Time passed in the plodding steps of the horse. Afraid she might miss his prone form if he’d fallen asleep, Olivia didn’t want to take any chances by going too fast. Sweeping the lantern back and forth, she searched. As the horizon began to light with the predawn hues of orange and gold, she didn’t know what to do. Too many scenarios ran through her mind. Hezekiah killed by a bear, fallen from his horse and severely injured, wandering in the wilderness around them, dying of hunger and thirst. Her heart filled with compassion for the man she’d married, and once again guilt took up residence. Maybe if she’d been the wife he needed—the wife she should have been—he wouldn’t be lost right now.
Another horrifying thought took root. What if he’d taken off without her?
Shaking her head, Olivia couldn’t believe that was true. Especially not without all the supplies he’d just spent their last money on. But … would he?
Buttercup shook her head and whinnied, bringing Olivia’s focus back to the trail in front of them. A shadowy form on the ground didn’t appear to be moving. Buttercup took a step back and whinnied again. Something wasn’t right, and the horse didn’t like it.
Olivia took a deep breath and slid off her mount’s back. She patted Buttercup’s neck and spoke in a soothing tone. “It’s all right. I’m going to go check this out. You just stay right here for me, all right, girl?”
A huff from the beloved animal wasn’t very encouraging.
With tentative steps, Olivia moved forward until she realized the form on the ground was indeed a person. The buzzing of flies caught her attention right as she noticed the darkened grass. Blood. And lots of it.
With a gasp, she covered her mouth with her right hand but moved quickly to the body’s side. It only took a second for her to recognize Hezekiah Brighton.
Her husband.
Dead.
Perhaps God hadn’t given her a second chance after all.
Joseph Sawyer shoved his hands into his pockets and walked to Livingston’s Restaurant for lunch. It was hard not to feel utter sadness and shame at the depravity he saw around him as he took long strides through the dirty, raucous town. San Francisco had turned into a modern-day Sodom and Gomorrah with all the crazed gold seekers who flooded the streets each day.
He could say that with all honesty and without judgment because not too long ago, he’d been one of them. When he came to San Francisco by chance two years ago, he’d been a mess. He’d been lost, broke, always looking for a fight. But after gold had been found, he threw all of his energy into the hunt. Why God had chosen to bless him with a bountiful claim was beyond Joseph’s understanding, especially when he had been a ne’er-do-well himself. But here he was. Grateful for grace, second chances, and a friend who had picked him up out of the pig sty.
Walking through the open door of the restaurant, Joseph headed to his regular table.
“I’ll be there in a minute.” Daniel Livingston waved from across the room.
Joseph waved back.
It amazed him to this day. If not for Daniel, Joseph would’ve been killed when he’d first found gold. The memory of that night rushed into his mind as he took a seat at the table and watched the restaurant continue to fill. Daniel had barely known him at the time but said for some reason God had placed Joseph on his heart. So Daniel had gone to find him that night and had dragged him out of the saloon. With his pockets full of gold nuggets that he’d been showing off, Joseph had been picking a fight … again.
He owed Daniel his life, and not just his physical life. If his friend hadn’t taken him in, given him advice to lie low and keep his mouth shut, Joseph would certainly be lying dead in the street, his claim taken by someone else.
Over the next weeks, Daniel fed him, straightened him out, and introduced him to the Lord. Once Joseph had his eternal life in order, Daniel helped him figure out a plan. He’d spent days toiling with Joseph at the claim, found him suitable workers, helped him open a bank account, taught him how to study the Bible, and showed him how to give to others.
Thankful those difficult days had taken place but were now safely ensconced in his past, Joseph smiled. It all boiled down to the fact that God wasn’t done with any of them yet. He was a God of second chances. Even so, on some days Joseph wondered why the Lord tarried. It had to grieve Him to see the way the world had gone.
Looking around the crowded restaurant, Joseph felt a bit of that grief. Nearly all of the tables—more than thirty if Daniel hadn’t added more—were full. Full of men caught up in the lust and greed running rampant in this city. Plagued with stealing, prostitution, gambling, and murder, San Francisco wasn’t a place most God-fearing people stayed. But his friend Daniel remained, stating that someone had to stand for what was right and be an example of Christ. His actions encouraged Joseph to do the same.
Now that he’d already made a small fortune for himself in gold and the claim was still producing, Joseph had funded the building of a church and, with Daniel’s help, had purchased clothing and food for people in need. He longed to do so much more, but trying to keep his prosperity quiet was harder than he’d anticipated—to say nothing of protecting his workers and the mine. It was a good distance away from San Francisco, but that didn’t stop thieves from trying to hijack it all.
So every day at lunch, he and Daniel discussed their plans. What they could do to help next. How they could shine a light for Christ in San Francisco. What better place to do it than from within the heart of the city? The restaurant was the most popular eatery in town. And not just because it had the best food, but because Daniel didn’t believe in gouging the customers like everyone else did. That only made its reputation grow.
The Lord had truly blessed Joseph and his friend. They might be two of only a few upstanding citizens in San Francisco right now, but they could change that by helping one person at a time. It could be done. Just look at what God had done in Joseph’s life.
A young, skinny boy came to the table. “Would you like the lunch special, Mr. Sawyer?”
The rich scent of roast beef filled the restaurant. “Yes, I would. It smells wonderful. Thank you very much.” Joseph smiled at the kid and wondered where Daniel had found this one. Always soft-hearted for the needy, his friend hired a lot of the downtrodden to help them get on their feet.
The object of his thoughts—the owner and Joseph’s friend—made his way to the table. “Sorry to keep you waiting.” Daniel picked up his napkin and placed it in his lap. “We keep getting busier every day it seems.”
“No matter how many times you apologize, it still doesn’t need to be done. It’s never a problem. I know you have a lot to do to keep this place running.”
Daniel shook his head slightly. “It’s definitely a wonder to me how fast this town has filled up—with more coming every day. I know God has me here, but some days I’m exhausted by it all and think of moving to a quiet place in the country—away from all this.”
Joseph leaned forward and put his elbows on the table. “I’ve had the same thoughts, my friend.”
“But you know I’m not going anywhere. I know God has me here.” He swiped a hand down his face. “I’m simply tired.”
“What can I do to help? You know I’ve got plenty of workers that keep things running—thanks to you—so let me help you here.”
Daniel leaned back and appeared to be pondering the request. “You know … there is something that would really help me. But it’s a lot to ask.”
“It can’t be more than what you’ve done for me, and besides, you rarely ask me for anything.” Joseph tapped his finger on the table to emphasize the point. “Tell me what you need.”
The young skinny kid brought them plates of steaming food and filled their coffee cups.
Daniel nodded and looked at the young man. “Thank you, Stephen.”
The kid beamed a smile at his boss.
Joseph looked to his friend. “I’ll say the blessing, and then you can tell me what you need.” As he lifted a brief prayer of than
ks heavenward, he also prayed for wisdom for them as they sought to do the Lord’s work in their town.
With a bite of food lifted on his fork, Daniel cleared his throat. “You know I’ve opened that mercantile and restaurant in Sacramento?”
The smell of roast beef and mashed potatoes filled Joseph’s senses and made his mouth water. He took a bite. “Mm-hmm. How’s it going?”
“Well, I need to get a large load of supplies up there. They’ve been sitting in my storehouse in the back for way too long. I’m just shorthanded and haven’t had time to go myself. It might take more than a week for you to deliver them. Are you willing to do that?”
“Of course. I don’t have a city council meeting for another couple of weeks, so I’m free to go. Anything I can do to help.” A trip to Sacramento might be kind of nice. At least he’d get away for a little while.
“That would be a huge help to me.” Daniel put his napkin down and took a deep breath. “And that way I don’t have to leave right now. … ” His friend let the words hang as if there was more to the story.
Joseph waited a moment and watched Daniel’s face. “Something else on your mind?”
His friend sighed and looked out the window. “I received a letter from my sister that our parents have died.”
The grief carried in the words hit Joseph in the chest. He leaned back. “I’m sorry about your parents. I had no idea—I thought they were doing quite well.” He knew how close Daniel had been to his family. They were dear to him even though distance kept them from seeing one another.
“They were. But apparently, they caught some disease from the village they were ministering to. Olivia found them, but they died a few hours later.”
“I’m sorry. That must have been devastating for her. How is your sister doing? How far away is she?”
“They all lived down near Santa Barbara. My parents had wanted to be missionaries there, but my dad ended up being a farmer for the most part and would visit the villages once a month. They didn’t have much, so I’m sure Olivia has had to sell the farm. That’s why I’m worried. I have no idea how she’s doing. She’s only a kid.”
“How old is she?” Joseph’s heart sped up. He knew firsthand what it was like to be on his own as a kid. And a girl being left alone and on her own didn’t bode well.
“Let’s see. She’s ten years younger than me. … ” Daniel gave a sad chuckle. “I guess that means she’s twenty years old. So not a kid anymore.” His words faded as he stared out the window again. “She was just a kid the last time I saw her.” He shook his head.
Joseph noticed the sheen of tears in his friend’s eyes, the weight of loss printed on his features. “Santa Barbara is a good ways from here. Do you need to go get her? Or do you need me to go get her?”
Daniel looked him in the eye again, his grief plain. “No, but thank you for offering. She wrote that she was going to make her way here, but I have no idea how or when. And that’s what worries me. I feel helpless to do anything. What if something happens to her on the way?”
Thunk. Another shovelful of dirt and rocks landed on top of the lifeless body of Olivia’s husband. As she peered down into the hole, tears blurred her vision. Sweat seemed to trickle from every inch of her skin, saturating her hair and her dress. What did it matter to add her tears to the mess? The digging had been grueling, but who else was there to do it? As she’d dragged his body into the hole, her back had tried to remain rigid against the sobs that threatened to overtake her, but it hadn’t worked.
Utterly alone, she knew it remained her duty to give Hezekiah a decent burial. And with every shovelful of dirt, her shoulders weighed down with one very agonizing thought. She hadn’t been a decent wife.
Oh, on the outside she had done her wifely duties. But inside? She’d done nothing but whine and complain. She hadn’t respected him. She hadn’t even truly loved him. While Hezekiah had been a handsome man, she could only admit to being drawn to him for his looks. And that made her very sad. How had she not seen more? Rather than nitpicking in her thoughts about all his flaws, she should have been looking for his good traits.
It all amounted to one fact: She wasn’t deserving of the husband she’d had for a mere six weeks. God had deemed fit to leave her alone because of it. First her parents had died. Then her husband. On top of that, the blame for her husband’s death rested squarely on her shoulders. What would Daniel think of her now? The thought made her feel even more alone.
She was left with a wagon and two horses and a load of gold-digging supplies. Not a penny to her name. Not an ounce of food left. And no idea how far she might be from town. Could she even drive the wagon? She’d never done that by herself.
As she neared the completion of her task, her heart ached worse than her muscles, which screamed in agony. She’d failed. Again.
By the time the hole was filled in and mounded with dirt, the day was almost over. Olivia covered the mound with rocks and hoped she’d done an adequate job. It was the best she could do. Standing at the edge of the grave, her hands on the handle of the shovel, she took a deep breath and realized she’d done nothing for a service. No prayer. Nothing. As she wracked her brain for words to say, the only thing that came to mind was her favorite psalm. Through her tears, she recited the verses:
“The LORD is my shepherd; I shall not want.
“He maketh me to lie down in green pastures: he leadeth me beside the still waters.
“He restoreth my soul: he leadeth me in the paths of righteousness for his name’s sake.
“Yea, though I walk through the valley of the shadow of death, I will fear no evil: for thou art with me; thy rod and thy staff they comfort me.
“Thou preparest a table before me in the presence of mine enemies: thou anointest my head with oil; my cup runneth over.
“Surely goodness and mercy shall follow me all the days of my life: and I will dwell in the house of the LORD for ever.”
Olivia felt like she was in the valley of the shadow of death at that very moment. Perhaps she was doomed to stay here after all her dark thoughts about her husband. Guilt filled her mind again. Tears flowed down her cheeks. She stood at the edge of her husband’s grave thinking selfish thoughts. It was all about her.
About how she felt.
About what she would do.
About her loss.
Yet she’d just buried Hezekiah and hadn’t given a thought to whether her husband was with God. How awful was she?
There was so little that she knew about him. He’d never taken her to church, and she’d never seen him open the Bible. His death must have been horrible. He’d been all alone. Maybe he cried out to God in the end. There was hope in that. Oh God, forgive me again for thinking only of myself. I pray that You drew Hezekiah to Yourself in the end.
Poor Hezekiah. The thought of him suffering made her stomach uneasy. The best she could surmise was that he’d shot himself in the leg accidentally. Probably chasing an animal. All so he could provide a meal for them.
Bile rose in her throat. He’d gone because of her.
Because she’d complained about him not buying foodstuffs.
She’d whined about only being able to fix a pan of biscuits.
Two tears slipped down her cheeks and dropped onto the grave.
Buttercup nudged her with a whinny that broke her thoughts. The sky was losing its light.
“You’re probably thirsty, aren’t you?” Olivia reached out to stroke the horse’s mane. Where was their other horse? Poor Buttercup could never pull the full wagon by herself, could she? And she couldn’t leave the other horse out here alone.
A sigh escaped Olivia’s lips. She was covered in dirt and sweat. Hadn’t eaten all day. Hadn’t had anything to drink. And she’d just buried her husband. She didn’t deserve to have her animals to take care of. She deserved to be all alone. Hadn’t God proven that today?
Buttercup nudged her again, not willing to be ignored.
“Let’s get back to the wagon. Th
e creek will refresh us both.” She swiped a dirt-covered hand at her cheeks and patted the horse, the only thing left from her parents.
Every step on the way back to the wagon, Olivia thought over her words and actions since she’d married Hezekiah. How many of them had been motivated by selfish desires? How many of them had been forced and faked? The answers only made her feel worse.
When they reached the wagon, the sun was sinking in the west. Olivia grabbed the other rifle and her dressing gown and took Buttercup down to the water. At least she could get cleaned up. But then what would she do?
Her heart lifted a bit when she realized they weren’t far from San Francisco. She could go the rest of the way, sell all the gold-digging supplies, and find her brother.
As soon as hope and relief struck her, guilt swept in again. She shouldn’t feel hope or relief. Not in light of her husband’s death. At the edge of the creek, Olivia collapsed as she finally allowed the gut-wrenching sobs to take over. She couldn’t fight it anymore—she was too tired. What had she done? What had she become? Was it her fault that Hezekiah was dead?
What was she supposed to do now? Her parents were gone. She’d gotten married, and now her husband was gone. What would her brother think of her actions if she found him? The very real possibility of being turned away and rejected filled her stomach with dread.
Stripping off her dress and shoes, Olivia couldn’t see through the tears that continued to flood her eyes. She plunged herself into the creek and hoped the cold water could do a miracle in her heart and soul. If only the last six weeks could be cleansed from her mind like all the dirt caked onto her body was washed away by the water. But the more she cried, the harder the sobs came.
She’d failed as a wife.
Now she was all alone.
My child, I am with you always.
Olivia gasped as the words rushed over her. She looked around. How she wished that God was present before her now like He’d done with Abraham. The loneliness threatened to choke her.
The Golden Bride Page 2
