Snow Job

by Tara Wyatt

  “Kayla,” he ground out, crossing the distance between them in several long strides. She met him halfway, practically vaulting into his arms. He picked her up, her legs winding around his waist, and he held her tightly against him. His skin felt tight, his pulse racing. Everything inside him hurt.

  She buried her face in his neck and let out a sob, her body shaking against his. “I was so scared,” she whispered. “For me and for you. For Willa. I thought I was going to die. I thought they were going to kill me and Willa and then come after you.” The last word came out broken, crumbling around the edges as she fought through the sobs wracking her body, making her tremble against him.

  He felt dizzy with the pain of everything she’d been through. It fucking hurt to see her like this, but he deserved the pain. All of it. He stroked a hand over her hair, holding her tight.

  “I’m so sorry, baby. Fuck, Kayla, I’m so sorry.”

  “Not…your…fault,” she managed between sobs, clinging to him. His chest felt so tight he could barely breathe. Could barely think beyond the emotions storming through him. Everything inside him was a giant knot of fear and determination, relief and bitterness. Gratitude and anger. He was a snarled mess, and he hated that things were only going to get messier. Hated that Kayla had been dragged into it and was suffering for it. He’d never forgive himself for putting her in this position. Ever.

  But he had to face it all, head on. There was no more running. No more shoving the blame onto others. This was his mess, and he had to be the one to clean it up and keep Kayla safe. No matter the price, it was what he had to do.

  He held her until her trembling subsided and she softened against him. “Will you come to bed? I don’t want to be alone,” she said, her voice raw with tears. He shouldn’t. He wasn’t worthy of touching her. Of comforting her. But he wasn’t going to deny her. Not tonight when her world had been turned upside down because of him.

  “Of course, baby. I’ll come hold you.”

  She nodded against him. “Please.”

  He carried her back into her bedroom and set her down on the bed, helping her under the covers. Then he stripped down to his T-shirt and boxers and climbed in beside her, pulling her against him. She laid her head on his chest, snuggling into him.

  “I was so scared that they were going to find you and…” She broke off again and he felt the wetness of her tears bloom on his T-shirt. He stroked a hand up and down her back, savoring the feel of her. Trying to memorize it. His stomach churned sickly, as each pass of his hand up and down her spine felt like he was dirtying her even more.

  “Shhh,” he soothed, pressing a kiss to the top of her head. “Sleep, baby. We’ll talk about everything tomorrow.” He kept stroking her back until her breathing deepened and her muscles relaxed against him. But Sebastian knew that sleep wouldn’t come for him. Not with his mind racing about what tomorrow would bring.

  Tomorrow, he would start looking for Coldhurst so he could end this.

  Tomorrow, he would let Kayla go in order to keep her safe.

  But it wasn’t tomorrow yet, and so he’d let himself hold her for just a few more hours.

  19

  Kayla slowly opened her eyes, squinting against the bright sunshine streaming in through the large window on the other side of the room. Her head pounded dully, and she felt sluggish, almost hungover. For a second, she didn’t know where she was, but as her eyes opened all the way, everything came rushing back to her. She turned toward Sebastian’s side of the bed, reaching for him, but it was empty and the sheets were cool under her touch.

  She sat up slowly, her stomach in a snarl. Yesterday had been the most terrifying day of her life, and it had made her realize one very important thing. It didn’t matter who Sebastian had been in the past or the things he’d done because she was deeply in love with the man he was now. Her eyes stung as she remembered the relief she’d felt when she’d heard his voice, had seen him standing in the living room with Lucian. Safe and in one piece.

  She got out of bed, pulled on her discarded leggings and sweatshirt from yesterday and then stepped into the adjoining bathroom. Looking at herself in the mirror, she winced, turning her face to examine the three finger-shaped bruises lining her face from her jaw to her temple. She lifted her hand and hissed out a breath at the throb that started as soon as she touched them. Some of the panic from yesterday started to come back and she closed her eyes, taking several long, deep breaths.

  The bruises will heal. You’re safe. Willa is safe. Sebastian is safe. You’re okay. Everything is okay.

  She repeated the words to herself until the worst of the panic had ebbed away, and she busied herself with splashing cool water on her face, twisting her hair up into a bun and using the brand new toothbrush and toothpaste she found in one of the drawers.

  When she stepped into the main living area of Lucian’s loft-style penthouse, her eyes landed on the two brothers, huddled together at the kitchen table, discussing something in hushed, tense voices.

  “Good morning,” she said carefully, having the distinct impression that she was interrupting a tense conversation.

  Both of their heads whipped in her direction, Sebastian’s features hardening into a mask of barely leashed fury as he took in her bruises. He rose from the table and crossed to her, his blue eyes burning with an intensity she’d never seen before.

  “He hit you.” It wasn’t a question.

  She nodded. “I’ll be okay. No permanent damage done.”

  He turned to Lucian. “Who—”

  Lucian shook his head. “Don’t worry. The man who hit her won’t be hitting anyone for a very long time.”

  She sucked in a shuddering breath, a wave of nausea rocking her. “Did you…did you kill him?”

  The corner of Lucian’s mouth turned up and he stood and moved into the kitchen. “No. I did send him back to his employer with a couple of holes in his hand, though.”

  Kayla pressed her trembling fingers to her lips. “Oh my God,” she whispered, trying to wrap her mind around it all. Everything felt slippery, as though just when she thought she’d fully grasped the situation it slid through her fingers, leaving her reeling all over again.

  She sucked in another breath and then moved into the kitchen, not stopping until she was directly in front of Lucian. “Thank you, for yesterday. I don’t have the words to tell you how grateful I am for everything you did. Max, too.”

  Lucian pressed a button on his fancy espresso machine and simply nodded. “I look after the people I care about,” he said, as though it was no big deal. As though he shot people all the time.

  Then again, maybe he did. He was a scary bastard, one she was glad to have on her side.

  He took his tiny cup of espresso, drained it one sip, and set it down on the counter. “I’ll be back later. Kayla, you’re free to stay as long as you wish. Help yourself to anything you want. I’m going to have someone stop by your apartment to collect your things. It’s not safe for you to stay there until this matter is resolved.”

  She nodded. “I understand. Thank you. Where’s Willa?”

  “She’s with Max.”

  Kayla nodded again. She’d call her as soon as she had her phone. After Lucian had left, she helped herself to a bottle of water from his fridge.

  “Baby, sit down,” said Sebastian gently, pulling out a chair for her at the table. “We need to talk.”

  She bit her lip as she took in his serious, determined expression, his brow furrowed, his jaw tight. Her mouth felt suddenly dry and she cracked the lid off of the bottle of water, taking a long sip. This wasn’t the Bastian of last night who’d held her as she’d fallen asleep. This wasn’t the Bastian who sent her goofy texts or encouraged her to stand up to her asshole boss. There was something different about him, something off.

  She hesitated slightly before sitting down in the chair he’d offered her, mentally shoring up her defenses for whatever was coming, because based on the look of determined resignation on his face
, she wasn’t going to like it.

  He reached out and took her hand, weaving his much larger fingers between hers. “Kayla, I’m so sorry about what happened last night. I’m sorry I wasn’t there to protect you, and I’m sorry that you got dragged into my mess. I’m sorry for how scared you must’ve been, and I’m sorry you were hurt. This is my fault and I take full responsibility for it all. Not just what happened last night, but everything. Borrowing money from someone as dangerous as Coldhurst. The disaster my life was. It’s all on me, and I fucking hate the fact that you’re the one who paid the price.” His nostrils flared and he sucked in a breath.

  “I’m not angry at you, if that’s what this is about. I know how hard you’ve worked to turn your life around. I know you’re not that man anymore.” She wasn’t just trying to placate him; she meant every word. She’d seen him at his worst, and he wasn’t that guy anymore. He’d changed—for the better.

  “But that doesn’t change the fact that because of your connection to me, your life was in danger last night.”

  She squeezed his fingers. “You weren’t the one who pointed a gun at me, Bastian.”

  “No, but it happened because of me and what I did. And I can’t let it happen again.”

  Her apprehension started to give way to dread, her stomach churning. “So you’ll take care of your debts and we’ll put this behind us,” she said carefully, watching his face for any information as to what he was thinking.

  He shook his head. “No. It’s not that simple, baby. I have to clean this up. Alone.”

  “What do you mean, alone?”

  “I mean I can’t be with you, Kayla. My life is too much of a mess and far too dangerous. I refuse to put you in danger ever again.”

  She pulled her hand away and hugged herself, suddenly feeling cold. Her eyes burned as realization dawned. “Are you breaking up with me?”

  He shoved a hand through his hair, his expression so full of pain that her heart broke for both of them. “I love you too damn much to risk putting you in that kind of danger ever again. You deserve so much better than that. Than me.” His voice was like gravel, rough and raw.

  She shook her head. “You love me, so you’re ending things?” Her heart was full to the point of bursting at the knowledge that he loved her. Bursting and breaking, all at the same time.

  “You could’ve died because of me. I can’t…” He looked away, a muscle in his jaw jumping. “It’s over. I have to let you go.”

  “Please don’t do this,” she whispered. Her heart beat so hard and so fast she could feel it beneath her trembling breast. “Please.”

  “This is for the best. Once you’re over the shock of what happened, you’ll see that.”

  Desperate anger clawed at her. There had to be another solution besides losing him. Losing what they had. “What I see is a man so intent on punishing himself that he’s hurting someone he loves in the process.”

  He shook his head, sadness and regret etched across his handsome face. “You’re right. I am punishing myself, but I’m not trying to hurt you. I’m setting you free, Kayla. I can’t give you the life you deserve. I’ve fucked up too big and too long to think I could ever—” His voice broke and he looked away, his eyes bright. “We can’t be together.”

  Anger burst through her, making her eyes burn and her throat tight. “Sebastian Prescott, you listen to me and you listen good. You made me fall in love with you, so if you think I’m going to just walk away from you because of this, you don’t know me at all.”

  “I’m not giving you a say in this, Kayla. I’m sorry.”

  She reached out for him, her hand landing on his forearm. “I don’t want you to be sorry. I want you to stay.”

  He pulled his arm away, his hand curling into a fist so tight his knuckles were white. “That’s no longer an option. I’m sorry, Kayla. I’m so fucking sorry.”

  It was the anguished expression on his face that did her in. She started to cry, tears streaming down her face as she tried to breathe through the pain of her heart smashing into a thousand pieces. Her throat ached and her entire body felt heavy—too heavy. She slumped back in her chair, feeling entirely alone. Entirely adrift.

  Sebastian stood, his face lined with grief and heartbreak. “Stay with Lucian. It’s safe here.” He started to walk away, to move toward the door. Away from her. Away from what was left of them.

  “Bastian, wait,” she said, pushing to her feet. Her legs felt wobbly beneath her and she braced a hand on the back of the chair. “I…I love you.”

  He closed his eyes, swaying on his feet. “I love you, Kayla,” he said quietly. “And that’s why I have to go.” And then he was gone, leaving her alone to collapse back down in the chair, dissolving into sobs.

  The next few hours were a blur for Sebastian as he called some of his old contacts, trying to get information on where Coldhurst might be, on if there were any other loan sharks looking for him. Trying to figure out his life, not because it was worth anything, but because he needed to keep Kayla safe. The thought of anyone coming after her again made him want to slam his fist through a wall.

  God, Kayla. Fresh pain seared through him at the memory of watching her heart break, piece by piece. Dropping like shattered pottery at his feet. He hated that she was hurting, but he’d had no choice. She wasn’t safe if she was connected to him. He wasn’t the man she deserved. He’d tricked her into believing he could give her things he couldn’t. Fuck, he’d tricked himself too.

  But this was who he was—a fucked up gambling addict who hurt everyone around him. And he didn’t know how to ever change it. He’d thought he’d found a way out, a way through, but he’d only been fooling himself. The past few months had been nothing more than a bandage on a wound that was still festering.

  Once he’d done all of the digging he could, Lucian had texted him, asking him to come by Il Tavolo, another one of his restaurants, this one in Noho near Washington Square Park. The restaurant’s tables were mostly full, the lunch crowd keeping the place busy. The scents of garlic and tomato sauce hit him, making his stomach roil. He hadn’t eaten anything since the burger he’d grabbed with Chase on the way back from the competition. Before everything had gone to hell.

  He wove his way between the tables, catching a few wary glances as he went, knowing he probably looked like hammered shit. Not that he cared. He didn’t care about anything except getting Coldhurst off his back so he could know Kayla was safe. He strode into a back hallway and down to an office at the end, where he found Lucian behind a desk.

  “We have a meeting with Coldhurst today at one,” said Lucian casually, cleaning the gun on his desk. Sweat prickled along Sebastian’s hairline at the sight of the gun. It made him jumpy, even if it was in pieces right now.

  “What?” asked Sebastian, frowning. “How? I spent all fucking morning on the phone trying to track him down.”

  “In case you hadn’t noticed, I’m a very well-connected man,” he said dryly. “He’s coming to the restaurant, probably with several of his men. We’re going to have the money ready and waiting for him, plus interest. Enough interest that it’s worth his while to leave you the fuck alone.”

  “And then what?”

  “And then we make sure all of your debts are clear so you can go on with your life.”

  Sebastian nodded. “Thank you, Lucian. I’d probably be dead without you.”

  “Probably?” he smirked, the corner of his mouth tipping up. “There’s no probably about it, brother.”

  An intense wave of gratitude gripped him and he moved behind the desk, pulled Lucian up out of his chair and wrapped him in a bear hug. “We may have had shitty parents, but we’re all lucky to have you.”

  Lucian was stiff in his arms and patted Sebastian’s shoulder before disentangling himself. “Yes, well. Someone had to take responsibility for all of you.” He sat back down, his gaze intent on Sebastian. “But don’t make the mistake of thinking I’m a good guy, because I’m not. Don’t put me on
a pedestal. I’m just an older brother looking out for his family. I’m not a hero. Pretty much the fucking opposite, actually.”

  It was the closest Lucian had ever come to talking about the dark parts of his life. And not that Lucian owed him or anyone an explanation, but Sebastian wanted to know. Partly out of curiosity, and mostly because he wanted something to think about besides the look of utter devastation on Kayla’s bruised face earlier that morning.

  “So what’s your deal, exactly?” he asked, sitting down in the empty chair facing the desk.

  “My deal?” Lucian asked, one eyebrow raised.

  “Yeah. Are you mobbed up, or what?”

  Lucian’s movements stilled, and he set the gun down on the desk in front of him, then folded his hands in his lap. For a moment, he held Sebastian’s eyes, his lips pursed, and then he cocked his head. “That’s a complicated question. Yes and no.”

  “Yes and no?”

  He let out an impatient sigh. “I’m not in the mafia and I never have been. But I do work with them, sometimes very closely. They have power and money, and so do I. We exchange favors.”

  “Favors? But how did…how does someone come to do favors for the mafia without actually being part of the family?”

  Lucian smiled. “That’s a long story and not one I’m getting into right now.”

  “Do you ever worry? About getting caught? Going to prison?”

  Lucian feigned a shocked expression. “Prison? What on earth would I ever go to prison for?”

  “I’ll take that as a no.”

  He resumed putting the gun back together. “Like I said, I’m a well-connected man.” Sebastian couldn’t help but wonder what price he’d paid for those connections. Connections he was grateful for, but still. Is this who Lucian would be if he hadn’t grown up with a father hating his guts? If he hadn’t felt he had to protect his siblings since no one else would? But he knew better than to ask those questions aloud, so he changed the subject.