DysFUNCTIOpia

by Jose Moreno

CHAPTER XII***

  After an “expeditious hearing” with a judge, Barón was told that he was going to be in Jail Building #12 of south Truxes without the possibility of visitations. It was one of the thirty four privately own prisons that had been built in the South Truxes area—the prisons were owned by the same secret agency that had captured Barón in the woods. Those prisons were built to serve the needs of fifteen percent of teen-agers who lived in South Truxes for committing crimes against their functio-education—one unfortunate side effect of functio-education at home was that it was hard to specialize to everyone. In these prisons, teachers were humans; they were trained for many years to deal with those students that were not passing the standardized tests that were required every month for all subjects. Those teachers had to make sure that more than seventy five percent of their students graduated from their classes; otherwise they were fired. On the other hand, due to the teacher shortage, administrators from the institution could make a teacher out of anybody that seemed suitable for the job—Parents had no voice once their kids were considered criminals. In this way, given that Barón showed potential from the point of view of the man that interviewed him, he would be a trusty at the prison where he was going to be held responsible of a classroom.

  He was driven by a land car to the door of the 20 story jail building, escorted by two other men in wool suits, and taken directly to the third floor where a special isolated jail was prepared for him. He was going to be in solitary confinement as much as possible. Just like the other cells, there was only one bed, a metal desk with a lamp, and metal chair with cushion next to the desk. On the bed, there was Barón’s uniform –It was a uniform that was worn by all inmates; Barón was no exception even though he was going to be teaching. Barón knew it was the type of uniform that was worn by student forty years before because it was like the one he had seen in a movie: the uniform was made out of cotton; the pants were light grey; the shirt was white; the sweater was light blue and had the slogan of the Jail; there was a pair of new black shoes. Also, there was a closet and bag full of old fashion school material. In the closet, there were just a bunch of striped pajamas. In the bag, there were notebooks made out of recyclable materials, erasable ink pens, permanent ink pens, and erasers. There was a book shelf that contained old fashion books—Barón knew that he was going to be extremely bored with just a few books on his shelf.

  In contrast, the rooms that the other students lived in were smaller and they had to share them with four other cell mates. The other inmates were not allowed to come out of their cells unless a guard escorted them anywhere within the building. Barón could walk out of the cell and walk freely only on the hallway of the third floor which was designed for guess staff.

  Everywhere in the prison, there were not functiomatons except for the ODFs everywhere –The mission statement of the jail was “Reform, by means of direct in person instruction, youth that have compulsively omitted their functio-education”; in this way, the institution tried hard to abstained staff and prisoners from using any functiomatons in order to make sure that staff actively tried to form a social relations with the students. The goal of the staff was to show how inefficient socially transmitted information is. Also, they encouraged them, after having served their time, to use technology and appreciate it whenever they encounter it. The prison was a way to make the students miss all the technology in their lives and look forward to the day when they come out to be able to use it.

  Barón was fortunate to have been able to make a deal with the Federal Government under the supervision of the powerful secret agency—so secret the agency was that just a few people in the United States knew the legitimate power it had to negotiate with the obscure Judicial Branch. Without a lawyer, by means of a Virtual Court House (VCH), defining himself legally as a “special under age citizen with impeccable records,” Barón was able to negotiate the terms of his sentence in terms of results obtained while being in jail: He had to make sure that at least seventy-five percent of the students graduated in two years just like the other teachers at those institutions were required to attain in order to maintain their jobs. Somehow, it made sense to the unenlightened judge—watching Baron and the man in the suit virtually through goggles—to have allowed Barón to receive this outlandish punishment under the supervision of the mysterious agency; it was going to be an unorthodox punishment.

  If he met the goal, he was going to be considered for a hearing where he could come out after two years and receive training as an engineer under the supervision of the agency. If he did not meet the goal, he was going to be transferred to an adult prison, after two years, where he would serve no less than twenty more years. Barón was given the option to quit his teaching position at any moment; however, choosing not to teach would be considered as failing to meet his 75% graduation rate goal. The problem was that only about 50% of youth graduated from the institution. Barón knew that it would be a challenge to teach in jail #12 because he lacked experience and training.

  On the other hand, he was aware that teaching was not really the goal. The man explained to Barón that he wanted him to “use all his leadership and intelligence to guide youth towards socially acceptable goals in the environment which Barón desired for everyone”—an environment free from technology. The man told him that he would learn something important about other students that before he had not had the opportunity to learn about due to the “technological alienation” that Barón had been going through next to the academic functiomaton at home; function-school did not meet his “monstrous intellect”.

  What Barón did not realize was that, by teaching miscreants, he would be the one receiving an education. Barón accepted the deal offered by the man in the suit thinking that he was not going to recant his humanistic view of life. He thought that teaching was going to be a pain in the neck, but it was not going to make him change his philosophy about functiomatons. Barón was blinded by his overconfidence.