Kaitlin's Tale

by Christine Amsden

  * * *

  Matthew stared around his room, searching for his pajamas but not expecting to find them. In truth, he’d known his mom would tear through this room like a whirlwind while he took his first shower in... well, he tried not to think about that. But he hadn’t expected her to remove all the pajamas, even the clean ones. Well, fine. He’d pull on slacks and a shirt, but that didn’t mean he would leave the house.

  He was just finishing running a brush through his hair when he heard the doorbell ring. Knowing his father would turn whoever it was away, he didn’t think much of it until a minute or so later when he felt her.

  His mom was right there with her, no doubt, but he had never been able to read his mom’s mind and nothing had changed now that he was a shadow of his former self. Kaitlin, on the other hand, was an open book. She radiated fear, concern, and self-repudiation.

  I should have come sooner. I was so sure he was rejecting me. Did he think I was rejecting him?

  Matthew stared around the room like a caged animal. He didn’t want her in here. Okay, so his mom had finally forced him into clean clothes, but the place still had the feel of a sickroom – which it was. So, taking the initiative, he emerged from his bedroom and intercepted Kaitlin before she could get halfway down the hall.

  “Matthew!” Her heart was pounding madly, and she was at a loss for what to say. Her open sympathy and concern were almost more than he could stand, but it was her self-recrimination that nearly brought him to his knees. Why did she feel responsible for him at all?

  “Let’s go out on the deck,” Matthew said. He took Kaitlin’s hand to guide her through the living room before he remembered how it felt to touch this woman. The jolt of sensation was as strong as it had been the first time, and nearly as surprising.

  “Can I get you two something to drink?” Caroline asked.

  “No,” Matthew said.

  “Just holler if you change your mind,” she said, and he could hear the smile in her words. Interfering woman. Had she somehow known?

  Matthew led Kaitlin out onto the deck. It was a muggy mid-afternoon in August, with a humidity of about 100 percent. Even fresh from the shower, he felt like he needed to take another one the second he walked outside. He led Kaitlin to a table overlooking the lake and, after she took a seat, opened the umbrella to shade them both.

  “You seem healthy,” Kaitlin said. Did I misunderstand? Maybe he was rejecting me. But then, why hasn’t he taken control of the White Guard?

  Matthew glanced inside to see if his parents were eavesdropping, but they seemed to have given him his space. With a sigh, he turned back to Kaitlin and tried to figure out what to tell the beautiful, golden-haired angel who had haunted his dreams since he’d returned. He hadn’t wanted to tell anyone of his shame, but when he imagined telling someone, it was always her.

  “Matthew?” Kaitlin asked, reaching out a hand to cover his. He allowed the contact for a moment, then withdrew his hand and ran it through his still-damp hair.

  “I’m burnt out,” he said, forming the words that had become his waking nightmare. “I pushed myself too hard, pushed my magic too hard.”

  “And it’s all gone?” Kaitlin gasped.

  “Almost.” Matthew closed his eyes and found, within his quiet place, something like an echo of his former power. He could use it to form subtle suggestions or minor memory wipes, but true power was lost to him. For a few days he had held out hope that it might return gradually, but after weeks had passed he knew that he now possessed as much magic as he ever would.

  “Matthew, I’m so sorry.” She tried to imagine what it must be like for him, but magic had never been part of her soul. He must feel like Cassie, except worse, because she never had any magic to begin with, even if she thought she should.

  “Yes, I think that’s a good way of looking at it.” Matthew gazed out over the lake as a lump formed in his throat. He couldn’t lose it in front of Kaitlin. Not that she’d want to have anything to do with him now; he couldn’t protect her. He couldn’t lead a movement. He couldn’t do anything.

  “You haven’t told anyone, have you?” she asked.

  “Only my parents and brother. I’m trying to groom Robert to take over the White Guard, but he’s resisting and he says they are too.”

  “They don’t trust it because they don’t understand it.” They don’t trust you, either. They certainly won’t trust your hand-off.

  Matthew winced.

  “Sorry,” Kaitlin said. “It’s hard watching what I think. I just... you can’t give up now! Not when you’re so close!”

  “Give up?” Matthew stared at her. “Didn’t you hear what I said? I’m powerless. I’m finished!”

  Kaitlin stared at him for a long moment, her mind blank with... surprise? “But you’re... Do you really think people were following you because of your power?”

  “Yes.”

  “They were afraid of you because of your power. They followed you because you stood up to lead.”

  “And because I was a mind mage. Never forget that.”

  “You’ve got a family full of mind mages if you need one. Your father tried to pull something over on me at the front door, and I’d bet he’s as good as you. And your brother, but he doesn’t want to lead, does he?”

  “I’m talking him into it.”

  “No one had to talk you into anything.”

  “I’m leading a magical unification movement!” Matthew pushed his chair back and got to his feet. “I can’t do it without magic!”

  Kaitlin shook her head. “No, you can’t do it without trust. The magic’s optional.”

  “Yeah, well, at the moment I don’t have either.”

  “I trust you.” I love you, too.

  Matthew closed his eyes, hearing the echo of those words reverberate through his mind. She loved him? How could she? How could she love a shell of a man?

  But she did. He went quiet for a long minute, watching himself through her eyes, hearing himself through her ears, and perceiving himself through her mind. He was... a natural born leader. He was strong and confident and even though he was hurt right now, he would bounce back. She knew he would. He was a better man than he thought he was, and he wasn’t Alexander, no matter what that foul man had said. No, Alexander would never have sacrificed himself or his magic for anything – and that truth would set them apart.

  “I don’t think others will see it that way,” Matthew whispered. “I think they’ll see me as a shell.”

  “Is that how you see your mom and Cassie?” Kaitlin asked.

  “No, but I’ve underestimated them before.”

  “And they showed you what they were made of. You’ll do the same.” And then I’ll lose you because you’ll realize you’re too good for me.

  Never, Matthew thought. He might not understand what Kaitlin loved about him, but he would not be the fool who let her go. Somehow, someway, however he managed to get through this, he would do it with her by his side.

  “I need some time to think,” Matthew said.

  Kaitlin nodded and stood. “All right. You’ve got until tomorrow night.”

  “What?”

  “Tomorrow night, when you call an emergency meeting of your inner circle to tell them the whole truth.”

  Matthew’s heart sank. Tomorrow would probably be the end of his ambitions, but Kaitlin was right. He couldn’t hide forever. He wanted to share her hope that trust was more important than power, but he wasn’t sure he believed it, nor was he sure he could gain anyone’s trust. He only knew one thing: “You’ll be there, by my side.”

  “Of course.”

  * * *

  Kaitlin was still processing her meeting with Matthew when she returned to Cassie’s house. Jay and Anastasia were both asleep in a corner of the living room, so the women q
uietly retreated to the den. Evan and Scott were there, apparently having a heated discussion because they suddenly stopped when the women entered.

  Kaitlin looked at the two men, one her best friend’s husband, the other engaged to her good friend Madison. These were powerful people, men of action, yet neither of them had sacrificed the way Matthew had. Ultimately, Evan still had all the magic that should have been Cassie’s, and even though Kaitlin was sure Cassie had given it up willingly, out of love, she also understood why Matthew found the situation hypocritical.

  “What’s going on?” Cassie asked.

  “There’s a White Guard meeting tomorrow,” Evan replied. “Scott and I just got called in. Matthew’s finally coming out of hiding.”

  “What were you fighting about?” Cassie asked.

  The two men looked away from each other. Finally, Evan answered, “I’m ready to call it quits. Scott thinks I should give him the benefit of the doubt.”

  “You should,” Kaitlin said without thinking. All eyes moved to her, something she should have anticipated, but she knew she’d said the right thing. It suddenly struck her that if Matthew were to succeed tomorrow night, he needed support now. And she could give it to him. She hoped.

  “What do you know?” Evan asked.

  “A lot more than you do,” Kaitlin snapped.

  “There’s no need to get angry,” Evan said.

  “Isn’t there? You’ve been working with him for two years but have never trusted him.”

  “I can’t imagine why that would be,” Evan said sarcastically, glancing at his wife.

  “Yeah, he crossed a line. You’ve either got to forgive him for that or stop stringing him along.”

  “Do I?” Evan rose to his full 6 foot 2 inch height and looked down at Kaitlin in a way he had never done before.

  “He’s not the only one who’s crossed a line,” Kaitlin said defiantly, looking between Evan and Cassie. “You did some underhanded things when you courted her, but she forgave you. Why? Because she loved you, and she wanted to move on.”

  “She’s right,” Scott said. “If you don’t, this whole movement fails and Alexander wins by default.”

  “I think he’s messed with her mind,” Evan said.

  “He hasn’t,” Kaitlin said.

  “How can you be so sure?”

  “She said she’s immune to mind magic,” Cassie came to stand right behind Kaitlin, wordlessly showing her support.

  Scott’s eyes widened for a fraction of a second, then he nodded almost imperceptibly. “That explains a lot.”

  “You believe her?” Evan asked. “Maybe he just convinced her it’s true so she won’t try to fight him.”

  “It’s pretty easy to confirm it,” Scott said. “I’m an illusionist, remember?”

  The next instant Cassie and Evan had both jumped back from something Kaitlin couldn’t see. Their reaction was momentary, but real.

  “What was that?” Kaitlin asked.

  “For a second it looked like Scott was transforming into a werewolf,” Evan said, his arms raised in a fighting stance. “Don’t do that again, okay?”

  “I think you’re missing the point. She didn’t see it.”

  Everyone’s eyes were on Kaitlin now.

  “Matthew tried to influence me, but he couldn’t,” Kaitlin said.

  “How does this make him any different from Alexander?” Evan asked, slowly lowering his arms.

  “I’m glad he couldn’t, but the point is that he tried.”

  “No, the point is that Matthew sacrificed everything for you and you still don’t even know it!”

  They all stared at one another for a long moment before Scott broke the silence. “Then tell us.”

  Chapter 33

  CASSIE WENT FOR A RUN AFTER her talk with Kaitlin, needing to stretch her legs and think. Too bad it wasn’t raining. Rain made everything clearer – or wetter, which made clear less important. She recalled running in the rain the last time her world had been turned upside down, the day she’d learned what had happened to the magic that should have been hers. She’d almost gotten kidnapped by blood mages, had the worst fight of her life with Evan (who had been a jerk that night), and nearly slept with Matthew.

  Okay, no rain. At least the sun was setting. Darkness could suit her mood too.

  Had she been wrong about Matthew, or had he changed? Or both? She believed Kaitlin; her friend might not have the best taste in men but she wasn’t stupid. It was more that she didn’t think she was good enough for a good man. Maybe one day Kaitlin would tell her why that was, but in the meantime Cassie could tell that something had changed in her best friend. She’d come back stronger. More confident. And as for Matthew, she’d taken him under her protection. Kaitlin had only ever done that for friends, never for boyfriends or lovers. Which made Matthew something new.

  Cassie nearly screamed when she felt a presence zoom up to her side so quickly that it stirred up the very wind around her. She skidded to a halt, turning to see Jason standing casually against a nearby tree. Jason – not the man but the vampire. Her heart pounding in her chest, she wondered what he wanted. What he would do. The last time she’d seen him he had saved her life – or at least spared it.

  “Hello, Cassie,” Jason said. It was still his voice.

  “What are you doing here?”

  “Making plans with Hideyuki to bring the hunters into a new organization under the umbrella of the White Guard. Or at least, that was the plan. Before your leader checked out.”

  Checked out. Burned out, according to Kaitlin. Cassie didn’t say so aloud, though. She wasn’t sure how far she could trust this creature.

  “I’m not going to bite you,” Jason said. He smiled. “Although you do smell good.”

  Cassie shuddered. “Is there any part of Jason left?”

  “I don’t know.” It sounded like blunt honesty, which surprised her. “Maybe some. There’s a part of me that wants to see Jay again. Spend time with him, even before he grows up.”

  “Kaitlin said you promised to stay away.”

  “I did. But maybe I can change her mind. After all, I’ll be working with Matthew. I’ll be... around.”

  Cassie wasn’t sure if he’d be working with Matthew or not. So far, Matthew hadn’t come out of hiding, not even when people started questioning the evidence he’d presented of Alexander’s blood magic.

  Burned out. Cassie shuddered again. She’d never had magic, never knew what it was like. Not having it had always felt like a huge loss because of the people around her. But what if she’d had it and then lost it? That would be worse. Much, much worse. It was why she hadn’t let Evan return her magic, in the end. She no longer felt like she needed it; she had learned there was more to life – more to her – than magic.

  Would Matthew? Would he learn that he, too, had skills above and beyond magic? Skills like leadership, political savvy, and even compassion.

  “What’s wrong with Matthew?” Jason asked. “Hideyuki won’t say. But he hasn’t left his parents’ house.”

  “That’s for him to say. But I think... maybe he’ll be better soon.”

  Jason frowned. “He’s hurt, isn’t he? I figured he got a concussion in the plane crash; those can take months to heal from.”

  “That’s true.” Cassie hadn’t considered it, honestly. She didn’t know a thing about concussions, but maybe Jason was right. And maybe, in a few months, Matthew would even get part of his magic back. But either way, he needed to start living now, and he needed to learn that magic wasn’t the only skill worth having.

  And if anyone could help him learn that lesson, it was Cassie.

  Chapter 34

  WHEN MATTHEW ENTERED HIS LIVING ROOM for the White Guard meeting, he wasn’t sure what to expect. That was unusual, since he normally too
k control of the meetings and guided them to suit his purposes, but he would be less able to do that from now on. Assuming there was anything left of his fledgling organization after tonight.

  Everyone was already there, drinks and snacks in hand, when he emerged from a back room. There were his parents, of course, and his brother Robert, who might become the default leader after tonight. There was Clark and Linda Eagle, the old couple seated together and holding hands as if they were still twenty years old. There was Scott Lee and with him his fiancée, Madison, who had never come to a meeting before and looked out of place. Then there was Evan, his gaze somehow less hostile than usual, his wife seated beside him instead of joining via speaker phone or Skype.

  But even seeing Cassie there didn’t divert him from seeking out his one source of power and confidence in this room – Kaitlin, standing at the back of the room, too far away for him to read her thoughts.

  The thoughts he could pick up on were mostly concerned with blood magic and defeating Alexander. That wasn’t surprising. What was surprising was that no one wondered about his lengthy absence.

  “Thanks for coming, everyone,” Matthew began.

  “It was about time you called another meeting,” Clark said, squeezing his wife’s hand. “Blood magic, huh? You put the word out, then shut up about it. You’ve riled people then stepped aside.”

  “I know, and I’m sorry,” Matthew said. “I’ve been trying to convince Robert to take over, and I’m sure you’ll all agree after you hear–”

  “Why would we want Robert?” Cassie asked. “He’s not the one who sacrificed himself, putting his life and magic on the line, to get the truth out.”

  Matthew froze. She knew. In fact, looking around, he could see that everyone knew. He lifted his eyes to meet Kaitlin’s gaze. She met him, stare for stare, not apologizing or backing down. In fact, she stepped forward, into telepathic range. Yes, I told them. Everything. And they don’t just still want you, they truly want you.

  “That’s what I’ve been trying to tell you for a month, bro,” Robert said. “I’m not the guiding force here, you are.”