by Mackenzy Fox
“No,” he says quickly.
“You thinkin’ about it?”
“No, I mean the red-head is cute, but not with Lily… I wouldn’t dream of it and not on work time, I didn’t even look at her.”
I can’t help it, I have to play with him for just a little bit longer while he can’t talk back, I always fuck with their heads just a little bit.
“She not pretty enough for you?”
His eyes go wide. “No, I mean, she’s very pretty, obviously, but I’m a prospect, she’s a club sister, and I don’t want to be castrated and then fed to wolves. I like my nuts where they are.”
I’m glad somebody came to work today. This time, I do smirk.
“That’s right,” I lean in and jab him in the chest. “Just remember that, got me? If you even think about sticking it to any club sister or look at any of them sideways, especially my sister, I’ll bury you.”
“I wouldn’t,” he maintains, standing his ground. I know he’s telling the truth, he wouldn’t dare.
I glare at him and then give him a nod.
“Glad to hear it, now quit your yabbing and get back to it. I’ll see you later.”
I walk back up the hallway through to the front door.
“Thanks for stopping by,” Lily says with a little snicker that I ignore.
“Bye, Steel,” calls Jessica, I ignore that too.
Goddamn women.
It’s late when I pull up to Oak park cemetery.
I gun the engine and kick the stand down, Gunner’s sled is parked on the gravel by the entry gates. I just got a very upset phone call from Summer, she said today is the anniversary of their mom’s death and Gunner’s chosen to go on another bender. She doesn’t know where he is but I do, I can always find him.
The full moon is high in the sky and it casts a bright glimmer across the graveyard. I find him easily, at his mom’s headstone. I’ve been here before, usually once a year to pull his sorry ass home.
“Gunner,” I call out.
I hear him before I see him because he’s clattering around noisily, talking to himself in the dark.
“Steel, my man!” he hollers when I approach.
Well, he is usually a happy drunk, but I know by now he’ll go from that to emotional. Angry? No, he’s never angry, I’ve never even seen him in a bad mood, even when he probably should be. It might even do him some good to get some of that shit out, but then I squint in the dark and realize what he’s doing and my heart accelerates. He’s loading a gun.
“Gunner, what the fuck are you doing?”
He points toward the headstone; I see there are bottles lined up all along the top. He loads the last cartridge and spins the barrel, then swings the gun up and aims. I immediately duck for cover, he’s drunk and out of his mind, aiming at the bottles. Crazy bastard.
BAM. BAM. BAM. BAM. BAM.
Then he lets out a howl when he hits one, it smashes everywhere. He’s a crazy motherfucker, he could easily hit the headstone and it could ricochet anywhere. I’ve seen him do some super crazy shit before, but this takes the biscuit.
When it’s over, I look up to him, still crouched down as he laughs.
“You see that, Steel? I got one.”
“Gunner,” I say slowly. “What the shittin’ hell are you doing?”
“Shooting,” he says like it’s obvious, and then he opens the barrel and proceeds to load it again.
“Hand me the gun,” I bark.
He’s unperturbed. “What if I don’t want to? Come on, Steel, have a go.”
I stand as he deliberates his next move. I can get the gun off him without a problem but it may still be loaded.
“I know what I’m doing,” he slurs groggily. Even drunk, he looks like a goddamned fallen angel.
“Gunner, hand me the fuckin’ gun before you kill somebody.”
He gives me an exaggerated eye roll and then reluctantly hands it over. I make sure it’s definitely not loaded, turn the safety on, and shove it down the back of my jeans.
“Taking you home.”
He ignores me, goes toward the headstone, and retrieves one of the bottles, I realize it’s full of Tequila; he grabs it and takes a couple of chugs, coughing as it runs down his chin.
Jesus.
“You know why I’m shooting her?” he sneers. Man, I’ve not seen him this wasted for a long time, he could be high too, he smells like weed.
“Yeah, kid, I know why.”
“She did nothing,” he states, “she did absolutely nothing!”
Here we go.
I was fifteen when he, at eight years old, and Summer, at seven, came to stay with us temporarily in foster care. It turned out they’d both suffered horrendous emotional, physical, and sexual abuse by their stepfather. When the dude got caught, he put a gun down his throat, their mom committed suicide shortly after by overdose. It’s some pretty fucked up shit. Now and again, the trauma rears its ugly head.
“She knew and she did nothing, what kind of person does something like that?”
“She’s gone now,” I say. “Nobody can hurt you anymore, you know that.”
I’ve always had a soft spot for Gunner, even though we rib each other and fight like cats and dogs, he’s literally like my little brother. I taught him how to fight, how to be tough, how to shoot his first bow and arrow, hell, how to talk to girls. I shake my head at the memory.
“Summer still suffers, you know,” he goes on, ignoring me. “You’d never know it but she does. I tried my best, I’d hide her in the cupboard and told her not to come out until it was over. He always preferred me anyway.”
A cold shiver runs through me. I don’t want to hear this, it turns my stomach. I’ve heard it all before and it never gets any easier. You’d never know by looking at either of them what they’d gone through. They ended up being adopted by a wonderful lady called Gloria, she lives down in Florida now. Gunner came back to prospect for the club the minute he was old enough. Hutch knew, Kirsty and my mom too, but nobody else, not even the brothers. The club saved his life, without Hutch, he’d be in the gutter strung out on drugs, probably follow in his old lady’s footsteps.
He looks up at me. “You’re the brother I should have had,” he tells me with watery eyes.
He looks so broken. A lump forms in my throat as I take in his sorry state.
“The club did more for me than my own flesh and blood, I owe you. I owe Hutch.”
He’s also always had self-esteem issues, not that you’d think it the way he carries on with the chicks, but it’s all bravado. I know him better than anyone.
“You owe us nothing.”
“That’s not true and you know it.”
“We’re your family, you know we’d do anything for each other, now quit this shit and let’s go home. I’m freezing my nuts off out here.”
While he’s going off on his next tangent, I try and call my mom but she doesn’t pick up, shit, she’s on night shift all night. I dial Liliana.
“Hey, Steel.”
“Hey,” I say, stepping away. “I need you at Mom’s, Gunner is going through a… situation. Mom is on night shift, you okay to watch him? He’s been hittin’ the bottle pretty bad this time.”
It’s risky, he may blab to Lily but I know him well enough to know he’ll pass out soon and I don’t want Summer to see him like this. It’ll only bring up bad memories and upset her too.
“Jesus, is he okay?”
“Just meet me at Mom’s, okay?”
“Okay, see you soon.”
I hang up and dial Colt.
“Hey, Steel.”
“Hey, I need you to bring your cage to Oak Park cemetery pronto.”
He pauses. “Everything okay, Steel?”
“Yeah, I’ve got a small situation that I’m handling, just bring the cage and I’ll take it from there but I need you to take my sled back to the club.”
“Okay, I’m en route in five.”
“Thanks.”
I text my mom
that Gunner is under the weather and he’s gonna be in the spare room tonight, Lily’s gonna look after him. I then text Sienna and tell her I need a rain check tonight. That sucks big time, I’ve been looking forward to being with her all day, but the brotherhood comes first.
I press send and turn back to Gunner.
He’s sitting on his knees, quiet. Faze two has kicked in.
“Come on, we’re gonna get out of here, I’ll take you to my mom’s.” He likes it there.
He doesn’t move.
“Gunner?”
“I hate her,” he says quietly. “I fuckin’ hate her.”
I close my eyes. “I know, Guns, I know.”
“I’m glad she’s dead.”
I don’t say a word.
“Is that an awful thing to say? Am I an awful person, Steel?”
I pinch the bridge of my nose. “No.”
“Where do you think people that hurt children go? In the afterlife?”
I let out a silent breath of air. “I don’t know, definitely not to heaven.”
He snorts. “Yeah, maybe she’s in hell with him, maybe they’re burning together, gettin’ what they deserve.”
I take the bottle away that’s resting by his side and tip it out onto the grass. He doesn’t need any more tonight.
“I’m sure they are, Guns.”
He nods. “Yeah, and when I get there, I’ll kill them both all over again.”
My eyes go wide. I don’t believe in heaven or hell… I don’t even really believe in God, I don’t think, but now isn’t the time for a debate. “You won’t go to hell, brother, that I know for sure.”
He grunts a snort again. “You think?”
“Nah, Guns, I know.”
He laughs out loud, then he stills.
Faze three.
“She just didn’t do anything,” he whispers. He holds his head in his hands and starts to hunch his shoulders over. It’s weird, he never cried as a kid, not once, but I’ve seen him cry before as a man and it’s some heavy shit. He’s as badass as they come in everyday life, but like this, he’s a different person. Like this, he’s just a kid fighting his demons and maybe he’ll be fighting them for a long time to come.
He starts to sob. It’s a horrible, horrible sound listening to a man do that, I’m not good with this kind of stuff, I can’t even handle Lily crying.
What a fuckin’ day it has been. I run a hand down my face, I suddenly feel very tired. I want nothing more than to go and snuggle in bed with Sienna… yes, snuggle, because she’s warm and soft and she feels like home. Not for the first time today I realize I’m fucked. I want her.
I know Gunner will regret this display tomorrow, he’ll try to make it up to me, not that he has to, I understand. I get it. I’m his person. I won’t judge him, I never have. But I let him get it all out, he needs this. I stand there with my hand on the back of his cut and let him sob.
17
Sienna
I’ve spent all day deliberating whether to come to the clubhouse tonight, but Steel made it clear he wants me there to meet everyone. I don’t know if that’s a good idea, it probably isn’t, but they are celebrating and I guess I am too in a way—a new beginning. Plus, I would be lying to myself if I said I’m not curious about the club.
I’m starting to feel things for Steel and I don’t quite know what to do about it, it’s ridiculous, but I don’t regret sleeping with him, and not seeing him last night reminded me of how much I’ve come to suddenly enjoy being here, largely due to him which is stupid, very stupid. And it’s not just between the sheets, there’s something about him that makes me feel safe, something I haven’t known before.
I hitch a ride with Colt after my shift ends and text Steel when we’re on our way. I wear some ripped jeans, my thigh-high boots, a bodysuit, and a short faux leather cropped jacket. I keep my hair loose and wavy. I hope he likes what I’m wearing. I don’t have to wait long to find out; he’s waiting for me when we pull up. I don’t even get to the handle and he’s there at the door. He pulls me out and into his arms, kissing me hard before I even know what’s happening. He smells his usual musky scent mixed with bourbon and cigarette smoke.
Colt quickly disappears.
“What have you done to me, woman?” he says in my ear, his voice is low and husky when he breaks apart from me.
I’m breathless, I feel his hard length press into my stomach. Holy Hannah.
“I should spend a night away from you more often,” I laugh. He shuts the door and pushes me against it, his lips on my neck.
“Christ, you look good, you wearin’ those fuck-me boots just for me, angel?”
So romantic.
“Yes, funnily enough, an M.C. bonfire is the first place I’ve had the guts to wear them.”
I feel him smile into my skin, he’s awfully affectionate tonight.
“I like them.”
“So, you approve?”
“Didn’t say that, said I like them.”
I shake my head. “Are we going to make it into the party?”
“My old room is upstairs if you prefer that, or there’s always the backseat.”
“Steel!” I chastise. “I came here to enjoy the party and mingle, remember? It won’t look very good if we just take off upstairs.”
He presses his boner into me and I close my eyes, my hands in his hair. “I don’t care how it looks, and I don’t like the sound of you mingling.”
“Chest pounding again,” I giggle.
“Luckily for you, I’ve got some club business to tend to with Colt, otherwise, I would be hauling your ass upstairs and you wouldn’t have a say in it.”
I bite my lip; I know he likes it when I do that. “Sounds awfully barbaric.”
“You don’t know the half of it, babe.”
I smile and reach up, pulling him back in for a kiss just to tease him because he has to go. “That back seat is looking good right about now,” he grumbles.
“Hey, Steel, pull your dick out and get in here!” comes a yell from the clubhouse doors.
I shriek and try to push him off, he doesn’t budge and he just ignores the hollering.
“Fuckin’ Brock,” he mutters.
“Now they think we’re going at it in the car park.”
“Who cares?” He keeps kissing my neck, nibbling me gently.
“I care!” I stammer.
He snorts. “You worry way too much.”
He pulls himself off me, adjusts himself in his jeans, and shakes his head at me.
“I need a cold shower,” he mutters. “Get gone inside, Lily and Deanna are at the bar, get yourself a drink with the girls and I’ll be there in a little bit.”
“Is it safe in there?” I ask as we begin to walk.
“Of course, it’s safe,” he says like I’m delusional.
“What if they’re not at the bar?” I don’t want to be wandering around by myself.
“They are, they’re waiting for you, and anyway, everyone knows you’re with me so you won’t get any trouble.”
I stop, narrow my eyes, and consider that for a second but we’re already through the doors and the pounding music deafens out anything I’m about to say.
Steel looks down at me. He’s big and beautiful and, to be honest, I’d love to skip the party and go somewhere with him, anywhere, even if it is up to his old room upstairs which is probably not somewhere I want to be, especially because he’s been with other girls up there. But all coherent thoughts go out the window when he looks at me like that. He leans down to my ear.
“We don’t bite.”
I try and fail to keep my head held high. “That doesn’t sound reassuring,” I say nervously.
He glances up and nods towards the bar, I follow his eyes and see Lily and the girl who must be Deanna sitting there on high stools, they’re trying to get my attention. The main floor is packed; everyone has turned to stare at us, or namely me. That’s uncomfortable. You can’t hear yourself think over the music which
is set up outside on a stage behind the bonfire, all the doors are open so the music floods through. Thank God there are no neighbors out here, the speakers are as big as Buicks.
“Can’t wait to get you naked,” he says in my ear, then he gives my ass a squeeze, pushes me gently toward the bar, and goes the opposite way as I snake through the crowd.
Steel
I grab an unsuspecting Colt by the scruff of the neck and haul his ass back outside.
Once outside, I let him loose and he looks bewildered.
“What’s up, Steel?” he says as I stare at him. I don’t say anything for a long time, letting him sweat it.
“I think you know.”
He visibly swallows and is immediately on the defensive. “I didn’t touch her… you said to bring her here, Steel, I swear to God that’s all I did.”
I try not to laugh.
Okay, he wants to go there, good, I pretend to take the bait.
“You think about it?”
“No, I swear to God.”
“Why, she not hot enough for you now either? Seems like nobody around here is. You think you’re something special, prospect?”
“No, I know I’m not special, I didn’t touch her, didn’t even help her into the car.”
“That wasn’t very chivalrous of you,” I bark. “She’s a lady, not that I would expect you to know the meaning of that word.”
I want to die laughing, like I’ve ever been chivalrous in my life.
I hear the boys behind me and Cole’s face pales somewhat, he really has no idea how much he’s proved himself, and yeah, I am just screwing with him, but it will be my last opportunity to do so after tonight. Nobody will be able to treat him like shit anymore, namely me.
I move so fast that he doesn’t even see me coming, I grab onto his shirt and haul him closer to me.
“You gonna put up a fight, pretty boy?”
He steels himself, he wants to, but he won’t. I’m a patched member, and he’s a prospect, he won’t fight me.
“You want me to hit you, what the fuck for? I don’t have a death wish, I don’t know what this is about, I swear to God, Steel…”
