Crushed (Collided Book 2)

by Portia Moore

  “Yes, I haven’t ruined anyone’s life.” I laugh and she joins in.

  “Okay, I need a drink anyway.”

  We meet at one of her favorite little outdoor bistro spots. Parker had suggested sushi, which ordinarily I’d be all about, but now there’s a crazy list of things I can’t eat so I suggest a bar and grill that’s close to her office I tell her I’ve been wanting to try

  She has a table waiting for us when I get there. She jumps up from her seat, wrapping her arms around me and squeezing me tightly before we sit back down. “I ordered us mimosas,” she says brightly. “It’s a little past brunch, but who cares, right?”

  “Um, yeah,” I say weakly, taking a seat.

  “So what’s your news?” Parker starts to ask, but before the last word is out of her mouth, she sees the ring on my left hand catching the light. It’s hard to miss. “Oh my god Madison,” she squeals, breathless as she snatches up my hand. “It’s fucking gorgeous! I knew Alex was going to propose at some point. He sent me pictures of rings to look at, but I didn’t know when it would be! Did he pick this out all on his own? This doesn’t look anything like what he sent me.”

  “He did.” I beam proudly for a moment, thinking of what a good job he did. It’s rare for a man to be good at picking out jewelry.

  “He did a damn good job.” Parker turns my hand this way and that, admiring the ring. “I’m so happy for you, Madison!”

  “I’m happy too,” I tell her, and I mean it.

  “Have you started wedding planning yet? What kind of dress do you want? Where do you think you might have it?” Parker fires off a series of questions as the waitress brings our mimosas, and I burst out laughing.

  “Parker, we only got engaged last night. I have absolutely no answers to any of that.”

  Parker rolls her eyes. “Every girl has planned her wedding for years before the actual engagement.”

  “Not this girl.”

  We put in our orders for lunch, a turkey panini and soup for me and a salad for Parker. “Have you told your mom or Melissa yet?” she asks carefully, taking a sip of her mimosa.

  I eye mine, and reach for my water. “No.” I pause, glancing down. “I still haven’t talked to them.”

  “Madison.” Parker’s voice is gentle as she looks at me across the table. “You should tell them. They’ll both be so happy for you. You can’t stay mad at them forever. You even said that you understood where your mom was coming from, that she was just trying to protect you.”

  “I know. It’s just…it’s hard to have the conversation, you know? It feels awkward.”

  “Well, this gives you a perfectly good excuse to call them up. It’ll be water under the bridge.” Parker pauses as our food is delivered, and then narrows her eyes as she looks at my side of the table. “Why are you wasting a perfectly good mimosa? Did you want to do margaritas instead?”

  I let out a small breath and try to hide my smile. “Actually, there’s something else I need to tell you, too.”

  I see her go pale as she realizes what I’m going to say before I even have a chance to start talking. “Are you…” Her eyes go wide and I can see the excitement building in her.

  “I am!” I say. I feel happy and nervous, both emotions simultaneously clashing against one another.

  “Madison you’re going to be a mom?!” she exclaims and I can tell she’s trying to hold back her enthusiasm, probably unsure of what I think about it. But I let the tears I’ve been holding in escape and I nod.

  “Congratulations!” she says, finally letting her excitement spill over. She jumps from her chair and she pulls me into a long warm hug that I’ve been desperately needing.

  “What did Alex say?” she asks as she sits back down in her seat, and I feel my elation dip a bit.

  “I haven’t told him yet,” I tell her cautiously and she looks at me curiously.

  “I want to say it’s because I don’t want to stress him out or worry him until I’m in the clear, but it’s really…” I close my eyes and let out a deep breath.

  “Jackson,” she finishes for me and I nod again. All the excitement and joy that surrounded us has officially been sucked out of the room.

  “You’re not…still in love with him are you?” Parker asks cautiously. My face immediately hardens.

  “No, of course not, if I was I wouldn’t have said yes…even with…” I don’t say it but glance at my stomach and she smiles again.

  “I just…it feels wrong to not say anything to him now. I mean I don’t want to but it’s eating me up inside, especially after he’s proposed. He said I’m his best friend, and outside of you he’s mine, and it just sucks. I feel like I’m betraying him.” Now I’m crying and Parker grabs a napkin and is dabbing my face.

  “I wish I knew what to tell you honey. I can’t imagine what it must be like to carry around what you are.”

  “It’s like every happy moment I have I feel like I don’t deserve it, and it’s hard to relax because it’s like there will always be this thing hovering around us, a ticking bomb that’s hidden somewhere, and I have no idea when it’ll go off.”

  “I’d never tell, Madison. Neither would Mel and especially not Jackson,” she assures me and I look at my lap and let out a sigh.

  “What?” she asks hesitantly.

  “Alyssa knows.”

  Parker’s mouth drops open and I begin to tell her everything that happened with Jackson and the blackmail and me telling Alyssa about my pregnancy. Parker is stunned and her expression is worried now but she smiles to try to hide it.

  “I know you don’t want to tell him,” she starts and my heart speeds up. “But maybe he’ll forgive you both. You’re engaged now and having his baby. It really was in the past.”

  “After all of this time, I just don’t see how he could forgive us, and it’s not just me, it’s Jackson. He loves his kids so much.” I wipe away my tears.

  “I’m at a loss Maddy,” she admits honestly, and squeezes my hand across the table.

  “Me too.”

  When I get back to the apartment, I just want to fall into bed and try to sleep. My emotions are on a pendulum, swinging between elation and fear. If there was ever a time I needed a drink it would be now, but instead I call the gyno Parker recommended and make my first appointment to be examined. When I reach my door my entire body stiffens when I see the last person in the world I want to standing in front of it. Holly.

  She smiles at me, thin-lipped but slim and gorgeous in grey wool suit pants, an emerald silk blouse, and matching grey blazer. She looks every inch the wealthy, beautiful professional, and it just makes me hate her even more than I already do.

  “What the hell are you doing here?” I don’t care about being polite to her. That ship sailed at Tiffany’s disastrous bachelorette party.

  “I came to talk to you.” Her dark blue eyes meet mine coldly, but her expression is triumphant, as if she’s won some battle I wasn’t even aware of.

  “That’s unfortunate, because I’m not interested in talking to you.”

  “You will be once you’ve heard what I have to say.”

  I push past her and unlock my door, walking into the apartment, but she follows me in before I can slam it shut. I glare at her, gritting my teeth. “Holly, now you’re trespassing. I told you to go the fuck away.”

  She raises one perfect eyebrow. “I know about you and Jackson.”

  I freeze in place.

  My blood feels like it’s been replaced by water out of the arctic. Whatever I’d been expecting her to say, this wasn’t it.

  She knows?!

  How the fuck would she know? I can’t let her see me flinch or freak out. She doesn’t know anything. I’ve got to play it cool.

  “Me and Jackson? I don’t know what you’re talking about,” I say flatly. “You’re insane, which I already knew. Now kindly get the fuck out of my apartment.”

  “Actually, it’s Alex’s apartment.” Holly smiles coldly at me. “Now here’s what
you’re going to do. You’re going to leave Alex tonight. I don’t care how you do it or what you tell him or what excuse you make, but you break up with him and leave tonight.”

  “And why would I do that?” I cross my arms and stare at her with a condescending smile even though I’m dying inside.

  Holly laughs, a cold, bell-like sound. “If you don’t, Madison, I’ll tell Alex everything. It’ll destroy him and his whole family, and you know it. So if you want to save Alex pain, and save his family the same, then you’ll do exactly as I’m telling you.”

  How could she know, and what does she know? Did Alyssa say anything to her? As far as I can tell, Alyssa hates her as much as anyone for the way she treated Alex. But I never thought that Alyssa would go so far as to blackmail Jackson and threaten something that would break her brother’s heart. All of this is impossible, but here Holly is, staring down at me with that triumphant smile as if all of this is going to get Alex back for her. Which, of course, it won’t.

  “You’re never going to get Alex back,” I snap at her. “And if you tell him any of these lies that you’re making up, Jackson and I will both deny all of it. Who do you think Alex is going to believe? You, who broke his heart and lied to him already? Or his father and fiancée, who he loves?”

  Holly eyes go wide before she looks down at my left hand, her confidence momentarily shaken. I seize the moment immediately.

  “All you’re going to do is make him hate you more, and your friendship with Tiffany will definitely be fucked up. Your best friend. I don’t know why you want to make your life more miserable than it already is, but do you really think Tiffany is going to forgive you if you accuse her father of cheating on her mother with me, and keeping it a secret? Do you really think she’s going to believe you over Alex and her father? She might have stuck with you despite everything you’ve done, but this is going to be one step too far, Holly.”

  Holly’s eyes are flashing fire, her face pale and tight with anger. She presses her lips tightly together, and for a second I think she’s going to slap me. But she doesn’t, only smiles thinly at me, rage in every inch of her expression. “You deserve everything you’re going to get, Madison,” she says coldly. And then she turns on her heel and storms out.

  I’m shaking all over. The second the door closes behind her I wrap my arms around myself, the cool and confident façade that I put up for her crashing down as I stare at the door. How did she find out?

  Because secrets always come out.

  What were we thinking?

  Me and Jackson. There’s no way that this can stay hidden forever. The ring on my hand feels like a weight, dragging me down, and Alex with me.

  The door slams open and I nearly jump out of my skin. Alyssa bursts into the room, her eyes wide. “I passed Holly in the hall,” she says breathlessly. “What the hell did she want?”

  All of the fear and anger that I suppressed through the conversation with Holly comes bubbling up. “I don’t know, why don’t you tell me?” I snap, turning the full force of my glare on Alyssa who is looking at me with a confused frown.

  “She came here to tell me that she knows about Jackson and I and threatened me with it, and you’re the only other person who would tell her. So why the fuck did you tell her, Alyssa? I thought you were ‘sorry’, and you weren’t going to break Alex and I up, and destroy his family? I thought you understood the consequences of this blackmail bullshit? But no, instead you run to his cunt of an ex-wife, like hearing it from her won’t make it a hundred times worse?” I’m breathless, my face flushed with anger as I unload on her.

  I’ve had it with everyone.

  Alyssa stands frozen in the doorway, her eyes wide and hurt. “What?” she asks, her voice shaky. “I didn’t…Madison, I was sorry. I told you I wouldn’t say anything!”

  I stare at her, unsure of whether to believe her or not. “I can’t think of any other way she would have found out,” I say tightly.

  “I can’t believe you think I would do that.” Alyssa shakes her head. “Tell Holly? I know what I did was shitty but I’d never do something that would deliberately tear Alex apart, I would have told him myself if I was going to. I wouldn’t give that bitch Holly the satisfaction.” Her eyes are shiny now, almost as if she’s fighting back tears. She turns on her heel, snatching her backpack up from where she’d dropped it on the floor. “But if this is anyone’s fault Madison, it’s yours. You should have told Alex the truth a long fucking time ago, so don’t blame anyone else about this but yourself,” she says before turning to leave.

  The door shuts with a thud behind her, and I sink onto the floor, covering my face with my hands. Alyssa is right. This is my fault, and now I don’t think she’s told Holly. I was just looking for someone besides myself to lash out at and she was an easy target. I promise myself I’ll call her and apologize but I need to talk to someone else first. I pick up my phone and call an Uber. I need to see Jackson.

  Jackson looks up at me with surprise when I knock briefly on his cracked-open door and walk into his office, shutting it firmly behind me. “Madison? I thought you weren’t coming into the office today.” He looks at my expression and pales slightly. “Is something wrong? What happened?”

  “We have a problem,” I mutter quietly, sitting down. That seems to be the start of all of our conversations lately.

  He groans. “I thought you were going to take care of the issue with Alyssa?”

  “It’s not Alyssa.” I frown. “Or at least it might not be. I don’t know. I don’t think so. She said she wouldn’t say anything, and she apologized. But regardless of how, Holly knows.”

  Jackson’s face goes white. “What?” He leans forward in his chair. “As in, Alex’s ex-wife, Holly?”

  “Well there isn’t another one, is there?” My tone is sharp, but I’m too upset to try and soften it. “Yes, that Holly. I don’t know how she knows, but she does. And she says she’s going to tell Alex unless I break up with him tonight.”

  “Which of course you’re not going to do,” he says, giving me a pleading look.

  “No I can’t. I’m pregnant Jackson, remember?” I look directly at him. He sighs and nods.

  “I’ll pay her off. It probably would have worked for Alyssa, and it’ll definitely work for Holly. There’s nothing that woman loves more than money.”

  I shake my head. “Too many people know now, Jackson. It’s spiraling out of control.”

  “Well what the hell do you suggest?” His voice is sharp but his expression is apologetic.

  My heart is sinking—the clock has run out on our ability to keep this a secret. My voice is shaky as I look at him. “We. We have to tell Alex,” I say quietly. “Before it blows up even more, and someone else tells him first. We can’t keep running away from it.”

  Jackson leans back in his chair. He looks ten years older in that moment, his face heavy as he takes in what I’ve said. It feels like an eternity before he speaks. He clears his throat first and clasps his hands together.

  “We can both sit down with him,” he says finally. “We’ll explain what happened, your side and mine, and lay everything out.” I nod, but tears are streaming down my face. It all sounds so simple, so reasonable. But I know it won’t be.

  “Maybe he’ll forgive us,” I whisper, but my voice chokes before I can finish my sentence.

  He nods but he looks as hopeless as I feel.

  “When?” I ask as he hands me a box of Kleenex. “When do we tell him?”

  “Not before the wedding,” Jackson says quickly. “If it goes badly…I don’t want to ruin Tiffany’s wedding. She should be able to enjoy this next week.” I nod in agreement.

  “If Cassandra finds out…” Jackson’s face is grim, and I know he’s thinking about all the fallout that could occur from this, everything he stands to lose.

  I know, because I’m thinking the same thing.

  “The day after the wedding,” he says decisively. “That’s best. I’ll leave it up to you to de
cide when to tell him about the pregnancy.”

  Tears well up in my eyes. I can’t stop them as I think about how little time I might have left with Alex, and how everything I wanted is on the verge of collapse. I touch my ring, spinning it around on my finger. “He proposed to me,” I tell Jackson, my voice cracking. “I said yes.”

  I see Jackson’s eyes flick down to the ring. “I know,” he says quietly. “He told me weeks ago that he was going to.” My heart flinches.

  “I helped him pick the ring,” he says, not meeting my eyes. Fresh tears come again at the enormity of what he did, how he has been pushing through this like I have, and how much that decision is going to bite us in the ass when we do tell Alex.

  “It’s not over yet, Madison. There’s still a chance he’ll forgive us, and everything will be alright. We just have to be honest, though we’re late. The truth is on our side.”

  And that’s my last hope, the last thing I can cling to.

  I have to, because if Alex doesn’t forgive us, everything I’ve ever wanted will be gone.

  25

  The conversation with Jackson echoes through all of my thoughts as I pack for the weekend away in the Hamptons, where Tiffany’s wedding is being held. Her rehearsal dinner is tomorrow night, the wedding the next, and then we’ll wake up for a post-wedding brunch and then head back home, into the city. And when we come back, Jackson and I will tell Alex the truth. About everything.

  Best case scenario—Alex forgives us, and he doesn’t leave me. But he’ll know that his father was unfaithful, and that will change their relationship forever. And as for us—even if he forgives, will he think about the fact that I’ve had sex with his father every time he looks at me? How will he ever be able to make love to me again, knowing who else I’ve been with? How can this not taint every aspect of our relationship going forward?

  And worst-case scenario—it all falls apart. I’m left single and pregnant with the child of a man I love, but who will no longer love me. Jackson’s marriage, his relationship with his children, all destroyed.