Her words trailed off and almost turned back into tears.
“What do you mean,” Xander asked. This was from left field.
“I mean, I just wanted to leave everything behind at home and fitting in here… it would have been a cure all. Like how magic is…”
His face contorted in confusion.
“What are you talking about? You’re already pretty popular and… I really don’t get that comment.”
“Yeah, I’m getting popular because of Pierce. Now that’s not happening, is it? Anyway, Xander you don’t know everything about me. I’m not exactly who I’ve pretended to be. I’m not rich like everyone else. My Uncle doesn’t work for NASA, my parents aren’t well off. I didn’t even have my appendix out like I told you at Gateway. I lied because I didn’t want you to know I’m a scholarship kid,” Emily admitted, “And I might as well just get it all out there now. I mean, maybe it’s TMI but I’ve actually had a really tough couple of years. Not that there is any excuse to lie to you and everyone else but my older brother died a little more than a year ago. Since then, my mom has pretty much become an alcoholic and my dad is actually my stepdad. I don’t think he really likes me and he’s a pretty mean guy. I mean, since we are getting to know each other… I might as well lay it out on the line. My life sucks. I thought coming to Harlow I could just leave it all behind and start over.”
Xander’s eyebrows raised in surprise. Quite the speech. He wasn’t really sure which part to start on first.
He was a bit taken aback that she had lied to him. But he never cared or even took much notice of those things. It was her kindness, her way of accepting everyone for who they were. Her nonjudgmental nature. Even her naïveté.
Her brother dying was a whole other level. It didn’t feel right not to mention that first. But not knowing what to say, he leaned on his usual humor.
“Your name is Emily though, right?” he asked, trying to make her smile.
Finally her lips curled upward.
“Yeah,” she said with a half smile.
“Emily, I get it. I mean, I don’t get at all what it’s like to have a brother die. Or anybody really. And I don’t even have a brother but that’s not the point. Anyway, I’m sorry about that.”
She shrugged her shoulders and looked at the ground.
Xander continued, “I felt totally out of place when I came here. I’m short for a guy, I’m not that into sports and really, let’s face it, I’m a bit of a dork.”
“You are not…” she said, finally looking up at him.
“Well, the jury is out on that but anyway, my Mom actually told me, when I was feeling really worried about coming to Harlow, that the best friends I could make would like me for me. Obviously I thought that was totally cheesy. And I don’t know if people do like me for me. But I definitely like you for you.”
Xander spoked with more sincerity than Emily had ever felt from him, “You’re a really good person, Emily. You are nice to everyone, even if they aren’t cool or have nothing to offer you. That’s a great quality. And your NASA uncle didn’t make you that way. You didn’t have to say all that, definitely not to me.”
She couldn’t help herself. She reached out and hugged Xander.
When she pulled back Xander found her more beautiful than ever. It would have been a great time to kiss. But it didn’t happen. He felt like dweeb even thinking it.
“Thanks for being so awesome. I feel like I kind of just lost everything… but I guess I gained something, too,” she said, “Even though it’s pretty humiliating to think that you saw those recordings, and now you know I’m a big fat liar…”
“Don’t be stupid. Honestly Em, everyone at Harlow is a liar in some way or another.”
She chuckled. He was probably right.
She pulled herself together and took a deep breath.
“Gosh this is all a bit intense, isn’t it?” she asked, taking a deep breath.
Xander agreed. But it felt like they were coming through it. The would survive the storm.
“So, now… what to do about this Pierce situation… ” she asked.
Xander shook his head, thinking about it all.
“Yeah. Well… the question is just what we going to do about all this? I mean, I’ve got to make you take the reins on this one. I get it if you don’t want to go public. But if Pierce is caught it could help some other girls on campus and also, I mean, maybe his cloud based accounts can be taken down.”
Emily still wasn’t sure.
“Can’t we just ask Randy to hack into them and shut them down,” she asked, half joking.
“Ha. We probably could. That guy is something else. We could use him on the Conundrum team.”
“Indeed,” said Emily, deep in thought.
“So… what’s it going to be?” asked Xander.
But Emily needed some time to think.
CHAPTER FORTY-ONE
LEILA DIDN’T EXACTLY look like the messiah. But Emily had to put her faith in her instincts. She was a person of principle.
Slowly walking herself down the hallway to Leila’s room, Emily ached for Andy. Although he wouldn’t have been at Harlow, he probably would have hopped on a plane to kick Pierce’s butt over this. Not that it would have helped. And maybe Emily wouldn’t have had the courage to tell him about her most embarrassing moment. But in her mind, none of those details matter. She wanted to feel like someone looked out for her.
She recalled the time that Terry Hanson teased her in second grade.
Andy had walked Emily home, being in fifth grade their parents had trusted him to get himself, and his second grade sister home. They had started on their way just like any other day.
But as they walked on a hundred feet, Andy noticed Emily’s head hanging low.
“What’s up with you?”
“Not that you would care,” she replied.
He put his foot out in front of her to stop her walking. She looked up at him.
“Try me.”
“Well, you wouldn’t understand because I bet this never happened to you. But… there’s a boy, he just won’t leave me alone.”
“What boy?”
“Never mind,” Emily said, “It’s embarrassing.”
“What happened?” Andy pressed.
Emily hadn’t wanted to say. She felt humiliated.
“Come on, tell me.”
“This boy calls me Ugly Emily. He’s in fourth grade so there’s nothing I can do about it,” she mumbled.
“Did you say, ‘Ugly Emily?’” He asked, getting angry.
“Yeah. Be quiet, Andy, he’s not far behind us. I don’t need any more trouble.”
Andy turned around and saw two boys from fourth grade behind them, they seemed to be waiting to be picked up.
“Which one?”
“Andy, I don’t want any more trouble.”
“Which one?” Andy repeated more loudly.
“The one with the red backpack.”
Emily watched her brother rush over to the two boys. He walked with determined, big strides, like a giant. She stood frozen on the spot, but halfway between her and the boys, Andy looked back at her, put his hand up and singled for her to follow him.
The boys noticed Emily and Andy approaching. Whatever they had been laughing about suddenly didn’t seem so funny.
Fourth graders had always seemed to enormous to Emily. Two years older, and with Emily being a late bloomer, they towered over her. She had never thought to challenge their taunts.
But Andy dwarfed the boys. Andy, unlike Emily, had always been tall for his age.
“Hey,” he said to the boy with the red backpack, “See this girl? This is my sister.”
“Yeah,” said the boy, trying to be defiant but not succeeding. He was definitely nervous.
Andy got close to the boy. Real close. So close that they nearly touched noses.
“If you EVER call her a name again, I’ll make sure you regret it.”
The boy looked scared. An
dy flared his nostrils.
He pulled back from the boy who was frozen. His friend, too, was speechless.
“I will only tell you this once. Not. One. Word. Come on, Emily.”
Andy took her arm and started back in the direction toward home.
Emily had felt safe. She had felt thankful.
The boy never did call Emily names again.
Arriving at Leila’s door she took a deep breath and slowly lifted her fist. She knocked on Leila’s door timidly, half wanting her not to hear the tap so Emily could slink away and think of another plan.
“Come in.”
Leila had her own room, as a few seniors and uppers did. There were only three single rooms in Graves Hall and she wasn’t surprised that Leila bagged one of them. She was sure that everyone, even people her own age, was a bit scared of Leila. You really wouldn’t want to take something away from her.
A few posters decorated the walls. Cara Delevingne. Miley Cyrus. The USA female soccer team. There were rumors about Leila. But even though there were other “out” kids on campus, Leila wasn’t one of them.
Leila didn’t look up until she finished writing something down on a piece of paper. When she did, she didn’t seem the least bit surprised to see Emily. It wasn’t that she and Emily had ever spoken, apart from the day in the common room, but rather that Leila was just cool as a cucumber. Nothing phased her.
“What’s up?” Leila asked.
Emily suddenly started perspiring and went red in the cheeks. All she could say was…
“Um…”
Leila raised an eyebrow.
“Are you alright?”
“Can I close the door?”
Leila paused and said nothing, as if she considered saying no to the request and telling Emily to get lost.
But she didn’t.
“Yeah…” said Leila, “Come in, sit down.”
Emily closed the door while Leila got up to clear off her bed. It had soccer gear and kit strewn across the messy duvet. She threw the stuff on the floor. Emily walked over to the bed and smoothed out the duvet before she sat down.
“So…” said Emily, “Nice room… You like Cara?”
Leila looked over at her poster.
“Yeah. Who doesn’t?”
Leila was patient. She stared at Emily, waiting. The longer it took for Emily to talk, the better she knew the story would be.
There was a longer silence than had ever before existed between two teenage girls. Emily looked out the window. She could see the gym from Leila’s window. The gym where Pierce had made her feel like a princess. The gym where Pierce led her to believe this was all going to end up differently.
“I need your help,” Emily said, hesitantly.
“And… are you going to tell me how I can help you… I mean, today?”
“I’m sorry, I don’t want to waste your time… this is so awkward and even though I’ve actually run through the words in my head loads of times, I… I’m really struggling to spit it out.”
Leila actually felt a bit of sympathy for Emily, sitting there, feeling uneasy. In some ways, Emily was just a stupid prep like the others, getting gaga about the older guys being one thing they all seemed to do, but on the other hand, she was a hard worker. Leila respected graft and she knew Emily would be working her socks off now on Conundrum, on top of the rest of the curriculum. She almost had a soft spot for her and Xander. In a weird way, they were like her babies.
“Listen Emily, not much shocks me these days. I’m sure it’s fine.”
“Yeah… ok, so, you know Pierce, right?”
Leila rolled her eyes. Everyone thought he was sweet but Leila always thought him to be a total prick. God, she hoped Emily wasn’t looking for boy advice from her.
“Course I do. Who doesn’t?”
“Well… he hid a nanny cam in my room.”
Leila was shocked and overwhelmed by an array of competing emotions. Surprise, pity and even a vengeful feeling came over her. She knew Pierce was a user. He started preying on younger girls in lower year. But this? A whole new level.
“Whoa. Didn’t expect that,” said Leila, “First of all, that’s fucked up. I mean, shit. Maybe I can still be shocked.”
Leila rubbed her temples and then ran her hands down onto either side of her face.
“So, how did you find out?”
“It’s a long-ish story but basically Xander uncovered the details. A trail of clues, you know. One stupid statement…”
“No, I don’t know… How would Xander even think to investigate something like this?”
“If I tell you, you have to keep everything to yourself. Well, apart from what we decide can leave the room. I mean, if anyone gets into trouble, I want it to be totally deliberate and I don’t want anyone who doesn’t deserve it, to be crushed by the details…”
Leila shook her head, and half smiled. She liked it when a girl stood up for herself and was direct. She let herself feel a tiny bit of respect for the prep. She wanted control. Leila could understand that.
“Yeah, you know I can keep a secret.”
“Well, ok… so you probably don’t know him but there’s this prep Randy, in Wainwright…”
“The autistic one…”
“Yeah… that’s him,” Emily said, feeling kind of badly for Randy and almost wanting to defend him but then realizing it was just the truth and that it was okay. Autism is ok.
“So anyway, he overheard Pierce and Grayson talking about something in the bathroom that led to Randy hacking into Pierce’s email and then basically finding footage from the cam.”
Leila loved it. Emily could see that. She didn’t even try to hide it.
“Wow. That is juicy as… so, let me get this straight… Randy hacked into Pierce’s PC?” asked Leila, impressed.
“His email actually.”
“That’s useful,” said Leila, running her hands through her short, bobbed hair.
“Yeah…” said Emily, knowing that Leila wished she had had access to a hacker while writing Conundrum.
Leaning back on two legs of her chair, Leila looked at the ceiling pensively. Emily sat quietly watching her wheels turning. She let her chair drop to the floor.
“So why are you coming to me? My guess is you are trying to figure out whether to put it in Conundrum… you don’t want precious Pierce to get kicked out, but want to run the story at the same time, right?”
Emily took a deep breath, she needed to get the facts out.
“There’s more, Leila. Unfortunately for me, it’s bad.”
“What, he got footage of you changing clothes…” Leila said, flippantly.
“No, we had sex… and he has footage of that,” said Emily, trying not to let herself sound ashamed.
Leila’s carefree demeanor faded.
“Shit. Whoa… just whoa. You need to back up,” said Leila, started to bubble with anger, “You’re telling me that somehow Pierce got a cam in your room and got footage of you guys doing it?”
Premeditated. This was all premeditated. That pig somehow knew he had a chance to score with this one. He wouldn’t have bothered putting up a cam just for a bit of boobies. He knew there was more to be had. Emily had been used. She’d been duped.
Leila hated it. She had seen it for four years in a row. These big-headed, older guys taking advantage of new girls.
“Was it consensual?” I need to know that first. Was it consensual because I’m not kidding. I am NOT messing around keeping this to myself if he took advantage of you.”
Emily stumbled over the words. She hadn’t really made sense of it all within herself yet.
“No, he didn’t… I mean, yeah, I think it was. It all happened so fast and I was worried that he wouldn’t like me so it’s not like I said yes or no but… he didn’t like, force himself on me… if that’s what you’re asking.”
Leila wondered why so many young girls were being let down. Who was telling them that they should give up their bodies in exchange for
a little reinforcement that they were pretty? Or cool? Or valuable in some way? Who told these girls that’s how it worked? That the minute they gave it up they would be worth something? It was a lie. A goddamn patriarchal lie.
“Well, you didn’t consent to the cam though?”
“No, of course not.”
“He broke the law,” said Leila, “Just so you know.”
Emily hadn’t gone so far as to thinking that Pierce could be in trouble with anybody other than the Dean of Students.
“I don’t want him arrested.”
“Well, what do you want, Emily,” said Leila, almost annoyed that Emily wouldn’t stand up for herself, stand up for women everywhere, “This guy pretended to like you so he could show his buddies, or maybe the whole goddamn world, your naked body with him doing as he pleased with it. What do you want? And why are you talking to me about it? If it were me I’d have the guy thrown in jail. Or at least out of the school.”
Emily found indignant courage out of nowhere and tried to keep her voice down.
“Would you? Seriously Leila if it were you, would you go to the authorities and the dean and tell them about how you snuck a boy into your room and then tell them that he’s the only one who should get in trouble?”
Leila considered.
“Touché,” she said. It was a sticky situation for Emily.
“So what do you want to do, Emily? And why are you talking to me?”
“I need you to tell Pierce that the story is running in Conundrum.”
Leila smiled, she could already see his face. It was the kind of revenge that she could back. Pierce’s final years at Harlow, finally being able to take advantage of his seniority and all the girls would know him as a peeping pig. It wasn’t juvi (which Leila thought he deserved and wouldn’t have felt the least bit of guilt about) but it was potentially more tortuous.
“Running the story in Conundrum… love it. But why do you need me to tell him?”
“Because if I do, he’ll know who writes Conundrum.”
Leila threw her head back. Obviously.
She got up and approached Emily. She sat down on the bed next to her and tussled her hair.
“You learn fast, prep,” she said.
The End Defines the Beginning : A Boarding School Coming of Age (Harlow Academy Series Book 1) Page 17
