You After Hell

by Manuela Ricci

  Do not return home, as much as usual there will be no one waiting for me, I decide to go somewhere else. It is over a week since I've been there and when you finally get there, I see Celyn out in the garden to grips with his roses. He looks up at me, that I start walking toward her.

  "Medy, how nice to see you again, 'she begins hurrying to greet me in a warm hug. Almost I cling to her, the scent of her skin reminds me of Kylian and for a moment reviewing its squint. It is short, but it's enough to give me a smile.

  "Then? How's school? "She asks me in the meantime we go into the house, his eyes I get lost within those walls that enclose all the time we spent together, the laughter on the couch watching one of those stupid comedies he loved so much watching we sat on the stairs to go over algebra, in the kitchen to prepare us a snack after doing some dip in the pool. Everything, every gesture, every moment always just me and him.

  "Well, we're just beginning," he says.

  We settle in the living room and my eyes which are linked under the usual vision. One of my photos and Kylian, placed on display on the cabinet next to the window. He always kept in the room. We had taken the party of diplomas, I at his side that I rebel against him parading me the touch of toga.

  "You were so beautiful that day," exclaims Celyn, her voice trembling with emotion, meanwhile I pours tea. I sigh at the memory and then I find myself laughing just like on that day. Celyn looks at me smiling a little.

  "I never managed to be seriously even for a moment, not even in that day," I say, touching his image through the glass photo. She nods. See his strength against pain with which she is forced to live gives me the courage to look beyond what I feel inside implodermi every day.

  "Medy, you have to go on your own way you know that?" I frowned at once, because I realize that perhaps she also realized that I stopped at that exact day.

  "It is not easy ..." I murmur selfishly, as if she was not, she grew Kylian alone, after the father had abandoned them overnight.

  "I know, but rightly so. Your life, our life must go on, "he shakes my hand in his and nod. I restrain myself from her for almost the entire day, we talk a lot and is good for me. For the captain hands me her things, every object a memory shared together. This is what no one I can ever take away. The memory of that time we spent together, what will be mine forever until my last breath. Time passes quickly and the greeting, I leave the house as if I felt lighter, as if for a while 'my soul had found peace. Just before stepping into your car pick up the phone that I had put in the bag. I find several messages that I have not heard because of the silent mode that I had set since I was at the University this morning. They are all of Eddy;

  "How are you?"

  "All right Medyson?"

  "I did not want to be pushy"

  "I'm still me, you can just answer"

  This, his last message. A smile appears spontaneously. The conversation with Celyn is still fresh in mind and recall. He answers on the first ring and almost makes me laugh. It is as if waiting for me to answer the phone side.

  "There are," I begin before he can say hello. I hear him laugh amused. The sound of her laughter can put me in a good mood.

  "I'm not a stalker," confesses about the various messages.

  "Are we sure?" He plundered his game.

  "I was just worried about you, I've seemed very shaken the last time we felt" her voice becomes softer, it seems almost a whisper that is the space between my thoughts being able to silence the most painful.

  "So ... you come to San Diego?" I ask boldly. I wait for his answer to a few seconds late in coming.

  "Yes, on Friday I'll be over there" remain silent, I can not ask him to see us, it would be too early.

  "Medyson are you there?"

  "Yes I'm here"

  "I do not I ask," he says, referring to what he said this morning, that is to see us. Confusion gives battle inside me, leaving me totally in a panic about what to do.

  Chapter

  6

  Zac

  "When looking for the right words,

  you find yourself stumbling into the track

  some song "

  Like every Monday, me and Ian are at the hardware store as soon as possible, because the cargo arrives. This work is exhausting, added to the evenings we do to round. Sure, if I think of what I imagined coming here, I realize that I find very, very far from my "dream". Maybe, I just deluded. Maybe my music is not made to achieve certain goals.

  "What are you thinking?" Ian, I pass one of the boxes on the fly, to unpack and then put the material on the shelf.

  "Nothing!" I say dry, lying to him, but above all to myself. In fact, the real reason why they are so out of sorts as not to bear the brunt of this day is just one.

  I still feel the scent of her skin, as if I had a breath away, the taste of his mouth, he knew good. Those blacks eyes looking at me longingly. I shake my head to shake from his mind his incessant thinking.

  "On Thursday we prepare it?" Ian I demand, and at that time I remember that the commitment has taken for the party.

  "You still have not told where will be held the evening?" I ask in my turn questioningly, turning my gaze toward him.

  "Also from Noha" he answers quiet, I stiffen instantly. Because a party there, means reviewing again Courtney. I promised myself to stay away from her, it would be better not leave.

  "I think you will have to get by without me for once," I try to tell him, avoiding looking at him.

  "Do not you dare Zac 'replies instantly.

  "What's up? You are perfectly able to do it without me, "I feel the way of encouragement, but does not seem to have great results.

  "As you say, it will mean that I also declinerò"

  "We need that money," she reminds him, and in response begins:

  "So brother, it means that get up off your ass and come with me," The matter ends there and we continue to place in total silence. The morning with difficulty comes near the end, I stand behind the counter to deposit the rest in the palm of a customer's hand when the window I see a car, that car, its ...

  "Thank you and goodbye," I say quickly to the gentleman in front of me and then rush in by Ian lane.

  "If I try no to anyone," I urge you in front of his astonished gaze. I'm going towards the back room, put me behind the door through which I can have a clear view towards the entrance and see enter. He slips off his sunglasses, and though far her eyes can even hit me from there. He wears a blue blouse that blends in perfectly with the frayed jeans shorts. The hair is loose, a moved light falling soft along its semi open back.

  "Hello ..." awkwardly he says, turning to Ian. I'm missing a smile, he is so sweet in his attitudes.

  "Can I help you?" She asks him.

  "Actually, I was looking for Zac. You are the other true DJ? "Ian, shows off one of his best smiles and nods. Son of a ...

  "Yes ... I remember you, Noha from the party, right?" But if you do not even remember that they face the girls who goes to bed, imagine if he remembers her. They shake hands, she smiles and then he adds:

  "I'll go right away chiamartelo" This time I swear I do it out. I see him coming towards me, whistling like nothing happened. I step back from the door just enough to let him enter, he is already laughing while I'm dying to kick up your ass.

  "What did not clear" there are not any? "" Whisper to not feel gesturing with his fingers in midair symbol of quotation marks.

  "I had said that? Strange, I must have in mind, "says past whispering in turn, then suddenly raises his voice.

  "Zac? Zac they want! "He smiles with that face the fuck that is found and exits winking at me defiantly. It is stronger than he is swimming against the tide. I say right? He left. I say no, he obviously yes.

  I wait a few seconds before going out. I walk towards her, every step that shortens the distance that separates us start to feel uncomfortable as I planted the last time. Too long since you felt certain emotions? It reminds me of my subconscious, I put now to the kennel.
>
  "Hello," I say, avoiding his gaze. Coward.

  "Hey, I passed by here ... and I thought I would say hello" mentally smile that his white lie. Application type as you think not even know this area of town. I almost want to ask the adventures I've had to find me.

  "Okay," I reply. Okay? You do not know you relate with the female sex? In fact because I said "Okay"? I see her looking at me I puzzled and is not alone, as Ian seems about to sprawl on the chair and enjoy the show with a handful of popcorn. The launch lightning look that leaves just enough time to vanish before it is too late for her bottom.

  "Um ... I'm going, I have work to do," Courtney raises his hand to greet him accompanying the gesture with a smile.

  "Look, Courtney," I try to tell her but I hardly gives him time to interrupt me.

  "Would you like some coffee?" He asked with a low voice, pointing to the cafe behind him on the other side of the road. I'll you a coffee. I think so, what girl he would ever come looking for me after that kiss I stopped so abruptly? I nod and referring to Ian that I walk away for a moment. He winks amused and I unnoticed by her, I make the gesture with his finger that we will make the later accounts. We cross the road, instinctively I put my hand behind his back. He turns to look at me with shyness and take it off right away. What am I doing? That gesture and came out almost alone that has stunned even me. As soon as you enter the room we sit in the first free table. Neither breaks the silence except the waitress who took our orders. He looks around, sure it must be very different from the cafes that usually attends, here there are no walls covered with some kind of fine paintings but only the bad wood to cover some mold infiltration with some retro hanging plates, some of them dangling, care detail went to get lost as the fabric worn armchairs, wood or ruined by time and too many glasses that have scratched against, but this is my world any more than one is able to imagine. I grew up in Queens, I got into a fight with his life since childhood, and I still carry the scars on him. Here there are no walls covered with some kind of fine paintings but only the bad wood to cover some mold infiltration with some hanging retro plates, some of them dangling, the attention to detail has gone to get lost like the worn armchairs fabric, or wooden ruined by time and too many glasses that have scratched against, but this is my world any more than one is able to imagine. I grew up in Queens, I got into a fight with his life since childhood, and I still carry the scars on him. Here there are no walls covered with some kind of fine paintings but only the bad wood to cover some mold infiltration with some hanging retro plates, some of them dangling, the attention to detail has gone to get lost like the worn armchairs fabric, or wooden ruined by time and too many glasses that have scratched against, but this is my world any more than one is able to imagine. I grew up in Queens, I got into a fight with his life since childhood, and I still carry the scars on him.

  "Well?" She asks me smiling.

  "Then what?" I ask myself.

  "From what are you running away dj?" His question struck me, and not a little. It seems to have centered in the middle of the goal. Hit and sunk. I could tell her that I escape from myself, from what it represents my past, from what I was forced to live and see with my eyes, but I can not, that part of my life is mine alone, I am not able to share it with nobody.

  "From nothing," I say, continuing to addrizzarmi chair as if I were sitting on a pile of sharp needles, I lean forward, resting her elbows on the table and then repeating the same gestures as if it were a sequence. This girl makes me nervous. And I can not stand to feel this way. The waitress brings us the coffee, the look in his elegance, fixed his mouth as he squints letting the ceramics rests on the delicate lips kissed by a thin thread of lip gloss.

  "You okay?" Amused question. How idiotic, but I can not take his eyes off me is stronger din.

  "Yes, why?" To provoke myself.

  "Why were you staring at me?" He asks, biting her lower lip, white teeth sink with bullying in the flesh.

  "I was lost in thought," I say clearing my voice, I hope to have convinced her, but in his eyes it is clear no.

  "You have not answered me. From what are you running from? Because yesterday you ran away from something, "continues forward, his voice is almost a whisper and continues" I felt that kiss, and I know you have heard it too, you can not say no "

  He's right, I felt that kiss as if the near-lethal touch had set the fire to which I had to escape by force. The feeling that made me jump for the whole body perceive it even now, as I try not to get lost in his eyes falling into mine. But then, the spell is broken, like a track that foot down and keep repeating the same piece in the loop, how my life that drew me back to reality, one that you could never comprehend.

  "Courtney, I told you it's not you, but I can not"

  "You can not or will not? Because you know, are two different things, "I see it as trying to steal something from my eyes that I leave unchanged, devoid of any emotion, I have long since learned to control them, to not allow for them to guide me in the wrong way, head or heart, and I have always chosen the head.

  "I can not," I whisper soon.

  "Are you real boyfriend? That's the problem? "Deliberately lowered his gaze," I knew ... that stupid, "he continues, his eyes piombarmi feel them on me with all their disappointment, it raises shooting from the chair and I remain silent, impassive, the I look at him sideways to take the bag from his chair and rush out of the room. I would stop her, explain to her that I'm not that kind of guy. But I obliged myself to let her out of my life. It is just as well for both. I look through the window how quickly part with the car, the squeal of the tires against the asphalt as a cry of frustration. I close my eyes surrendering myself, run my hands on his head and snort. I throw out that air as if to lighten, but the weight I feel is always there pressing hard against his chest almost preventing me from breathing. I take the phone from the pocket of his jeans, I feel it vibrate. Control who he is, and at the sight of that name take my hands trembling, heart pounding more and stronger with each vibration that alerts me of that call I've been waiting all this time.

  "P-Ready?"

  "Mr. Kinney, are Lawyer Stevens»

  "Good morning ... new lawyer?" The seconds that go to receive that response remain suspended as my own breath.

  "Yes, the court granted his request for sole custody" barely hardly believe emotion and beat his fist against the wooden table, attracting the attention of those present, but I do not give anything about anyone at this moment.

  "Thank you ... I ... I do not really know how to thank" The lawyer tells me that I will send all the documents in the day. Hanging up still incredulous, and after leaving money on the table he rushes from the room.

  "Ian!" Scream his name as soon as opening the shop door. He turns toward me, putting on the defensive right away with his hands in surrender suspended.

  "My friend just wanted to" do to apologize for the shot that launched me with Courtney, but I do not let him finish speaking by overlaying my voice to yours as loud as I exclaimed in my throat:

  "I won, I won .... Daphne will be here. I got the sole custody "cry every single letter soaking at me as if it were an indelible tattoo, you and I are. Ian jumps on me, filling me pats on the shoulder.

  "I can not believe Zac, there you made it!"

  A tear line on my face from happiness. Yes, I did, on the small of now, nothing can divide us. I promise as if he could hear me at this moment.

  Chapter

  7

  Medyson

  "Fear can make you a prisoner of yourself.

  The Hope in something new can make you free "

  A week is practically sprinted too quickly. I say to myself, thinking that today I will see for the first time Eddy. I still can not believe I told him that I wanted to meet him.

  "I do not know how I have come to mind," exclaimed high in front of the mirror entry in the meantime that I do a light make-up. I think of Courtney, the fact that we avoided all the time, Noha who tried in vain to put together two words on
the cross to draw closer to me, and that inner conflict ceases to exist instantly as if what we were little at a time is the same thinning. The part of me that feels like new friends, the one who needs people who can understand it, has the upper hand. Lately phone calls with Eddy intensified day by day, there was a moment in the day that he did not make me feel his presence even with a simple message which showed a funny face that plucked off the smile.

  I sigh and I finish getting ready. I'm wearing a jeans with a tear on his right knee, a blouse with a bow armholes above the navel and discovered a pair of All Star with some written in marker on the rubber of the shoe, written, words that came to mind at a precise now, maybe it sounds a little 'childish in his eyes, but this is me. I do not know what we'll do all day. Actually, I do not think at all. I have prepared a program in which I would visit this rather than that.

  "Easy Med, Los Angeles is no shortage of the attractions" I remind myself.

  Are you talking about yourself? Yes, I'm talking to myself ... I shake my head in front of the mirror, I put a gloss wire and I get out of my room. By the time I get ready to leave home only meeting Consuelo busy with its domestic cleaning, I greet with a kiss on the fly, and it is then that I realize that days have passed since the last time I saw my parents. In the end, with all their work commitments and not what we have left to share is just one roof. Dismissed those thoughts and I get in the car, a message tells me that Eddy has already arrived.

  We gathered at the cafe basis Life on Sunset Blvd. I walk all the way with loud music to help chase away all the worries that try to crowd the mind, not today, I say to myself pulling a carefree smile idea to meet him. Down with the hood of the car and let the sun and the ocean breeze caress my skin discovery. Shortly after parking in the first free place that I can find and I go down after I had given a last look in the mirror. Here we are.

  Before entering the room I take a deep breath, open the door with ease, at least I hope so and not hear it actually is nervous. I look around to his research, the local as usual is full of people, but in the back of the room I see a guy who stands up and raises his hand to me in greeting. I bow my head in shame and drag myself to him.