Wanting to Love You (Houston's Finest Book 3)

by Erin Rylie

  “Why would you call back? We’re already speaking, that doesn’t make sense.”

  Reese couldn’t help but chuckle at his brother’s logical response. It was just such a Jesse thing to say that he felt the tension in his shoulders easing.

  “I think that my girlfriend might be getting physically abused by her parents, and I don’t know what to do about it.”

  “You could report it. Someone reports a child abuse case once every ten seconds.”

  Reese felt a frown forming. “Well, that’s depressing as hell.”

  He could picture Jesse’s shrug. “It’s just a fact.”

  “Right. I can’t really report it; her father is in government, and he’s pretty well loved here. I highly doubt the complaint would even be taken seriously. I’m trying to figure out how to talk to her about it.”

  Jesse hummed on the other end of the line, an indication that he was thinking about the best way to respond. His brother was his favorite person to talk things out with because he always managed to talk things out in a way that helped Reese see the bigger picture.

  “Can’t you just ask her about it?”

  “That’s my plan, but I don’t know how to do that without getting angry, and I don’t want her to think I’m upset with her.”

  “Sounds like you just need to leave emotion out of it. Talk to her about it, let her know that you’re there for her, and try to find a solution. I don’t see how you can really do much else.”

  Reese ran his hands through his hair again and sat down on the couch. Becky would be here any minute, and though just talking to Jesse had relieved some of his stress, he knew that it would come right back the minute she walked through the door. He felt so helpless. If she really was getting hurt, what could he even fucking do?

  The door to his apartment opened, the key he’d given Becky without his mom’s knowledge clasped in her hand. She smiled brightly when she spotted him and kicked her shoes off by the door, dropping her backpack and keys next to them.

  “Thanks for the advice, Jesse. You’re the best.”

  “Happy to help. Let me know how it goes.”

  Not one for prolonged goodbyes, Jesse hung up the phone. Reese held the phone to his ear for one more brief minute in an attempt to delay the conversation he knew he needed to have with Becky. When he lowered the phone to his side, she walked across the living room to him, crowding Reese’s space and wrapping her arms around his waist.

  He loved their height difference and the way it made her feel so delicate in his arms. He knew that she was strong in her own right, but he couldn’t resist the urge to protect her from the world. He slid his hands into her thick hair, loving the weight of it on his fingers, and bent down to gently brush her lips with his.

  Becky lifted up on her tiptoes and tried to deepen the kiss, but he pulled away, his anger still sitting heavy in his gut. Becky’s eyes roamed his face, and he could tell she was trying to figure out what was wrong.

  “What’s going on, Reese?”

  He took a deep breath, trying to keep the tone of his voice steady and non-confrontational. He just wanted to know what was going on so that he could talk it out with Becky and they could come up with a solution that worked for both of them.

  “Why did you flinch today in class when the teacher said your full name?”

  She looked up at him, confusion clear in her expression. “That’s what my mom calls me; I’ve just never liked it.”

  “It just seemed like a pretty extreme reaction over a name—your own name. Are you sure there isn’t more to it?”

  Becky pulled away from him and crossed her arms, her eyebrows lowering. It was clear she was starting to get upset, no matter how easy he was able to keep his tone. He again fought the urge to tug at the strands of his hair. He wanted to outright ask her if her mother hit her, but he also wanted her to come to him, to be honest with him about her home life so that they could work through it together. He wanted to fix all of her problems for her, but he knew that she wouldn’t like that. She wasn’t some helpless girl; she could fix her own problems.

  “What are you trying to ask me, Reese?”

  He took a deep swallow and a steadying breath before asking. “Does your mother hit you? Sometimes when I touch you, you wince, like you’re in pain, and today in class you looked so scared. I just feel like there is some stuff you aren’t telling me.”

  “I don’t really see how that’s any of your business. I don’t need you to come into my life and save me like I’m some damsel in distress.”

  His conversation with Jesse flew from his mind, his thoughts coming in rapid-fire. How could she possibly think that her being abused at the hands of one of her parents wasn’t his business? She was rapidly becoming one of the most important people in his life. Could she not see that? Of course, in the heat of the moment, with his frustration boiling over, he wasn’t able to articulate all of those things properly. Instead, what came out of his mouth ignited the situation rather than calming it.

  “Of course it’s my fucking business if you’re being physically abused, Becky!”

  “Oh, so I should tell you everything? You want to control my life too?”

  “No! I want to be part of it! I want to know everything about you, and I want us to face our problems together.”

  She huffed and stepped into his space, their combined anger a physical presence in the room. “You don’t get to dictate what I share with you and what I keep to myself. If I want your help with something, I’ll ask for it.”

  “That’s not how relationships grow. We need to communicate with each other. How can you not understand that I just want you to let me in? Fucking talk to me!”

  “Fine. You want the truth? All of it? Yes, she hits me. Not all that often, and never in a place where anyone can see it. She’s been doing it for a couple years now. Now that you know, what are you going to do about it? Don’t you think that if there were a solution out there, I would’ve come up with it by now? My dad doesn’t care about anything but his career, and my mom needs someone to take out her anger and frustration on. It’s been me for a while now, and I don’t see how that will change any time soon. You can’t report this to the police or CPS because my dad will just wave a hand and make it go away. The only thing I can do is wait this out and get out of that damn house the minute I turn eighteen.”

  Reese’s heart sank and his stomach churned. She was right, he couldn’t do jack shit to fix this situation for her, and that ate him alive. He was only seventeen, how could he stand up to someone as powerful and connected as her dad? The answer was that he couldn’t, he couldn’t do anything but stand by and watch Becky suffer through this. The best thing he could do was plan to get her out of that house the minute she was legally able to leave.

  “Look, I turn eighteen next month, and you’ll be legal in June. That’s only three months away. I can’t do anything now, but we can move in together on your birthday.”

  “We’re fucking teenagers! How are we possibly going to be able to afford an apartment right out of high school? You think my parents are just going to hand me the money to move out of their house and in with a guy they don’t even know I’m dating?”

  Reese shoved his fingers into his hair and then ran his hands roughly down his face. “I’ll get a better job now and start saving. I already have a couple thousand saved up from working summers and a few days a week after school. It’s enough for a start.”

  He didn’t mention that he’d been saving that money for college so that he could get his degree before trying to get into the police academy. He could delay his plans for a few years if that meant she would be safe. He would do anything to keep Becky whole and happy.

  Becky looked up at him incredulously. “You’re serious right now? Reese, we’re not even out of high school, we can’t plan to move in together!”

  “Why the fuck not? You can’t stay in that house anymore—they’re fucking abusing you.”

  “Yes, I’m aware.
But I don’t need some knight in shining fucking armor to come along and save me. I can handle this myself.”

  The short leash Reese had been holding on his temper snapped. “You can handle it. You can fucking handle it? Like you’ve been handling it? Hiding who you really are from them? Being meek and docile and afraid? You’re not handling it, Becky. Moving the fuck out of that house is how you handle it.”

  Her slap took him completely by surprise. He hardly saw her wind up before he felt the sting of her palm against his cheek. “You don’t get to tell me how to live my life, you presumptuous ass. I’ve been surviving the only way I know how. You don’t get to make me feel bad about that.”

  She was right. He had let his fear and worry for her take over all rational thought. She didn’t need saving, she was one of the strongest people he knew. But thinking about her returning to that toxic house made his skin crawl. He took the two short steps needed to close the distance between them and cupped her face in his hands.

  “You’re right, Becky. I don’t need to save you, you can save yourself. I also don’t want to sit on the sidelines and watch as that house chews you up and spits you out. Knowing that those awful fucking people are hurting the girl I love every day makes me a little crazy. Instead of thinking of us moving in together as me trying to be some hero in your life, think of it as us starting a new adventure together, possibly a new life together.”

  One of Becky’s hands came to rest on the one cupping her cheek, and the other rose to cover his chest above his heart.

  “You love me?”

  Had he really just let it slip it out like that? He’d been feeling it for a while now, and had planned to say it in some romantic way. Instead, he’d let it slip in the middle of his living room during a fight he’d started. Fantastic.

  What if she doesn’t say it back? What if I’ve read everything wrong and she doesn’t love me. Fuck.

  Reese was sure he looked like a panicked deer in headlights, and his throat felt tight. All he could think about was how badly he wanted her to love him too. While he had paused to think things out, Becky’s eyes had continued to scan his face, her fingers now stroking his cheek.

  “Reese, do you love me?”

  Nervous, he nodded. He didn’t trust his vocal chords enough to try speaking.

  “Say it.”

  He felt a grin tugging at the corners of his lips. “So bossy,” he murmured, pulling her hand from his face to plant a small kiss in the center of her palm. He was nervous as hell but he’d already said it, so what was the harm in saying it again?

  “I love you.”

  She looked at him in shock for another moment before the most radiant smile lit up her face. He would do anything to see that smile directed at him every day. He would say it to her once an hour every hour if it got this response from Becky. He would tattoo it on his body, send it up in the air in sky writing, announce it in front of their whole school, the whole city, the whole fucking world if it meant she would look at him like that just one more time. Even if she wasn’t ready to say it back, he was glad he’d told her he loved her first.

  “I can’t believe you just blurted that out in the middle of a fight, you big lug.”

  A surprised chuckle burst from his lips. “I tell you how I feel and you call me a big lug? I think I take it back; is that an option?”

  She leaned up and kissed him gently, leaving him wanting more before pulling away. “Nope. You said it. It’s out in the universe now, and there is no way you can pull it back.”

  Reese sighed, like loving her was any kind of hardship. “Well then, I guess I’m just stuck loving you. What’s a man to do?”

  “I love you too, you know.”

  Thank fuck. He hadn’t realized how desperately he’d needed to hear her say it back until that moment. Relief coursed through him and he picked her up and spun her around the small living room in his apartment. She laughed and he decided her laughter was his new favorite sound. His mind changed pretty quickly, however, when he kissed her and she released the most delicious groan. He decided quickly that that was his new favorite sound.

  They fell to the couch in a tangle of limbs, still kissing. Their touches quickly turned passionate as they tugged at clothes, their hands wandering, their kisses never ending. They’d never really gone this far before, but suddenly it felt right. His mom was already at work at the diner and would be until at least midnight. For the time being, he had this apartment completely to himself, and if Becky was ready to take this final step, he sure as hell was.

  Becky pulled off his shirt and tugged him into the vee of her legs, using her hand on the back of his neck to tug him down so that he could continue to kiss her. His lips quickly moved from her mouth down the slope of her neck to the tender spot between her neck and shoulder that he’d discovered she loved.

  “Reese,” she moaned. “Say it again.”

  “I love you,” he replied, pressing the words into her skin. He continued to say it as they came together for the first time. It was clumsy as they learned each other’s bodies in new and exciting ways, but it was perfect. She was perfect. And she loved him.

  Chapter Ten

  Becky was fuming. Not only had Reese failed to contact her since their encounter at his place last week, he hadn’t answered a single one of her texts or calls about weekly dinners with Ryker. She’d been seriously considering allowing him to spend more time with their son, but if this was the way that he was going to treat her, she wouldn’t give it a second thought. He’d been a father for two weeks and he was already shirking his responsibilities.

  The situation was only made worse by Ryker asking her why Reese wasn’t at dinner that night. He’d actually seemed a little bummed that dinner would be just the two of them, and she could only imagine how much worse this would be if Reese had been a more steady presence in Ryker’s life.

  A small part of her was worried about him, though. In high school, Reese had never shirked his responsibilities. He was always punctual, always called when he said he would, and always communicated when he was going to be late. The two sides of Becky were at war, and it was pissing her the hell off. Should she be worried about him? Should she be mad at him? Did she want to sleep with him again?

  The last was a thought that had been running circles in her mind, taking up valuable headspace over the course of the last week. Sex between them had always been electric, and it appeared as though time hadn’t changed that one bit. If anything, their most recent time together had been hotter than sex with Reese had been ten years ago. She hadn’t slept with anyone since before she regained custody of Ryker, and she’d forgotten how amazing it was to get completely lost in someone else, even if for a short period of time.

  It didn’t really matter if she wanted to do it again, though. Reese wasn’t answering his damn phone, and she was almost desperate enough to call Carlos. Yet. She had considered it multiple times throughout the week, but some small part of her had expected Reese to show up to dinner tonight like nothing was wrong. She’d been hoping for it, honestly. If he was avoiding her after they’d slept together that was one thing, but now he was also ignoring his son.

  Ryker currently was and always would be her biggest priority, and despite her desire to avoid Reese for a while longer, she needed to find out why he’d ditched them for a dinner that he’d begged to attend in the first place. When she got home from the restaurant and put Ryker to bed, she immediately called Kelsey and asked her if she could come over to keep an eye on her son for a little while.

  Screw calling, she was going to Reese’s house to confront him. She refused to let him ignore and confuse her little boy. They would just have to talk and find a way to set aside all of the bullshit between them—the past, the heartbreak, and yes, the incredible sex they’d had less than a week ago.

  When Kelsey showed up at her door, Becky was ready to leave. She threw her purse over her shoulder, told her friend she’d be back soon, and rushed to her car. The whole drive to
Reese’s house she went over what she would say to him when he answered the door.

  By the time she got to his apartment, she was ready to pound the door down. Instead, she forced herself to take three deep, calming breaths and knock politely. When he didn’t answer the door after the first set of knocks, however, she put more power into the action. She’d seen his car in the parking lot and knew that he was here.

  Becky was about to pound on the door in earnest when it swung open and all of her angry words died on her lips. Reese looked terrible. His hair was unwashed and disheveled, his normally crisp, clean clothes were stained and rumpled, and his eyes were bloodshot.

  “This isn’t the time, Becky. I’ll call you tomorrow.” He moved to close the door in her face, but she stuck her foot out to catch it. All of her anger fled her in that moment as it was quickly replaced with concern. She’d never seen Reese like this, and she couldn’t imagine what must have caused it.

  “What’s going on? What’s wrong?”

  Reese scrubbed a hand over his face and scratched at the unkempt beard now taking over his features. From what she’d seen since he’d been back in her life, Reese was meticulous about grooming his facial hair—she imagined he had to be in order to be allowed to keep such a prominent beard as a police officer.

  Just by looking at him now though, it was clear he hadn’t properly trimmed or oiled his beard in days. Her concern only grew. Someone who didn’t know this man well might think that he was just messily enjoying a day off, but she knew that dishevelment like this indicated that something devastating had happened.

  “I’m really not in the mood to fight with you tonight, Becky. Please.”

  She shook her head and reached out to grab his hand. “No, I’m not here to fight.”

  Reese shot her a wry look, but it looked halfhearted. “Fine, I was here to fight. Now I just want to know what’s going on. Please talk to me.”

  He nodded and turned around, leaving the door open and walking into his apartment to sit on the couch. It was clear he’d been in the same position for most of the day. There were empty bottles of water all over the floor around the couch and half-full Chinese takeout containers on the coffee table. By the musty smell of the apartment alone, Becky wondered if he’d been in here longer than a day.