Saif's Story

by Barbara G. Tarn

  "Much like the murderers of King Naveen," Goldenstar said without turning. "They attacked him and also killed his bodyguards. Obviously they hadn't had enough of murder and decided to kill the surviving male members of the royal family."

  Saif grabbed her wrist and forced her to stop. "Are you saying they succeeded?"

  She looked at him with sapphire eyes full of sorrow. "Prem didn't make it, Rohit. And neither did Karan. I saved you and Aditya just in time, or you would have died with them. What were you doing out in the city anyway?"

  "We were celebrating," Nimdja muttered. "Talwar had agreed to teach Karan to sword-fight and Saif would take care of Prem. Vikram and Manik had just gotten their assassins' names and we were just... having some fun! What's wrong with that?"

  "Nothing for you commoners," Goldenstar answered patiently. "But for the royal princes... someone must have thought it was an excellent way of getting rid of them."

  Saif felt frozen. This couldn't be. Prem couldn't be dead. He met Goldenstar's eyes, so similar to Prem's.

  "I'm going to avenge him," he whispered.

  "You can't. You don't know who killed him," she replied.

  "I know some of the guards came from Lord Arfan's palace, I'm sure the others were closely related to him or his son!"

  "It is not your place to make justice, Rohit. Now do you want to say good-bye to Prem's mortal remains or not?"

  "I want to avenge him!" he roared. He grabbed the front of her gown and shook her, while Nimdja tried to calm him. "Tell me who did him, bitch!"

  Goldenstar raised her hands and touched his forehead. Saif screamed and passed out again.

  ***

  Again he awoke in the palace room, but this time Talwar sat by his side. Saif felt empty when he realized he had lost his beloved. He met Talwar's brown eyes and couldn't speak.

  "Goldenstar took away some of your strength so you wouldn't do anything stupid," Talwar said. "I understand your grief but there will be no retaliation. Prem's mother would like you to light his funeral pyre. Can you do it?"

  Slowly, Saif nodded. Talwar helped him to sit. He felt groggy, but stood anyway. Talwar led him to the royal mausoleum where both Prem and Karan's bodies were ready to be burned and their ashes put next to their fathers'.

  Saif met Prem's mother for the first time. She was still beautiful, but Prem must have taken after his father, since she had black hair and hazel eyes.

  "I've heard you've given my son much happiness and for this I will be eternally grateful," she said. "Please be the one who sends him to join his father in the Afterworld."

  Still dazed, Saif took the torch she offered and put the fire to the pyre. The flames soon danced high, consuming Prem's body and melting the ice that wrapped his heart. He fell to his knees and started sobbing in the arms of the aging princess.

  He wasn't aware of who else was present. He didn't care. When the fire died and the ashes were gathered, he dug his hands in the gray powder and painted his face with it. He didn't stay to deposit the urn inside the royal mausoleum.

  Oblivious of his surroundings he walked out of the palace and somehow made it back to the Guild's building. Farman let him in and he headed for his room where he slumped on the bed and stayed there, eyes wide open lost into space.

  Nimdja knocked and came in. He washed the ashes off his face with a wet towel and cuddled him, but Saif still felt empty and numb. Nimdja's hands and lips weren't enough. Prem was dead. He had no reason to live.

  Another knock and it was Lalima saying Talwar wanted to see them both. Saif reluctantly let go of Nimdja's body and got up. He went to Talwar's office staring at his feet. The small room was crowded with all the newly-named assassins standing around the leader's desk. Khanda stood next to her husband, serious.

  "We now know who ordered the death of the last two royal males," Talwar said. "Lord Yano, of the House of Faerin, with the help of his son-in-law Lord Arin."

  Lord Arfan's son. No wonder Lord Arfan's guards were in the lot. Should have killed him the night his father died.

  Saif clenched his teeth, but didn't move.

  "We will not go against them," Talwar said, determined. "Do you hear me, Saif? We will do nothing against those noblemen! If one of them is killed, and I find out it was one of you, I will personally deal with you. No revenge, is that clear?"

  Saif nodded, but didn't look up. He still felt empty. The anger and pain were not there, pushing him to act. Talwar's voice didn't shake him anymore. He started wondering if he was sick – or if that wicked Genn had done something to him.

  Talwar gave the newly-named assassins some missions, and dismissed them all. Saif hadn't received any mission, so he waited until it was only him and Talwar, Khanda and Nimdja in the office.

  "Saif? Look at me," Talwar said.

  Saif looked up. Talwar looked worried.

  "Do you want to talk?"

  Saif shook his head, his teeth still clenched.

  "How do you feel?" Talwar insisted.

  "I don't feel," he snapped at last. "What has she done to me?"

  "Goldenstar?" Talwar looked relieved. "I think she calmed you, but she can't delete your memories. She's trying to help you cope with the loss by dimming your emotions, or something like that. I don't know much of Genn magic or their healing powers."

  "I want to feel again," Saif said. "I will not avenge him. But I want to feel again."

  Talwar nodded. "Nimdja, take him to the palace. Stay with him until he's back to his usual sweet self. Even though he lost his better half, I'm sure he's strong enough to keep living."

  Saif wasn't so sure. But Nimdja's presence helped. He went back to the palace, to the golden-haired woman who looked at him with Prem's eyes, and surrendered to her healing touch.

  He wasn't going to be the same ever again, but at least he'd go on living. He'd learn to live with that hole in his heart.

  11.

  Nimdja and Francisca became a couple when she came back from her first mission. She had also witnessed Saif's sorrow at Prem's death and finally realized why he couldn't return her feelings. Hence she had surrendered to Nimdja and they started sharing a room in the guild's building.

  Saif was still recovering from his grief and didn't talk much. He did as ordered or just stayed in his room. He didn't go to the palace anymore because it hurt too much. He assisted Talwar with physical training, but not much else. He didn't even wander out anymore, having lost interest in the city that had ended up killing his beloved.

  Khanda had become Princess Nadira's bodyguard. Nightsun's wife was still of childbearing age and they were afraid that Human nobility might want to get rid of her too, in case she produced other male heirs. Chandra had a little sister, but Nadira was pregnant again, so Khanda escorted her everywhere.

  Abhaya had barely turned five and not even six months had passed since the princes' demise when Nightsun materialized in the courtyard of the guild's building during the morning exercises.

  Everybody stopped and looked at the blond androgynous being who looked paler than ever as he addressed Talwar.

  "They had gone to the market. You know how much Nadira and Madhuri like to choose things on their own. Khanda was with them along with some servants and a couple of royal guards. I was with my girls when Chandra screamed that her mother was dying."

  Saif held his breath. The half-blood, who was now nine years old, had felt her mother die. That must have been much worse than what he had gone through!

  "I immediately transferred myself to where they were," Nightsun continued. Nobody asked him how, he was a Genn magic user after all. "Khanda, Madhuri and Princess Nadira were assaulted much like Prem and Karan as soon as they left the market square. The two guards accompanying them were taken down first, then Khanda and Nadira. Madhuri was wounded when I raised the magical shield around them and summoned Goldenstar. Unfortunately my sister managed to save only Madhuri."

  Nightsun's eyes met Francisca's who started crying anyway. Saif noticed Talwar looke
d stunned, probably as much as he had been when he had realized Prem was dead. He wondered if Talwar would demand revenge now. It didn't look like Nightsun had come to ask them to avenge his wife's death.

  Talwar took a deep breath. "Thank you, my friend." His voice shook. "I will come to the palace with you." He turned towards his men, his eyes filling with tears. "Katana and Francisca with me. Saif and Nimdja, take care of Abhaya. I will be back as soon as I can."

  Saif bowed. The little boy was in the kitchen with Yafita's children, as usual, but he'd soon ask about his parents. Saif exchanged a glance with Nimdja, then watched as Talwar, Katana and Francisca joined Nightsun and vanished with him.

  "Enough exercises for today," Nimdja said. "Weapons back to the armory. You're free."

  And putting one arm around Saif's shoulder, he headed for the canteen.

  "How are we going to tell Abhaya?"

  "We don't," Saif replied. "We just keep him busy until his father comes back and tells him."

  "Oh. You think that's what he meant?" Nimdja looked doubtful.

  "We don't know how to tell someone he's lost a beloved parent. We never loved our parents. We ran away from home, remember? We hated those bastards!"

  "True." Nimdja nodded, thoughtful. "Well, then, let's keep the boy busy. I wonder what's next for the Guild."

  "Nothing will change," Saif said. "Except probably you and me will have to go into the wild with the new apprentices. Because Talwar won't be able to leave the building for long anymore, now that Khanda is dead."

  "Mm... Interesting thought... I don't think we are proficient enough to do this. I guess the school will be put on hold. There aren't many requests for assassins after all."

  "Not since the lords can order their guards to murder innocents," Saif said through clenched teeth. "Maybe Talwar should revise his policy..."

  "Knowing him, I doubt it," Nimdja said, shaking his head.

  They reached the kitchen and put on smiling faces for the sake of the children, especially Abhaya who was delighted to see them.

  That night they heard him cry his heart out, but the effort of the whole guild soon gave the little boy his smile back. As for the father, nobody could help him. Talwar lost his smile and stopped shaving, becoming blunter with everyone, but still just and honoring his code. He believed in Zindagi, Goddess of Life, and wouldn't kill without a very good reason.

  Saif also stopped shaving, not to emulate his leader, but because he understood his grief and felt it was a good way of expressing his own. Most women (and men) liked clean-shaven men – as was the fashion in former Gajendra – therefore nobody bothered a bearded man that reminded them of northern barbarians.

  ***

  Time crawled upon him. Seasons changed, Abhaya grew up, the hole in his heart became just another scar. He had other missions, wandered in the city again, found temporary solace in someone's arms whose name he forgot in the morning, and kept living.

  Eight years went by and then Chandra stormed into the guild's building. She was seventeen, but still looked much younger, with long dark-blond hair and her father's pointed ears. She seemed to be a tomboy as much as Pooja had been before becoming Katana and she went straight to Talwar's office, unstoppable in her determination.

  "Lalima said you don't take on female apprentices because you don't have anyone to train them," she said, frowning at the Head of the Guild who sat puzzled at his desk with Nimdja by his side.

  Saif had followed her from the courtyard and was ready to throw her out if necessary, although he doubted Talwar would throw out the young half-blood. The Head of the Guild had a white strand of hair on his forehead and the rest of his mane and beard was turning salt-and-pepper prematurely.

  "It is true," Talwar answered. "Katana and Francisca are not experienced enough to teach anyone yet."

  "But together they could teach me!" Chandra insisted. "I want to be an assassin too!"

  "Why?" Talwar asked, puzzled. "You're half-Genn. I thought the Genn avoided violence at all costs."

  "True, but I'm also half-Human, and my mother was a fiery one at that! And before you ask, no, I don't want to be an assassin to avenge her death, I want to be an assassin because I think we need to be stronger and trained to defend ourselves."

  "We meaning women or Genn?" Talwar asked, raising his eyebrows, skeptical.

  "Both. The northern barbarians destroyed the Genn kingdoms. I know there were great Genn warriors in the past, but we've become too soft. Humans haven't killed the Genn in Godwalkar only because they're afraid of their magic. I don't have any magic and not all the Genn are magic users, hence I think learning the assassins' skills would help me a lot."

  "And what does your father think about this?"

  "He approves. Lalima talked to him. I grew up admiring Khanda and now I want to be like her."

  Saif checked Talwar's face, but the mention of his late wife didn't change his expression. Talwar frowned at Chandra, challenging her determination. Chandra glowered back with thinned lips.

  Francisca squeezed inside the office at that point and exchanged a glance with Saif. Talwar's eyes shifted to her.

  "What does Nightsun say about his daughter's wish?" he asked.

  "He says that Chandra Sunshine is still young, but very determined, and she'll probably be the best assassin of the Guild," Francisca answered with a half-smile. "She's as stubborn as her mother and nobody can make her change her mind."

  Chandra nodded with a satisfied smile. "So? Will they teach me?"

  Talwar looked at her again. "Both Katana and Francisca will take care of your training. Bring your things here and begin tomorrow."

  Then he shooed them out. Chandra beamed while Francisca looked amused.

  "I know you didn't miss having female apprentices, but I'll show you I can be as bad as Katana," Chandra told Saif in a challenging tone. "You will have to test me too when I'm done!"

  "Why?" he replied. "You're a woman, and a half-blood, why are you challenging me?"

  "Because you're Talwar's best man at this time, and I plan on taking your place," she answered proudly.

  "I will gladly leave you my place if that's what you want," he said. "I'm only doing my job, not trying to best anyone."

  Chandra's smile vanished. "You're not living, Saif. Try to find another Prem."

  Saif felt a lump in his throat in spite of the years gone by. "There's no other Prem," he muttered, averting his eyes. "Besides, assassins should never ever fall in love."

  ***

  Chandra was a very good student. Saif watched her train with Katana and Francisca and noticed how she had a stronger bond with Francisca, whom she had known since childhood. Besides, Katana didn't like men as much as he didn't like women, and she seemed to be very attracted to the young half-blood as much as teen Abhaya, who, at fourteen, was the most spoiled only child of the city.

  Talwar's son was used to getting anything he asked for, although when it came to lovers he was as clumsy as any other teenager. He had started by saying he wanted to marry Katana, but she had made it clear she was not interested. He had shifted his interest to Francisca, but since she was already Nimdja's woman, he hadn't insisted for long. And now that Chandra had moved to the guild's building for her training, he kept trying to woo her with his mother's ice-blue eyes – to no avail.

  Saif had no idea of what kind of person could win Chandra's heart. An androgynous being like her father or a completely Human man or woman? It wasn't obvious since Chandra was too busy learning to be an assassin to bother with sex. But Abhaya definitely wasn't her type.

  The teen was still too scrawny and not as beautiful as his mother had been. In spite of his crush on Talwar, Saif had always known that Khanda was a beauty, but he couldn't see her in her son. That was probably the reason why he didn't really spoil the teen as much as the others. Life had been too easy for Abhaya, in spite of the early loss of his mother. Someone must stand his ground at the demands of the youngster – and that one wouldn't be Talwar.


  Thus, when after her three years of hard training, Chandra earned her assassin's name – Guisarme – Saif was the one Talwar turned to. Abhaya wanted to be an assassin like her, but Talwar doubted Nimdja could train him. Talwar himself was retired from active service and teaching, therefore he must find someone else to make a man out of his spoiled son.

  Saif was almost thirty-six and still couldn't deny the Head of the Guild anything. So he took it upon himself to train Abhaya while Guisarme became the fourth female assassin of Godwalkar and Katana took on another student on her own, without the help of Francisca.

  There wasn't high demand for training, therefore new assassins would now be trained by an acharya who would dedicate three years of their life to a single apprentice. To do so, the assassin must be at least ten years in the trade, and both Saif and Katana had come out of that first class now fourteen years in the past.

  Saif took on the training as seriously as he took everything else in life since the loss of his first love. Abhaya was rebellious and irritating, but Saif never lost his temper. He often wondered where Abhaya got his violent instincts from – neither Talwar nor Khanda had ever looked so aggressive in Saif's eyes.

  To show him what life was like outside of the safe haven of the Guild, Saif took Abhaya to the slums where he'd been born, to show him how sheltered his life had been. The teen wasn't impressed and showed contempt for the poor families living in the mud huts on the river shore.

  He forgot his apprentice one day when he witnessed a scene that felt way too familiar in those dusty streets. A man in front of a dilapidated house was savagely beating his son who must be around ten years old while his other children cried or pleaded for him to stop.

  An older boy with raven hair and eyes screamed for him to let go and tried to protect the child, which turned the man's anger on him. Saif knew about those beatings and could almost see his father's face in the man's. Lips tight, he stepped forward to stop the beating, ignoring Abhaya's startled call.

  He grabbed the man's wrist and squeezed it, glaring at the bronze-skinned patriarch who scowled back.