I squeezed her hand. “Of course, I’m going to help you Chloe. Just let me know what you need done.”
Her shoulders relaxed. “Oh, thank you so much. I was so nervous to ask.”
I hated that she felt that way. “I’m here for you. We’re a team and a family. I’ll do whatever I can to help.”
She threw her arms around me and squeezed me tight. “I knew I could count on you.”
We moved back to the group and someone actually turned off the TV for once.
“Hey, Letangs,” Coach announced. “We’re all going to give you guys some space and make sure that Olli really relaxes.”
I nodded and thanked each person as they left.
Madi and Erik hung back. “Is there anything that we can help you with?” Madi asked.
I shook my head and smiled. “No, I think we’re fine.”
“Thank you!” Olli called from the couch.
I laughed. “Thank you, guys.”
I shut the door after them. The quiet was nice but I already missed having people around, having a distraction. Jackson had been fed so I took him up to his room and changed him before putting him down for bed. I went downstairs when the realization hit me that Olli couldn’t get back upstairs to go to bed.
I dropped on the couch next to him. “What are the plans?”
He smiled and nodded his head in the direction of the guest bedroom. “Guess I’m going to be bunking down here for a while.”
I sighed. “That makes the most sense.”
“Do you want to sleep down here too?” His voice was hopeful.
I did. I really, really did. Being away from him sounded awful but that would mean Jackson would be upstairs alone. It would make it even harder in the middle of the night.
“No, there’s not enough room for his crib in the guest room and I should stay close to the baby.”
He frowned. “I want to be able to help you with the feedings though.”
I stood up and rubbed his shoulders. Was I comforting him or myself? “I’ll be okay.”
He stared up at me. “It could be a few weeks.”
I tried not to feel defensive. Of course, I could handle it. Any other mom could. Right, I wouldn’t feel incredibly overwhelmed right now. “We’ll be fine.”
Everyone had told me so. Somehow, we’d be okay.
I kissed Olli on the forehead and went to the guestroom to get his bed ready. Once everything was set, I walked out and helped him in. He crawled into bed with a sleepy smile. “I’m sorry this happened, Emma. This is the last thing I wanted.”
I kissed him and smiled. “I know this is a risk of the sport. I just wish it wasn’t such poor timing.”
I walked back upstairs. It wasn’t until I got in bed that the realization of the situation hit me. I was going be doing this alone. I couldn’t ask any of the girls to spend the night. That would be too much. I couldn’t ask for my mom to come as she had my sisters to take care of. I was going have to do this on my own somehow. I didn’t have any other choice but to figure it out.
8
Olli
It had been two weeks since my surgery. Five weeks since the accident. I thought I’d be further along. I needed to be. The team needed me. We’d lost five games so far with Jonson in the net. At this rate we could kiss our chances of the championship goodbye. Even though it wasn’t my fault I got taken down by an almost three-hundred-pound torpedo, the guilt was almost too much to bear each time a shot got in. A shot I would have blocked.
I shook my head and got onto the four-inch step again. Physical therapy wasn’t where I wanted to be, not when I should be out practicing with the team.
“Good job, Olli,” Madi said in an overly encouraging tone.
I wanted to roll my eyes, but I knew Erik wouldn’t refrain from roughing me up if I gave Madi attitude. Not that he was the perfect patient with her either.
“We’ve got to take it slow,” she said. “I know you’re frustrated.”
“Understatement,” I mumbled.
She circled me with her clipboard, making notes every so often. I wanted to rip it away from her and read what she was writing about me, but I refrained.
“You’ve got to be patient with yourself. You suffered a major injury and you’re not going to get any better without rest and small steps.”
I wanted to squat and jump to prove how wrong she was, but just the thought made my knee ache. I hated that she was right. It wasn’t her fault. I had to repeat it to myself a hundred time during each of our sessions, but I was frustrated.
My body was betraying me. I was stronger than this, wasn’t I. I’d made sure I was in peak condition. I ate clean and stayed away from alcohol. All that work and I was still being punished? It didn’t feel right.
“Remember how bad Erik was?” Madi asked.
I nodded. Watching him fall to the ice from the other side of rink during that game made me sick. There was nothing I could do to warn or help him. Time had slowed down as he fell and didn’t get up. Once he got to the hospital and we knew what had happened there was a sense of relief. He was out for a few weeks and recovered fully.
I needed surgery. This was different.
Neither Madi nor my doctors had told me how bad it was. I think Coach had something to do with it, but I had a feeling I wouldn’t be returning before Thanksgiving. I had to be fine by the time Christmas came though. I’d be back for the second half of the season. I had to.
“How’s Emma?” Madi asked and took another note. “I haven’t had a chance to come over for a while. I feel terrible.” She led me to the wall and gestured for me to sit. I got to the floor by half-falling and half-leaning against the wall.
“Don’t worry,” I said. “There’s always someone around.”
I situated myself and started with the heel slides she’d shown me last time. I’d been doing them at home since I wanted to improve my mobility faster than her slow and steady plan. “Her mom will be here soon too. Her little sister broke her leg, so she had to delay her trip but with all the help you guys have given, Emma’s survived.”
My answer seemed to satisfy Madi. “That’s good to hear. I’ll try to get over this weekend.”
I nodded and concentrated on not ripping off my knee brace and throwing it out of the room. It was better than the beast I’d had strapped to my legs after surgery, but it was still annoying. I was even down to one crutch which Madi said was a big accomplishment. The brace made it awkward and a little uncomfortable to do the exercises I needed to, but Madi swore it was necessary.
“Next time,” she said, “I’m going to start you on calf raises.”
I fake cheered and watched out the glass windows as the team walked past, headed to the ice for practice. My stomach clenched at the thought of another missed day.
A few of the guys waved as they passed and I nodded back, but I craved being out there with them.
“How much longer?” I asked.
“Fifteen minutes.”
I shook my head as I slid my heel back, bending my knee as far as I could take it. “No, How long before I can go back?”
Madi was suddenly enraptured by her clipboard.
“Madi, what is it?” I asked.
She finally met my eyes. “Olli…”
I didn’t like her tone, or the way her expression turned sympathetic. It was like she was trying to console a child who had just found out the zoo had closed early and there would be no lions today.
“What is it, Madi?” I repeated.
She brushed her hair behind her ear then sat on a bench across from me. “It’s not going to be anytime soon.”
“So like Christmas?”
She shook her head.
Dread seeped into my bones. “February?”
Her eyes dropped. “No, Olli.”
I closed my eyes, repressing the desire to grab the closest weight and throwing it through a wall. “March?”
She sighed.
“Please tell me it’s before Pla
yoffs.”
“Olli…”
“No.” I started to stand, using the wall as reinforcement. “No, Madi.” She stood and reached out for me, but I pulled away. “No.”
“Olli, I’m so sorry, but with the severity of your injury it’s going to take a while to build up your strength. We can’t risk you going back too soon and permanently damaging your knee. It would be career-ending.”
I fell back against the wall and gazed heavenward. This wasn’t happening. I couldn’t be out for the season. That was it right? “Am I coming back? Ever?”
She nodded fervently. “Yes. You’re going to play again but we can’t take any chances. An injury like this takes time. If we rush it, that may be it.”
I understood, but I didn't like it. “There’s nothing else we can do? More training or a different treatment?”
She shook her head. “You already had the surgery. Now it’s giving your body time to recover. We’ve got to build your muscles back up and make sure your knee is strong enough.”
I glanced down at my knee like it was a traitor. It had failed me.
“Why don’t you head home?” She said. “We can pick this back up tomorrow.”
I nodded and went to my bag, picking it up along with my crutch. “Thanks, Madi.” I sighed. “I’m sorry. I’ll try not to be such a jerk.”
She laughed. “If you think this is bad, you should have seen Erik. He was such a diva.”
“See ya.” I walked out to the elevator and headed to my car. As awful as this was, at least it was my left leg. I was able to drive myself as long as I stayed off my pain medication which was fine with me. I hated how they made me feel.
I picked up some burgers on the way home. It wasn’t much compared to everything Emma was handling, but I hoped it relieved some of her stress.
I told everyone she was doing okay, but I was worried. She seemed withdrawn. Her once bright, captivating personality had dulled since Jackson arrived. Probably because she was so tired. Exhausted from caring for a newborn. I wished I could do more to help, but mastering the stairs wasn’t something I’d accomplished yet. It was my number one goal, which is why I asked Madi to start me on the step as soon as I was able. Granted, the one I was using was half the height of a full step on the stairs, but it was still progress. I’d get there soon.
I needed to be patient. Madi said it. Emma said it. Everyone on the team had said it. Too bad I was terrible at waiting.
If I was the religious type, I’d have thought this was a lesson from above. Maybe I’d figure it out, but right now I was just frustrated.
I pulled into the garage and managed to get my crutch and bags of food balanced before heading inside. I heard voices in the kitchen and headed there.
Colby was leaning against the counter with Jackson in a football hold. I was pretty sure it was Brassard who’d figured out this was Jackson’s favorite and I would kiss him for it. Jackson had fussed less since that discovery, saving mine and Emma’s sanity.
“Hey guys.” I set the bags on the counter and ducked down to kiss the little guy.
“How’d it go?” Emma asked, looking like she’d spent the day hiking in the jungle rather than at home with a baby. Her hair was greasy like it had been in a bun a day or two before but now was a floppy mess on the side of her head. Her makeup-free face appeared drained, and judging by the purplish circles around her eyes, she was exhausted. I loved her more than ever in that moment.
“It was rough, but I’m making progress.”
I felt guilty complaining to her. She was at home taking care of another person. All I had to do was follow Madi’s directions for exercises. Sure, it sucked, and I’d rather be out on the ice, but it wasn’t much compared to what she was going through.
“That’s good.” She sounded tired.
“How was your day?”
She glanced at Colby then back at me and shrugged. “We survived.”
I’d heard that from her a hundred times over the past few weeks. I tried to be home with her as much as possible, but I still had sponsors and endorsement opportunities while I was injured. As long as my knee brace was out of sight, the companies didn’t care that I wasn’t currently playing. I was still a big name in the NHL which was good for me. My contract was still being paid out, but I wanted to take advantage of the offers for extra money. Some of the other guys on the team didn’t like endorsements, but I didn’t mind. Sure, some companies had weird restrictions and policies, but with a wife and baby at home there was little chance of me getting in trouble.
“That’s all anyone can ask from you” I said.
I slumped down and pulled a bag of food toward me. I focused on unwrapping my burger, so I didn’t have to see Emma’s reaction to the news Madi laid on me. “I asked Madi about when I’ll be returning.”
Colby turned toward me. “Really?”
I peered up at her and nodded. As a PR rep she was probably already coming up with ways to spin the news or release it with the biggest bang.
I glanced at Emma who was biting her lip. I narrowed my eyes. Did she already suspect the worst? Might as well tell them the truth. “I won’t be back this season.”
Colby’s jaw dropped. “No.”
My eyes darted from her to Emma who was staring at the floor. “I’m sorry, Olli.”
Why wasn’t she surprised? “Did Madi already tell you that?”
She swallowed and shook her head. “No, the doctor did.”
I set down my uneaten burger. “When?”
“The night of the accident. At the hospital.”
I stood up, too stunned to sit and take this information in. “You’ve known for weeks?”
She finally met my eyes and nodded once.
“Why didn’t you tell me?”
She sniffled. “Honestly, I thought the doctor told you that night.”
I blew out a breath. “But I’ve been talking about it for weeks. Wondering when I’d be able to go back.”
She shrugged sheepishly. “I didn’t know how to tell you.”
Anger boiled up from my stomach until it reach my mouth, begging to be released. “Emma. How could you not tell me? How could you let me go on thinking it would only be a few more weeks? That I’d be back by Christmas at the latest?”
She shrank back. “I’m sorry. I couldn’t be the one to disappoint you.”
I shook my head and turned to Colby who seemed just as shocked as I was. She blinked a few times before turning to Emma. “I wouldn’t know how to tell Noah that either.” Emma didn’t react so Colby turned back to me. “Maybe it’s best it came from your physical therapist and not your wife.”
I couldn’t believe she was taking Emma’s side. “Since when do we keep secrets from each other, Emma?” I took a step toward her and she flinched. I stopped and stared at her. Was she actually afraid of me? I shook my head and walked out of the kitchen. I needed to blow off steam, but I was limited by my stupid crutch and brace. It wasn’t like I could go running like I normally did when I was upset.
I went to the home gym and got on a bench with the intention of doing some bicep and shoulder workouts, but I just sat there.
Emma had changed. Ever since the baby, there’s something off about her. Now she was hiding things from me? If she could keep this to herself, what else? What else wasn’t she telling me?
It felt like a kick to my gut when she admitted she knew. I couldn't believe it.
The door to the hall swung open and Colby walked in, still carrying Jackson. “You want to hold your son?”
I closed my eyes as a new wave of guilt swept over me. I’d been so caught up in myself I’d completely neglected him. “Of course.”
She placed him in my arms then stepped back to lean against a leg press machine. “You know, you might want to take it easy on her.”
I stared down at my son’s perfect sleeping face and some of the anger dissipated.
“I know.”
“I don’t think you do, Olli.”
&n
bsp; I gazed up at her challenging expression. “What did you say?”
“You do realize that you’re both going through some major changes right now. It’s not just you that had a baby and got injured. It’s not just you having a hard time.”
Her words were truer than I wanted to accept. It was easy for me to slip into the victim mindset. The world was against me. Bad things were happening. I was tired. I was hurting. I needed space. I needed me-time.
When was the last time I’d thought about Emma’s needs? Not since the accident.
That realization felt like a burning shock to my heart. I’d completely neglected her. Brushed her off since she seemed to be holding it together. Sometimes it seemed like she was barely hanging on, but Emma was strong. There was nothing she couldn’t handle. I knew I didn't have to worry about her, so lately I hadn’t.
I sighed and let my shoulders sag. “You’re right.”
She nodded. “I know. I’m not trying to make you feel bad, but sometimes we all need a reminder that we’re not alone.”
“Thanks Colby.”
I kissed Jackson’s cheeks and he started fussing. Colby stepped forward with outstretched hands. “Looks like it’s dinner time. Let’s go find mommy.”
I watched them walk out before lifting the weights at my feet. I settled them on my knees and stared at myself in the mirror. I was disappointed in myself. Colby was right, I wasn’t alone. I had a son and wife to think about. No more sulking and focusing on my problems as if I was the only one in the world going through a hard time.
I blew out a breath and started with bicep curls. I’d do better from now on.
9
Emma
“Mom, I swear I’m fine,” I said into my cell phone. “You need to take care of Lizzy.”
I could practically see my mom sighing and rolling her eyes. “Your dad can take care of her. I’m dying to get to you.”
I peered down at Jackson, finally asleep in his crib. “I doubt it’s me your dying to see.”
She laughed. “Okay, I might want to see Olli too.”
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