by Lucy Dawson
Surprised – I opened my mouth to say, ‘All good I hope?’ but Ewan had come back into the room from the loo and her face had already lit up. ‘Hello, Mr Wilder!’
Oh, she was one of them; the mum who prefers to talk to the dads.
‘Mrs Sloan. Nice to see you.’ He shook her hand, and she laughed prettily. ‘Please – you must call me Storm. We’re all off duty tonight. Isn’t that right, darling?’ she addressed Nathan as he appeared in the doorway.
‘Isn’t what right?’ He looked wary.
‘I was just saying we’re all off duty tonight. Don’t worry, you’re not about to agree to something I might hold you to later!’ She laughed again. ‘Nathan and I have just been having a discussion in the car about the new bath we’re going to put in the en-suite. He can’t see the point, he’s more of a shower person, but when we were in Venice recently our hotel room had the most amazing free-standing bath beneath the window. I’m trying to recreate the look in Exeter, to Nathan’s dismay!’
‘Mostly because for the same cost, I’d be able to pay for her to have a bath in a hotel every night for the rest of her life!’ Nathan smiled and we all laughed politely, except Storm’s went on just a little too long – which was when it dawned on me they were in the middle of a whopping row. I shot a quick glance at Ewan, who looked diplomatically at the floor.
‘Yes, well, dinner is ready!’ said Stefanie quickly. ‘Come on through!’
We followed her into the dining room and sat down to a table laid, just as Nathan had predicted, with some very beautiful china and glass. I was sandwiched between Nathan on my left and Geoff, the pregnant lady’s husband, on my right. Ewan, Storm and the pregnant lady were opposite us with Stefanie and Steve at each end. A starter appeared, glasses of white wine filled, and Storm looked straight at me and kicked off with ‘How are you enjoying working with my husband? Everyone always tells me what a puppy dog he is at work!’
So she did know who I was? I put my glass down carefully and said: ‘The whole team have been lovely, actually. Really welcoming and friendly.’
‘Oh, I am pleased! It must just be at home he’s a miserable git then!’ She winked at me and took a large mouthful of wine. Nathan chuckled and picked up his own glass but didn’t pass comment.
‘Were you pleased to move here?’ Storm continued. ‘Nathan was saying you had quite a difficult time at your last hospital?’ Her eyes were wide with sympathy. She had an extraordinary face now that I was able to examine her up close: pale, perfect skin, deep blue eyes, a rosebud mouth and when she blinked innocently, she made me think of a china doll. Her long dark hair certainly gleamed as if it had been brushed very carefully by the little girl who owned her. There was nothing costume jewellery about the enormous diamond ring sitting on her third finger though, glinting in the light of the candles Stefanie had set everywhere around the room. They were reflected in yet another vast mirror above a mantelpiece and against the backdrop of more dazzling white walls… making it appear as if there were hundreds of flickering flames everywhere. ‘An internal row became very public, I think?’ Storm continued, her voice becoming syrupy, inviting a cosy confidence. ‘Lots of jealousy and infighting. Sounds dreadful, you poor thing.’
I hesitated. She was younger than me, but it was hard to tell by how much. I didn’t want to get into this with her.
‘Julia took her former employer to court,’ Ewan said suddenly. ‘She whistle-blew on a male colleague’s poor practise. My wife is a surgeon,’ he explained to Geoff, who was looking confused. ‘They tried to bully her out of her job – all the boys together. They didn’t really like being held to account.’
‘You didn’t tell me that bit!’ Storm looked at Nathan and, surprised, I wondered what he had said. ‘Good for you, Julia! Us girls have got to stick together!’
‘It was a very stressful time,’ Ewan said. ‘I was really proud of her for not giving in but standing her ground.’ He smiled at me.
Storm’s mouth fell open. ‘Oh, stop it!’ She fanned invisible tears as if she was welling up, while I watched her quietly. ‘It’s so rare to hear a man talk unselfconsciously about his love for his wife! How did you two meet?’ She took another innocent sip of wine, and Nathan carried on studiously eating. ‘You were married before, I believe, Julia?’
This time, Nathan paused and looked up at her.
‘Sorry – that’s what you said, isn’t it, darling?’ She then turned back to me, whispering, ‘Don’t worry, we’re members of the second-time-around club too. Anyway, I interrupted – you were about to say?’ She smiled encouragingly.
I took a deep breath. ‘Ewan was married to my best friend—’
Storm’s perfectly shaped eyebrow raised in delight. That was even better than she’d hoped for, obviously.
‘…who died when our children – I have a son and Ewan has a daughter – were both eight. I was divorced by then from my husband, and while it was nothing that we planned to happen and indeed we had to get past quite a lot of feelings of guilt – we fell in love.’ I reached for my glass and raised it to Ewan, my eyes suddenly full of tears. He smiled sadly back. Nathan put his knife and fork together, and looked up at Storm who, chastened, refused to meet his eye.
‘How about you two?’ I turned in desperation to Geoff and his pregnant wife. ‘Is this your first baby?’
‘Yes,’ she said, nodding.
‘Oh – how lovely! Congratulations!’
‘Thank you. It took us a long time to conceive,’ she continued, earnestly. ‘The man’s ball sack has to stay at a constant temperature.’ She made a cupping gesture with her hand. ‘Geoff might have been getting a bit too warm, we think? Anyway – we got there eventually!’
There was a bark of laughter next to me from Nathan, who turned it into a cough, grabbing for his napkin, as Stefanie blinked and I bit my lip so hard I tasted blood. Did she just say ball sack?
A pause followed in which I’m sure I wasn’t the only one being treated to a mental image of the inside of Geoff’s hot pants, before Stefanie leapt in with a bright, ‘Now, are we all ready for some beef Wellington? Steve? Would you like to get the red?’
Steve nodded, leapt to his feet and rushed from the room as Ewan gamefully cleared his throat and turned to Geoff. ‘So, do you know what you’re having then?’
I loved him for that.
Over the main course, the tension eased slightly thanks to Clemmie’s – as her name turned out to be – scrotal diagnosis and Geoff deciding to take full advantage of his wife’s encumbered state to get cracking on the red wine. He obviously wasn’t a man used to drinking, however. Before long, his cheeks were flushed and his eyes shining – he was enjoying himself.
‘You know how you two are surgeons?’ he slurred slightly, pointing at Nathan and me. ‘What made you decide you wanted to do it?’
Nathan barely hesitated. ‘I’m fascinated by the human body and I don’t feel fear, so it seemed a no-brainer to channel that combination into something positive.’
‘He means he doesn’t allow himself to feel fear,’ Storm interrupted. ‘He’s not got some genetic mutation or something.’
Nathan laughed. ‘The kind of school I went to, if you showed fear, they ate you for breakfast. How about you, Julia?’ He turned to me.
‘I still feel it, but I agree that it can be helpful to contain it at the right moments. Although if you switch off your emotions too often, sometimes you can’t turn them back on. It’s about a balance of fear, I think.’
‘I meant what made you want to be a surgeon?’
‘Oh.’ I felt foolish. ‘Well, I’m quite little and most of my life people have said things like “Look at your tiny hands!”’ I waved them and everyone smiled. ‘My mother used to say it made me so cross I became a surgeon to prove I could still do something with them.’ I shrugged self-consciously and took a sip of my water.
‘Wow,’ said Geoff admiringly. ‘I mean what you two do is a proper job. I think it’s amazing. If I don’t go into work, the wor
ld doesn’t stop turning, but what you do? I mean. Just, wow. What does it feel like when you cut into someone?’
Nathan wiped his mouth with a napkin. ‘It sounds an awful thing to say, but I don’t think about it at all.’ He shrugged. ‘It’s just part of my job. That’s partly why you dissect cadavers in medical school, to help condition you for surgery. You’d be useless in theatre otherwise. It has to feel normal; you have to not panic – it’s actually dangerous to allow yourself to empathise with someone you’re about to operate on. This is a small town; the law of probability says that sooner or later I’m going to have to operate on someone I know, might really care about, or is related to someone I know or care about. I’m no use to them if I let that connection or emotion cloud my judgement. You have to have a coping mechanism or you’d never survive.’
Geoff gaped, hanging on his every word. ‘That’s fascinating!’
‘Oh, I don’t know.’ Nathan smiled. ‘It’s just what we do, really.’
‘I actually meant what does it feel like to cut into someone, pressure wise?’ Geoff persisted. ‘Like if someone is really fit, is it a firm cheese, or if they’re really fat, does it feel like trifle?’
‘Oh, I see,’ Nathan said. ‘Cutting through fat people… hmmm. Yes, a little like trifle, but it holds its shape. It easily parts with gentle strokes of a knife—’
‘…Or diathermy – which is like a hot, cauterising pencil they mostly use,’ Storm interrupted, her cheeks sweetly flushed from the wine she was steadily drinking. ‘It cuts and coagulates at the same time.’ She met my surprised gaze with a hint of challenge. ‘I got as far as registrar but stopped when Ben was born. I wanted to be a mum more than a consultant. Some women manage both,’ she raised her glass to me, ‘but I couldn’t. That’s how we met.’ She nodded at Nathan. ‘Across an unconscious patient. I expect you thought I worked in PR or something; it’s my name – confuses everyone.’
‘I didn’t think anything about you, actually.’ It sounded more dismissive and rude than I’d intended. I meant I hadn’t made any assumptions about her, but Nathan shifted in his chair. ‘What I mean is, I don’t like to define people by their jobs.’ I tried to dig myself out of the hole. ‘You’ve never wanted to come back to medicine?’
She shook her head. ‘No. I don’t miss it at all. I have my own interior design company now. I do projects with local hotels, private individuals, that sort of thing.’ She tossed her hair back, defiantly. ‘I can fit it around Ben – plus too much water has gone under the bridge. I’ve forgotten more than I learnt.’
‘But all that training!’
‘You sound like my mother!’ She laughed, and I raised an eyebrow. Touché. ‘She still tells everyone I’m a doctor, but I’ve learnt to live with her disappointment. It could be worse; I could be Nate.’ She nodded at him. ‘Imagine what it’s like to be a surgeon and still be the underachiever in your family!’
Steve coughed awkwardly, and Stefanie’s eyes widened. Bloody hell. The gloves were really coming off. Only Nathan himself didn’t seem the slightest bit perturbed by what she’d said, simply carrying on eating his food.
‘Nathan’s mother is like an American Mary Archer,’ Storm confided in us, touching Ewan’s arm briefly. ‘Very glamorous, very capable, very academic. She was a child movie star and now teaches drama and English.’ I thought about Mrs Dowden and how Nathan had told me she reminded him of his mother. She was formidable, for sure, but I wouldn’t have said she was the image of Mary Archer? Or glamorous. Maybe it was her mannerisms that had rung a bell with Nathan? I forced myself to concentrate on his wife, who was still talking. ‘His father is a professor of physics at Harvard.’ she continued, ‘and his younger brother is the CEO of GENEUS. They provide those home DNA tests that everyone’s been doing, only to find out they have different fathers than they thought – devastating families all over the place, but it’s made him super rich.’ She took a slug of her wine.
‘I say all of this like I know them well, but we’ve never met because they’re VERY religious – “God has seen fit to bless me with a million-dollar company” – and they don’t recognise me as Nathan’s wife. We are, as they say, estranged. Hey – maybe your brother would buy me my bath for Christmas!’ She widened her eyes like she’d just had the best idea ever, and Nathan shrugged.
‘I think you’ll find that like lots of super-rich people, he’s tight as arseholes.’ He swallowed his mouthful. ‘Excuse my language. Plus the last time I tried to phone him, I didn’t even get past his army of support staff, but you go for it! Not just a pretty face, are you, my darling!’ He grinned at our hostess. ‘This beef is sensational, Stef – Ted’s farm?’
Stefanie tore her astonished gaze away from Storm and cleared her throat. ‘Yes, yes it is.’
‘Thought so.’ Nathan carried on eating. ‘We really are spoilt for good quality local meat round here. Now, you two.’ He turned back to Ewan and me. ‘How are Alex and Cass getting on at school? Ben is certainly very taken with them… that’s our son,’ he explained to Geoff and Clemmie. ‘He’s got a bit of a crush on Cassia, I think, if truth be told.’
Storm stood up suddenly, bashing the table with her knees and making the cutlery jump. ‘Sorry,’ she said, her voice trembling, ‘I suddenly feel a bit sick. I think I need some air.’ She turned tail and fled from the table. We all stared at Nathan, who carried on eating, only to look up when he felt our eyes upon him.
‘Oh, right – of course. Will you excuse me? I’ll go and check if she’s OK. It’s just this ridiculous fasting and time-restricted eating thing she does – it means the second she eats normally, she feels queasy.’ He wiped his mouth on a napkin and stood up.
They didn’t return and while we tried our best to keep the conversation going, once we’d finished our food – their half-finished plates remaining pointedly on the table – it petered out completely.
‘Would you excuse me if I pop to the loo?’ I asked.
‘Second on the right by the stairs,’ Stefanie said automatically. ‘Steve – would you help me clear? I hope you’ve all got room for some roulade!’ she added as I escaped, leaving poor Ewan to fend for himself.
I found it immediately – Stefanie having thoughtfully left the door ajar and the light on – and closed the door behind me, starting to wriggle out of my jumpsuit only to hear voices drifting in through the open fanlight window above my head. Someone was outside in the back garden; I could hear the click of heels on paving stones as their owner walked around – while arguing. I froze, not because I was intending to listen in, but rather as an automatic reaction to standing in my bra and pants; although that was absurd, as nobody couldn’t see me, and had no idea I was there, given what I heard them say.
‘I am not making a scene!’
‘You are.’ Nathan’s voice was quiet. ‘Everyone gets that you’re pissed off about the bath – you’ve made it very clear.’
‘It’s not just about the bath and you know it. You’re making me out to be one of those Cheshire housewives and I’m not. I’m NOT!’ Was she crying? It sounded like it. ‘You think I’m as stupid as you paint me, don’t you?’
‘I would never underestimate you or your appetite for drama.’
‘You think I like this? Look what you’ve made me into, what I’ve become!’
Yes, she was definitely crying.
‘A mother to a lovely boy?’ Nathan said pointedly. ‘Who lives in a very nice house, wants for nothing and is sulking because I’ve raised objections about a bath that costs enough to feed a family of four for a year, which in my opinion is immoral… but yes, I’m a monster, I see your point.’
‘It’s not about the bath!’ she hissed furiously. ‘Don’t you get that? Do I really have to explain it to you?’
‘I’d rather you didn’t. Can we go back in now? It’s going to look rude, even by your standards. Maybe don’t have more to drink, either.’
‘I’ll do what I want! You think I don’t see it?’ Her voice was
trembling with energy. ‘Well, I do. I know what you’re up to and you better watch out with this one. She’s not going to—’
I jumped as my phone began to ring in my pocket and swearing under my breath with embarrassment – knowing that they could hear it and would think someone was spying on them – I yanked up the gathers of loose material to try and find it and make it stop.
Only when I looked at the screen, I saw it was Molly, the babysitter, and forgot about everything else instantly.
‘Hello, Molly – is everything OK?’ I answered immediately, no longer caring if Nathan and Storm heard me or not.
‘Hi Julia, um. Sort of. There’s a man here? He says he’s Alex’s dad? He’s in the house with us. Is that OK?’
Nine
Julia
‘You’ve done absolutely the right thing in calling me,’ I began to wriggle my arms back into the jumpsuit while holding the phone, ‘but I’m coming home anyway. Where is he now?’
‘Just watching TV and chatting to Alex and Cass.’ Molly sounded anxious. ‘I did say I needed to phone you first, but Alex told me you wouldn’t mind and let him in.’
It wasn’t worth alarming or panicking her by asking if Dominic was drunk, given he was apparently sitting quietly. ‘And they’re just chatting?’
‘Yes. He’s got some big bags with him, so I thought perhaps he must be staying with you, or something?’
Sorcha chucked him out? Surely not? ‘Don’t worry. I’ll sort everything when I get back. Where are you now?’ I tried to keep my voice nice and casual. ‘I take it they can’t hear you talking to me?’
‘No. I’m in the kitchen.’
‘Great! Well done. I’ll be ten minutes. You don’t need to bother telling them I’m on my way.’
‘OK.’ She sounded uncertain, but relieved. ‘See you in a bit.’
I ended the call and yanked the zip up so hard and fast I almost dislocated my shoulder, before bursting out of the loo, and crashing straight into Nathan on his way in from the garden.
