Searching for Always

by Jennifer Probst

  "I'm not taking you to the damn bathroom again, let Arilyn do it next time. Seeing your white ass is not on my bucket list; that's Slade's."

  Arilyn rolled her eyes at Kennedy's last statement, and her friend went strolling off to find Nate. She turned to go get Stone but caught sight of the group of females weaving their way across the floor toward her and Kate.

  "Oh my God, Kate, you're married!"

  Gen's older sister Alexa threw herself over, her inky corkscrew curls bobbing as she hugged Kate tight. She was flanked by her best friend, Maggie Ryan, looking elegant in a floor-length, figure-hugging red dress. Maggie shook her cinnamon hair at Alexa's emotion. She was a famous male underwear photographer, and Arilyn always found her dramatic ways and quick wit a blast to be around. "They were already living together, dude," Maggie drawled. "You're acting like they're having sex for the first time."

  The third woman, a curvy, petite brunette with laughing dark eyes, waved her hand in the air. Carina was Maggie's sister-in-law. "Maggie, stop shocking these poor girls. Wedding-night sex is more exciting than any other. Well, not for me, since I was forced to marry Max and was pissed, but later it was the best."

  Arilyn leaned forward, hoping to get the full story, but Alexa was talking. "Puh-leeze. I had no wedding-night sex. Just a poker game that got out of control." She grinned cheekily. "But Nick and I made up for it later."

  Maggie let out a breath. "Am I the only one who had great wedding-night sex? Damn. And Michael and I were faking a marriage the whole time. Who would've known?"

  Kate's blue eyes were wide. Arilyn cleared her throat. "Umm, guys, think you can give us the background on this? You all seem so perfect and happy."

  The three women laughed. "Oh, we are!" Alexa said. "But it didn't start off that way for any of us. Anyway, we came to say this is an amazing wedding and we're so happy for you, honey. Thanks for inviting us."

  Kate sniffed. "I love you. Gen's been like a sister to me, and you're my family."

  That made Alexa's blue eyes fill up, and then she was hugging Kate and Gen and crying. Arilyn felt her own throat tighten. Weddings were such a harvest of emotions.

  A masculine voice rang out over the music. "Ah, here we go. My wife will always be the one to lead the charge of happy tears." Alexa's husband, Nick, decked out in a designer charcoal suit, winked at his wife and slipped an arm around her waist. The naked adoration on his face made her want to sigh.

  Nick's sister, Maggie, gave him a friendly poke. "Coming from Mr. Sappy himself. Ever since you had those gorgeous girls, you've gone soft."

  Arilyn looked up as the elegant Italian man strode over and leaned in to whisper something in Maggie's ear. Maggie's cheeks turned red, which made Carina giggle. "Who's the softie?" Carina teased. "Your hubby owns you, babe. Admit it."

  "Never. I just let him think so," Maggie said.

  Michael nuzzled his wife's neck and winked. His Italian accent curled like rich smoke and caressed her ears. "Ah, cara, don't make me prove to you who's the real boss in the household. We'll be up all night again."

  Maggie grinned wickedly. "Promises, promises."

  The third man, a tall, elegant James Bond look-alike--Pierce Brosnan, of course--took his place next to Carina. He was deadly sexy, with thick dark hair and piercing blue eyes. The protective way he tucked her by his side told Arilyn they were just as crazy about each other as the other couples were. "Why do we always talk about sex when we're together?" he commented drily, his hand stroking his wife's belly. "What happened to interesting topics like business, politics, and cuisine?"

  Maggie rolled her eyes. "Says you, who can't keep your hands off Carina. When is baby number two due, Max?"

  Carina patted her small belly, which was just beginning to show. "Spring. Baby Max is just as excited as Daddy to get a little brother or sister." Her brows drew together in a frown. "I have to finish my collection before chaos lets loose again. My show is on Valentine's Day, so you all must come. We'll go to dinner and celebrate afterward."

  "I don't want you stressed-out like last time," Max said firmly. "I'll cut back on my work hours so you have more time to paint."

  Carina was a well-known artist who brought erotic art to a whole new generation. Arilyn was amazed at the power couples before them. How did they manage? They had huge careers, thriving businesses, children, and were still madly in love?

  She looked at Kate. Slade and Stone, who had joined them, stood behind them listening to the whole conversation.

  Kate finally said what they were all probably thinking. "How do you do it?" she burst out.

  Alexa cocked her head. "Do what?"

  "Everything!" Arilyn said. "How do you stay in love while managing careers and babies and stress and life and family? What's the secret?"

  A shocked silence fell over the group. Alexa looked at Nick. Michael rested his chin on Maggie's head. Max placed his hand over his wife's belly.

  Then they all burst into hysterical laughter.

  "Oh, boy, it's official!" Alexa announced. "We're old."

  Maggie groaned. "Yep, getting asked by the younger generation how you handle it all sucks. Should we tell them the super secret to lifetime bliss?"

  The group leaned in. Arilyn held her breath.

  Maggie snorted out a laugh. "Gotcha! Trust me, there is no super secret. It's a lot of hard work."

  Carina giggled. "And fights. Lots and lots of fights. Oh, and making up. And wrong choices."

  "And crying, lots of crying," Alexa added.

  "But it's all worth it, as Mama Conte would say," Maggie pointed out.

  Then the three women linked arms. "You'll figure it out. We did. Let's go dance."

  The couples left for the dance floor.

  Kate sighed. "Damn them. Why don't they just tell us the real truth?"

  Slade leaned over and kissed his new wife. "'Cause we already know, baby. And I'm going to make sure we never forget."

  Kate reached up and slid her arms around his neck. For a moment, they were lost in each other, alone. Just a bride and groom with a brand-new life stretching ahead of them.

  "I love you, Slade Montgomery."

  "And I love you, Kate Montgomery."

  They kissed. And when Arilyn turned, Stone was staring at them with a mix of emotions in his eyes, so raw and so real, she wondered if she'd ever figure him out. Because for just a second, it looked like he also wanted what they had.

  But that was impossible.

  Arilyn reached out and touched his arm. Wanting to belong to him for a sliver in time, she sought connection. He answered the call, drawing her close, his arms wrapped tight around her waist. The music pounded, and guests chattered, and couples whispered.

  "I want you."

  His words were stark. Stripped bare. No pretty words, or promises, or poetry. Yet Arilyn felt his wanting in her soul, and bones, and heart. She lifted herself up on the toes of her pretty shoes, and whispered the only answer in his ear.

  "Take me home."

  fifteen

  ARILYN IMAGINED A few things on their first night together. Pulling at each other's clothes, slipping into a world of dreamy sensuality with little awkwardness and an all-encompassing, blistering heat. Somehow, in her fantasy, they didn't walk into her bungalow at midnight and deal with a series of fantasy-popping occurrences beginning with Mrs. Blackfire.

  They reached the porch and the slam of a door echoed in the quiet. The scrape of the walker warned her before she heard the familiar, hissing voice. "Officer Petty! There's been a break-in at Arilyn's house. I called the police, but they refused to send someone, and I'm going to sue the town."

  She heard his quick intake of breath. Hmm, he still wasn't practicing the technique of drawing the air from his belly up to his chest. She'd have to go over that in class again on Monday. "If the police didn't send someone, they didn't think there was a break-in," he pointed out. "What did you see?"

  Her face lit with the excitement of a crime. "A young girl. Small, b
lond, braces. Wearing jeans with one of those shirts that show off her belly button, which is kind of ridiculous in this type of weather, and way too old for her."

  Arilyn turned, swinging her high heels from her fingers. She grasped for her own patience. Was it so wrong just to want to go inside and have sex without talking to anyone? "That's Tina, my dog walker, Mrs. Blackfire. She was here to walk Robert. I'm watching him while Kate's on her honeymoon."

  "Oh." The brief disappointment quickly disappeared. "But she had something under her arm! She stole something from you! Why didn't Patrick walk the dog? I don't trust these young kids anymore. They don't know the value of honest work."

  "Poppy had a field trip today, so I had Tina take over. I let her borrow a few books of mine; that's probably what you saw under her arm."

  Her face fell. "Well, you should check anyway." She pointed toward Stone. "I wasn't pleased with the police response. They said that since she had a key, she wasn't a burglar. In my day, it would've held true, but this is a new age. Burglars have keys now! We need to be watching every second!"

  Arilyn tried not to groan, forcing a smile and opening her door. "I agree. I'll talk to Stone about it. Good night, Mrs. Blackfire!"

  She gave a small humph, then disappeared back inside. Arilyn figured she had a few minutes before the telescope began moving. She motioned toward the windows. "Pull those blinds down so she can't spy," Arilyn hissed.

  Stone chuckled, moved forward, and froze.

  Robert, Kate's paraplegic pit bull, came racing down the hallway at top speed. Happy and desperate for company, he dragged his back legs behind him with expert ease, his large body hauling his way toward Stone for a classic doggy greeting.

  Pure fear carved out the lines of Stone's face. His skin looked clammy in the hall light, and he huddled against the door, watching the dog bound closer, stuck in a memory of horror where he couldn't fight back.

  Oh, God, she'd forgotten. Pit bulls. The bite. His fear of dogs.

  Robert.

  "Robert, stop!" she whipped out, firming her voice and stepping in front of Stone to block the path.

  The dog skidded to a halt. Eyes filled with trepidation for doing something wrong, he whimpered low and ducked his head.

  "Shhh, sweetheart, it's okay." Arilyn dropped to the ground and hugged him, pressing her forehead to his in a gesture of humbleness. "You're a good boy. But Stone doesn't realize that yet. You need to give him a chance to get used to you before knocking him over for kisses. Understood?"

  Robert wriggled, licking her cheek gently. She snuggled, reached out to check his bladder, soothing him with a pat. "You did good tonight. We have to be careful of bladder infections while Mommy and Daddy are away. Let's get you hooked up and bring you outside."

  She straightened and walked toward Stone, who watched the whole encounter with wary eyes. "I'm so sorry," she whispered, reaching out to place her hands against his chest. "I forgot to tell you Robert is a pit bull. He doesn't have a mean bone in his body, Stone, I swear. Kate saved him when a car crushed his back legs. I know he looks big, but his back legs are useless. He's a good dog."

  Stone let out a breath. Color seeped back into his skin. "I'm sorry for being an ass," he muttered. He wiped his palms down his pants, his gaze stuck on the dog, who was waiting patiently to say hello. "He just looks like--looks like--"

  "The dog who bit you," she said softly. "I know. But Robert isn't like that. Can you give him a chance?" He remained silent but nodded. "Thank you. I have to take him out first. I'll be a minute. Why don't you grab a drink and make yourself comfortable?"

  Keeping his distance, he skirted around Robert's excitedly shaking body, and put the high counter between them. Arilyn hooked up the dog's scooter, adjusting the straps, and let him go free.

  Laughing, she watched him race over the lawn, round and round as the wheels turned. His head thrown back in doggy abandon, he breathed in the cold night air and managed to go to the bathroom under the Tree of Spite. After some of his energy had been spent, she brought him back inside, unhooked the scooter, and grabbed his box of treats from the table.

  "Peanut butter or bacon?" she asked.

  He barked twice. Stone jerked back, startled.

  Arilyn laughed. "Bacon it is." He took the treat gently between his teeth and raced back down the hall to finish the snack in his special orthopedic bed with his favorite purple bunny squeaker toy.

  "He knew what you were saying?" Stone asked in disbelief.

  "Yep. Kate's had him for years. He's extremely smart."

  He walked around and knelt to examine the scooter. "And he's able to move around using this cart?"

  "Yes. It was specially made for him. Allows him to run and play like the other dogs."

  "So he had a tough life," Stone murmured.

  "Some of the most extraordinary animals I know had it tough." She paused. "Some extraordinary people, too."

  He turned. Stared. Suddenly, the domestic ease leaked away, replaced with a simmering sexual heat that softened her limbs and made her thighs tremble. Playtime was officially over.

  Arilyn couldn't wait.

  "Come here," he commanded. She shivered from the dark, sensual tone of his voice and obeyed. Each step closer tightened the knot in her belly, until she stood before him, waiting. Her hair was curled and secured with a dozen bobby pins to cascade from an elaborate knot on top of her head. With infinite patience, he reached over and began pulling out each pin, one by one. Taking his time, he pulled his fingers through the strands, rubbing her scalp, until a low moan caught in her throat. Like a cat, she lifted her head for more, enjoying the luxurious sensation of being taken care of. Finally, when her hair fell loose around her waist, he stroked her cheeks.

  "Do you know how beautiful you are?"

  A flush heated her cheeks. "I'm glad you think so."

  "I know so. Sometimes, I gaze at you demonstrating those yoga poses and lose my breath. You remind me of a dancer. Your body is like an instrument, begging to be played and worshipped. Begging to be fucked."

  She shuddered, the dirty words pushing her arousal higher. Her panties were wet between her thighs, and a deep aching made her want to howl. "No one's ever talked to me like that," she admitted, pressing her forehead against his chest.

  "No hiding." He pushed her gently away, forcing her head up to meet his gaze. Pupils dilated, she sank into a seething blackness filled with lust and need and a hunger so real she wanted to cry with pleasure. "Not between us. Not ever. I'm not like the men in your past. I won't tell you lies or make love to you with tenderness. I'm rough, and crude, and loud. I like sex in all its messy, raw ways. I want to make you come all night, in ways you never imagined. I want you to say all those dirty things you fantasized about in my ear and make them all come true. Do you understand, little one? I'm not just going to be your lover tonight. I'm going to take every shred of you and demand each last piece of your darkest, secret soul. Are you ready for this? I'm giving you one last chance."

  Arilyn couldn't run if the demons of hell were about to seize her soul. Held transfixed to the floor by his delicious body heat, and scent, and words, and touch, the room spun around her and she gave up, gave over, and gave him everything he wanted.

  "I want this," she whispered. Every muscle in her body shook like an answering storm. "I want you."

  His smile was slow and full of promise.

  "Good. Now take off your clothes."

  Pushed by the need to experience everything he promised, she reached back and unhooked the clasp on her dress, then drew the zipper down. The sound cut harshly through the thick silence. Without pause, she wiggled the bodice down her body and let the chocolate chiffon pool at her feet. Since the dress was strapless and she wasn't well-endowed, she wore no bra.

  His quick indrawn breath told her he appreciated the lack of underwear, and her skin flushed with awareness. Standing before him, the only item keeping her from being fully naked was the scrap of black lacy panties covering
the apex between her thighs.

  His gaze roved over her like an intimate touch, probing and exploring every part of her with a fierce appreciation that made her feel beautiful. Arilyn knew what he saw. She'd come to terms with her body image and learned to love who she was. Yoga taught her to care for and appreciate the skin she lived in. Yes, she was slim hipped, with a boyish figure and small breasts. She was no hourglass-curved temptress many men lusted after. Her pale skin held a scattering of freckles, and a funny mole on her upper thigh, and her feet were way too big ever to be called delicate. But it was her body, and she lived in it well, so Arilyn tilted her head up, drew her shoulders back, and let him drink his fill.

  "I always knew you'd be extraordinary," he murmured. "But still the reality has me weeping."

  A smile touched her lips. "I thought you weren't going to offer me poetry."

  "I also said I tell the truth. Turn around so I can see your luscious ass." She turned slowly, taking her time, enjoying his frank gaze and the obvious erection that told her she was beautiful to him. When he spoke again, his voice was thick with lust. "Now take off the panties. Slow."

  She hooked her fingers under the elastic and dipped down, dragging the skimpy material over her hips, thighs, calves, and kicking them away from her feet. She kept her pussy neatly trimmed but not bare, preferring a more natural state. His low growl told her he liked it.

  "Oh, I want to make you do so many bad things, Arilyn," he drawled. "All for me." Still fully clothed, he began walking around her, close but not touching, until he teased her with his scent and body heat trapped beneath a suit of civility. "Later, I'm going to make you touch yourself. I'm going to watch you orgasm by your own fingers, so I can see every move you like to ensure your pleasure. I'm going to feast and devour you whole. But we have plenty of time for that. For now, I want you to walk ahead of me into your bedroom."

  Heart tripping madly against her chest, she tried to breathe while she led him down the hall into the bedroom. Knowing her bare ass was on display, she gave an extra swing to her hips, enjoying her role of Eve and temptress. It was as if the secret bad girl inside burst out and refused to be caged again. With Stone, she could be everything she wondered about. She felt safe with him.