Madison's Song

by Christine Amsden

  The tears fell in silent waves, drenching the sheets and making a mess of her shirt. She didn’t cry softly or prettily, though she almost always cried silently. Crying was a weakness she couldn’t let anyone see.

  Which was why she nearly screamed when she felt strong arms wrap themselves around her quaking form. She hadn’t even heard him come inside, but of course locks and chains didn’t mean much to someone like Evan. He didn’t say anything; he only held her, rocking her back and forth slightly.

  She cried harder. She could not remember the last time she had been held, really been held. There had been Nicolas, during intimate moments, but he had never been much of a cuddler. Before that, it must have been childhood. Her father had held her like this, long ago, before her mother had died. She had almost forgotten. Remembering now made her cry even harder.

  “It’s okay,” Evan murmured, smoothing back her hair.

  Oh, God, she had to stop. This wasn’t her, crying like a baby for attention. She didn’t want attention, she just needed to let it all out, to experience the catharsis of tears.

  “I’m sorry,” Madison whispered brokenly. She wiped furiously at her eyes, but only succeeded in making a bigger mess.

  His arms tightened around her. “Let it out.”

  “I’m a mess.”

  “I don’t care.”

  After that, she let it out. She cried like she hadn’t cried in years, making a terrible mess of both of them. Still, he held on. Finally, after an age, her tears slowed. She sat up straight, more than half ready to flee now that she had some semblance of control. Evan didn’t need to hold her any longer, but he didn’t look inclined to go anywhere, and after a minute of internal battle, she gave in to temptation. She rested her head on his shoulder.

  So this is why people offer shoulders to cry on. It felt like a mug of hot cocoa on a cold winter night.

  “Do you think he really did it?” Madison asked after a while.

  “Yes.”

  “Would you have done it?”

  “I’m glad I don’t have to make that decision.”

  “That’s a cop out,” Madison said.

  “Absolutely.” He paused. “You can’t be a part of his world, you know.”

  “What about Clinton? Can I be a part of his world, if we find him, and if he survives?”

  “Maybe a little bit. But as good a friend as Scott has been to me over the years, I know his pack comes first. Always.”

  “I was afraid you’d say that.”

  “I still can’t believe you went to him.”

  She still couldn’t entirely believe it either, but she knew she would do it again if she had to. Had it only been a few days? In those few days, she had learned so much, both about herself and about Scott. She no longer felt the same way about him. Oh, he was still dangerous, but she no longer got that panicky feeling just from being near him.

  “I can’t live my whole life in fear,” Madison said, sharing with him the most important thing she had learned about herself in the past few days.

  “A lot of people never figure that out,” Evan said. “Maybe one day, you’ll even stop being afraid of me.”

  “I’m not afraid of you.” Madison pushed herself away, feeling only a slight hesitation before Evan gave her the distance she now needed.

  “But you don’t trust me.” He paused. “I’m not your father.”

  “Like you have such an easy time trusting people,” Madison said. “Let’s see, you’ve got Scott and Cassie. Anyone else?”

  “You,” Evan said. “I trust you.”

  That chastened her. When Cassie had told her how Evan had a difficult time trusting people, Madison had to admit that she might have something in common with her half brother after all. Now here he was, opening himself to her, and she knew how hard it was. Maybe Scott wasn’t the only thing she had to learn not to constantly fear.

  A key grated in the lock and a second later Scott strode in, coming up short when he saw them. Madison tried once again to wipe the evidence of tears from her eyes, though she knew rationally that it was far too late.

  “Am I interrupting?” Scott asked.

  “No,” Evan said.

  “I want you to take her home,” Scott said.

  “Of course,” Evan replied.

  Madison didn’t argue, though she knew Scott expected her to do so. Let him think she would go docilely home and wait for him there. She wouldn’t. Evan may have had a point about losing Clinton to the pack, but for now he was still her responsibility. She wouldn’t try to force Scott to take her with him, as if she could, but she would be there when Clinton was found. She knew where the lab was, and where Scott would be going next.

  “I have to stay here for a couple of days,” Scott continued. “The local pack’s a mess and I have to put it right again. After that, I’ll head to Texas.”

  Madison nodded, not looking him in the eye. She didn’t want him to see her and guess the truth about her plans.

  “I’ll call when I find him,” Scott promised.

  * * *

  Eagle Rock was seven hours from Springfield. A very long seven hours. It hadn’t seemed so long with Scott, but then again, they’d been on a mission. That could make the hours slip by.

  She and Evan passed a few minutes talking about Anastasia, the world’s best baby. They segued into her plans for the summer. Then they fell silent.

  Why don’t you let him in?

  The thought rose unbidden in Madison’s mind, and she couldn’t squash it down. She had answers to the question. Lots of answers. But they all boiled down to one thing: She was afraid. Afraid to trust. Afraid that Evan would find some reason to despise her. After all, her own father – the man who had raised her – despised her. Didn’t that mean that there was something fundamentally wrong with her? What if Evan had only driven across two states to be there for her because so far he didn’t know her well enough to hate her?

  “You’re quiet,” Evan observed. “What’s on your mind?”

  “Nothing important.”

  “Scott?” he asked.

  “Why did you attack him?” The question was out before she could think better of it.

  “Because I told him exactly what would happen if he ever touched you.”

  “I can take care of myself.” Madison turned away so Evan wouldn’t see her flush. “Besides, nothing happened. Scott has a pretty girlfriend, what would he want with me?”

  Evan looked at her askance before turning his attention back to the road.

  “Evan, do you know something?”

  “Don’t worry about it.”

  Her frown grew deeper. Was she completely misreading the situation? It wouldn’t surprise her. She didn’t exactly have a lot of experience with men.

  “He’s dangerous, Madison,” Evan said. “Don’t form any romantic fantasies about him.”

  “He’s killed three people in the last 24 hours. Believe me, I’m not.”

  “Good.”

  “He saved my life again, though.”

  Evan sighed. “You don’t owe him for the first time. I took care of it.”

  “You’re going to take care of this too?”

  “Yes.”

  Madison shook her head. She understood the basic rules of debt and why Evan might be able to buy her debt from Scott. She understood that because he claimed her as family, she didn’t have to owe him anything. She just didn’t trust it.

  “What?” Evan asked.

  “Nothing. Don’t worry about it.”

  “I–” Evan sighed and broke off. “All right.”

  Why don’t you let him in?

  Was she really going to let fear rule her life? She could either walk a tightrope with Evan for the next twenty years, tensed and waiting for the other shoe to drop, or she could drop it now. At least then she’d know.

  “I hate your father,” Madison said.

  “Huh?”

  “I hate Victor. He’s – I hate him.”

  “I see.”
Evan didn’t look like he saw. He looked completely taken aback. Good.

  “I’m not even sure he’s my father. It’s not like we ever did a DNA test. And we don’t look alike.”

  “I don’t look like him either.”

  “Your mom was married to him. You share his gift. I think it’s a pretty safe bet. What do I have? I barely even have any talent.”

  “Neither did your mother. Magical talent tends to be somewhat recessive.” Evan shook his head. “It doesn’t matter. He is your father. He did his own test, even if it wasn’t scientifically approved.”

  “When?”

  “When you were eighteen and your adoptive father first told him you existed.”

  “Oh.”

  “He never told you?” Evan asked.

  “We never talked. He never said anything to me at all.”

  “Is that why you hate him?” Evan asked.

  “Sort of. I don’t know. He acted like he thought he was better than everyone else.”

  “He did think he was better than everyone else.”

  “He was never there. Even after he learned the truth, he was never there. He gave me money, my father gambled it away, and he never even knew. That’s how much he cared.”

  “He did care about you. I think you were his one big regret in life.”

  “If you say so.”

  “I do say so. I’m not trying to defend him.”

  “Yes, you are.”

  Evan looked flustered for a few seconds but he regrouped. “All right, maybe I am. He wasn’t evil incarnate, however many mistakes he made, and I feel like I spend my whole life having to say what a jerk he was to make the people around me happy.”

  Madison flattened herself against the back of her chair. Evan was mad. Ticked off. Even if she couldn’t see it in his eyes, she could feel it in the unnatural air currents stirring throughout the car.

  Evan wasn’t done yet. “I mean I’m married to Cassie, and there isn’t a person left in the magical world who doesn’t know what he did to her. She’s forgiven me but she’ll never forgive him.”

  “Can you blame her?” Madison managed to say in barely a whisper.

  “Of course I can’t blame her. I’d feel the same way. But I can’t talk about him with her. He died over a year ago and there’s almost no one I can talk to about him who’s willing to accept that under all the horrible things he did, he loved me. And whether I should or not, I loved him.”

  Madison opened and closed her mouth a few times, but wasn’t sure what to say. She understood, strangely enough. She knew what it meant to love a parent who didn’t deserve it. Her adoptive father had abandoned and betrayed her and yet if he were ever to speak a kind word to her, she’d probably forgive him. And in Evan’s case, Victor had never turned against his son. He’d been a jerk to plenty of other people, but never to Evan himself.

  “I kept hoping maybe one day you’d let me talk about him with you,” Evan continued. “Guess not.”

  “I-I’m sorry. I never knew him and as far as I could tell, he never wanted me. He never tried to make contact, except for the money. I don’t even want the money.”

  “Is that why you keep giving it all to charity?” Evan asked.

  “Pretty much. Yeah. I don’t want the crumbs of his affection.”

  “It’s not from him anymore,” Evan said. “It’s from me. I’m the one who keeps trying to make sure you have everything you need these days, but you still give it away every month.”

  Madison turned to look out the window. She was surprised he hadn’t run out of money yet. She knew he was an alchemist, but he had at least imparted to her the fact that he couldn’t make money infinitely. Well, he could, but there were bigger economic concerns if he spent too much. As it was, he had to duck the IRS like clockwork every year. And last year, apparently, he’d given a hundred million to Amanda’s mentor. Someone would notice that.

  “Well, there it is,” Madison said. “I don’t want it. I’m only part of your family by a technicality anyway, so you can stop pretending–”

  “Pretending?” Evan suddenly pulled over to the side of the road and the unnatural wind currents within the car picked up. Madison tried to flatten herself against the passenger side window. “Hate my father. Go ahead. That’s your right. But I haven’t pretended a thing. It’s not like I’ve been throwing you money in lieu of affection. I’ve tried everything to convince you to trust me. Hell, I took you under my wing before I knew we had a blood relationship because you were Cassie’s friend.”

  “And then you kidnapped me.”

  “It was an impossible situation. Scott’s sister was being held hostage. I would never have actually hurt you. And I’ve apologized at least twelve times.”

  He had apologized. It was really pretty churlish of her to continue to deny forgiveness at this point. She wasn’t even sure why she still held onto that anger. Except that now Evan was angry and he was looking every bit the intimidating sorcerer.

  “Well, there you have it,” Madison said in a bare whisper. “I’m cold, unforgiving, and I hate your father.”

  “Are you intentionally trying to push me away?”

  “Um...”

  “Stop it. It’s not going to work.”

  “It’s not?” Madison’s hair still whipped in her face. “You’re mad.”

  “Yeah. So? Do you think just because I get mad at you that I’m going to abandon you?”

  Pretty much, yeah. The only person who hadn’t was Clinton.

  “We’re going to make each other mad,” Evan said. “Get used to it. Now you drive for a while. I was up all night and need some sleep.”

  “Okay.” Madison unbuckled her belt and started to open the passenger side door. She hesitated. “Thank you.”

  “For what?” Evan asked.

  “For coming after me. For caring enough to fight Scott, even if you shouldn’t have. And for being patient with me. I-I don’t trust easily.”

  “I’d say neither do I, but I think you take it to a whole new level.”

  “Maybe so.” She slipped around the car to the driver’s side before speaking again. “You know, I sometimes think you’re trying to make up for two lost decades. We can’t do that.”

  “That’s what Cassie says. I just wish I knew how to move forward.”

  “Maybe we just did.”

  Chapter 16

  MADISON SAT IN THE SMALL CAFE just outside of Junction, Texas, sipping a Diet Coke and watching the two men having lunch in the next booth. They were civilians who worked on base, possibly in the lab Clara had mentioned, but so far they had not given anything away. They didn’t exactly sit in public restaurants talking about their evil experiments. If they talked about work at all, it was more in a, “Hey, did you hear Sarah was dating Tom?” sort of way. Today, they were discussing movies.

  The military base was a fortress, of course. No unauthorized personnel allowed. Most of the soldiers lived right there on base, so she had no chance to interact with them, even assuming she could get past her shyness to try to strike up a conversation.

  She was no spy, that was for sure. She was here for Clinton, but all she could do for him at the moment was sit in a public cafe and pay attention in case anyone let something interesting slip. Meanwhile, in the privacy of her hotel room, she would sing. She could now vocalize a melody that sounded eerily like the, “Don’t open that door!” underscore used in many movies. How well it would work was another matter entirely. She had not been able to bring herself to experiment on anyone, not when practicing in the mirror reminded her forcefully of her years of never singing at all.

  She hadn’t known about her gift. Her father hadn’t known the specifics, but he had gradually come to understand that his wife had done something to him, and that it had something to do with her voice. He recognized it in Madison, and spent years telling her that singing itself was evil and wrong.

  She no longer believed that, but she did fear her gift was evil. She knew it was manipulativ
e, and had seen hints of its power. Years ago, her mother – pregnant, alone, and afraid – had recognized in herself a power that had never been there before and, smart enough to attribute it to the baby she carried rather than herself, had caught herself a husband before the power slipped away.

  Later, when Madison learned the truth, she had been tempted to use the same magic to win her own father back, the same way her mother had. If she sang father-daughter love songs to him, would he start to feel like a father to her in truth, or would he hate her all the more for manipulating him?

  She couldn’t sing forever. Eventually, she had to stop. Then he would come to his senses and he would really hate her.

  What was it about a parent that made a child crave their love, no matter what they had done?

  It didn’t matter. He didn’t matter. Not anymore. She didn’t need him. She only needed herself and the one family member she had left from her childhood. That was why she was here now – for Clinton, not for her dad. She might not be able to do much until Scott got here, but she would be here when he arrived, and she would not let him push her away, even if she had to sing to him to convince him to let her stay.

  The two men finished their lunch, paid the hostess at the front, and left. Madison had been in her booth for over an hour, and would start to call attention to herself if she didn’t leave soon. Sighing, she took one last sip of her drink, wondering again why she insisted on ordering diet sodas when she ordered cheeseburgers, then she made her way to the front to pay her bill.

  A bell jingled behind her while she stood at the front counter. She turned slightly, not expecting to see anyone of interest, but she stopped short when she saw someone familiar. Someone who clearly recognized her, though it took her a minute to place him. When she did, she still couldn’t quite recall his name... Barry... Harry? Something like that. She had seen him twice, the first time when he had hand-delivered invitations for herself and Kaitlin to attend a magical conclave on behalf of Alexander DuPris, who was trying to organize a new magical government. She had seen him again at the conclave, briefly. The citizens of Eagle Rock had rejected both Alexander DuPris and the Magical Underground, partly because the local sorcerers liked to be left alone and partly because of rumors that Alexander had done some shady things.