by Cilla Lee
“Excuse me” I ask her as the baby starts to cry and the women rolls her eyes handing me a bag
“Everything’s in there, tell Simone she owes me sixty-dollars for the formula and diapers”
“I’m sorry, who’s baby is this?” I ask as the baby screams louder and the women grabs a plastic thing and puts it in her mouth and the baby stops crying and I look at her (Simone) but her eyes are blue like mine and not green like Simone’s.
“Hello, its Simone’s baby” she says looking at me and I step back “who are you?” she asks me
“I’m Dove, Simone’s sister” I tell her and she frowns. It’s the look most people get when I say that, apart from the hair colour we really don’t look that much alike
“I didn’t know Simone had a sister, and where the hell is she?” I look down at the baby as she looks up at me and a tear comes to my eyes but I hold them back
“She’s dead” I tell the women and she shakes her head
“What? When? How?”
“On Sunday” I tell her and she shakes her head again in disbelief
“But… How?”
“Car accident” I tell her and she looks down at the baby
“Oh, god poor Wiley” she says and I look down at the baby (she named her daughter after me)
“Her names Wiley?” I ask, and the women nods
“Yeah, look I’m sorry but I have to go” I look up at her shaking my head this time and I try to hand her the baby back but she holds up her hands
“No, I’m sorry but I need to get to work, I’ve already taken two days off”
“But what am I supposed to do with her?”
“I’m sorry I have to go” she tells me hurrying off down the hall and I’m standing there left holding the preverbal baby. I look down the hall hoping that the women will come back but she doesn’t, the baby starts to squirm so I take her into the apartment and lay her on the sofa. I pace up and down as she falls asleep “God dammit Simone” I whisper to myself pulling my phone out and pulling up the last persons in this worlds number I ever wanted to talk to again and listen as the phone rings over and over, then it connects
“What?” the women on the other end yells, then starts coughing, I take a deep breath
“Mom” I say and the line goes quiet
“Which one is this?” she asks and I roll my eyes looking at the sleeping baby on the sofa
“Dove” I tell her and she does a big sigh
“Huh, what the hell do you want?”
“Mom did you know Simone had a baby?” I ask her, even though I already know, our mom has never been interested in our lives, not even when we were kids
“I got no money, go ask the idiot who knocked her up” she tells me coughing again and I pull the phone away from my ear looking back down at the baby
“Do you know who he is?”
“Probably some john”
“Mom, Simone wasn’t a prostitute”
“She was workin’ at that strip club, don’t tell me she weren’t sellin’ her body”
“Mom please”
“If you don’t want the kid just drop it off at the fire station”
“Mom! this is your granddaughter”
“I raised my kids” she tells me and I laugh, thinking about my mother’s way of raising Simone and I was making us beg on the street until early morning or shop lifting or robbing her johns. “What? your still alive ain’t ya?” I hold my anger in not wanting for her poison to disrupted my peace, it’s taken years of breathing and just dealing with my mother in small doses to cope
“So, you’re not going to help me?”
“I gave you advice, follow it or not” she says hanging up and I look around and stare at the baby again.
Chapter Four
Socket
As we pull into Sturgis I look around, the place seems to have more and more people here every year, as we find a section to park we back in slowly, people givin’ us a wide berth.
“Damn Brother, look at all this pussy” Cuff says smilin’ as a half naked women walk around everywhere and I shake my head at him as he watches two chicks gigglin’ as they walk by. “I call dibs on the blonde” he says walkin’ off after them and I sit watchin’ as bike after bike rolls past
“You comin’ for a beer?” Saint asks
“Yeah.”
We all walk down to The Dirty Pond and work our way into the bar “Look” Saint says and I turn seein’ some of the Blackened Souls, Butch, Cueball and Ink come walkin’ over
“Boys” Butch says givin’ us all back slaps
“Butch man, who’s the girl with ya?” Cookie asks him and the three of them turn back to the women sitting at the table suckin’ on a straw
“That boys, is trouble” he tells us as we all look at her again
“Her names trouble?” Cookie says and we all look at him
“Don’t be dumb” I tell him and he shrugs “so who is she?” I ask him
“Rooster’s daughter” he says and we all look at her again
“That’s Rooster’s daughter?” I ask surprised
“Yep, she popped up here yesterday lookin’ for him”
“Where is he?”
“Club business, so the three of us are lookin’ out for her” I look over to where two RamsHead’s have just sat with her
“Well your doin’ a shit job” I tell them and they turn back to look at her
“God fuckin’ dammit” Butch says as the three of them walk back to her, I watch as the two RamsHead’s stand up facein’ off with Butch and his guys
“We gonna help?” Saint asks and I look around seein’ five more RamsHead’s walk towards them
“Yeah” I say, as the six of us walk over behind Butch for support
“We were just askin’ if she wanted a drink?”
“Yeah well she doesn’t, so go on walk away” the two RamsHead’s look at each other
“Maybe she should say she don’t want it”
“She doesn’t, so back the fuck off” Butch growls at them in warning
“Oh yeah and who the fuck, are you, to her?”
“None of your fuckin’ business.” I watch as the chick just sits there watching suckin’ on her straw her eyes going from Butch to the fuckhead
“She tells me to go, we go” he tells Butch and we all look at her
“Tell them” Butch almost screams at her and she stands up and throws her drink on the RamsHead and the guy goes for her but Butch holds him back.
From there hell breaks loose, fists go flying chairs tables glasses and anything that can be thrown is thrown. Someone punches me in the jaw and I fall back into a crowd, I’m pushed forward and swing at the fuckin’ guy hard, blow for blow. Screams breaking glass and the sounds of a good fight ring through my ears as someone whistles and people start screamin’ cops and everyone starts running. I’m grabbed by my Cut and dragged out of the door and I look up seein’ Scythe Sinner Saint Colt Stryker Cookie and Blaze all beside me as Butch comes walkin’ out with the girl in his grip
“Will you let me go!” she tries to pull her arm free as Butch pulls her shirt up and wipes the blood off of his nose “Oh my god, you, asshole!”
“Shut the fuck up” he tells her givin’ her a shrug as she struggles more and he pulls her to him a warning look to shut her fuckin’ mouth
“If you don’t stop, I’m gonna tape your arms, legs and mouth” he warns her and she stops struggling narrowin’ her eyes at him
“Fuckin’ RamsHeads” Ink says lookin’ at the chick “Just fuckin’ say no thanks next time bitch” he says as he wipes blood off of his cheek
“That was fun” Cueball says with the biggest fuckin’ smile and we all look at him
“Now I know why they call you Cueball” Saint says
“What?”
“Shut the fuck up” Butch tells him “thanks for the help see ya round fellas”
“See ya Brother.” We all watch as they walk off Butch draggin’ the girl w
ith him and I shake my head
“Damn, I can’t believe that chick is Rooster’s daughter” Cookie says
“I need a fuckin’ drink” I tell them and we walk down the alley back out to the main road to The Saddle Bag.
**
The week fly’s in and it’s the day of initiating the Prospects. Every year we watch as the Presidents all stand up and introduces the new recruits. One by one they run for the Cuts and it brings back so many memories as I stand there in the line ready and I look down at the Brothers who I share a life with.
The first Prospect comes through and I land a good hard punch to the ribs and he drops half way but the guys not only tear him down they also encourage them. He gets up slowly and makes to the end grabbin’ his Cut off of Muppet, it takes just over an hour for every guy to run through the test and by the end I need a drink.
A car pulls up and five girls get out and walk towards the gates, the guys all turn as Cuff runs over placing his arm over two of the girls’ shoulders
“Boys, this is some entertainment for the evening” he tells us as another two cars pull up and one by one the girls are engulfed by the Brothers.
I sit at the camp fire and throw another log on takin’ a big gulp from my bottle of Jack
“You ok Socket?” Stryker asks as him and Colt sit down
“Yeah, all good man, you?” I ask him
“All good, you seem down man, you sure you’re ok?” I look at the two of them
“I seem down?” I ask them
“Yeah, just the past few months you don’t seem the same since” he stops talking and I look at him
“Since?” I ask Colt
“Since Jewel left man.”
I take another drink thinkin’ about her “Brother I’m fine”
“You sure?” he asks again as Cuff comes walkin’ over with a pretty blonde
“Boys, this here is Sarah, Sarah the guys.” She looks at us all but stops on Colt but he holds his hand up
“Married darlin’” she pouts but turns to the others but stops at me
“Are you married?” she asks me and I shake my head
“Nope” I tell her and she smiles
“Then can I sit?” she asks and I pat the ground next to me and she sits.
Chapter Five
Dove
I jump up with a loud screaming noise and look to the floor seeing the baby screaming, I pick her up and look at the clock ‘One-O-five’. I put the binky thing in her mouth and she starts sucking on it and I put her down to check her diaper. “Still dry” I pick up the bottle and go into the kitchen, I’ve had to take the week off of work to look after her and try and figure things out.
I’ve been googling babies and how to look after them, what they need and I have assessed I definitely have no fucking idea how I can do this. I know at her age she is now that she sleeps eats pees poops and throws up and that’s about it, but the past four nights are really starting to where on me.
I watch as Wiley takes the last of her bottle and I pick her up and hit her back but not too hard and she burps slumping on my shoulder and I know she’s out. As I lay there I watch her sleep, her little pink lips so small and I pick up her little hand in mine and marvel at how cute she is as a tear slides down my cheek, knowing Simone will never see her grow up.
I slowly drift off when Wiley wakes me again and I look at the time ‘four-thirty’ (shit), I make my way into the kitchen and trip hitting my lip on the table screaming “FUCK!” I pace the floor holding my face as it throbs and Wiley screams louder, the walls to my bedsit almost shake with the neighbour screaming to shut up through the wall. “Dammit” I curse myself with the lack of sleep, I’m so out of sorts with the lack of sleep I feel myself shake. I stumble to the tap and wash the blood off of my face, checking that none of my teeth are loose. Wiley screams louder as I grab the tin of formula and notice how light it is. Popping the lid, I see enough for one bottle. “Fuck” I make the bottle up, feed and change her, as she finishes her bottle and I burp her, my face throbbing and a tear slides down my cheek but I get dressed and carry her basket out to my car and head to the store for formula and diapers.
*
As I walk the aisle, I look up and down at all of the different brands “Jesus fucking christ” (how in the hell do women do this) I push the trolley with a sleeping Wiley in it down the long never end isle of diapers baby formula’s and other creams and things babies need and I stop half way looking one way than the other as tears threating to fall feeling making me feel very overwhelmed when someone taps me on the shoulders and I look up to see a woman staring at me.
“You ok hun?” she asks me and I see she’s wearing a uniform for the store, I shake my head and she looks down at a sleeping Wiley “She’s beautiful” she says and I look at my niece
“She is” I tell her
“Can I help you?” she asks and a tear slides down my face and she pats me on the arm “It’s hard in the beginning but it gets easier, what are you here for?” she asks me
“Formula”
“You’re not breast feeding?” I shake my head
“Well, what brand are you using at present?” I try and think of the one at home in my trash can
“Um… I’m not sure”
“Oh, honey you need to get the same one or you can upset babies’ tummy” she tells me and I look at all of the tins and try and remember
“The one with the gold lid and blue writing”
“How old is baby?” she asks me
“Um… she’s two months old”
“Oh, so young, the one your describing is Enfamil or Similac”
“Which ones the cheapest?” I ask her knowing there’s only forty-three dollars in my account
“Oh, honey you can’t put a price on your babies’ health” she tells me and I look at her
“I can when I only have forty-three dollars, so which is the cheapest?”
“The Enfamil, its nineteen-eighty-two” she says and I look at her
“Twenty dollars! for formula” I say outraged that it costs so much, she nods
“Yeah honey, and that’s the cheap one in here”
“Dammit”
“Are you ok?” I look at her and nod
“Yeah, I’ll be fine but I need diapers to”
“Ok, the cheapest ones for her age are these diapers at twenty-four-ninety-four”
“Jesus are you kidding me?” She shakes her head looking down at Wiley
“I tell you what, I’ll give you my staff discount to help you out how does that sound” I look at her like she’s an angel from heaven
“Really!” she pats my arms again
“Yeah, I can see your struggling” I smile feeling embarrassed but feel grateful towards her
“Thank you so much”
“Honey, I’ve had six kids, but it’s my first that sticks in my mind the most. Come on” she says walking towards the register and I feel my nose prick with tears as she rings up the two items that have now drained my bank account leaving me with a whole two dollars and seventy-two cents.
*
As I pull into the dinner I take Wiley out of her basket and walk in, the moment Delores notices me she comes over smiling “Oh, my goodness, look at this little thing, let me hold her” she says her face softening as she takes Wiley from me
“Can you watch her a minute? I need to talk to JT”
“Sure honey, I got her”
I walk out the back and JT’s standing at the stove “JT can I talk to you?” I ask and he looks at me than turns back to the grill
“NO, you can’t have time off and no you can’t bring the kid to work” he tells me in his usual abrasive voice
“But I need to work” I almost squeal in desperation
“Then find a sitter” he tells me with his back still to me and I laugh sarcastically
“I can barely afford to feed myself, I need this job, Please JT”
“No” he says and I stand there looking
at his back my fist clenching
“Please” I beg and he turns around looking at me, the greasy slim down his front from the grill
“NO!” he shouts and I walk back out knowing there’s no use (he’s such an asshole)
“So, what did he say?” Delores ask but I shake my head
“He won’t even listen”
“Honey, I could watch her when you’re at work” I smile but remember we have the same shifts
“It won’t work, we work together and I know the other girls won’t change their shifts”
“What are you going to do?” she asks me and I shake my head
“No idea” I tell her looking at my niece “Delores, can I borrow some money” I ask knowing I’m broke and desperate
“How much?”
“Not much.” She pulls money out of her apron and hands it to me
“It’s not much” she says smiling and I feel bad, she works like eighty hours a week and is still struggling herself
“Thanks” I say looking down at the four Twenty-dollar bills and I take Wiley from her giving her a hug “I’ll pay you back” I tell her almost in tears again and she pats my arm smiling
“Take your time”
As I drive back to my bedsit I pass the strip club with its pink neon sign, the large flashing stripper in big Pink letters make me lift my foot off the accelerator and I pull into the parking lot and take a deep breath.
Chapter Six
Socket
As we pull up to the clubhouse my back is aching and my balls are numb, its one hell of a long fucking ride that’s for sure. I back my bike in as Cuff pulls in next to me “Good to be back man” he says as I watch all the women and kids run up to the guys
“Yeah it is.”
Mason runs past to his Dad and Scythe lifts him up throwing him in the air, Mason telling Scythe a story at the rate of a hundred miles an hour and I watch as one by one the guys kiss their women
“Hey you” a female voice says and I turn seein’ Lila smiling at me
“Hey yourself” I say pullin’ her to me.
The party starts almost immediately with the women already havin’ food set up and Dover at the BBQ grillin’ burgers and steaks. This year he’d decided to step down as treasurer handing it over to Tiny, so he stayed back this year to watch over the women. I think this was the first year since I joined that there wasn’t an almost punch up to see who had to stay behind to watch the women.
