Reckless

by Stella Rhys

  I lifted my eyebrows. Well, well, well. Look who actually does give a shit. Even if it’s the tiniest one.

  I must’ve looked too visibly pleased, because Cole hit me with a look that was a cross between vaguely annoyed and amused.

  “Adam send you here?” he asked, prompting that twisting in my chest again. Please not now, I asked my heart politely as I shook my head no.

  “I was here to watch my client pitch. I’m an agent at Ace now. I left Engelman in March.”

  Cole didn’t react. “Lover’s quarrel?”

  I frowned. What? “No. I just left for another agency. There was nothing—”

  Going on between me and Adam.

  I was going to finish that sentence, but it seemed pointless. Cole didn’t know or care about Adam’s life. At least that was what I thought till he made a sound that I was pretty sure was a snort.

  “Yeah, I still talk to my mom,” he said.

  It took me a second to understand what he meant by that.

  Okay…

  Was he saying… he knew about me and Adam? Being together? Had Heidi told him about us? It felt like a lot of presumption and I didn’t want to ask, but Cole clearly wasn’t the type to say more than he cared to, so I just went for it.

  “She talked to you about Adam?” I asked.

  His sharp features were unmoving, unreadable as he answered. “Sometimes.”

  My pulse picked up.

  Okay, relax, I told myself, trying not to get excited, because there was something depressing about getting excited over this. It felt like an impossible push and pull. I’d made this decision to start my career as an agent in New York, not LA. At this point, I wasn’t going to leave my job at Ace to return to Engelman, so it was pointless to stir up all these emotions I had on Adam’s behalf.

  That was what I told myself.

  Of course, it was virtually impossible not to care, especially as I looked directly at this reflection of Adam—this hardened, grown-up version of the adorable little boy Adam had described in such detail during that trip in Arizona. How before he’d been forced to grow up fast, Cole had been a slightly mischievous but mostly sensitive little boy. He got nervous when his mom spoke to strangers, and ran to hide behind Adam whenever he was afraid or unsure.

  I wished Cole could know all of this.

  How Adam still cared. Still hung on so tight to his memory.

  “You know, he thinks about you all the time.”

  The words had been out for a few seconds before I realized they’d come from my own mouth.

  Meddler, I scolded myself. But I’d already said what I’d said, and I couldn’t take it back, so I decided to own it, an unabashed look on my face as I watched his eyebrows move a little. But he didn’t say anything.

  So I did.

  “He’s never going to stop being your brother. He just wants to look out for you,” I said, trying not to let the utterly unfazed look on Cole’s face discourage me. “He wasn’t just off living the life. He never stopped thinking about you.”

  Cole’s blue eyes studied me now. Before they were just looking at me, but now they were searching.

  “If he’s such a good guy, why are you here instead of LA?”

  My throat contracted for a second. “I had a better opportunity here,” I said. “Doesn’t change a word of what I said about Adam. You’ve been on his mind since the day he left. Everything he does, he does for you and your mom.”

  I thought I saw a sneer curl Cole’s lips, so I braced myself for impact. Cutting words of some kind. But I didn’t get that.

  “I know,” he said, his voice sounding suddenly different.

  Slightly thawed.

  Or did I imagine that? It didn’t matter. I pounced.

  “You know he sits with Rocky every morning at breakfast,” I said, referring to the chihuahua-pug Cole grew up with.

  He snorted.

  “Yeah, I never liked that little freakshow.”

  “Wow. I don’t even know you that well, but that was definitely a lie,” I said as Cole cracked the absolute faintest of reluctant smiles. “I’ve seen that dog. He might look like an alien, but he’s adorable.”

  The rest of Cole’s smile spread on his lips, but he looked over at home plate till it was gone. “He fully blind yet?” he asked, eyes back on me.

  “No. But almost. You should see him before he can’t, you know… see you.”

  Cole’s eyebrows lifted as he chewed his gum. “Poetic,” he said wryly.

  I controlled the urge to roll my eyes. “I wasn’t trying to be, but thanks.”

  We exchanged a few more lines about the dogs. About Gizzy’s. Then we parted ways, but just as I headed up the stairs, he said, “Hey.”

  I turned again, and when I cocked my head, he gave a upward nod. “You were with him for what, five years?”

  I took a second to realize we were talking about Adam again. “Yeah,” I answered.

  He nodded. “That’s almost as long as I knew him,” he said. And for some reason the thought of that stunned me quiet for a little.

  Cole broke the silence.

  “You miss him more than I do though.”

  I managed a laugh. “It’s that obvious?”

  “From the way you’re going to bat for him? Yeah.”

  Now it was my turn to just nod for a little. “So… was there an end to this thought? Or was that it?”

  A smirk glinted in his blue eyes for a second but then he looked serious.

  “Just saying. I know I haven’t seen him in awhile, but if there’s one thing I know about Adam, it’s that when he loves someone, he never forgets them,” Cole said, holding his gaze on me. “Even after they’ve forgotten about him.”

  My heart ripped right in half as I let the words sink in. Everything inside me was still unraveling as I watched Cole turn around, but as he headed off, I said, “Hey!”

  He turned around again, still walking backward as he lifted an eyebrow that said what?

  “You got an agent?” I called out.

  He laughed. “Yeah,” he said, cracking his gum as he swiped his thumb across his nose. He took another few backward steps before saying, “But he’s shit, so I could probably use a new one.”

  I broke into a grin.

  “Good to know,” I said, but he didn’t hear. He was already jogging down the field.

  38

  AJ

  Three days after the game in Pawtucket, I got to work to find a package waiting for me on my desk.

  From Cole.

  In no time, I was sitting down, scissor in hand as I eagerly sliced through the tape to open the little cardboard box. It wasn’t that heavy and I genuinely couldn’t imagine what was inside.

  But when I saw, I laughed.

  Mainly because I hadn’t seen this kind of phone in ages. Since probably middle school. It was probably the best of its kind at the time but now it looked chunky, its screen too small.

  It took me a few seconds to get past my initial amusement to realize exactly why Cole was sending it to me though, but when I realized, I gasped sharply enough to startle someone passing my office.

  “Sorry!” I called after them, though they were already gone and I really wasn’t that sorry. I was too busy dealing with a suddenly thumping heartbeat as I noticed the raggedly torn piece of folded paper left in the box. My hands snatched it fast, like it might poof and disappear if I didn’t, and when I opened it, I squinted, finding myself looking at messy handwriting I could barely make out.

  Do whatever you want with this.

  Cole

  I stared.

  At the note then the phone. And when I realized the phone was charged, I quickly peeked into the camera roll, finding scores of videos recorded from the month of June.

  Sixteen years ago.

  I wasn’t sure if it was a breach of privacy but Cole’s note did say to do whatever I wanted so I played the first video I clicked, a chill erupting over my skin as I heard Cole’s voice sounding younger�
��much younger—as he gave a tour of a school. His school.

  I laughed as he said “this is my locker” before opening the locker and cursing in surprise as a deluge of binders and papers and empty Gatorade bottles spilled out. “Yeah, so… still as messy as ever,” he laughed, the camera shaking as he tried to pick everything up.

  My heart skipped several beats as I realized that thirteen-year-old Cole hadn’t actually ignored Adam’s attempts to reach out. Why he’d never sent the videos, I didn’t know. But I was pretty sure his note was giving me tacit permission to do exactly that on his behalf—sixteen years later.

  I was so thrilled I reached for my phone to text Adam only to remember as I was going into my Recents that he wasn’t there.

  “Dammit, AJ,” I hissed at myself before just sitting still at my desk for awhile. Potentially a full twenty minutes. I honestly had no idea how long it was. I’d lost track of time as I got lost in my thoughts, which were only a mix of happy and sad because I was happy for Adam, and I wanted to be happy beside him.

  But just because I couldn’t be didn’t mean I couldn’t take joy in this moment, because I didn’t know what this phone meant for sure, but I knew it was definitely something. A gesture.

  Or a baby step.

  The next few minutes were spent wondering if I should send the phone to Adam’s house or the office. Given our currently non-existent relationship, I figured it would be less invasive and potentially hurtful if I sent it to the office instead of his house. But then I wrinkled my nose wondering who his assistant was these days and if that person guarded his door well enough to keep say, Kenzie, from going in and potentially opening the package.

  Even you know she probably wouldn’t do that, I told myself.

  But since I was paranoid, I decided the plan was to send the package to Liza to hand deliver to Adam. For whatever reason, it gave me the most peace of mind so before I could waffle again, I picked up the phone and sent Liza a text asking if she could deliver something to Adam’s office for me.

  I expected her to text back immediately with something along the lines of an enthusiastic “of course” or “sure” but instead, I watched her type for what felt like seven whole minutes before she finally sent a text back.

  LIZA: Hey girl! I can’t tell you how much I miss you. And Adam. He doesn’t work here anymore. I feel weird telling you this because I would’ve guessed you knew since he’s also on the East Coast now. He switched agencies.

  My heart stopped.

  I processed the shock of him leaving the job he loved at Engelman only to tackle the shock of knowing he had to be in New York.

  In the same damned city as me.

  I couldn’t imagine he was anywhere else.

  The only other agency he’d be caught dead switching to was another top-tier heavy-hitter, and the best one on the East Coast was Thorn Sports.

  Seriously?

  I tried to grapple with all my warring emotions.

  I felt a natural relief steep in my bones just from knowing he was nearby. But at the same time, I felt incredibly hurt. And insulted. He knew I had come here to get space. To distinguish my career from his.

  And all I wanted was to be a medium-sized fish in this city, but if Adam and Iain were here working together, there was no way I could avoid hearing about them constantly. They were the exact kind of best friend duo the media salivated over, and with their client list together, there would be no doing my job without having to compare to them somehow.

  My heart was still pounding when I texted back Liza.

  ME: That’s actually news to me. Do you know how long he’s been in New York?

  LIZA: Girl

  LIZA: He went to GL Sports of all places

  What the—?

  I stared. I knew the agency. It was successful but small. Located in Connecticut and a fraction of Engelman’s size. Maybe half the size of Ace.

  Adam. There?

  I couldn’t suppress my shock even through text.

  ME: What the hell??

  LIZA: I know. We were all surprised. We knew he wasn’t happy here after how things went down with you but we are all pretty shocked to hear he went from Beverly Hills to Stamford. Can’t wrap my mind around it.

  LIZA: But you know him so maybe you can.

  I actually could.

  My heart was pounding at my desk, because I knew what this was.

  It was Adam’s love for me the exact way Cole had described it.

  He had never intended to let me go.

  When he loved someone, he never forgot about them. He didn’t give up on them and he clearly wasn’t giving up on me.

  But what he was doing was sacrificing for me.

  He could’ve easily gone to Thorn. Had the time of his life working alongside Iain. He’d have a huge office. He’d have Manhattan. It would be a career even bigger and bolder than what he had in LA.

  But he knew I needed space to carve out my own career.

  And he wasn’t going to impede on my wishes.

  I didn’t even know what I texted back to Liza. It was some quick thank you for the information that probably wasn’t all that coherent because my fingers were already itching to text somebody else.

  Someone who I’d had to limit my contact with as well lately, just for the sake of my pain.

  But we’d still texted here and there, and as was the case with her brother, the love was still there.

  ME: Hey. Any chance you can give me your brother’s new address?

  39

  ADAM

  I’d had less than a month of falling asleep with AJ in my arms.

  But apparently that was enough to spoil my tastes.

  It was honestly the biggest thing I missed about my house in LA. The feeling of waking up in that bed and feeling her warmth. Her skin against mine.

  In that house, I’d had AJ all to myself. I’d had her on my couch, in my kitchen, by the pool. In my bed.

  In this apartment, I had… not a whole lot yet.

  Six weeks into living here and it wasn’t quite a home yet. The bed certainly didn’t feel like much. But I didn’t really care. It was a nice, spacious enough apartment, but it was a rental. I had plans to work at this agency for at least the next year, but beyond that, I didn’t know what was happening.

  All I knew was that I wasn’t giving up on her.

  “Alright… alright,” I groaned, stretching in bed when I processed that I’d woken up to the sound of “Barbie Girl” playing on my phone.

  Fuckin’ Holland.

  “I’m going to change this goddamned ringtone today, and you’re not going to guilt me about it,” I said when I picked up.

  “Do whatever you want!” she huffed. “I’m just calling to ask if I left my umbrella outside your door yesterday.”

  Umbrella? She had an umbrella with her yesterday?

  Since I was only an hour drive from Manhattan, Holland and Iain had visited yesterday. They took a tour of my new office, and my new colleagues further wondered what the hell I was doing working at GL Sports in Stamford, Connecticut when I was best friends with Iain Thorn. The fact that I was coming from an agency like Engelman in Los Angeles only confused everyone more. But they were all good, nice-enough people, and both Holland and Iain understood why I’d chosen to be here.

  My career was important, and I’d obviously chosen this path for a reason. But I had a good number of clients and ninety-five percent of them were going to stay with me no matter where I went. Beyond that, I already made enough money to take care of all the people I loved if they so needed, so I didn’t think twice about coming here.

  Neither did my mom.

  Gizzy’s was still alive and well in Santa Monica, but she’d gotten someone to replace her in the kitchen. As soon as I mentioned the idea of moving to the East Coast, she jumped right on board. “If both my sons are there, why would I stay here?” she’d asked with a laugh during our last breakfast at my corner table with the dogs at our feet.

  Since
moving here, we still saw each other the same amount. And she got to see Cole even more.

  “Yeah, I don’t know if your umbrella is outside my door, Holland,” I said, rubbing my face as I opened my eyes.

  “Well, go check.”

  “No. I just woke up and I’m not dressed.”

  “Who cares? You’re at home.”

  “Yeah. But you met my neighbor,” I said, making Holland snort.

  “Oh yeah.”

  I had two other neighbors on the top floor of this building. A married couple and a single woman. Both women seemed to open the door as soon as they heard me open mine. Neither was subtle about their interest, which more than amused my sister yesterday.

  “Well, then put some pants on, Adam. I don’t know what to tell you,” she said.

  “Alright, fine,” I grumbled, rolling out of bed and pulling on a pair of sweats as I made my way out of the bedroom, crossing the living room to get to the front door. When I opened it, I looked down and saw nothing. “No umbrella,” I said just as the elevator dinged on my floor.

  Great, I thought, expecting one or both of my sexually aggressive neighbors.

  But when the elevator opened, I just stood there for a second. And then I heard Holland laugh.

  “Bye,” she said before hanging up and leaving me staring at the vision from my every fucking dream this month. Last month, too. However long it’d been since that night in Palm Beach.

  “Hi,” AJ said, a crooked little smile wiggling onto her lips as she stepped out of the elevator looking like an angel in a white sundress so perfect on her body I forgot what the fuck blinking was. I was honestly afraid that if I blinked, she’d either disappear or I’d wake up from my dream.

  “Hey,” I finally said, unable to tear my eyes off her, even as I heard the sound of one of my neighbors opening her door. AJ briefly turned to look, but I didn’t, and whichever neighbor it was, she got an eyeful of thick morning wood twitching under my sweats as I devoured AJ with my eyes.