Fallen Ambitions
Page 24
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Desirée
Fingers shaking Desirée began to unpack the contents of the bags. Her mind though was fully still on the image of him and his physical response to the stream of memories she’d seen dancing in his eyes.
Ever since she’d given up her old life it had been as if God had flipped a switch on her carnal side and the desires of the flesh simply hadn’t been there to plague her as they once had. Well now they were back and yet it was very different.
It wasn’t a longing that was crude or base in its actions, but rather one that almost felt as if it was holy in some way. Oh she hoped he made things right with his Creator soon!
The ache she’d had for months had only intensified since these past few moments and in a moment of self-contemplation she feared that the aspects of her walk with God were being overwhelmed by the desires and distractions of the flesh.
“God I…… I need your help. I don’t want to mess this up. I feel almost like You’ve set me up in some way. I feel overwhelmed. Please forgive me if I have errored in any way and show me what I am to do. I give this attraction I have for him to You. I am weak, but You are my strength and yet why does it feel like You’ve allowed me to be opened up to desires that seem to separate me from the walk I’ve had with You since I repented from the ways of the world. You know the thoughts in my head. You know it all. How does this please You and have I offended or betrayed Your confidence in me by desiring to be with this man so much?” Desirée asked brokenly, as she was genuinely worried that her walk of faith might be in jeopardy in some way.
In the moment Desirée would have walked out the door and never set eyes on the object of her emergent fantasies ever again if she had so felt led to do, but the door of the cottage remained fixatedly closed. In a symbolic gesture she let her eyes fall from the door she suddenly felt sure she wasn’t supposed to flee through in order to escape the weakness that her desires had evoked.
“Trust and patience. I will keep you.”
That was all. While it was little to go on, in detail, it was enough to know that even though it felt like she was altering the course of her life to perhaps an errant course that God was still there to steer her back if that indeed was the case. However, it seemed more like God was steering her right into the arms of a man she craved to be one with unlike any other.
Glancing up she saw the object of all her desires and personal angst reappear from the bedroom, thankfully clothed this time. Summoning up a smile she asked, “Are you hungry?”
He came close. Very close and she very much felt his eyes on her. She guessed that was answer enough to her question, only not with the meaning she had intended.
From behind her back she heard him get a glass from a cupboard and fill it with water. He gulped it down and then filled the glass again. Then he was quiet.
She wanted to turn and see what it was he pondered on, but she had no sooner thought to do so, when she felt him move to stand close behind her. Standing still she waited for what she didn’t know to occur.
His hand appeared only to lay the necklace with its ring on the counter beside her. His hand departed even as his words flatly sounded hollow of meaning within the room, “I don’t want you.”
Her eyebrows rose. Turning around she leaned back against the counter and crossed her arms across her chest.
She eyed him speculatively for a moment before saying, “You should ask God for forgiveness. As it is Victor you are a terrible liar. It’s just one more thing to like about you though. Now you pick that necklace up and put it back on.”