The Secret Within: A totally gripping psychological thriller with a jaw-dropping twist

by Lucy Dawson

‘Come on, Max.’ I give his lead a tug and head back to the car, to go and meet Nate and ask him what the hell he thinks he’s playing at.

  Thirty-Four

  Julia

  I look back over my shoulder when I reach the closed café, but Hamish has gone. At a fork in the path, one branch of which leads down onto the sand, I take a deep breath, watching the uniformed police in the tucked-in furthest eastern corner of the beach, still over by the rocks. It’s impossible to get around the headland there via the beach, and on the top is an open area called Straight Point, which the marines use as a firing range. I researched the coastal hike from Exmouth to Budleigh back in October, but we didn’t do it in the end, because the online reviews said it was a bit unsafe what with there not being a fence all along the edge of the cliffs in the caravan park.

  Walking down the path to the beach, I lose my nerve at the bottom when I glance the other way and see a tumour of black uniforms at the furthest west point, where the cliffs jut out into the sea and the strip of sand is much thinner. They are clustered around something they appear to have found.

  My head is suddenly full of a mixture of images so distressing – Alex stumbling out onto the firing range, disorientated for some reason and a volley of gunshots going off – or simply falling from the cliffs, arms outstretched like the Angel of the North – that I crumple to the ground. I must look like I’m sitting down to watch the search, because one of the officers spots me and starts to approach.

  I want to get up, but I’m terrified of what they have discovered – I can’t move. This is not how I find out, is it? Have I been drawn to this spot because I knew on some subconscious level that Alex was here? Except, if my instinct were that good, I’d have known something awful was happening to him yesterday and done something about it, rather than staying at home, completely oblivious to my child needing me.

  ‘I’m afraid the beach is sealed off today, madam.’ The policeman speaks politely even though he must think I’m some mad rubbernecker walker, out at crack of dawn and striking lucky with some drama. ‘Normally, you’d be able to do the loop and walk back to Exmouth via the beach while the tide’s going out like this,’ he gestures to the west, ‘but not today, I’m afraid. Sorry about that.’

  ‘Have you found a body?’ I breathe.

  He frowns.

  ‘Please tell me. It’s my son you’re looking for. Alex Blythe.’

  His mouth falls open and I watch him visibly swallow. ‘Can you wait here a moment, please?’ He manages. ‘I’ll be right back.’

  Thirty-Five

  Nathan

  ‘So that’s where we’re at,’ I say quietly, hanging back from the rest of the search party. I think this is the earliest most of the men around me have been up on a Saturday morning for a long time, judging by the bleary, baggy eyes on display. Good job Alex isn’t actually relying on this lot. I’m not sure half of them could find their pants in a dark room, never mind a missing child along miles of coastline, but I poke at the long grass with my stick nonetheless, so as not to stand out. ‘We can’t go ahead with the annual meet-up tonight. You’re going to have to cancel the girls, Hamish. I’m sorry because I know that’s going to be a disappointment to you, but there we are.’

  Hamish pauses and squints up at the thick white cloud above us. ‘I’ve already paid half up-front.’

  He’s furious at missing out on a shag. This was to be expected.

  ‘There’s just too much police activity around me to risk it,’ I explain. ‘Ben and I have already been questioned because we went out on the boat yesterday, and Ben was one of the last people to see the Blythe boy. They don’t believe we’ve got anything to do with him disappearing for one minute, but on the off chance they were to follow me to Lyme tonight – do you really want them discovering prostitutes at your sister’s hotel? I think they’d have a few questions.’

  ‘You misunderstand me. I’m wondering if my already having paid the girls anything at all is worry enough in itself.’ He rubs the back of his neck. ‘I’d have cancelled it far sooner had I realised the police proximity to you.’

  ‘I did tell you not to pay them,’ I remind him, ‘but I don’t see how you could have called it off any faster than we are? None of us knew Julia’s son was going to go missing, did we?’ I glance at Tan pointedly.

  ‘OK, so how exactly am I supposed to let the Toms, Dicks and Harrys know that it’s all off without arousing suspicion?’ Hamish doesn’t look at me, returning instead to prodding at the grass. ‘Some of them will be on their way, I imagine. We’re going to be very unpopular.’

  I roll my eyes. ‘Hamish, this isn’t CSI. I know I said this would be the safest place to meet up and chat without needing to use phones or possibly incriminating text messages,’ I glance around us at the fifty or so other locals, ‘but I don’t want you to worry that we’re facing imminent arrest. Just phone the “Toms, Dicks and Harrys” – excellent alias use by the way – and tell them tonight is off. That’s all you need to do. Calm down. You’ve nothing to worry about.’

  Hamish straightens up, chews on his lip for a moment then squints across at the horizon. ‘We’re poised to entertain some very well-respected, well-known and connected men with a lot to lose, ourselves included, at my sister’s private hotel in a matter of hours, with the police crawling all over the place, and you tell me to calm down? My God, and now there are camera crews arriving?’ He nods at a small knot of people approaching along the path and wipes his brow. He’s sweating profusely, despite it being bitterly cold up here on the exposed cliff top.

  ‘Do you want this back if we’re not going ahead now?’ Tan pulls his Fowles key from his pocket, and Hamish nearly faints on the spot.

  ‘Put it away!’ He can barely get the words out.

  ‘It’s just a key?’ Tan is confused.

  ‘I don’t want it visible on local TV, you idiot! I’ll take it back another time. You keep yours hidden too.’ He shoots a livid look at me and wipes spittle from the corners of his mouth.

  To say I’m surprised by his reaction is an understatement. He’s acting like he’s got a body buried under the patio, when I’m the one with a kid taped up in a hidden cinema.

  ‘In fact, Tan, can you walk a little bit further ahead without making it obvious that I’ve asked you to? Keep looking like you’re searching for him. I want to talk to Nate.’

  Tan sighs but does as he’s told. Hamish waits a second or two before beckoning me closer to him.

  ‘I went down to my caravans this morning, just to check that no one had thought to put a missing child in any of them.’ He looks at me beadily. ‘They were clear – I’m very relieved to say – but I bumped into Julia while I was there and—’

  ‘You saw her?’ I interrupt. ‘How was she?’

  He looks away. ‘As one would imagine, in absolute pieces. Please tell me her son going missing has nothing to do with you and that this is one giant, impossible coincidence.’ He swallows painfully. ‘Tell me you haven’t actually gone through with your insane plan?’

  I hesitate.

  Hamish closes his eyes briefly. ‘Oh, Christ. Oh good God.’

  ‘Well, it’s not as if you didn’t know about it. I told you – remember? In the garden at Fowles? You said you’d stand by to hear more. Well…’ I gesture at the people around me.

  Hamish stares at the ground for a moment, then puts a hand on my back, patting it, before stepping away, pulling a small bottle of water from his pocket and taking a sip. ‘Let’s not make it look like we’re having a row, shall we? You were pissed at Fowles.’

  ‘I was not!’ I retort.

  ‘Yes, you were. You don’t even realise when you get that bad anymore. You were also angry. And I understand why! You’d just been suspended because of her – but I thought you were just shooting your mouth off. I didn’t think for one minute you’d genuinely do it.’

  ‘You agreed with me! You said we should use it as an opportunity to make her look mad!’

&nbs
p; ‘Have you gone mad? If people discover you are responsible for this…’ He nods at the search party. ‘You’re finished.’

  ‘But I’m NOT responsible,’ I argue. ‘I haven’t done anything illegal. Alex went of his own accord. It’s going to be fine.’

  ‘But what about the rest of us that you’ve now put at risk without a second thought? You must have known you were going to do this yesterday, and you knew what we had planned for tonight in Lyme… and now the police are everywhere!’

  ‘But that doesn’t matter because nothing illegal has happened.’ If I keep saying it, maybe it’ll finally sink in. ‘The boy is playing a game. Hiding out. I just helped him get there, that’s all. You heard for yourself what everyone’s saying: his bag washed in this morning – a tragic accident… but he’ll be back in his mother’s arms before you know it. Similarly, we’re cancelling tonight. You can’t get in trouble for something you haven’t done, so relax. And I was not pissed when I came up with this!’

  ‘You’re losing sight of so much, Nate.’ He shakes his head. ‘I’m genuinely concerned for you. What Julia has triggered in you, I…’ He trails off momentarily. ‘You’re starting to scare me, if I’m honest.’

  I roll my eyes because I can’t laugh. It’s not the done thing really, when you’re all searching for a missing thirteen-year-old boy everyone suspects has fallen off the cliffs… but he seems serious. ‘I’m scaring you? Why are you being so unusually melodramatic? This wouldn’t normally faze you at all. Sure there’s nothing you want to tell me?’ I put a concerned hand on his shoulder, but he shakes me off.

  ‘Don’t try that. I’ve known you too long to fall for your… oh SHIT.’ Hamish freezes, the wind still whipping around us. Tan looks up and glances over his shoulder as Hamish faces me. ‘He’s at Fowles, isn’t he? That’s why you don’t want us there tonight!’

  I shoot a quick look at Tan, but I’m pretty sure he hasn’t heard. ‘I have no idea what you’re talking about.’

  ‘You stupid, selfish bastard,’ Hamish whispers.

  My mouth falls open. He’s never spoken to me like this. Ever. Even when I shagged Serena and he was technically still her boyfriend, all those years ago.

  Tan arrives alongside us. ‘You might want to keep your voices down.’

  ‘That place is my sister’s livelihood,’ Hamish continues.

  ‘You mean apart from the other thirty-odd properties she’s got to fall back on?’ I say it lightly, but he doesn’t smile.

  ‘I do not want the police anywhere near my family or me.’ He takes a step closer and jabs a finger into my chest. ‘You get him out of there tonight or I’ll report you myself.’

  ‘Hamish!’ I’m astonished by his aggression. ‘What have I?—’ But before I can continue, the camera team, led by a local newsreader I’ve met at a couple of charity events in the past, start gesturing towards us. We all immediately get our heads down and start looking like we’re searching for the answer to world peace in the long grass.

  My face is calm and impassive, but my heart is racing. First Julia… now Hamish is going to ‘report’ me? My oldest friend… since when does his family not include me? I glance up and out to sea, at the miles of cold, silver water. Fittingly, I can see one vessel, entirely alone. Why hast thou forsaken me? I think of Alex briefly. And then I experience a memory of me as a small boy I have not had for years and years – if ever – but it is suddenly so clear and close I can smell the damp in the air, feel the tightness in my chest. I am running flat out down the long school drive, the vast building a blur behind me, green of the playing fields either side. I am no more than nine. My arms are going like pistons because as well as being able to hear my panicked breath and my school shoes pounding the tarmac, there is the distant hum of a car behind me, growing ever nearer. If I were to glance over my shoulder, the large lump of it would loom into focus. They have seen me. They are going to catch me and take me back. There is nothing I can do to stop this from happening. I am powerless. I hear the car stop, a door open – angry shouts and the sound of much quicker, adult male feet. I shriek and try to run faster, but strong arms reach around my waist and I am lifted sheer off the ground, kicking and screaming, calling for the mother so far across the ocean she either never heard me, or chose not to listen.

  I blink and there is the sea again. Wavering on the spot, the sudden tears I wipe away hastily are ones of loss and fury. My heart starts to leap in my chest, my breath speeds up and I feel faint. I’ve waited such a long time for someone to come for me. My fingers reach into my pocket and curl around my knife. I don’t want it anymore. I draw it out, focused on the sea below us, my arm slowly starting to arch back as Hamish looks up at the movement. His face blanches and he starts stumbling up towards me, struggling to get a foothold on the soft grass, before grabbing my hand and snatching the knife away, shoving it in his pocket.

  ‘What the hell are you doing?’ He is breathless with shock. ‘You can’t chuck knives off cliffs in front of camera crews and the police! Pull yourself together, Nathan! Other people are relying on you!’

  ‘I don’t want it!’ I gasp. ‘You have it! I don’t want to—’

  ‘Shut up!’ he orders, pulling me down to a crouching position, masking me from the sight of everyone below with the bulk of his body. ‘Just shut up! Don’t say anything, get your head down and breathe. So you don’t want the knife, that’s fine, but you don’t throw it in a grand showy gesture and take all of us with you!’ He leans his head towards mine – close enough for us to be touching. ‘I will not let you do this. Do you understand? I told you to stop scaring me!’

  I nod, tears streaming down my cheeks.

  ‘Wipe your face. Now!’

  I do as I’m told and after a moment he lets me go.

  ‘Just get the boy out of there tonight! That’s all you need to do.’

  ‘I’ve made a bit of a mess of this, haven’t I?’ I try to laugh, but it sounds more like a desperate whimper. ‘I said something about Julia that I didn’t mean to, I—’

  ‘I don’t want to hear it!’ He puts up a hand. ‘I don’t want you to mention that damn woman to me ever again. This ends tonight. He’s to be out of the hotel by tomorrow morning. No more excuses. No more lies.’

  He walks away, leaving me crouched down in the grass, alone.

  Thirty-Six

  Julia

  ‘You’re certain as you can be that this is Alex’s bag?’ The Investigating Officer, wearing gloves, holds it up and twists it so that Ewan and I can see it from all angles.

  I picture it slung over Al’s shoulder as he and Cass told me their plans while I was sorting the washing. ‘Yes,’ I confirm as Ewan holds my hand tightly, next to me on our sofa.

  ‘And the contents? Nothing is missing, as far as you’re aware?’

  I look at them, laid out in their line of individual plastic bags. His phone is there. His trainers. A virgin sketch book, the pages completely soaked and crinkled by the sea; the new camera we bought him for Christmas; a folded-up, sodden £10 note; an apple; his glasses and their case.

  My son in eight objects.

  ‘Everything is there.’ I put my hands together like I’m praying and cover my nose and mouth with them, closing my eyes. ‘He can’t see much without his glasses.’

  What on earth would he not want to see? Why would he carefully take them off and put them away? Was he meeting someone? A girl? Did she not come? Was it a hoax? Was there a group of them giggling at the thought of Alex Blythe hanging around in the cold for nothing?

  ‘We do now know that Alex was on the coastal path yesterday,’ the IO says gently, and I moan aloud. ‘A resident of Fox Holes Hill, which is the last road of houses backing onto the path, saw him walk past at about midday, in the direction of the caravan park.’

  ‘I told him not to go as far as that.’

  ‘It’s our last known sighting of him,’ she continues. ‘Records show that Alex’s phone was connected to mast 9661 in Exmouth town centre
, but at 12.38 it disconnected.’

  I close my eyes.

  ‘We’ve been through his social media and phone messages via his service provider, and there’s no evidence that there was a problem of any sort; he’d not had any contact with anyone of significance. We have foot searches ongoing today, assisted by the dog unit. We’ll be doing more helicopter searches, and we’re still working with the coastguard and the marine dive unit to search the coastline. They can’t, unfortunately, enter the water yet because the weather is really taking a turn and it’s too dangerous, but as soon as they can, they will. So, given we’ve found his bag—’

  ‘If someone goes over the cliffs,’ I open my eyes and look directly at her, ‘is it usual for belongings – like a bag – to wash up, but no body? Is that what you think is most likely to have happened?’

  ‘It’s one possibility, yes.’

  ‘He slipped,’ I say incredulously – but then my skin ices over – ‘or jumped?’ Blood starts to crash in my ears.

  He told me he was struggling at school. I knew he was unhappy about Dom. Why didn’t I do something? Too busy worrying about other people’s lives yet again, not noticing my own son’s, right under my nose?

  The doorbell goes and Ewan jumps up. ‘I’ll get it.’

  ‘Is this the way the enquiry is moving at the moment then? That he’s had an accident of some sort, or hurt himself?’

  Before she can answer me, Ewan reappears with Dom and Sorcha in his wake. Dom looks pale and frightened. Sorcha’s warmth and familiarity as she envelops me in an embrace almost make me break down completely.

  Before I have a chance to say anything, Dom spies Al’s bag and the contents on the table in front of us. ‘What’s all this?’

  ‘It’s Al’s.’ I’m there first, before the police. ‘It was found this morning. He was last seen walking on the cliffs. The tide brought his bag in.’