by Carrie Noble
ever so gently, plant the seed in John’s head that they were avoiding me because they didn’t like me.
Aware of the times when they could come over I would make sure I had plans and was out of the house. Then, when they refused the invite and suggested another time, it would be when I was out and I would claim that this was further proof that they had an issue with me. If I played this right, I could come out of this looking like the victim.
‘You see John, don’t you? Every time we invite them here they refuse and then they always offer to come over when they know I will not be here. It is so upsetting for me John. You don’t know how it feels. I just don’t know what I have done wrong.’
Every time John told me it was not like that and everything would be OK. He told me they were just a busy family and I was making too much of it. I kept on plugging away waiting for the right time to up the ante.
‘So I tried so hard Louise. Time after time I invited them over or tried to arrange days out together, but it was always Charlie’s swimming lesson or Emily’s play group. So time after time they didn’t come and I just started to feel more and more rejected. I even started to believe that I wasn’t worthy of John and that I should be the one to walk away, you know?
‘What an asshole. I can’t believe that somebody like that could ever be related to John. What happened’?
It was a surprise event on the day of my 60th birthday that made me realise that I needed to take action and make mine and John’s happiness my only priority. I knew that he loved his family, but they didn’t deserve him and if I didn’t get in there first they would convince John that he was better off without me.
‘So tell me about your birthday Mich, what did you do?
‘Oh Louise, it was perfect. We decided to go to a country house in Devon for the weekend to celebrate my birthday. Just me and John for three whole days. I couldn’t wait. John spoilt me rotten and we had a lovely time. Then on the last night we were walking through the gardens when he suddenly stopped. At first I started to freak out. I really thought that he was going to tell me that it wasn’t working out. Before I could speak I realised that he was getting down on one knee and he was getting a ring box out of his pocket.’
‘Oh Michelle, it sounds amazing.’
‘Oh it was. I was so happy and I couldn’t wait to start planning the wedding.’
That was true at first. When John proposed I was so happy I cried. But, every time I thought about the wedding I started to get upset. I didn’t want Patrick there. I knew he didn’t like me and that he thought I wasn’t good enough for his dad. On top of that, this was my big day, mine. I didn’t want any reminders of his past marriages there. I wouldn’t have it. I just wouldn’t.
After the proposal, we started to plan the wedding, but every time we talked about it I would get upset and list all the things that showed that Patrick didn’t like me. Every time we had the conversation I suggested that we should leave getting married but still he told me that I had got it all wrong and it was all in my head.
This just made me more and more frustrated, which rapidly turned to more and more anger. I suppose it was inevitable really but eventually it all got too much and our small disagreements about Patrick evolved into something a lot more explosive. I couldn’t take it anymore and in a fit of anger I gave him a choice, Patrick or me. I will never forget the look he gave me as he slammed the door behind him. I had never thought that his explosive anger would have been turned against me. I loved him and just wanted him to be happy. Why couldn’t he see that?
One thing I learnt about John in the two months that followed that night was just how stubborn he was. I phoned him and left messages but he never got back to me. In the end I was forced to go to his flat. I had to see him. I had to make him realise that he loved me and needed me, but it was hard work.
For two months we argued over and over about Patrick. He insisted it was all in my head and I insisted it wasn’t. However, I started to realise that John hated being on his own but didn’t want to lose face. We compromised. I told him that I could give everything another chance if he spoke to Patrick and asked him to apologise for the way that I had been treated.
I could tell that John wasn’t entirely happy with this but I also knew that being on his own was starting to take its toll so he emailed Patrick and arranged to meet him in the local pub.
The meeting went the way I expected it to and the way I had been hoping it would. Patrick had insisted that he didn’t have an issue with me and that he hadn’t done anything wrong. John begged him to just apologise and then everything would be ok. Patrick was as proud and stubborn as John, and the thought of apologising for something he hadn’t done was too much for him. He told John to stick his apology before storming out the pub, leaving John and what remained of their relationship behind.
I had already discovered to my own cost how stubborn John could be. Now, I just had to hope that this was another personality trait that he shared with his son. When a month went by with neither man making contact with the other it was confirmed. Neither man was willing to back down.
Another month went by and I focused on planning my wedding. Now I was going to have the wedding that I wanted. Just me and John. It was my day and I wasn’t going to share him. There would be nobody there that could ever come between us.
The day had been perfect. We had gone to the registry office and then to our favourite restaurant for a romantic meal. As we sat gazing into each other’s eyes I couldn’t believe how lucky I was. I had done it. I had him to myself. He was all mine. My dream was complete. I had everything I wanted, didn’t I?
When we came back from honeymoon John seemed a bit distant and I knew that the anger he felt towards Patrick had gone and he was missing his son and grandchildren. I knew I had to do something. If John allowed them back into his life, they would just hurt him again and then they would try to come between me and John. I couldn’t allow it. I needed to reignite the argument.
Knowing that John was missing Charlie and Emily and knowing how protective Patrick was of them, I knew that they would be the key again. So when I found out that they would be at a family birthday party that we were not planning on attending, I had a sudden change of heart.
I convinced John that we should go so that he could see Charlie and Emily and that maybe when Patrick saw how happy he was to see the children he would realise how irrational he was being. I was so convincing that I nearly believed it myself. There was not a chance.
When we arrived at Isabel’s bearing gifts for the birthday girl as well as for Charlie and Emily, the children ran to John screaming, pleased to see grandad again. The rest of the guests fell silent. They all knew what had happened, had already quietly taken sides and were now eagerly anticipating what was going to happen next.
John surprised us all by walking up to Patrick and saying hello. Oh no, maybe this was not going to end the way I had planned. But no, thank heavens for Patrick. He couldn’t believe that his father had walked up to him after all those months and was acting like nothing had ever happened. The pain of those months became clear when Patrick let rip with a ten-minute rant about what had happened and how it had affected him and the children. When he had finished Cara got all their coats, he apologised and they all left. Nobody in the room spoke, they just looked at John, before going back to their previous conversations. We left, knowing that we were not wanted there.
I knew then that I wouldn’t have to worry about Patrick anymore. That last, very public row would be the last straw for both of them. The wounds were too deep and would never heal.
‘Oh babes, everything you have been through has been so awful. But that is behind you now. So come on, tell me, what is married life like then? You still all loved up?
If only she knew. I start to laugh but I can’t control it anymore. The tears start to fall.
‘What have I done?’
‘Michelle, you’re not making any sense. What do you mean?’
‘I had to do
it. I had to get rid of them. They would have split us up. John was all I wanted and I just wanted everything to be perfect, but Lou, if I had known then what I know now.’
I had been convinced that I knew best. John didn’t need anybody else. He just needed me. I could make him happy.
After the wedding, reality started to set in. I knew that John liked a drink but after the wedding it seemed like he was drinking more and more. Maybe I just hadn’t noticed because I had been so busy with planning the wedding.
Another thing, had he always been this argumentative. Some days it was like nothing I did was right, everything I did annoyed him. It was only a matter of weeks before snappy comments about the way I cooked tea or for talking during the football started to take on a nasty edge.
The drinking made him worse, when he had had a drink he would become so nasty that I would often end up running to the bedroom crying, wondering where the charming, kind man I had met had gone, wondering if he had actually ever existed. I had spent so much time trying to get him to myself, scared of losing out on spending time with him. As I sat on the bed alone after being told to get out of his sight again I realised how much I wished I could send him over to his sister’s or send him out to the pub with Patrick.
Even if it didn’t get him back to the person I
