by Anna Edwards
“Wait until he’s a teenager and those hormones kick in,” she laughed.
That thought had crossed my mind many a time, along with his long-term future. It was unlikely Ollie would ever cope on his own and I was okay with that. I was also painfully aware that my son needed his own tribe, something Heather Grey could give him. He needed more than his old dad.
“One day at a time, Lewis.” Heather caught my line of sight and my line of thinking. Perceptive woman. “Want a lemonade?”
“Would love some.”
“Afraid I can’t spike it with anything stronger.”
I laughed, following her to the side of the gazebo. Drinking the cool lemonade, I snuck a look at Ollie who’d since finished lining up his pencils and was now happily scribbling away.
“Hi, Heather.”
Jack’s voice swaddled over my skin like a Sherpa fleece, the hairs on my arms standing on end as I swung around and came face to face with him. He was standing tall as if bracing himself, and I hated he felt the need to pull on some armour around me.
But what I disliked even more was the way the man next to him stood way too close for my liking. He must have seen something in my expression because he simply smirked at me.
“Lewis.”
I acknowledged Jack with an idiotic head nod. All I could see was those puffed up lips of his and I had a hard time focusing on anything else. I craved the taste of him on my mouth again.
“How you boys doing?” Heather handed over two more glasses of lemonade and we all stood around in an awkward silence glancing at one another.
“Could I have a word, Jack?” May as well jump in with both feet, I had nothing to lose here, really. The guy I couldn’t get a read on, clapped Jack on the back and subtly pushed him into my space. Not a lover then.
“Sure.” He shuffled out the side of the gazebo and after a quick check on Ollie, I followed like the lost little lamb I was feeling when it came to Jack.
Once outside in the afternoon sunshine, I let my mouth run away with me as I stood toe to toe with the man I knew without a shadow of a doubt I’d fall head over heels for, given half the chance.
Crazy, I know.
“I like you. I can’t explain why or how, especially since I don’t know you. Not at all. but I do, I like you, Jack.” I scrubbed my hand down my face and looked away. “When you kissed me, something caught me off guard, but I enjoyed it so damned much. I don’t want it to be the only time.”
Jack stared at me, his face giving nothing away, nothing to go on. I soldiered on, not caring I was most likely making a fool of myself. “Yes, my wife died. I loved her very much, I always will. But it doesn’t mean there’s no room in here,” I thumped my chest with my fist, “for anyone else.”
The kiss was abrupt, a swift smack against lips, but it was a kiss all the same. “I was an idiot,” he groaned, leaning back.
“Can we start over? Get to know each other because I’d really love to do that.”
Jack took a while to answer but when he eventually did, he did so with a smile. “Sounds like a great idea. Wait, can we still kiss?”
A piercing cry had me back inside the tent and the conversation with Jack forgotten. Ollie was in full on tantrum mode with Heather crouched down at his side and the little girl crying at the opposite end of the table. Ollie was banging his forehead onto the wood of the table over and over again, the contact so loud, along with his screeching, it had to hurt. This would be an epic battle of wills getting him calm enough to get back to the car.
Tears sprang to my eyes as I crouched at the other side of my son, with his defenders long thrown away, I continually repeated his name. The fete had been a gamble I was willing to take, Ollie being stressed and flying into meltdown a possibility, but I had to try. No matter how much people didn’t understand how he was, I refused to lock him away because others were uncomfortable.
Watching helplessly as my boy lost his shit over something I didn’t get, made me want to back pedal, scoop him up and run for the sanctuary of home. Lock the door and hide, just me and Ollie against the world. I was exhausted, my reality with Ollie a cruel bitch and starker than ever.
There was nothing else for it. I gathered up his pencils and shoved them into his case; he’d never forgive me if I left them behind. Grabbing his backpack, I stood and took a deep breath, ignoring the gathering crowd. Before I could bend down to pick up my son, he was already being swung into the arms of Jack, who held my boy to his chest like he was the most precious thing in the world to him.
Ollie made to fight Jack, who held him securely, before hitching his head toward the back of the gazebo. Heather stood, holding open the flap to what I figured was the sensory tent. It was worth a try.
On a shaky breath, I tugged at Jack’s arm as I followed him into the tent, not sure if I was pissed at him for taking over, or relieved.
Chapter Seven
I’d crossed the line. I knew it the minute I picked Ollie up. There was no apology because Lewis looked as if he was on his last frayed thread. And honestly, those watery eyes had almost brought me to my knees. He needed help; he needed a friend and I could be that for him.
As I deposited a still screaming Ollie on the huge pillow in the tent, I kept my hand against his back. I knew nothing about kids, never mind spectrum kids, which it was now clear Ollie was.
Lewis had yet to open his mouth. He sat next to Ollie, slumped with his head to his chest, his breaths harsh. He was on the verge of losing it. And I knew nothing about that either - ill equipped in both scenarios.
The sudden quiet made me look back at Ollie who had sat up and was gazing wide eyed around the ceiling of the blacked-out tent. The small twinkles set into the black of the material caught his attention; the little boy was utterly mesmerised. And silent.
While he stared around, his father watched me. I shuffled my body closer, placing a hand on his knee. “How often?”
He knew what I was asking. “Often.”
I heard loud and clear what he wasn’t saying. “It’s just you? You and Ollie?” Did he not have any support at all?
“Yes. Just us now.” I jumped when he reached out and ran his hand over Ollie’s head.
I may have been young, and a little closeted in life, but I could see when someone was walking a tightrope and Lewis was wobbling dangerously. The man was breaking apart, how had he navigated Ollie without his wife? Christ, my heart hurt for him.
Past the insane sexual attraction I had for Lewis, I could see a good man. I’d stewed on my impulsive action from the other day and had sought him out intending to ask what he did of me first. I was grateful to have another chance to make an impression. Whatever was going on between us - both relative strangers - felt like fate. Ridiculous maybe, possibly naivety on my part, yet I refused to believe it. I saw something I refused to ignore, and I thought maybe he saw it too.
Ollie climbed up into Lewis’s lap and hugged his dad. By the hitch of his breath, I imagined it wasn’t something Ollie did often with such ease.
“Da. Pretty.” The young boy pointed above his head, awestruck eyes flickering in the muted darkness.
“You like them?”
Ollie clapped his hands brightly and smiled the widest smile I’d ever seen. With both hands in the air, Ollie flipped back and fell onto my lap so he was laying between the two of us.
He laughed and laughed, his hands twisting up in the air. Lewis laughed too, and the sound caught in my chest as I looked up and caught the tears swimming in his eyes when he gazed back at me.
I wasn’t close enough to kiss him, so I rubbed my thumb across his bottom lip and cocked my head to the side regarding the striking man in front of me.
“Come home with us. For dinner?”
“Chicken nuggets?” I grinned.
“More refined, remember?” He rubbed at his eyes, those unshed tears a thing of the past and I was glad for it.
“If you’re offering food, I’m there.” I brushed a lock of Ollie’s
hair away from his forehead. The little man was almost asleep, the tantrum probably having tired him out.
“Thank you.”
“I need to let Mum know I’ve done my duty, and I’m taking off.”
“She’s here?”
“She helps organise these things. Fingers in every pie so to speak.”
Lewis chuckled. “I’d love to meet her, if that’s not too fast.”
“She’ll love you, and Ollie. Don’t let her harangue you though, she has no filter.”
“Her son takes after her?”
I blushed, he wasn’t wrong on that count. “Safe to move him now?”
“Yeah, I think so. He’s calmed down. I need to find his defenders, don’t want a repeat. He’s had enough for the day.”
“Sit tight, I’ll go find them.”
Jostling Ollie back into his dad’s lap, I crawled out of the tent, the bright light momentarily blinding me. When I stood to full height, it surprised me to find my mum standing to the side with Ollie’s red ear defenders in her hand.
“You need these?”
“Hey.” I hugged her like I always did, her arms a little tighter around me, even though I’d been with her most of the day.
She looked at me sternly as she drew away. “Lewis is a client.” I looked back at the tent. Shit, that would make him feel awkward. “Patient confidentiality,” she reminded. “He needs friends, Jack. Be that for the man if nothing else.”
I nodded sagely. I wanted so much more, but if it was all Lewis could offer, then I’d grab it with both hands, holding tight, and be exactly that - a friend. Something warm passed through me, there was hope for more.
Taking the defenders from her, I climbed back into the sensory tent, handing Lewis Ollie’s stuff. “You’ve already met my mum.” Lewis looked at me confused. “Dr Marshall?”
“Oh.” He ducked his head and concentrated on sitting Ollie up to put his gear on.
My fingers itched to touch, so I did, my hand resting on Lewis’s forearm. “It changes nothing.”
“Nothing?” he asked. “My head’s a mess, Jack.”
“You’re just finding your way, that’s all. Mum is the best, she’ll help, I promise.”
“And you?”
“If that’s what you want.”
“No.” He fussed over Ollie again. “I don’t want your help. Not trying to sound ungrateful, Jack. I’d like you around because you want to be, not out of some sense of wanting to fix me.”
Sighing heavily, I admitted. “I like what I see, what I feel around you. Maybe we could see where this goes.”
“I’m not on the floor, not yet anyway, but life is hard with Ollie. Throw in Steph’s disapproving parents and I’m one step from the loonie bin. I’m exhausted and I just want a little something for me so I can breathe, to remember my life isn’t all about Ollie.”
“Then let me be that something for you. Let me sweep you off your feet.”
“You want to?”
I was close enough to kiss him then; it was all I could do not to. Only a small kiss, PG was all I allowed with Ollie in the tent too. “Yes. I know this is fast, but I don’t care. Let me?” He seemed to consider too long. It petrified me he’d refuse to give me a chance to prove I could be something worthwhile in his life. “New start.”
“New start,” he echoed.
“Come on then. Take me back to your place and feed me. I’d really like to check out your skills.”
It was Lewis’s turn to flush pink; I had to admit to really adoring that look on him. Half an hour after climbing from the tent with a sedate child, I was sitting in Lewis’s kitchen drawing with Ollie while his dad cooked. The house was quiet except for the scribble of pencils and the occasional noise from pots being banged and food sizzling.
Lewis had explained Ollie was mostly non-verbal, I had to think that was incredibly tough on both. To not be able to converse with each other in such a simple way. Yeah, we took that shit for granted. Every day.
When Lewis made a noise about food being ready, I touched Ollie’s hand like I’d seen his father doing and smiled when Ollie picked up his pencils and paper and tidied them away before slipping a smock over his head.
Lewis didn’t serve up chicken nuggets, instead a pasta dish with meatballs which Ollie appeared excited over. Hell, my mouth was watering over it too. When I dug in, I moaned at how tasty it was while Ollie giggled as he stuffed pasta into his mouth.
“Good?”
“Oh yeah,” I grinned. “You can feed me anytime.”
The shyness that crept over his features surprised me. “I had to learn after Steph, you know.”
I peeked a look at Ollie, but he wasn’t paying any attention. “What was she like?” I wanted him to know that his wife was not a taboo conversation between us. I couldn’t be jealous, we’d get nowhere fast.
“Everything, Jack. She was everything.” This man deserved exactly that, and while I wouldn’t ever replace his wife, I hoped I could be something to Lewis. Something worthy.
We didn’t linger on Steph, and before I knew it, plates were empty, and time had slipped easily away. Conversation had been lighter, fun, and Ollie had watched us both intently once he’d polished off his ice cream, another of his favourite foods according to Lewis.
“Ollie.” Lewis patted his hand for attention. “Bath time, dude.” Without a word, the little boy gleefully scrambled from his chair and ran from the kitchen. He was so far from the boy who’d had a hissy fit not so many hours ago.
“I can call you a cab…” Lewis bit his lip and a spike of arousal jolted within. “Or you can stay. I don’t mind. I need to get Ollie into bed though, breaking his routine at night throws him off.”
I really wanted to stay, wasn’t ready for the day to be over. The decision, however, was not really mine to make. “What do you want, Lewis?”
His hand reached across the table, his fingers tapping on mine, like he was playing a melody. “I want you to stay but I understand…”
“Then I’ll stay. Do you need help with Ollie?”
Shaking his head, those soulful eyes bored into me with desirable intention. “He’s okay with bed time and sleeps fine once he’s had his melatonin.”
I knew what that medication was, and it didn’t surprise me that Ollie needed a little hand winding down so he could go to sleep. The boy was a whirlwind. “I’ll clean up in here, you go see to Ollie.”
“Thank you, Jack.” He looked far more relaxed than he had a minute ago.
Slipping from the chair, he came around to my side and bent down to slide his lips over mine, the tomato sauce of dinner tangy to the taste. Again, this kiss was different, hot and needy, a promise perched on the edge of soft flesh. My cock made itself aware. I wondered if Lewis was filling out his underwear the same way I was, if I ignited as much passion in him as he did me. Chancing a look, I smiled against his mouth and decided the decision to stay had been absolutely the right one.
Fuck worrying about going too fast if it felt this delightful.
While sex had been the furthest thing from my mind all day, now it roared front and centre and I was fixating on what Lewis would look like in all his glory. A gorgeous man had his tongue down my throat and a grip on my hair, being naked was all I could think about.
Chapter Eight
I took longer getting Ollie ready for bed than usual, the nervous flutter in my stomach making me err on the side of caution. By the time I’d tucked my tired boy into bed, I was wound up to the nineties with anticipation. And fuck if my erection wasn’t aching.
We were moving fast, yet I couldn’t bring myself to put the brakes on. I needed Jack. I’d never been with a man before but with him, there was nothing I wasn’t willing to try. Might just take a little time getting there, especially if Jack wanted inside me. I shivered with pleasure imagining the scenario.
If it got that far. I’d asked him to stay, didn’t mean he would stay long enough to climb into my bed with me and do filthy things to
gether. I was horny, as horny as I’d ever been in years, and I’d take whatever Jack wanted to give. I only hoped he’d indulge me with his nakedness.
Closing Ollie’s door over, I made my way downstairs, every step resounding through my over hyped body. Jack had had the foresight to put the lamps on in the lounge, the room warm and inviting, bringing down my apprehension a notch. He sat on the couch, flicking through channels on the television.
“Movie?” he asked without turning his head.
I drank him in, relaxed on my sofa, a movie the furthest thing from my mind. I wanted Jack naked and spread out underneath me. I’d taken too long to answer because when I met Jack’s eyes, he was standing in front of me, hooded lids and a flushed face peering back at me.
“No movie?”
“No movie,” I shook my head with purpose.
“What do you want, Lewis?”
“You. All of it,” I whispered as I took a bold step forward, my chest brushing against his. “Naked,” I braved.
His lips gave a little tug, a cheeky smirk pulling at his mouth. “Naked, huh?” Clenching my clammy fists together, I blew out a breathy ‘yeah’ in answer. “Here?”
“Is that good?”
“Perfect.”
He took a step back, and I watched with barely concealed eagerness as he unbuttoned his shirt. There was no tease, no hurry, but it turned me the hell on all the same. When he shrugged the shirt from his shoulders all I could do was stare. The man had been hiding. Jack may have been young but… Oh. My. God. He was all man under those clothes. A trickle of chest hair surrounded his peaked nipples, making my mouth water. Jack looked after his body, cared about his physique and it showed with the toned angles of his muscles.
“You work out?”
“Well, I needed something to make up for my lack of handsomeness,” he chuckled.
What? “What?”
My eyes snapped back to his face, and I caught the insecurity there. Unwarranted. Jack was bloody gorgeous, he rocked the hot, nerdy look so well. He had to know that, surely? “Jack. You’re beautiful, how do you not see that?”
