Fallen Ambitions

by Guy S. Stanton III

  *****

  “Desirée?”

  “Yes Lord! I’m coming!”

  “Desirée I need you to wake up.”

  Desirée halted her assent through the tunnel of light in surprise. In sudden forlornness of spirit she cried out, “Don’t you want me Master?”

  Warmth that was color washed over her as a tidal wave in force and she knew her answer even before she heard her Savior’s words, “Desirée Desirée. Favored daughter of My Father you are loved beyond you know. Come I will show you.”

  To her surprise instead of being shown into heaven she was instead shown her life in high-speed as it had played out from her conception to the moment of her death.

  “You’ve always been there haven’t You.”

  “Yes Desirée, I have.”

  Desirée reached forward only to feel the arms of her Savior close about her and she felt first hand the love of the One who’d given everything for her to one day be able to live devoid of the guilt of sin. Relishing the moment she nonetheless pulled back to say, “Your sending me back aren’t You?”

  “You’ve never left. I just wanted you to understand that there is nothing hindering you from the love and eternal place that I have prepared for you. It will be yours in the fullness of time, but know this daughter. War is coming. My Father’s anger will not always be withheld, even as the judgment of this world is sure, even so the Word will be fulfilled in that all My Father’s Spirit will be poured out like never before upon the souls of men. The harvest time is almost here, but the workers are few. You are a chosen vessel by My Father and a fit workman to accomplish the job at hand. You have not ceased to bare your heart and share all that has been given to you even to the death and now even more authority and more honor has been given to you and to that of your guardians, who await for you even now to be manifested once more in the flesh. I am coming quickly and when I do I shall have my allotted harvest of souls, who forsake all the world has to offer and instead put aside their own lust and seek after me. I am coming. Go and prepare the way before Me. This is a war that I do not send you as one powerless to accomplish a victory. Now, by My name, you have all authority to the casting down of all evil whether it be in the Earth or in the spiritual realms above or below the Earth. Have no fear for my Father’s Spirit is now upon you as a double portion, even as the prophet Elisha received of Elijah, even so prophesy and make clear the way and alert the masses of my imminent return. Mankind will be without excuse as from the beginning My Father has been testified to by everything that was created.”

  Desirée felt herself steadily being receded away from the presence of the Son of God, until she felt once more the familiar confines of her own mortal form. There was pain and yet it fled from her as that which had been destroyed was restored into full order. She felt the healing touch of those appointed over her as guardians as they laid hands upon her in prayer to the Father. She felt something at her forehead and reaching out her hand she caught the bullet as it fully receded from her flesh and fell clear of the brain it had destroyed and yet was now remade anew.

  Holding the bullet clenched in her fist she sang out praises along with the angels around her at the restoration that had been made complete within her. “Oh God I give you all the honor and glory! Please help me fulfill all you have purposed for me and more! I’m yours!” The praising went on and on in the vacant area of a city long-lost to any direct input of God’s glory.

  Desirée understood what was required of her. Simply put she was to do war with the powers of this world over the hearts and souls of the lost and those believers fallen asleep to the truth once sown into their hearts.

  Knowing that though, didn’t exactly spell the way clear as to what to do next.

  “This way.” The Spirit of God urged softly.

  Rising with the aid of her guardians she stepped forward. Looking back it was to only see them following fully girded for war once more and yet even more than before. She’d never seen them before and yet she’d been told by others of their constant presence around her over the past year. Now she knew it for herself and turning back she walked in the way that the Spirit of God urged.

  Everything was different in terms of her expectations. Brighter and more meaningful as if she understood where everything was headed in a fuller light than she had ever had before.

  Making her way through the abandoned alleyways she walked in excitement for what lay ahead. Seemingly nothing had changed in terms of what she faced and yet everything had. She had a mandate on her life, an authority if you will, that was not going to be denied.

  Making her way back onto streets graced by lights and people she ambled forward. The late-night passerby’s on the street and the homeless alike gave her varying looks of wonder. What was wrong?

  Catching a glimpse of herself in a storefront window she gasped, “Oh my!”

  She was filthy and well she looked like somebody had just taken a bucket of blood and dumped it over her. Wonderingly her hand went up to her forehead to touch the faint white scar of a bullet hole, even as she still grasped the bullet that had made it in her other hand.

  The scar didn’t stand out overly, but well it was eclectic looking to be sure. What was the purpose of the scar, when everything else had been restored to complete wholeness?

  Intrinsically she felt that there had to be one, as she didn’t think God couldn’t have restored her flesh without leaving a trace of the scar. Slipping the bullet into a pocket she stepped forward to push into a mom-and-pop type convenience store.

  Feeling very self-conscious in her approach to the cash register she immediately apologized to the matronly and highly agitated woman standing there, “I’m sorry. I know I look a fright. Do you mind if I use your facilities to clean up a bit? I’ll buy something I promise.”

  The woman seemed to relax a little as she leaned off to the side and picked up a pile of clothing and other assorted items, “Oh honey, you don’t need to buy anything. Come with me.” That said the woman left the front counter and headed for the back of the store.

  Bemused Desirée followed. To her surprise instead of being led to the restroom she was instead ushered up a flight of stairs to the second story which she took to be the shop owner’s own living quarters.

  The woman bustled into a well-used, but clean bathroom and set the pile down on the countertop and turning to Desirée she said with sincerity, “You take as much time as you need honey and don’t feel like you have to rush out or anything. You are free to stay tonight and the fridge is full.”

  Desirée said nothing for a moment and the woman’s nervousness seemed to return with a vengeance. Reaching a hand out Desirée touched the woman’s hand and asked, “Do you know me?”

  The woman shook her head slowly, “No, I don’t. There is something familiar about you though. I’ve seen you somewhere I know I have.”

  “If you don’t know me then why are you opening your home to me like this?” Desirée asked curiously.

  The woman took a deep breath and looking heavenward for a moment she held it before expelling it and saying as if it was a confession, “I believe in Jesus. I… I…… I haven’t been as faithful as I should’ve been as of late, but I believe and and……”

  The woman was very nervous even to the point of not continuing on and Desirée squeezed her hand encouragingly. The woman teared up and said, “Earlier tonight God spoke to me! To me! As audible as you and me talking right now. I’ve never had such an experience. He told me to get this stuff ready and that a prophetess was going to stay in my house tonight. I…… I freaked! I mean I’m glad and well a little scared and all, but well nothing like this has ever happened to me before and when you walked in the door I just knew. You have a glow about you as if like Moses or something. I…..I just want to hug you!”

  That said she did just that and smiling Desirée hugged her back. Rubbing her hand on the woman’s back she said, “Taneka life has been hard for you with trial after trial, but soon that wil
l change and when it does remember to give the Lord the praise for it.”

  Crying the woman pulled back and asked tearfully, “How do you know my name?”

  Smiling Desirée shrugged, “The Lord told me and He wanted you to know what I just told you. I’m just the messenger.”

  Sniffling Taneka said, “Well I’m very glad that your here. Here let me stop holding you up. I best be getting back to the store before I’m robbed blind anyway.”

  “Nothing has been taken.” Desirée said soothingly and glancing at her Taneka said, “I believe you.”

  She moved on past to go back down the stairs to the store and calling out Desirée asked with curiosity, “How did you know what size clothing to pull off the racks for me?”

  The woman through her hands up and exclaimed, “I just did! This night is wild! Praise Jesus! I believe!” And with that said she continued on down the stairs closing the door at the bottom behind her.

  Turning back to the welcoming thought of a shower and fresh clothes not dried stiff with her own blood Desirée quickly undressed and got into the shower. Her shower complete she stepped free of the steam and glanced at herself in the foggy mirror.

  Taking the corner of a towel she rubbed a spot clear on the mirror enough to see her head. Reaching up she felt at the white toned skin of the scar that she wished didn’t exist, as it stood out only to clearly with direct light cast upon it in comparison with her dark complexion.

  It made her look like she had a third eye or something. She’d do her hair different. Maybe let it curl here and there. Yeah that would help.

  Still the scar would be obvious to pretty much everyone. Again she pondered on why God would restore all the recesses of her mind to fullness and yet leave this outward sign to mark what had happened to her.

  God must have a reason and she wanted to know what it was and so she asked, “Why God? Not to be overly vain, but why this mark?”

  “Scars tell a story. Some require more in order to believe.”

  Desirée reflected on that for a moment. She understood that, but who exactly would be ministered to by such a scar, except for…….her killer.

  Glancing back at the mirror as understanding dawned within her she smiled and said, “Have I ever told you God that I love how you work? The enemy thought they had me and yet I’m alive, because You willed it so. Now the opposition is going to lose one of their henchmen too! Score!!!” She said making a fist and pumping it as if a great victory had already been achieved.

  She had the very real sense within her soul that God was smiling. She just couldn’t help herself from being in a good mood. All fear of the future was gone and it was good to be alive right now basking in the good pleasure of her Creator.

  A sobering thought occurred then that stole much of the enthusiasm that she’d just felt in terms of experiencing life once more. She was going to have to experience life and the trials that it brought without Lonigan by her side.

  “I have supplied you another in place of him.”

  Desirée’s hands stilled in the act of dressing herself. Adjusting her bra she glanced at the mirror once more.

  She didn’t know what to say. Leading her killer to salvation was one thing, but him being her daily companion was another.

  She bent down to put her socks on and with a gasp she watched her purity ring bounce off the floor. Putting her hand over her mouth she stared at the gold ring on the floor.

  Tentatively she reached out and picked the purity ring up. She slid it back onto her ring finger. It was a snug fit. There was simply no way the ring had slipped off on its own.

  Glancing once more to the mirror she shook her head, “I don’t understand. I mean…… I do. I ….just don’t understand.”

  “Trust Me child.”

  Nodding affirmatively Desirée said, “That I can do.”

  She finished dressing and moving out into the apartment she located a comfortable looking couch. Laying down on it she hugged a pillow to herself and closed her suddenly tired eyes.

  She didn’t fall asleep right away though. In her mind she replayed over and over in her mind when the man, who had bested her bodyguard, had pulled the trigger and ended her life. It was hard to fathom what she thought God was hinting at in terms of such a relationship.

  Sleepily she asked, “Why him? Why anybody? I never intended to marry anyone, when I pledged my purity to You.”

  “I know.”

  She waited a long time for more to go on than just that and she was on the verge of thinking that was it, when God spoke once more, “A man better protects something when it is his.”

  She understood that, but she had seven angels walking around her.

  “Why do I need this man’s protection, when I have Yours?”

  “Because you were created to meet a need in him. He is a soul without hope, while even now My blessed hope reigns within you. My protection extends to you both. You will prophesy and do great deeds in My name and yet My Word is fulfilled in that I do not esteem one soul of greater value than another. They are all precious to Me, as My Son died so that all might have life, if they only choose to believe.”

  Remembering the man’s cold gaze upon her she asked reflectively, “Does he even have a soul?”

  There was no answer and yet there was. She felt it within her spirit and closing her eyes she realized what an insult to her God her question had just been.

  Sliding off the couch onto her knees she whispered, “I’m sorry! Please forgive me!” Then in a further move of obeisance she took the purity ring from off her finger and laid it on the floor before her and said, “Thy will be done Father.”

  “Place the ring back on your finger until he is made anew in My Son’s image as I will not have you unequally yoked.”

  Sliding the ring back on she waited, but nothing more was stirred within her spirit. Slipping back onto the couch she began to pray, not for herself, but for the man who had killed her.

  Smiling in the midst of her praying she reflected on the knowledge that God surely must have a sense of irony to have purposed something like this. She fell asleep wondering how on Earth she was even going to find the man.