This Is Wild

by Natasha Madison

  My parents are beside her bed, my father watching my mother and Zara bonding over the baby. His chest is puffed out, which he does when he’s super proud. Karrie and Allison talk in the corner with Justin. “Come and hold her,” Zara says, smiling through her tears. Evan stands beside Dad, doing the same puffed-out chest.

  I walk over, and my mother places Zoey in my arms, and I swear she reaches out of her blanket and waves at me. “What are you naming her, besides princess?” Matthew asks beside Karrie now.

  “Meet Zoey with a y,” Evan says, and my father laughs and hugs him around his shoulders.

  “You never stood a chance,” he says, knowing that even if Zara wanted to name her after the solar system, he would have gone with it.

  “Hello, little Zoey with a y,” I tell her while I rub her soft cheek with my finger, and she opens her mouth as if to say hi. I’m smiling through my tears as she blinks her eyes at me and opens and closes her perfect plump lips. I’m lost in the moment of having her in my arms. Lost in the unconditional love ​she brings out in me. I will do anything for her, and then I look over at the door and see him. He stands ​there in jeans and a jacket with a stupid beanie on his head and in his hand is the Burberry bag I packed as a backup. All I can do is smile. I don’t know why he’s here, but it doesn’t matter. Nothing at the moment matters except for Zoey.

  “Hey,” he says softly, walking in beside me, then turning to look at Zara. “Congratulations.”

  “Thank you,” she says, leaning back on the bed, her face showing her exhaustion.

  “Thank you,” I tell him when I see the bag in his hand. “You didn’t have to.”

  “It was nothing,” he says and then looks at the baby in my arms. “She’s beautiful.”

  “She is,” I say, smiling. “This is Zoey with a y,” I introduce her, and he just smiles. Zoey ​starts to make noises now, and the nurse comes back in.

  “Okay, folks,” she says. “It’s time to clear out. She can have two people stay with her.” I look at my mother who just smiles at me.

  “Mom, why don’t you stay with her?” I tell my mother. “We can switch in the morning.”

  “Are you sure?” my mother asks me. “I don’t mind coming back tomorrow either.”

  “Nah,” I say, kissing Zoey, who is not happy at all. “You know what to do. I’ll just threaten people to make it happen.” I laugh, and my mother just shakes her head.

  I hand Zoey off to Zara and then kiss her head. “Call me if you need me,” I tell her and then hug Evan. “Text me if you need anything.”

  “Will do,” he says and looks at Zara. We walk out, and everyone is making plans about where everyone is sleeping tonight. My head just replays everything that has gone on in the last four hours. “Zoe.” I hear my name being called and look up at Viktor who is walking beside me.

  “Sorry, what?” I ask and see that everyone has gone in their own directions. “Where is everyone?”

  “Your father went to get his car,” Viktor says. “I was wondering if we could talk.” I look at him as he puts his hands in his back pockets. “I know now is not a good time, but there are things that need to be said.”

  “What?” I look at him. “We really don’t have to do this,” I tell him, my neck starting to get hot, and my heart speeding up. “I think I got the picture crystal clear,” I say without thinking.

  “That’s the problem. You didn’t,” he says and then a honk stops him from talking. “I have to go, but we are going to have this conversation,” he says and just walks away, leaving me standing in the middle of the sidewalk. As the night creeps by, my eyes never shut, and at six a.m., I finally give up.

  I put on my shoes, and I leave a note on the front table. I’ve had enough of this wishy-washy bullshit, and ​it’s going to stop. I get into the Uber I ordered when I made the plan in my head and thought this was a good idea. But now standing here and pressing the button, I want to turn around and run away, but it buzzes, and I walk into the lobby I said I would never go back to. Up the elevator that holds the darkest day for me.

  My heart ​starts to speed up, my hands start to get clammy, and I’m suddenly worried he’s ​there with someone. What if he wanted to talk ​to me because he’s with someone else? My hand flies to my stomach, and I swallow down the bile that keeps rising.

  The elevator door pings, and I think about changing my mind. I think about leaving and just denying I was ever here, but when the elevator finally opens, he’s standing ​there in the middle of the hallway just looking at me. “Well, here goes nothing,” I say, getting off the elevator.

  Chapter Thirty-Five

  Viktor

  The doorbell rings the second the coffee machine stops. I look at the clock over the stove and see it’s a little past six thirty. I walk to the buzzer and buzz up the person. I wonder if maybe it’s Mark coming to get his truck. I open the door and stand in the hallway, and when the elevator doors open, I see her. She’s wearing black rubber boots with a sweater and a black vest. Even wearing a baseball cap, she is the most beautiful thing that I’ve ever seen. I suck in a breath when she sees me, and our eyes meet.

  She walks out of the elevator toward me, and my heart just speeds up, and I swear I think I’m going to have a heart attack. “Um,” I say, at a loss for words.

  “Sorry, I couldn’t sleep, and I kept replaying the words you said over and over in my head,” she says softly. “Can we talk?”

  “Yeah,” I say, walking back and motioning to the apartment with my hands. “Come in. Do you want coffee?” I ask her, scared as fuck she’ll walk into this room and see the scene from when ​she was here last.

  “I can make a coffee, and you can go put on a shirt,” she says, and I secretly smile, hoping that I have that effect on her. That she still cares for me and I haven’t ruined what was the best thing I’ve ever had. I nod at her and walk toward my bedroom and grab a T-shirt and then walk back out while I put it on. She’s taken off her hat and the vest, and she sits on the couch.

  “Sorry to barge in on you,” she says, and I go and sit next to her. I’ve sat next to her on so many other occasions, but something about this time is different. “Listen, I know that the last time we saw each other …”

  “I really want to start,” I say. She looks at me, and I have to get up or I’m going to grab her by the ponytail and just kiss her instead of saying what I need to say. “I’ve rehearsed this speech over and over in my head so many times, and now I’m drawing a blank,” I tell her, and now I start to pace.

  “Do you want to sit down?” she asks me, and I just shake my head.

  “No,” I say and shake my hands to get the nerves out of them. “I don’t even know how to start this,” I tell her. “There is so much I want to say, so much that I need to say, but …”

  “But?” she says, waiting for me to continue.

  “But it’s not pretty. And you come from a family that’s pretty and perfect.”

  “No one is perfect,” she tells me.

  “You,” I finally say. “You’re perfect.”

  “There is a reason that a recovering addict can’t fall in love the first year,” I start there. “And that is because you replace one addiction with another.” She blinks away tears. “I’m fucking this up.” I snap my fingers. “When I first saw you, I was like whoa,” I say, and she smiles. “But then the only thing I could think is look away.”

  “Okay,” she says.

  “But then I got to know you, and every single time, I ignored the pull, and then you gave me these gifts, and I knew I was in trouble.” I look down and then up. “Even if I wanted to, I don’t think I could have stopped falling in love with you.” Her mouth opens now in shock. “And that kiss, that kiss has been the star of every single dream I’ve had since you left.” I run my hands through my hair. “I didn’t touch the drugs.”

  “Viktor,” she whispers.

  “No, if you hear anything else today, it’s that I never touched the drug. Not that
day. Not since I was clean.” I rub my face. “Right before you walked in or the door opened, I have no idea, but I was standing there and the key chain was there, and it took me maybe half a second to think ‘What the fuck am I doing?’ Everything that I fought for was almost gone in that one second.” I take a deep breath.

  “You’re strong.” She moves to get up, and I hold out my hand.

  “There is so much that we have to talk about and so much more that I want to say.” I take a deep breath. “So much more that you need to know. But know this. I want you to be proud of me. I want you to be proud to stand by my side. I want to be the man you beam with pride at when you introduce. I want to be the man who holds your fucking hand because I can.” I look up at the ceiling and then look down at her and see the tears running down her face. “There was a plan. I made a plan ​that I would come for you after I was sober for one year.”

  “How much longer do you have?” she asks as her chest trembles.

  “Doesn’t matter because I’m learning that some plans need to be altered. Some plans need modifications.”

  “Is this one of those plans?” She tries to smile while she cries.

  “If you’ll have me,” I tell her. “We have to go slow because I’m not okay with fucking this up.”

  She gets up now and walks over to me. Standing in front of me, she’s so close I can smell her.

  “Can I talk now?” she asks, and I just nod my head.

  “For the record, I am proud of you,” she starts. “It’s not easy to admit when you need help, and you did it.”

  “I didn’t have anything to do with the first part,” I try to joke, and she shakes her head.

  “You went to rehab, and you stayed the whole ninety days. No one forced you to be there,” she says. “So I’m proud of you and the man you are. I’m proud, so proud that you fight each and every day to stay clean. The struggle is not easy, but every day is one step ahead.” She licks her lips. “I’m happy.” She smiles at me, “Well, not happy, but I’m glad you see it.”

  “See what?” I ask her.

  “That you are that man. The man who you want to be. You are that man already.” She smiles, and my hand comes up and cups her cheek and my thumb wipe away her tears. “Viktor,” she says my name. “This is when you kiss me.”

  “Are you sure you’re ready for this?” I ask her, knowing there will be no turning back. “I don’t know how it is going to go, but I know that I didn’t go through the hell I went through to not have you in the end.”

  She steps in closer to me and puts her hands on my chest. She can probably feel my heart beating so fast. “I’m sure,” she says. She moves her hands up my chest and gets on her tippy toes. I lean down, and it happens in slow motion. Or that is just how it feels in my head. Our lips meet, and I swear it is so much better than I remember. My hands go into her hair, pulling out the elastic from her ponytail, and her hair cascades around my fingers. I turn my head and slide my tongue into her mouth, both of us groaning the minute we touch. We kiss each other softly at first, and then I can’t get her close enough. She is plastered to the front of my chest, and my cock is harder than it’s ever been. I could spend all day lost in her kisses, and I’m planning on it. I’m lost in her kiss, in her touch, in everything that she is.

  “So,” I say, my lips lingering on hers, “are we going to do this?” Her eyes look up at me. “Dating.”

  “Yes,” she whispers out on a sigh of relief. “I don’t care what we call it as long as …”

  “As long as we do it together.” I kiss her lips again. “Are we doing this secretly?”

  “I think the secret is out of the bag after last night.” She tilts her head to the side. “But if you think we should keep it undercover …?”

  “I’d rather not,” I tell her. “If that is okay with you.”

  She nods her head. “It’s more than okay with me.” Her fingers go into the hair on the back of my neck. “How are you feeling?”

  “Overwhelmed,” I finish for her. “But in a good way.”

  “I’m dating Viktor,” she says with a huge smile on her face. “I’m dating you.”

  “You are dating me.” I nod my head. “What are your plans for the day?”

  “I have to visit Zara, and then I’m open. What about you?”

  “I want to attend a meeting, and then I was hoping that …” I say, and then she smirks at me.

  “That I would come back over and continue this make-out session?” She winks at me, and it’s just like her.

  I throw my head back and laugh. “Yeah, that’s exactly what I was thinking,” I tell her and kiss her again.

  “That sounds like a plan,” she says and then I walk her to the elevator and kiss her before she gets in. “It’s about time you got your head out of your ass,” she says with a smirk. The doors close, and I put my head back and laugh.

  I walk back into my apartment, and ​I can say it’s the happiest I’ve been in forever, and now my phone is ringing.

  “Hey,” I say, answering it when I see it’s Matthew. “Is Zoe with you?” he says, his voice going low.

  “She just left, yes,” I tell him. I’m going to have a conversation with him.

  “Good. My father and I would like to come by and see you if you have time,” he says, and I know exactly what they want to talk about.

  “Come on over,” I tell him. “I’ll be here until about ten.”

  “We’ll be there in ten minutes,” he says, and he disconnects. Well, I guess it’s going to happen sooner than later. I don’t even think ​it takes them ten minutes when the buzzer goes off after I finally got dressed. I open the door when they knock, and I’m shocked to see Evan and Max are with them, too.

  “Hey,” I say and move out of the way as they walk in.

  “I’m not here,” Max says. “I’m here to make sure that one,” he points at Matthew, “is okay.”

  I raise my eyebrows, and then Evan says, “I’m here because Zara says that I’m not allowed to go back until everyone leaves here.” I shake my head.

  “I’m here because my father wants to have a sit-down,” Matthew says.

  “Jesus,” Max says, going over to the couch and sitting down. “You sound like he’s the godfather or something.”

  “It’s fine,” I tell him and look at Cooper who hasn’t said anything. “Can I get you something to drink?”

  “No, I’m good,” Cooper says, and I look at them.

  “Do you want to sit at the table?” I ask, and suddenly, I get nervous. Maybe I should have called Jeffrey to have at least one person in my corner.

  “That would be good,” Cooper says and goes to the table and pulls out a chair. I sit in front of him and then look at Matthew sitting between us. I look over at Evan who goes to the couch and lies down. “I’m not here to start anything or get off on the wrong foot.”

  “I understand,” I tell him.

  “I thought she was okay,” Cooper starts. “She was always busy, she did lots of sales, and her skipping the games was not unusual.” I nod at him, and my mouth is suddenly dry. “Then with everything yesterday, it clicked into place.” I let him talk, knowing he has to get it off his chest. “When you showed up at the hospital and took her into your arms, she let you. She clung to you.”

  “She was going to fall,” I point out.

  “Yeah, I got that, but you didn’t let her.” Cooper points at me.

  I look down and then look back up. “I’m a recovering addict,” I say. “First thing they tell you when you go into rehab is do not fall in love. Dating should be the last thing you want to do. And if I’m honest, I didn’t want to fuck anything up.” I look at Matthew. “I was given a second chance, and I didn’t want to mess it up. I was finally able to see how much damage my drug use did to me and the people around me.”

  “Where does Zoe play into all this?” he asks, folding his hands on top of the table.

  “I love her,” I tell them without skipping a beat. “T
here is no question about how I feel for her.”

  “So now what?” Cooper asks me. “You love her, and she obviously loves you.”

  “I had a plan to finish my one year and then go after her.” It’s not a surprise.

  “But now that plan has changed?” ​Matthew asks, and I nod at him.

  “I think I’m strong enough to have her by my side and continue my recovery,” I tell them.

  Cooper shakes his head. “I don’t want you to think. I want you to know.”

  “Then I know,” I answer him. “I know that with her I can be the man she should have. I know I don’t want to be with anyone else.”

  “All I want is for her to be happy,” Cooper says. “I want a man who will put her before anything else.”

  “He basically doesn’t want you to fuck this up,” Matthew finally says, and Max groans. “What?” He looks over at Max and asks.

  “Seriously?” Max says, and Evan just opens one eye and then closes it back.

  “Seriously, what?” Matthew asks him.

  “Don’t fuck this up?” Max laughs. “You think that is what your father is getting at?”

  “He’s beating around the bush, but yeah.” Matthew crosses his hands over his chest. “Besides, you don’t get to be a part of this conversation. You stole my sister,” he says loudly.

  Now it’s Evan’s turn to groan. “This again?” he says while Max laughs quietly. “They are married and have children.”

  “Doesn’t change the fact he stole her.” Matthew shrugs.

  “Call it what you want,” Max says, smiling big now, “because tonight I get to go home with my stolen property.”

  “Guys, I really get what you are doing here,” Evan says. “My daughter is not even twenty-four hours old, and she’s never getting married or dating. But you really think Zoe would let anyone fuck her over?” He looks at me now. “Not that you’re planning to fuck her over.”

  “I get it,” I tell them now. “I get all this, and I’m not going to lie. I’m scared shitless.” I look down and then up. “I don’t want to fuck this up. You know this,” I tell Matthew. “She’s the best thing to ever happen to me.”