the words.

  “What, that you are arrogant and self-absorbed? I am not blind, Mr. Darcy. However, you are none of those things when here at Pemberley. You are kind and generous. You work very hard and take your responsibilities seriously. Moreover, if you are truly concerned about your actions, then why do you not change them? What is stopping you? You are your own master. You have everything you should ever want.”

  “You are wrong. I do not have everything I want. There is one thing I want desperately, yet can never have.”

  “Then, perhaps you do not want it enough.”

  “You do not understand. I doubt you ever would.”

  Not wishing to pry into Darcy’s affairs, Elizabeth replied, “Then, let us speak of other things. You must admit, you were glad to see the colonel. You two were joined at the hip from the moment of his arrival. Who would blame you for spending time with your cousin and enjoying male camaraderie?”

  “I must admit I was hiding out from the Bingleys. Charles and I have drifted apart since his marriage, and his brother and sisters are not among my favourite people,” he frankly conceded. His melancholy slowly faded. After several minutes of continued light banter between the two of them, Darcy said, “I am glad I found you this morning. You are good for my spirits.”

  “I am glad I could help,” she responded, genuinely pleased to see the positive change in his demeanour.

  “If you feel up to it, what say you we venture out farther this morning? I know of another incredible spot I wish to show you.”

  Upon her acceptance, Darcy took Elizabeth’s hand and led her to her horse to help her mount. As he lingered by her to correct her sitting posture and to make sure she was secure, she protested, “Mr. Darcy, I know what I am about. I made it here, did I not?”

  “So, you have become quite the horsewoman, have you? Perhaps we should select a more challenging mount upon our return to the stables.”

  “No, thank you. Bella suits me just fine,” Elizabeth said while gently stroking Bella’s neck.

  As Darcy walked over to mount his stallion, he said, “I am concerned about your riding out so far alone. What if something should happen to you?”

  “Am I about to be summoned to your study, Mr. Darcy?”

  “You might, if I find you so far out alone again. Perhaps I should assign a riding escort for you.”

  “Please do not go to such lengths on my behalf. I will abide by your admonishment. I promise. Now, lead on, Mr. Darcy.”

  ~ ~ ~

  Some while later, Darcy and Elizabeth rode along a serpentine path, silently communicating in peculiar harmony.

  Earlier, upon reaching their destination, she had playfully chastised him by suggesting his plan was not carefully thought out. She had missed breakfast that mornin
g. Her hunger pangs quietly rumbled.

  “Pardon me, madam, for not properly anticipating your appetite,” Darcy said. “Of course, I rarely am unprepared for these types of excursions. Bear with me just a short while longer, and I will share what sustenance I have with you.”

  When they came upon the place he intended, Darcy dismounted his horse. He lifted Elizabeth down from Bella. He then handed Elizabeth a blanket.

  “Please find an ideal spot for dining, while I secure our horses.” She did as he recommended. He joined her rather quickly with a saddlebag slung over his shoulder and helped her spread the covering on the soft patch of grass. Darcy encouraged Elizabeth to sit, as he bent to his knees to produce the contents of his fine leather bag.

  She was delighted. Indeed, he was quite prepared with food and drink enough for the two of them. She said, “You surprise me, Mr. Darcy. It is almost as if you planned this.”

  “I am afraid I did not, as you will soon find. You see, we must share a single flask of ale, for I never travel with glasses. I hope you do not mind roughing it.”

  “Mr. Darcy, you speak as if I am a prim and delicate blossom. Do you really see me as such?”

  He chuckled. “Actually, I do. Are you suggesting otherwise?”

  She viewed his sentiments as a challenge. She reached for the flask, and try as she might, she was simply unable to open it. Darcy reached out his hand, “Allow me, my lady.”

  She had no choice but to hand the flask over to him. Her thirstiness far outweighed her vanity. Darcy easily removed the top and handed it back to her with a look that spurred her to refute any notion of her being fragile. He cautioned, “Mind you take care to sip slowly.”

  Elizabeth attempted a large swig, so much so that she began coughing, violently. Darcy moved closer to her side to comfort her, but Elizabeth was not having it. She insisted she was just fine. She took another drink—this time much slower, before handing the metal container to Darcy. It was not something that she had ever tasted before. She certainly did not intend to drink it again. She was not about to admit that to him. The rest of the impromptu meal, they consumed in relative silence.