Because He's Perfect

by Anna Edwards

  Jasmine and I trudged to the graveside. She’d insisted on a burial, even though I’d have preferred a cremation. What I wanted hadn’t even been discussed, and I didn’t have it in me to fight. A few spots of rain dotted the top of the coffin. I dragged my gaze away and shuddered. The idea of being buried. No thank you very much.

  Movement to my left caught my eye, and I swear my heart actually stopped. Wade. He had come. God, he’d aged well, the youthful features I’d been so familiar with maturing into searing good looks that sent my heart thumping against my ribcage. He was standing slightly behind the group of mourners as though he felt he didn’t belong. Clara wasn’t anywhere to be seen.

  He looked up, and his eyes collided with mine. My stomach did a double back flip, which for a mature woman with two divorces and several failed relationships behind her wasn’t an occurrence that happened every day. I locked my gaze on his, expecting a flicker of recognition, maybe even warmth. Instead, he bent his head and stared at the ground.

  His reaction stole my breath, sucking the air from my lungs. I’d built up this huge reunion in my mind, fantasizing that he’d tear across the damp grass filled with moss and take me in his arms. Confess he’d made a terrible mistake with Clara, that it was me he wanted, me he’d dreamed about waking beside each morning.

  Hot tears pricked behind my eyes. I told myself it was the wind making them water. I wasn’t a woman who cried. Stoic, I called it. Resilient, self-controlled. A cold fish was how Mark, my soon-to-be-ex-husband, had described me when he’d finally told me our marriage was over. After he’d fucked half the hospital, of course, and only once he’d lined up his next wife. Then it was bye-bye, Jess. The fact I didn’t shed one tear told its own story. The problem was, I’d already given my heart to someone else eighteen years ago.

  The second the service was over, I couldn’t wait to get away. One more obstacle—the reception—and then I could escape to my old bedroom to sleep in there for the last time.

  Tomorrow, me and my broken heart would be on our way back home to Chicago, never to return.

  Chapter Three

  Jess

  I had to hand it to Jasmine. She put on a hell of a show. The dining table groaned under the weight of food, and she’d placed family pictures around the living room. I helped myself to a small plate of food, to be sociable, rather than anything else, and lodged myself into a corner, hoping to avoid having to talk to anyone.

  “You made it, and without spilling any blood,” Margaret said, appearing beside me, her own plate piled high.

  “It was a close call,” I said, grinning.

  “You always were so different, even as kids.” Margaret leaned in conspiratorially. “Jasmine drove me nuts even then.”

  I threw back my head and laughed. Several people nearby glared at me, as if laughing at a funeral was a federal offense.

  “I bet you never told Mom that.”

  “Correct. I’m not that brave.”

  I chuckled again. It saddened me to think I’d probably never see Margaret again after today, but I had no ties pulling me back to this place. Not even Wade. Especially not Wade after his curt dismissal of me at the graveside. As my mind turned to him, I sought him out. He was standing alone by the fireplace nursing a glass of whiskey. There was a sadness about him, as though life had kicked him in the balls one too many times. I had to be reading that wrong, though, unless he was still mourning the loss of his father.

  “He was the one you should have picked,” Margaret said, calling my attention back to her.

  I sighed. No point lying to Margaret. “Except I chose my career, and he chose Clara.”

  Margaret snorted. “A lot of good that did him.”

  “Why do you say that?” I scanned around. “In fact, where is Clara?”

  “They split. Over a year ago now. Not long after his father died, as I recall.”

  I widened my eyes. Jasmine hadn’t shared that juicy piece of gossip. “Split? How come?”

  She hitched a shoulder. “There are rumors going around that he cheated on her, but I don’t believe it for a second. You know how folks around here like to gossip. Wade has never spoken of it, and Clara left town the day he kicked her out. Mark my words, there’s something more to their breakup than meets the eye.”

  Like Margaret, I found it very hard to believe Wade would have cheated. Then again, I didn’t know Wade anymore. People changed. Hell, I’d changed.

  Margaret nudged me. “Go talk to him. I’d guess he could use a friend.”

  I nibbled my lip. “You think? He snubbed me at the graveside.”

  “Yes, I do. He’s probably as nervous as you after all this time. Go on.” She followed up her encouragement with a further dig in my side.

  I set my uneaten plate of food on a nearby table and, with a final glance at Margaret, sidled through the throngs of people, heading in Wade’s direction. He spotted me before I reached him, and a glimmer of a smile touched those lips I’d spent years dreaming about kissing one more time.

  “Hi, Jess.”

  I swallowed nervously, then reminded myself I wasn’t a teenager any longer. I drew myself up to my full height of five feet nine inches and smiled brightly. “Wade, I thought that was you. How are things?”

  I internally winced at the shrill tone of my voice, but Wade didn’t seem to notice.

  “Not bad. You?”

  “Wonderful,” I gushed, then remembered I was at my mother’s funeral. I swiftly backpedaled in case he thought of me as a heartless bitch. “I mean, apart from today, obviously. But overall, yes, life is good.”

  That’s right, Jess. Lie through your goddamn teeth.

  He nodded, his eyes brimming with melancholy. “I’m glad. You deserve to be happy.”

  “I heard about Clara,” I said, reaching over for a comforting arm sweep. “I’m sorry.”

  Wade’s expression hardened into one I’d never seen on him, all bitter and twisted, and full of hate. He stepped out of my reach, causing my arm to fall to my side.

  “I’m not.”

  A shiver coursed through me. Something wasn’t right. My female intuition was throwing up all sorts of ‘oh shit’ readings. I ran my gaze over him, searching for a reason for his cold response to the breakup of his fourteen-year marriage.

  “Do you want to talk?”

  “No.” He slung back the remains of his whiskey and set the glass down with a thud. “Look, Jess, I’ve got to go. I’m sorry about your mom. It was real good to see you again.”

  He was halfway across the room before I jolted myself into action. I darted after him, bumping into several people in my haste. By the time I spilled onto the front porch, he was already at the bottom of the steps.

  “Wade. Wait.”

  He halted but didn’t turn around. “What do you want, Jess?” he asked wearily.

  “I’ve missed you,” I blurted with no idea of why I chose that particular moment to share my inner thoughts.

  He straightened his spine but remained with his back to me. “Go back to your perfect life, Jess. I’m not someone you want to be around.” He laughed bitterly, then glanced briefly over his shoulder. “Trust me on that.”

  He strode across the street, jumped into a dark-blue pickup truck, and pulled away, leaving me confused and alone.

  Chapter Four

  Wade

  Tires screeched as I hurtled my truck down the street, anxious to get as far away from Jess as I could. It had been stupid of me to go to her mom’s funeral when it was obvious she’d be there. I could lie to myself and say as the son of the former mayor it had been expected, but that was bullshit. My duty to my father had died along with him.

  I knew why I’d chosen to go. I wanted to torture myself. To set eyes on the one thing I desired more than anything in the world, knowing it was the very thing I couldn’t have. Not now. Especially not now.

  Jessica Embry… my first love. The girl who’d walked away from me eighteen years ago without a backward glance. I
’d always known Jess wouldn’t stick around here. She’d dreamed big, even then, and Bedrock Falls hadn’t offered nearly enough to contain her. Hadn’t been able to provide what she so desperately needed—excitement and the ability to stretch and grow. The draw of college in a big city had been too much for her to resist, and the love we shared hadn’t been enough to persuade her to stay.

  When I’d looked up and seen her staring at me at the graveside, I’d dug my fingernails into my palms until the pain had distracted me enough to stop me from striding through the crowd of mourners and pulling her into my arms, then telling her how much she meant to me. How I’d never stopped loving her, and my marriage to Clara had been stupid, a way for me to try to forget the only person who could have ever made me truly happy.

  Clara. God, every time I thought about her, anger rushed at me so fast, it scared the shit out of me. I’d always been a chilled, relaxed kind of guy. Popular at school, tons of friends, calm in the most heated of situations. Yet now, rage burned so fiercely within me, I feared I’d lose myself in the inferno.

  There was betrayal, and then there was a treachery so heinous, it was like a knife twisting in my gut every time my mind went there. I knew this town had placed me firmly in the ‘blame’ category for the breakdown of my marriage. If only they knew the truth.

  Except they’d never know. Not this. Some secrets weren’t meant to be shared.

  I pressed the key fob, and the gates to my house opened slowly inward. I drove through when there was barely an inch to spare on either side. As I made my way up the driveway, the gates closed behind me, their intention to keep people out—or rather, keep me in.

  A prison of my own making. Correction, of Clara’s making. I hoped that wherever she’d fled to, her crimes had followed her. I hoped that whenever she closed her eyes at night and thought about what she’d done, her nightmares forced her to wake screaming, drenched in sweat.

  Melodramatic maybe, but this was all so new, so incredibly painful. I was still living firmly in the anger stage of grief, although I occasionally dipped into depression, you know, just for fun.

  I parked the car down the side of the house and cut the engine. I sat there for a few minutes, not wanting to go inside the monolith of a house that was far from a home. I wasn’t sure it ever had been, and my original intention after Dad had passed was to sell it and move away. When he’d died, the tether to this place had been severed, leaving me free to go wherever I chose.

  My plans were blown apart, though, when three days after we’d buried him, Clara had dropped her bombshell. What followed was a week of fear, of waiting for the results, of hoping and praying, and arguing. So many vicious arguments where words had spilled from my lips, the kinds of which I never thought I’d say.

  And then the terrible, horrifying news had come. I’d reacted instantly, packing her a bag and throwing her out of the house. She’d begged and pleaded, and even had the audacity to suggest that this meant we should stay together. After all, who would want either of us now?

  She might have condemned me to a lifetime of loneliness, but I’d rather that than have to look at her face every day, knowing what she’d done.

  People had come by, friends of mine and of Dad’s, but I’d turned them all away. After a while they simply stopped trying, and I was left alone, rattling around this huge house with only my regrets of what might have been for company.

  I climbed out of the truck and entered the house through the rear door. It took me straight into the kitchen. An alarm sounded on my watch. With a heavy sigh, I opened my pill box and stared at the little round things, a reminder that I looked perfectly healthy on the outside but was rotten on the inside.

  I swallowed them down and slumped into a chair. I let my head fall into my hands and fisted my hair, tugging hard.

  Regrets were so pointless, and yet, I mourned for what should have been. The past had seen me choose my duty to my father over following Jess to Chicago.

  And that decision had ultimately cost me my future.

  Chapter Five

  Jess

  I slowly wandered back into the house. My chest ached, both for Wade and for me. His reaction had been so odd, so very unlike the Wade I’d once known. And what a strange thing to say; I wouldn’t want to be around him. Why wouldn’t I? Unless he’d turned into an ax murderer or something?

  Regardless of whether he’d cheated on his wife or not, one indiscretion didn’t make him a bad person. Besides, he’d paid the price by losing a woman he’d adored. Still, no one knew what went on behind closed doors. My father had been testament to that. He’d stuck around for Jasmine and me rather than Mom. My mother had been a very difficult person to be around, and no doubt a challenging life partner. In some ways, I wish Dad had left, pursued a life of his own with someone he truly loved. On the other hand, I admired his selflessness, and I loved him for it.

  The second Jasmine set her eyes on me, I was swept up in a whirlwind of hostess duties. I’d rather gnaw off my own arm than make small talk with a bunch of people I hadn’t seen in years, and would have preferred never to see again, but I swallowed my irritation and pasted on a fake smile when what I really wanted to do was jump in my car and chase after Wade.

  Hours later, Jasmine and I stood on the front porch, waving goodbye to the last of the lingerers. The second she closed the door, I sagged against the wall.

  “Thank fuck for that.”

  Jasmine gave me one of her best glares, her lips pulled tight in the disdainful way only Jasmine could. “You really are something else.”

  I suppressed a sarcastic response along the lines of, “Thanks,” and instead went with, “I just meant it’s been a long day, and I’m tired. I’m sure you are, too.”

  She huffed. “Only one of us has a right to be tired, Jessica.”

  I ignored the direct jibe. Sidling past her, I began cleaning up.

  “Leave it,” she snapped, snatching a plate from my grasp. “I’ll do it. I’ve done everything else.”

  I bit my tongue. It took considerable effort to refrain from really letting her have it, but arguing with Jasmine was an exercise in futility, and I didn’t need the stress. I went up to my room and rummaged through my suitcase, pulling out my jeans, a light sweater, and a pair of comfortable walking boots. After changing, I fetched my jacket, stuck a credit card and my phone in my pocket, and left Jasmine to her self-pity.

  I drove around aimlessly, not really knowing where I was going. Surprisingly, I found myself on the road that led up to Wade’s house. It had been in his family for years, and I doubted Wade had moved out after his father had passed away. I almost turned the car around. Instead, I carried on, parking outside the wrought-iron gates.

  I got out of the car. The gates were locked, but on a nearby wall was an intercom. I pressed it, then waited, the tips of my fingers tingling with nerves.

  “Yes.”

  I took a breath. He sounded less than welcoming. “Wade, it’s Jess. Please let me in.”

  A heavy sigh came over the intercom. “I told you to leave me alone.”

  “No you didn’t. You said you weren’t someone I wanted to be around. I disagree. Come on, let me in. I’m leaving tomorrow.” I touched a hand to my chest to ease the growing ache as I thought about never seeing him again. “I really want to catch up with you before I go.”

  The line went silent. I thought he’d cut me off, and then the gates creaked and opened inward. I jumped back into my car and drove up the winding driveway hedged on either side by large oak trees. The imposing house appeared in front of me, and my heart stuttered at the sight of Wade standing at the front door. He’d removed his formal coat and tie and unfastened the top button of his crisp white shirt, giving me a glimpse of smooth tanned skin.

  I’d experienced desire over the years, but never this fierce, all-consuming need that began in my toes, warming my entire body as it raced through my system. The first flush of love I had for this man had given way to something much more p
owerful, the years of absence only serving to heighten the intensity of my feelings. It was about time I faced facts. I’d been lucky enough to find the right guy when I’d still been a teenager, and then I’d elected to let him go. My marriages hadn’t stood a chance because neither of my husbands had been Wade. And now that his marriage was over, too, maybe this was my chance to reconnect with the only man who could ever make me truly happy.

  I cut the engine and climbed out, my booted feet crunching on the gravel, and made my way over to Wade. With each step, my heart-rate increased. If I had an ECG right about now, I’d probably be admitted to the hospital with a suspected heart attack.

  “You’re as tenacious as I remember, Jess,” Wade said with a hint of a smile playing around his lips, the same lips I’d spent a huge portion of my youth kissing.

  I wanted to taste them again, to see if maturity had brought about an improvement in technique. Not that Wade needed to improve much, as I recall. He’d been pretty damn perfect in the kissing department.

  “Yup,” I said, grinning.

  His smile grew, and crinkles appeared around his green eyes. I tried not to let out a sigh of appreciation as he stood back to let me in.

  I walked into the large hallway, and memories I’d long since buried flooded back. Wade and I giggling as he’d chased me through the house, my legs trembling beneath me as I’d pretended I’d wanted to escape from him. And then when he’d caught me…

  “Good times, huh?” Wade murmured.

  I glanced up at him. The light from the window illuminated one side of his face, the other side in shadow. Compelled to show him I still cared, I raised myself up onto tiptoes and kissed him. For the briefest of moments, Wade’s lips softened beneath my own, and his hands curved around my waist, pulling me closer. The next… I found myself cold and alone, Wade several feet away, his chest heaving, and an expression of horror etched into his face.