TWELVE MINUTES

by Kathryn Hewitt

  “My mom likes me to tell her when I go places. I can’t just leave, the alarm alerts her if it’s disarmed.” This was true, but I also knew that she had disabled the notifications from her phone because it was too annoying to be alerted every single time that Kara came and went.

  “You’re wearing on my patience, Cassandra,” was all that Charlie said, but his simple statement screamed so much more.

  “What do you want from me, Charlie?” I couldn’t help the question that poured out of me. I was morbidly fascinated by what he thought was going on, and maybe if I had a clearer understanding of his endgame, I could better strategize.

  “I only want what you yourself want, Cassandra. For us to be together. Always.”

  That final adverb chilled me to the core.

  FIFTY-FIVE

  “Hi. Can you come over?” I was speaking softly.

  “I’ll be there in ten.”

  Harrison arrived exactly ten minutes later, and I greeted him at the door. He had a smile on his face, but he couldn’t hide his confusion from me. Silently taking his hand, I led him to my room, closing the door behind us. Barely inside, I reached up onto my toes and wrapped my arms around Harrison’s neck, breathing in his comforting scent and exhaling for what felt like the first time since he’d left this afternoon.

  “Cassie Cass?” he said, a million unspoken questions in those two little words. Not able to talk just yet, I pulled my face from the crook of his neck and looked into his dark eyes. Holding his gaze for a beat, I finally blinked and knew what I wanted. Slowly, so slowly, I inclined my face to his, pressing my lips softly against Harrison’s. His arms came around me, holding me lightly but close, as I relaxed into his arms. It was an innocent enough kiss, but I didn’t pull away just yet, savoring the feel of our connection. I knew that it seemed counterintuitive that after what I had just lived through I wanted to take comfort in physical contact, but I needed to remind myself that this kind of sharing of emotions, this kind of expression of affection was good and right.

  Pulling away and sighing, I rested my head against Harrison’s chest, my arms coming down to encircle his waist. Closing my eyes, I accepted what Harrison represented and all that he was offering me. The warmth and safety of being in his arms was almost foreign, unlike anything I had experienced, but I cherished it.

  “Thank you for coming,” I whispered, my eyes still closed as his hand had come up to run his fingers through my hair.

  “I’ll always be here for you, Cass. Especially when you ask.” As I absorbed his words of unconditional support, I knew for the first time in my life, I was actually lucky.

  Pulling back to look up at Harrison, I could only imagine what he was thinking, what he was wondering had prompted me to call on him. I hated to ruin this perfect moment between us, but he needed to know. If we were to continue to build whatever this was between us, I needed him to know. Meeting my eyes, Harrison gave me a soft smile, and I suspected that he sensed that I needed to tell him something important, but it was almost like he too didn’t want this meaningful shared experience to end.

  Finally separating from him, I led him to sit with me on my bed, kicking off my shoes as I climbed on. Turning to look at him, I grabbed his hand, needing to feel our connection, needing his strength to join with mine so that I could face what had to be said. Harrison seemed both relaxed to be sitting with me, and preparing himself for what I was about to reveal. Perhaps I was lending him my own support.

  “I don’t even know how to tell you this…” I started, before looking away, staring off as I tried to formulate my words.

  “It’s fine, Cass…I can take whatever it is that you need to say,” Harrison said, and despite the pain that flickered across his face, I knew that he could. I also realized in that moment that what Harrison thought I was going to say was so far from the truth, it was almost laughable. For him to think that I would ask him here, get him to be as vulnerable as he had been, and then tell him that I couldn’t see him anymore was both tragic and in keeping with Harrison’s acceptance of the harsh world around him. I just shook my head, almost wishing that things were that simple.

  “Well, I guess I should start by saying that I really appreciate you in my life, Harrison. You are the first person who I have sort of let in, who I allowed myself to trust, and for that I am so thankful. But for you to then become so much more, mean so much more than just that, well I didn’t actually know that was possible for me. And I want to be with you, and I think that you want to be with me…”

  Harrison was watching me as I spoke, a million emotions flickering across his face as he tried to remain stoic, tried to reconcile what I was saying with what he had been afraid I was going to say. But when his smile started to emerge, slowly but with a sheer joy behind it, I wanted that smile to be in my life.

  “So, I guess what I’m trying to say is, thank you, Harrison. Thank you for showing me that maybe possibly I could be happy.” Harrison started to say something, but I cut him off. “But I have to tell you why I asked you to come over. It was bad, Harrison…” I paused as I watched the smile slip from his face, his concern immediate. “You kind of know what happened to me, or at least I’m guessing that you’ve figured out as much as you want yourself to know, but that day I was jogging, I was attacked….and assaulted. But the police never found my attacker, there was never any closure, and I was ok with that. All they had was DNA and the theory that he was left handed based on my injuries. I had enough to deal with, trying to work through my physical recovery and attempt to regain my mental health. So at the time, that form of resolution felt like one more hurdle to wellness. Not that I liked the idea of him being out there, or that he could violate someone else, but I was just one very messed up girl.” I had to catch my breath, I was speeding up and had to slow everything down, my breathing, my mind, my world.

  “Well, you know how Charlie has been, sort of aggressive in his pursuit of me…” Anger clouded Harrison’s face and I saw him clench his jaw, but I pressed forward. “Well, you know how he’s kind of been escalating…” I was dreading retelling this, but I forced myself to get it out. “He entered my home, while I was saying goodbye to you this afternoon, and was waiting for me when I came back in.” The sharp inhale of Harrison’s breath as he fought with what I had just told him was enough to make me want to leave it there, but neither of was would be satisfied with that.

  “He broke in, he surprised me, and I’d been so happy, so content with how my life was changing, with how you and I were, and it all came crashing down around me. I was trapped again, I was being held against my will, and this time, though, I knew the enemy…and it might have made it all the worse. Charlie was obviously not who I…who we, thought he was. He kept saying that he wanted me to go with him, he kept telling me how we were destined to be together, and at first, all I could think about was how to convince him that he was wrong.”

  “He’s wrong,” Harrison said, and except that I was reliving hell, I’d have smiled.

  “He’s wrong,” I repeated. “But Charlie isn’t one to be dissuaded once he’s made his mind up, and I kept drawing from all that I’ve learned since my attack, all of the growth I have made, but it still felt hopeless. But it was just Charlie, right? Except then he said something, and all of the mysteries of the world seemed to become clarified, it was like all of the unknowns were explained.” Harrison looked at me like he was scared to hear where this was headed, but just as confused.

  “Charlie was my attacker, Harrison. Charlie grabbed me and raped me and beat me almost to death…and then he came back for me.” I sobbed, but forced myself to not allow the avalanche of emotions that were threatening, to bury me. Harrison opened his mouth and then immediately closed it, the horror on his face painful to witness. “It was Charlie, it was always Charlie…” I couldn’t go on other than to whisper, “But he didn’t win. I survived…pretty face and all.”

  Harrison pulled me to him, his arms holding me tighter than he’d ever dared bef
ore, as if he needed both of us to know that we had each other, that we could cling to one another and make it.

  ✧✧✧

  “It was my only hope, and by some miracle, the Highway Patrol ran my number and it was flagged in connection to the Restraining Order. I would have never let him take me, but I have no clue how I would have accomplished it. But the police came, and Charlie tried to convince them that they’d just shown up by mistake, that he and his girlfriend,” I almost choked on the word, “were simply hanging out and that I must have made a pocket dial. But he’d forgotten about the Order.” Thank god Diane had insisted I take one out on Charlie. It had saved my life.

  We’d been lying on my bed as the darkness took over my room, side by side, me curled into Harrison. I’d given him a brief overview, just so that he could feel reassured, but I couldn’t voice the details until we’d held each other in silence for a long time. I was still shaking intermittently when the memories washed over me, how close I’d come to reliving something that no one ever should have to experience, but Harrison didn’t rush me, or push me for details. All he’d done was at one point called his mom and said that he’d be home late…and I wished that I had it in me to smile.

  What a Momma’s Boy, I thought with admiration. And I would definitely be saving that for a time when we were back to teasing each other. But for now, I was just thankful; thankful to be alive, thankful to have escaped, and thankful for Harrison.

  ✧✧✧

  What I didn’t tell Harrison, what I would never tell Harrison, was that I honestly thought that Charlie was going to win this time. I had run out of time, I was running out of hope, and I’d certainly run out of excuses to feed Charlie as I stalled the inevitable. Because that was how it felt: inevitable. Charlie had come back to complete what he had started, and all of this time in between, all of the work that I’d put into rebuilding my life was all just me treading water. I hadn’t realized it, I hadn’t understood, but if Charlie was going to continue what he’d begun that day in the park, then today would be my last day before I finally sank.

  I would not be going with Charlie. I would not be allowing him to steal anything else from me without my reneging on my deal. If Charlie were to attempt to take me, I would not be leaving this house alive. And oddly, once this realization had formulated, once it had taken form and begun to crystalize, a peace settled over me. I had made my bargain that day which seemed so long ago, a lifetime ago, and despite finally having reached a point where I wanted this new life, it was not one that I was willing to make twice.

  Because to do so, meant giving Charlie what he wanted. And I was sick of Charlie getting what he wanted, I was sick of his sociopathic sense of entitlement, and sick of not having a say in it. It was fight or flight time, and this bitch was throwing down.

  So when Charlie grabbed my wrist and gave a sharp tug, I ignored the fact that his grip was practically crushing my previously mangled right hand. Instead I figured that it was for the best, better to have just one bad side, instead of him damaging my remaining good one. His pressure made me wince, but I stayed silent. Charlie didn’t deserve to know what I was thinking, and I would only be wasting my words of rationale. He knew that he was hurting me, I saw it in his small smile, and what was even more sickening was that he seemed to be enjoying it. Obviously, I knew that he was insane, but for some reason I had believed him when he’d claimed that he’d never wanted to hurt me.

  One more example of my underestimation of Charlie.

  I would not make that mistake again.

  It was like he'd lit something inside of me, and I was now filled with rage and power and an indescribable energy. I was a survivor. I had fought before I'd even understood this horrific game, but now I was wiser, I was stronger, and I was more determined than ever.

  Charlie. Would. Not. Win.

  Not this time.

  Even though I knew that it was a bad idea, despite knowing that I might actually be hastening my demise, I couldn’t help my loss of control. Except this time, losing what was one of the few things that I had come to need in order to function, had the opposite effect on me. I was eerily calm; more in control now that I had snapped.

  Not today, Satan, I thought to myself and tried to hide my tiny smile. Not that any of this was funny, but I was no longer Charlie’s Cassandra. I was Cass, and I was vengeful. Stomping down on his foot, understanding in that instant that Charlie had never expected me to fight him, his grip slackened. Taking his momentary surprise and drawing from my own internal fire, I ripped myself from his hold and bolted toward the front door. I doubted that I could make it there in time, but I had to try, and by god, try I did.

  As my chin hit the floor, my mouth snapping shut with a crack as my teeth connected, I suspected that I had lost, again. Charlie had lunged and knocked me down from behind, grabbing me by the ankle and dragging me back toward him. And except that my brain was rattling in my head, I almost wanted to laugh. So close.

  “Cassandra,” he huffed from the exertion of his tackle and grab, and I was thrown back in time.

  I want to see your pretty face.

  That fire inside of me, the one that started as an ember, now fully erupted into an inferno. I brought my right knee forward abruptly, bruising it in the process as the kneecap rammed the ground and slid, but I had taken Charlie unawares and he'd lost his grip. Scrambling to my feet, I felt my foot connect with something hard, maybe his shoulder, maybe his face, I didn’t care. All I knew was that this might be my last chance as I registered Charlie’s grunt and flung myself at the door, realizing that the millions of times that I had unlocked it was finally paying off. Muscle memory was miraculous.

  Unlatching the myriad of locks in record time, I’d barely twisted the knob and started to tug the door open when I felt Charlie’s hot breath on my neck where my ponytail left it exposed. Simultaneously, his hand snaked around my middle, pulling me back and against him in one smooth motion. Fully pressed to him, my back to his front, I wanted to close my eyes.

  “Ma’am, is everything alright?” The Policewoman’s voice was that of an angel. I had opened the door just in time, I had done it. I had won.

  FIFTY-SIX

  I was visited by a Detective the next day, and although I hadn’t thought I'd wanted it, my mom’s insistence on her being present with me was actually exactly what I needed. My mom didn’t say anything, but simply by sitting by me, I felt the strength to tell my story. It sounded insane even to me, but perhaps the most unlikely scenarios could only be true. When Detective Cal Carthay introduced himself, I wanted to laugh, despite my mood. No wonder Diane was ‘friends’ with him. She was so going to hear about this when I saw her…

  Diane deserved a handsome Detective whose dedication to his work probably only rivaled hers.

  After Detective Carthay had taken my statement, guaranteeing that the old evidence from my assault which had been relegated to the unsolved section of the department would be retrieved and re-examined, he smiled at me with a jaded, but kind, white toothed grin.

  “You have my word, Ms. Warren, he’s not getting out any time soon. We’ll probably need you at the trial, but don’t worry until then. If anything changes in that regard, you’ll be the first to know.” Rising and thanking us, Detective Cal left and my mom and I sat in silence for a while. After what felt like an eternity, she reached over and took my hand, holding it loosely in hers. We continued to sit like that until Kara came home and joined us, the Warren Women united again.

  FIFTY-SEVEN

  Probably illegally, I learned a whole lot from Diane. She claimed that she couldn’t reveal her source, so I played along and absorbed the information that she provided, which may or may not have been compiled after several police interviews with Charlie.

  Apparently Charlie had first noticed me at a party, one I didn’t even remember, but must have been one that I had tagged along with Kara to when she had been a Freshman in college. The details and timeframe placed it as such, probably one of
the many frat parties that she had allowed me to go with her to, despite my still being in high school. I did not remember Charlie, of course, but I guess I’d made an impression on him.

  But according to him, he’d never seen me again, until one day at the park when he’d happened upon me at the fountain, eyes shut and wishing big. It was there that he began to watch me, not knowing more than my general schedule, and the fact that to him, I’d only grown more beautiful. And then one day, he couldn’t simply watch any longer.

  Supposedly I’d known that he was watching me, that I’d given him a certain look enough times that he’d sensed that his feelings were mutual. Clearly, Charlie was operating on a different plane of reality. When he could no longer deny what we ‘both’ felt, he’d had to act, that fatal day when my entire life changed and I discovered that true evil existed.

  But I’d disappeared after that day, and while he felt like we’d only just begun our journey together, he no longer saw me. Perhaps that was due to being hospital-bound, and then housebound, for so long after my assault. And then it was like the Gods shined on him.