TWELVE MINUTES

by Kathryn Hewitt

  “A good idea because he’s so cute? You left that part out before,” she said, looking a little annoyed that she hadn’t been in the nonexistent loop.

  “Not why. But yeah, he’s cute, but that’s not why I like him,” I added defensively, then regretted it. Kara’s right eyebrow shot up. “I just mean, he’s cool. He’s a nice guy.” I guess he was. I never thought about that part, mostly because when I thought of Harrison, I thought of how he was always heading to more important things, or always moving on from whatever boring thing he had just been subjected to. But the reality was, Harrison was a nice guy. He was relaxed enough when we hung out to not make me anxious, and disinterested enough in everything in general that it made me feel at ease. And he was always nice, even when he was teasing me. Hey, the guy even managed to not hurt my feelings when he’d called me a bitch.

  “Well that’s good. Ok, Cass, we’ve been in here long enough to make it weird if we continue to stay. Let’s go back out.” Kara was apparently satisfied by my motives and was taking control. Good. I needed her for this stuff.

  Re-entering the living room, I pretended like I didn’t notice that everyone once again turned to look at us. I mean, I guess we were the new people, and the only thing of interest that had apparently changed since we’d left the room, but I still didn’t love it. People were sitting on all of the chairs, but others were standing, so it wasn’t that awkward for us to stand. I briefly glanced around for Harrison, knowing that it was lame to cling to the only other person that I knew, but still feeling the need to do so. He was talking to a girl, a pretty blonde who didn’t look like she was thrilled. I couldn’t tell if it was that she was unhappy talking to him, or just unhappy about what they were talking about, but as I watched, Harrison exhaled, shrugged, and walked away from her.

  Wonder what that was about.

  Harrison didn’t look back at the blonde, just turned in our direction and approached Kara and me.

  “Hey, so we were going to get a game going, Cards Against Humanity, which I know seems like a lame way to party, but I never said this was a party,” he looked at me and I stifled a smile. “So since you guys don’t know a lot of people here, maybe you wanna play? At least you’ll be entitled to a seat that way,” Harrison said, simultaneously turning and then calling over his shoulder, “You guys, off.” He gestured at the two guys who were hogging the couch and they both groaned, but slowly got to their feet. “Come on…Cass?” Harrison had turned back to me and nodded toward the couch.

  I knew that Kara had little interest in playing, but she was serious about her duty, apparently, because she gave me another not so helpful nudge and forced me forward to the recently vacated couch. Not at all interested in sitting on the couch, I was once again rethinking this whole night. Kara dropped down on one side of the worn beige sofa, forcing me to choose between the center and the other edge. Realizing that neither were ideal, one forcing me to be sandwiched by Kara and an unknown, and one inviting an unknown to wedge between Kara and me, I decided that if I had to choose, I’d at least opt for a Kara bordered discomfort. Plopping down next to her, I knew that I looked awkward, but I couldn’t help it. Opening my water again, I chugged several gulps and wondered what I’d do if I ran out.

  “You know that will make you have to pee…” Kara whispered. Shit. I hadn’t even thought about having to venture into a strange bathroom, once all of my water hit me. I immediately re-capped the bottle miserably.

  “Take your jacket off, Cass. You look like you’re counting the seconds until you can bolt,” Harrison joked as he sat down next to me. Ok, at least the unknown who had joined me was less unknown than I’d feared. It could have been that Jorge guy who wouldn’t stop staring at us.

  And my jacket? It was still pretty well lit in here, and I was regretting my tank. It had looked cute at home, but now it made me feel too exposed. Thankfully, I had learned a trick. I had figured out that if I shimmied out of the left sleeve of my jacket, I could then remove my right arm and simultaneously drape my outerwear over it in one fluid motion. This accomplished three things: making it a smooth process, not revealing my arm too obviously, and then keeping it covered as if it were just easier for me to hold the jacket. I even knew exactly the point in the crook of my arm to press the material to my body so that it casually draped, while covering the areas that spoke of my surgeries. Right now it probably looked like I didn’t trust their couch with my clothes, but I’d rather appear stuck-up than be exposed.

  It was depressing that I’d had to discover this trick, but I was happy that I had. It would have been weird to just sit on a couch wearing a jacket. I was sure that Harrison wouldn’t have cared, but I was going for normal, and sticking out bizarrely wasn’t exactly the quickest route there. Kara seemed right at home, despite the fact that I seriously doubted that this was her usual scene, but she laughed at appropriate times and fielded questions like a pro. I was envious of her abilities, and grateful for her presence. I, of course, stayed mostly quiet, except when Harrison directed a comment at me or leaned in and cracked a joke.

  But the best part was that Harrison interacted with everyone else, probably more than he interacted with me, so that it felt natural and not totally weird. We were actually just a group of people hanging out, and I was feeling like I was peering into a world on the next horizon, a world where I might be able to live.

  “Come play, Courtney,” Harrison called to the blonde girl that he’d been talking to before the game had started. Oh, so that was his ‘own personal hell.’ I could see that. She was pretty, slightly built and wearing a lot of makeup, which I wouldn’t have guessed to be his type, but how well did I actually know Harrison? I guess she was probably a lot of guys’ types. Not that it mattered, except for the fact that he seemed to be a little indecisive about her.

  “Fine, but only because Jorge already asked me earlier and I told him I would.” Um, ok. Harrison just shook his head and turned away from her and started talking to another guy, who was setting out the cards. There were only six of us playing, Kara claiming that she’d ‘prefer to watch,’ which didn’t matter to me. I was playing because it was a perfect excuse not to participate in conversation with a lot of strangers, and a good distraction. Plus, I could pretend to look at my cards for a really long time and not just seem like I was avoiding everyone.

  The game was actually fun, one I had maybe played once in College Round One with Kenny, but I’d sort of forgotten about it. Everyone got cards that had words or phrases on them, and then someone would read a lead card that had a statement on it with a fill-in left open. You then chose from your own cards what you thought was the best filler for the blank. Mostly, funniest won, as voted on by the rest of the players. But, it required no personal interaction since you just tossed your card onto a pile, and better yet, revealed nothing personal about you. Well, actually, I take that back. It definitely revealed that Jorge was a perv because all of his suggested cards somehow made everything end up sounding dirty, or like a physically impossible sex act.

  “Well, well, well, Cass. Looks like you’ve missed your true calling,” Harrison said, as I won another round of the game. It wasn’t exactly one where skill was required, and apparently I had a knack for choosing the most hilarious option to suggest for the fill-in-the-blank question. What could I say, I might not show it, but I did have a personality somewhere buried inside.

  “Whatever, she just got a lucky hand,” Courtney said. Jeez, it wasn’t like I’d run over her cat or something. Harrison groaned, not very quietly, and she ignored him while simultaneously scooting closer to Jorge. Jorge just grinned and winked at me, enjoying the shit show of Harrison and Courtney. Good luck with that, Harrison, I thought.

  After it became apparent that the game was wrapping up, or at least that people’s buzzes were wearing off and they were getting antsy, one of the other guys playing, Anthony I thought his name was, threw down his hand and said, “I’m out. Anyone want to play darts?” The other three guys seemed
relieved that someone had finally pulled the trigger, and hopped up as they headed toward the kitchen.

  “They have a dart board in the garage,” Harrison volunteered, even though I hadn’t been curious. I certainly wasn’t going off to play darts with a bunch of random dudes. Which, brought me to what I’d already been thinking for the last half hour.

  “Well, I think we are gonna take off.” I glanced at Kara, knowing that she most likely didn’t care one way or another, but would probably prefer to go home and be with James. She nodded like we’d already discussed this, which was kind of nice of her. Staring at me like I was crazy, or worse, a bitch for just making a decision for the two of us, wouldn’t be such a good look for me.

  “Cool. Thanks for coming, Cass. I mean, I know it was lame, but did you expect anything else?” Harrison grinned at me, his unguarded smile reassuring me that I’d made the right decision in coming. It actually hadn’t been that lame. In fact, it was horrifyingly fun to do something so “lame.”

  “Yeah, I forgive you this time,” I said jokingly, and he just laughed. Slipping my arm back into my jacket before standing up, I then put it on the rest of the way. “Thanks Harrison, I’ll see you around. Good luck with Courtney,” I added and he snorted.

  “Yeah. I’m pretty sure that Courtney is not an issue any more,” he said as he watched her walk out of the room, presumably to go join the guys playing darts.

  “Maybe it’s better that way,” Kara said, and I barely stopped my mouth from dropping open. I couldn’t believe that she’d said that! Thankfully, Harrison just laughed again, shaking his head.

  “Wow. I can’t believe there are two of you out there,” he said, with a smirk. What the hell did that mean?

  “You figured out that we’re sisters?” Kara asked, and I wondered how she’d inferred that from his statement. She was good.

  “You are?” Harrison asked, seemingly surprised. Ok, Kara wasn’t as good as I’d thought. “Nah, but good to know. I just meant, unattainable hot chicks who tell it like it is. Cass was the only one I’d ever met, so I thought she might be a unicorn or something.” Harrison said, smiling.

  “Whatever Harrison. I’m sure that there’s an extremely important dart game with your name on it that you need to run off to, so I’ll talk to you later,” I said, knowing that I wasn’t going to hear the end of it from Kara.

  “Later Cass. Nice to meet you, Kara,” he added, before smirking and turning away, already headed toward the kitchen and confirming my suspicions about his next activity.

  “Bye,” Kara called to the room of people who we didn’t really know, but even I thought it might be rude to just leave without acknowledging them. We'd talked to a few people here and there, but it wasn’t like we had made lasting relationships. Which wasn’t the point anyway, and would have been a little weird.

  Closing their door behind me, I stuck my hand out to Kara who plopped the car keys into it. Switching sides of the car from the ones we’d arrived in, I started it up and adjusted the seat since Kara was a little taller than I was. Pulling away, I felt both proud of myself, and a little relieved to be going home. That had been an experiment, and thanks to all of the holy powers out there, I thought that there was a tiny chance that I’d pulled it off. I hadn’t freaked, I hadn’t been scared, aside from nervousness and a bit of anxiety, and I had felt safe.

  Which was the most important part.

  I’d felt unsafe for far too long and it was getting old.

  “How’d I do?” I asked Kara, hoping that she'd appreciate my attempt at a joke.

  “Harrison is really cute, Cass. I see why he got you to come out.” Ok, that was so not what I’d meant.

  “He’s my friend, for like the millionth time. That’s why I like him.”

  “I get it. He seems nice and a good guy to be friends with. I can tell that he likes you…as a friend, Cass, as a friend. Jeez, it’s like I can hear your thoughts.” I actually laughed. “But it was fun enough, for like a little kick-back. I’m glad I came with you, you definitely needed me,” she added, and I rolled my eyes.

  “Thanks for coming, I did actually. You made it a lot easier for me to feel comfortable,” I said quietly, not taking my eyes off of the road. Stuff like that was easier for me to admit when I wasn’t making eye contact. “Although, way to blow my cover story of having a friend!” I’d just remembered her explosive reveal of our being related.

  “Yeah, sorry about that,” Kara said laughing. “Although Harrison looked like I’d blown his mind when I said that, which made it worth it.” She kept laughing and I couldn’t help but join her.

  “Well I guess it just makes us a couple of unicorns, Kar,” I said as we pulled into our driveway.

  “I already knew that, Cass,” Kara said, and I couldn’t prevent the soft smile that tilted my lips up.

  THIRTY-SEVEN

  “Yo,” Harrison said as he dropped into the seat next to me at the coffee shop. He’d arrived at his earlier time for our last meeting, and it was nice to know that I hadn’t totally alienated him by my behavior at the party.

  “Hey,” I responded. I was nervous about seeing Charlie, knowing that he’d be expecting me to make a decision soon, since our project was done. That was the problem with procrastination, you inevitably still reached your deadline. And I was also a little nervous about his feedback on our project. Harrison and I had actually worked pretty hard on it, so it would suck if Charlie was disappointed it in…for my ego and for our grade.

  “Sorry about the other night, Cass. Courtney was being a bigger bitch than usual.” Was she? I honestly was so in my head that although I’d sort of noticed, I’d certainly not taken it personally. Courtney didn’t even know who I was.

  “I didn’t notice,” I said, hoping to make him feel better.

  “Yeah, I figured. You don’t seem to be affected by other people’s opinions of you. It’s one of the things that I like about you,” he said, picking up his phone and sending off a text.

  Ok, maybe Harrison knew me less well than even I had thought. I was forever concerned with other people’s perceptions of me. In fact, it was like a cornerstone of Rachel’s epic battle with me.

  “First of all, I would say the same about you, Harrison. Secondly, who on earth, or how many different people, are you always texting?” I finally couldn’t take it. I was probably more surprised that I’d asked him than he was that I’d asked.

  “No one. Well, a bunch of people.” I must have looked like he was speaking a different language because he laughed. “Right. I mean, it depends. But it’s usually my mom or my little brother.” Harrison was amazingly unembarrassed about this fact and it made me so envious of him. To have such a lack of insecurity must be amazing. “Yeah, it’s annoying for sure. It’s either my mom busting me for something I didn’t do that she’d asked me to do, making sure that I am going to do something that she asked me to do, or my brother making sure that I am going to do whatever it is that my mom asked me to do for him. Usually it’s like them both making sure that I’ll pick him up or whatever.” Harrison just shook his head like this was the most annoying yet most normal situation, and that any human being on earth could relate to it. I guess they probably could?

  “Wait, how old is your brother?” I asked, kind of confused.

  “Ten. Do you have any idea what texting with a ten year old is like?” Harrison rolled his eyes exaggeratedly.

  “No. Wait, your ten year old brother has a phone? And texts you?” This was intriguing and also weird to me.

  “Yeah, don’t get me started. My mom’s brilliant idea of getting him a phone…for safety…which translated into kaboom!” Harrison mimed an explosion. “At least on my end. I can’t tell you how many texts he’s sent me trying to convince me that Mom needed me to pick up candy for him.” I laughed. I couldn’t help it.

  “Right. SOS...In need of Gummy Bears?” Harrison laughed in response.

  “Exactly.” He shook his head before he just stopped talking, lik
e he’d moved on, and I had to laugh again. That was Harrison for you. Then he surprised me by saying, “So, Kara? She’s your sister?” I just nodded, not knowing where this was headed but being terrified that he was going to accuse me of pretending like I had friends. “Cool. She seems nice. Not like you, but nice enough.” Was that an insult or a compliment? Probably both, I decided, although I was still unclear as to which component was directed at whom.

  “Like me?” I couldn’t help it.

  “Yeah, you know. She’s also an alien species, but not like, chill like you.” Huh.

  “Harrison, you’re constantly making fun of me, how chill can you actually think that I am?” I was curious.

  “That’s why. I know I can mess with you because you’re chill. You don’t care and you think it’s funny.” I felt like there was an ‘obviously’ that had gone unsaid at the end of his statement, except I still didn’t get what was obvious.

  “I guess,” I said, laughing. It was true, I never took him seriously.

  “What’s so funny?” Charlie's unmistakable deep voice asked. I guess he’d arrived and for some reason, he looked like he didn’t think it was funny that something was funny.

  “Hi Charlie,” I said, my heart racing just from seeing him and having him sit down next to me. His masculine smell hit me and I got a little light headed. I really needed to figure out what I wanted from him, and fast, because this limbo was becoming too intense. I wanted to be with him but I didn’t at the same time, and just the thought of thinking about it any longer, was overwhelming. I felt like I hadn’t stopped thinking about it since he’d asked me out. Probably before.

  “Hi Cassandra. Harrison,” Charlie said, giving me a smile before directing a quick nod at Harrison. Harrison just sat there. Ok. “So, guys, I’m hoping that you have some good stuff to show me.” Charlie looked back at me expectantly, which was funny since I’d sent our project binder home with Harrison the day that we’d finished it, not wanting to be the one responsible for having it in my possession. And we’d sent the digital copies to Charlie, so he already knew what we had.