The End Defines the Beginning : A Boarding School Coming of Age (Harlow Academy Series Book 1)

by Sarah Appleby

  She had felt guilt for quite some time. She really had been in need of having fun, but the period of mourning never seemed to end. It wasn’t that she didn’t think about or miss Andy, but she needed an escape from the empty feeling that dominated her house. She missed being allowed to laugh and giggle and even fight with her siblings. It felt as though Andy’s death turned them all into statues in a house of stone.

  After a few months of feeling like she no longer mattered, Emily looked at her huge gang and smiled from within like she hadn’t for so very long. For her fourteenth birthday.

  “This is going to be so fun,” thought Emily.

  She caught sight of her birthday table. Her grandparents had put helium balloons on all the chairs. Annie caught her eye and waved at Emily. Emily rushed over to the table and the others followed.

  She gave Annie a hug and sat down in the seat she had saved for her. Everyone seemed in good spirits and it all felt amazingly normal for most of the night. Pizza arrived, people stuffed their faces, and Emma and Eddie had the table rolling with laughter over the content in their last two social media episodes. Grandpa was very impressed that they had managed to make a bit of money just by recording their pranks. Young entrepreneurs.

  Suddenly, servers came to clear the table.

  “Right,” said Grandma rubbing her hands together, “Time for cake!”

  Marie had brought a bag with a cake and some candles. This was the part that Emily had looked forward to most. Her wish this year was more important than any other she had ever made. She just wanted everyone to be happy again. It would have been easier to wish for a new tablet or smartphone, but if ever there was a wish worth making, this one was it.

  The cake was huge. Marie knew just how Emily liked it. It was a rectangular banana cake with only half of it frosted. Emily hated frosting. When Emily first started asking for no frosting, Pepper told her to stop being stupid and to just scrape it off. But Marie insisted that a birthday cake should be first and foremost, for the person with the birthday. The compromise was a silly looking, but tasty, half frosted dessert.

  Marie lit the candles at the end of the big, long table and Emily got up and walked over to the cake.

  Emily pushed her hair behind her ears and smiled. She stared at the bright, flickering candles and formulated her wish like a spell in her mind.

  I wish everyone to be happy… to be happy… everyone to be happy again…

  “One, two, three,” said Annie, urging everyone to sing.

  “Happy birthday to you…”

  Everyone sang except for Marie.

  “Happy birthday to you…”

  Marie’s face contorted.

  “Happy birthday, dear…”

  Suddenly Marie burst into tears. Huge, loud, shocking and uncontrollable tears that disrupted everything. The table stopped singing immediately. Pepper grabbed Marie into his arms, holding her head to his chest. He looked at the rest of the table with apologetic eyes. He shook his hand as if to say it was all ok and that he would take care of it.

  Emily looked at her mom. All she had wanted was a fun evening for everyone. For the first time, she noticed that her mom had lost weight and had purple circles around her eyes. Her lack of control suggested she had been drinking again.

  Emily looked down at the candles as everyone sat in awkward silence. They had already burned down more than halfway. Emily looked with intent, inhaled deeply and blew them out with whispers of her wish. Make us all better.

  Marie noticed Emily blow out the candles and grabbed her by the arm to turn her around. She hugged Emily and whispered in her ear, “I’m sorry, honey.”

  The table’s silence finally broke.

  “Well, who wants cake?” Grandpa asked, grabbing a knife and making his way to the end of the table where Emily, Pepper and Marie stood.

  Hands shot up in the air. Everyone wanted cake. Stuffed mouths being a reason not to talk. It was clear everyone was too uncomfortable to just start up a new conversation.

  “Me, please Grandpa,” said Emily, who stood next to him.

  “Em, can I grab you for a second before cake?” Pepper interrupted, touching Emily’s arm.

  Emily turned around and looked at his face. Marie had seated herself once again, but Pepper still stood right behind Emily. She tried to read his face and was confused. Was he going to apologize for Marie ruining the moment? What could he possibly want to say?

  Emily shook her head “yes” and the pair went around the corner, out of earshot and eyesight of the table to a narrow corridor leading to the restrooms.

  Suddenly rage came over Pepper’s face.

  “What was that?” he said through gritted teeth with the snarl of a lion, his eyes narrowed and vengeful.

  Emily’s body went rigid with shock.

  “What do you mean?”

  Pepper grabbed both her arms at her sides and her body went stiff as a board.

  “I mean, what kind of selfish, little fucking girl blows out the candles when her mom is crying next to her? You couldn’t have even asked her if she was okay?”

  Pepper held himself back, tension built up in his arm like a slingshot being pulled into position.

  “I didn’t know what to do.”

  Pepper had hit Emily many times throughout childhood. It was probably on the top end of the spectrum for what was allowable within the law. Open-handed smacks across the head were the cornerstone of his corporal punishment. It was humiliating.

  Pepper let go of her arms and pushed her in the chest so hard that Emily hit the wall behind her.

  “Listen here you little princess, your mom is in a lot of pain. Don’t be so frickin’ selfish. The whole world doesn’t revolve around you.”

  And he walked away.

  Emily wanted to cry but, as usual, couldn’t. And it was just as well. She needed to straighten herself out, act normal, and eat cake.

  When she got back to the table a piece of cake sat at her spot next to Annie. Annie smiled as Emily took her spot, but Emily struggled to force a grin. Nevertheless, she gave a meek one and sat down, staring at her cake.

  Stone cold, and heavy as a rock, her body sat there, eyes focused on the table. The world around her continued to move, but it was just her and her tunnel vision, focused on that cake and the hole left over from the candle she had wished on. It didn’t look appetizing anymore. She didn’t want to eat it anymore. But she knew Pepper would put her through worse when they got home if she didn’t.

  She took a small bit on her fork and put it in her mouth. The aromatic taste awakened her senses. She looked down at the candle hole again.

  “That’s it,” thought Emily, “I am going to get out of this place one way or another.”

  CHAPTER SIX

  EMILY WAS IN her last year at Thomas Edison Middle School for the Gifted and Talented. School was the one thing that felt normal to Emily in her whole entire life. It always had been a haven for Emily. When anything in her life got her down, she knew she always had one place where she could shine and feel confident, proud and stand tall.

  Apparently, Emily was bright. She had noticed nothing about her academic performance apart from when she won a school and country wide spelling bee when she was in elementary school. That had made her feel smart. Blinded by comparing herself to Andy, who had seemed like some Einstein to her admiring little sister eyes, her own straight A’s had become invisible to her.

  She remembered feeling very grown up the first day that the big, yellow bus arrived to fetch her from the corner of her road. Edison was across town from where she lived, and that first day the big yellow bus ride had seemed to go on forever. Now, in eighth grade and after three years at the school, time on the bus flew by. She was one of the top dogs, along with the three other eighth graders on the bus.

  When she entered the halls of the huge school, it was a day like any other at Edison. Kids flooded the halls like rapids on a rushing river, putting things into and taking things out of lockers. It was
noisy but somehow organized as they all knew in which direction to flow.

  Locker doors slammed and the buzz of teenage conversation hummed. Grace had a locker only ten spots down from Emily and she spoke loudly over the tops of heads and crouched down kids.

  “Hey Em, did you know there’s some high school here today doing a presentation? Apparently it’s a boarding school.”

  This was intriguing. A place where kids lived at school. At that moment, it sounded to Emily like a blissful situation.

  “I think it’s in New Hampshire or something,” Grace added.

  The only reference to boarding school that Emily could find in her memory was that of Hogwarts in Harry Potter. Confirming in her mind’s eye that anything resembling Hogwarts would be a great adventure, she couldn’t wait to hear more.

  “Interesting. Why are they here?”

  “I dunno. But I guess we’ll find out. They’re doing a special presentation. Anyway, I’d take anything other than another performance by school staff. That last skit they did on not doing drugs was cringe.”

  “Yeah, totally,” added Emily wistfully.

  Grace said something else before she waved goodbye to head off to her first class, but Emily hardly noticed. She was already off in another world, imagining herself walking up the staircase into Griffyndor Tower. Boarding school. Maybe wishes do come true.

  CHAPTER SEVEN

  IT WASN’T HOGWARTS, but it turned out that Harlow Academy’s mascot was, in fact, a Griffin. A mythical creature with a body of a lion, but an eagle’s wings and beak, the Harlow coat of arms made Emily’s eyes widen. So sophisticated, classy… grown up. In fact, the whole presentation, the prospectus, the elite academic atmosphere, the facilities… being away from home… it all enticed Emily. It was like bait on a hook.

  The Harlow Academy presentation started with a video. It was a collection of students talking about why they loved Harlow. Emily loved the wide range of diverse kids, though she supposed it was fabricated to some extent to impress people that they were an international school. There was a guy from Japan, a girl from California, another one from Massachusetts. When each student came on screen to say their bit, their name, age and location flashed along the bottom. If there was one thing they wanted everyone to know it was that Harlow was global.

  Kids, only a bit older than her, talked about how much they loved the school and how it had helped them develop. They were all so articulate. So well spoken. They mentioned dance halls, and music buildings and boathouses. They wanted to be doctors, politicians, translators and start businesses. One of the students had already published a book.

  But it was one girl in particular, one that reminded Emily of herself, an ordinary looking blonde girl who had the words that really spoke to her. She could remember the girl’s monologue almost word for word:

  “In a few words, Harlow is life changing. It changed my life in ways I never could have imagined. My entire life’s trajectory has changed.”

  A new trajectory.

  Since the incident with Pepper on her birthday, Emily had thought about running away. She had even watched about fifty videos on SpiderWeb one afternoon about how to do it. She knew she needed a water bottle and some food. Apart from that the details were so varied and none of them could she logically piece together as resulting in anything but homelessness, or worse, being returned home to serious punishment.

  A new life trajectory.

  Now this was something she could sink her teeth into. Being slingshot into a new environment, a new life… leaving everything behind and creating her own rules. Her own destiny. No more sadness. No more Pepper. No more drunk Mom on the couch at 5pm while Emily cooks supper so Pepper didn’t notice how bad she is.

  A new life trajectory.

  The recruitment team stood at the front of the auditorium looking sophisticated and professional. Their freshly ironed chinos and button down tops stood out among the disheveled students. When one of the young men came around with prospectus folders in his Ralph Lauren polo shirt and shiny shoes, Emily took it with zeal. She sent out a friendly beam, as though somehow it would give her an extra chance when it came to admissions.

  The presentation ended, and students started gathering their things. Backpacks slinging over shoulders and mountains of books balanced in hands. Students began heading out to their next period as Emily stared down as her burgundy folder.

  “You took a prospectus?” Grace asked, sparking Emily out of her dreamland.

  Emily looked up at her friend’s questioning face.

  “Yeah, course I did.”

  “Why?”

  “Why didn’t you,” Emily retorted, “I mean, didn’t it seem awesome?”

  “Well, yeah. But it’s really far away from home.”

  “Yeah, I guess that’s the point, for me anyway. Seriously though it looks like a cool opportunity and they said that they do scholarships so why not try, you know?”

  Emily tried not to be too serious about it as she could see the thought of her leaving upset Grace.

  Grace’s eyebrows knitted together and she pursed her lips to the side like she always did when she felt suspicious.

  “Dude,” said Emily, putting her friend at ease, “don’t worry… it’s not like I already have a plane ticket.”

  Emily bumped Grace warmly on the shoulder with her own.

  Emily continued, “So why didn’t you take one? I mean, seriously, don’t you think it sounds like a great opportunity?”

  “Yeah of course. I mean, it’s soooo Hollywood. And obviously it’s a one way ticket to a good college and everything but… I’m sure this sounds lame but I just couldn’t stand being away from home.”

  It didn’t sound lame to Emily at all. It sounded like Grace had a really great life that someone wouldn’t want to walk away from.

  “Yeah, if I lived with your parents and brothers I’d probably want to stay, too,” Emily replied, melancholy.

  Grace linked her arm around Emily’s.

  “Well, how about instead of applying to Harlow you come and live with us,” she said cheerfully and full of hope.

  “I wish.”

  Grace squinted one eye like she did when she sensed something was wrong.

  “Em, are you really, really serious about this? You want to go to Harlow?”

  Emily didn’t want to cry wolf. She consulted her thoughts, desires… her birthday wish.

  “Yeah. You know, I really do. I guess I just have to figure out how to get there now.”

  Grace lifted her eyebrows.

  “Well, lucky for you, your best friend’s area of expertise is getting what she wants.”

  She pulled at the front of her shirt as if she had suspenders.

  Emily giggled.

  “Oh yeah? I thought you always got what you wanted because you’re the baby in the family.”

  “Au contraire, mon amie. Lucky for you, I’m willing to share my secrets with you,” she said, pointing at Emily as if she presented a sales pitch on an infomercial.

  Emily shook her head and rolled her eyes dramatically.

  “Ooooh… do tell.”

  “Seriously though, Em, I’ll help. I don’t want you to go. I was hoping we’d learn to drive together and we’d sing in the halls together like it was High School Musical, but if it means that much to you, I got your back.”

  The pair exited the auditorium and the volume of the hallway enveloped them.

  “Well, the first problem I have to overcome is even getting my parents to say ‘yes’ to applying.”

  Grace shook her head in agreement, deep in thought. A student bumped into her shoulder.

  She turned around to give them a “look.”

  “Ugh. Some people… As for getting your parents to say yes… well, I’ve got a sure fire way. Works every time for me.”

  CHAPTER EIGHT

  THE SECRET TO getting a parent to say “yes” was to ask them for permission when they weren’t paying much attention. At least that’s
what Grace had said.

  “Wait until they are distracted to ask.” Grace had texted Emily. Emily’s nerves got the best of her. She had decided that she would ask on a Saturday when Pepper was out of the house. Again, Grace’s suggestion. But the day had arrived, and she felt like she was on the edge of a cliff about to jump and her mom had the parachute. If she said “yes,” Emily could float away and if she said “no,” she felt as though she’d fall to her doom.

  “You got this. Just wait until your mom is napping or something.” Grace suggested with another text.

  This was a really simple task now that Marie had started drinking at any hour past noon. Since her brother died, the recycling truck had a lot more bottles to collect.

  Emily had been sitting on the Harlow prospectus for a few days now. After everyone had said goodnight, and she sensed the last light go out, she would carefully lift her mattress and slide the booklet out as if it was a magic book of spells containing the antidote to some mysterious problem. Turning on her computer in the pitch black of her room, she looked Harlow up on the internet. Taking every virtual tour, reading every testimonial, place to study abroad and extracurricular activity they offered, she knew this was the place for her. She obsessed over videos on her cell when she should have been sleeping. Emily even researched flights to Boston, the nearest airport to Harlow. Two hours and forty-five minutes. Perfect. Far enough.

  Emily had to formulate a plan in those dark hours, her thoughts illuminated only by the light of her tablet screen. She knew that if she asked her mom directly to leave home, there would be an almost immediate “no.” This was not something anyone in their family or even her extended family would do. Marie’s entire family was born and raised in Minnesota, and that is where they stayed.

  Emily had been to two family reunions with over one hundred people at each. A Catholic family, some of Marie’s cousins had had up to six kids. People had to wear name tags and write their mother’s maiden name on them. And every single one of this clan still lived in Minnesota.