Remembrance of the Past

by Lory Lilian

  They walked less than ten minutes before they reached a lake, quite large and seemingly deep as well. Miss Darcy took Elizabeth’s arm and directed her toward a footbridge.

  “We have to pass over here. My father ordered this bridge built a long time ago, and it is quite safe; if we make a detour around the lake, it would be at least an hour-long walk.”

  Elizabeth returned Georgiana’s smile as she following the young lady across the narrow bridge. “Well, if you say it is quite safe, how could I contradict you?”

  They reached the other side and waited for Mr. Darcy to join them. The footbridge seemed to be violently swaying under the gentleman’s weight, and Elizabeth frowned. Miss Darcy laughed while whispering to her, “Do not worry. Even if the bridge should break and William should fall in the water, nothing bad would happen; he is an excellent swimmer.”

  Elizabeth nodded in mortification as her thoughts suddenly formed an image of Mr. Darcy swimming in the lake. In order to hide her crimson cheeks, she averted her eyes from the gentleman and asked her friend how long it would be before they reached their destination?

  “Only ten more minutes. Are you tired?”

  “No, not at all—quite the contrary.”

  They walked at a slower pace through a small wood on a high hill; it was a pleasant day—not too warm as the sky was slightly clouded and a cool breeze was gently blowing. From time to time, Elizabeth stopped and turned to appreciate the view of Pemberley House before continuing to walk; then she would again turn to look at the valley and the beautiful home. Her companions only smiled at each other.

  Suddenly, Elizabeth froze. In the middle of the wood, some of the trees formed a perfect square the size of a spacious ballroom; their fronds and the grass were glowing, highlighted by the warm rays of sunshine. She gasped, breathless, and moved to the middle of the square, spinning around as if to catch every spot of light; finally, after some moments of silent bliss, she turned to her companions: “Sunny Grove.”

  “Yes, this is the place,” answered Miss Darcy, emotion hardly allowing her to speak.

  “Beautiful. Perfect,” whispered Elizabeth as she lifted her eyes to the sky. In that solitary place, the sun seemed determined to appear from behind the clouds and shine upon the grove.

  “I am pleased you enjoy the place, Miss Bennet,” said Mr. Darcy after he put the basket down and arranged the blanket. She turned to him and smiled with delight.

  “How could I not enjoy it, sir? Was there ever anyone who did not enjoy all this beauty?”

  He seemed suddenly uneasy, averted his eyes from her a moment, and then turned to her again. “I could not say. We do love this place very much, and so did my parents. As for others…We have never brought anyone here; it is a private place, meant for the family alone.”

  Elizabeth felt her strength leave her as her knees seemed unable to bear her weight. Was he upset that Georgiana had brought her here to invade the privacy of their special place? The siblings’ eyes were still fixed on each other, and she hoped she was correct in assuming he was not displeased. As if guessing her thoughts, he spoke again, his voice warm and gentle.

  “I am pleased that my sister decided to come here, and I hope you will have a wonderful time together. I am sorry I cannot remain in your company longer. However, I am sure we will have another opportunity quite soon.”

  Before Elizabeth could regain her composure, he took his leave; her eyes followed him until he disappeared from view. Her attention returned to the present when Miss Darcy’s voice invited her to sit and asked if she would like some refreshments.

  For a few minutes, they talked of their surroundings and the weather, trying tentatively to establish a subject of conversation agreeable to both.

  “Georgiana, thank you for your kindness and your trust in bringing me to this place that is so special to you.”

  “You are very welcome. I knew you would like it as much as we do.” She paused a moment, searching for words, obviously struggling to say something more. “But Elizabeth, I have to confess I have a selfish reason for bringing you here, too. I needed your strength and encouragement to supply my lack of courage, as I have not dared to come here alone.” She turned her head, but a moment was enough for Elizabeth to notice tears shining in her friend’s eyes.

  “Georgiana, what is the matter? Why are you upset?”

  “Oh, it is nothing…Please forgive me for disturbing you. I promised you a lovely day, and I intend to keep my promise.” She forced a smile, wiping her eyes with her hands. Elizabeth took her hand.

  “My dear, I cannot imagine a more pleasant manner in which to spend this day than to talk to you about anything you want.”

  “Thank you. You are the kindest person I have ever met.”

  “No, I am not,” laughed Elizabeth. “Quite the contrary. I am only fortunate to have gained your good opinion, so you are very partial to me.”

  Miss Darcy laughed, too, and then looked around them for a few moments in silent contemplation. “My brother tells me my parents used to take us here often. I cannot remember because I was only three when my mother passed away. When I was seven, William brought me here again, and I recognised this place as being very dear to me.”

  “How lovely!”

  “Yes…Since that day, we would come here at least once a week, no matter the season. This place is as sunny in winter, spring or autumn as in summer.”

  “I can imagine how wonderful it must be when it is snowing.”

  “Yes, it is wonderful.” The girl smiled with delight, but then she frowned again. “My father refused to join us…until the summer when he was very ill and demanded that William bring him here. The doctors decidedly opposed it, but my brother obeyed his request; my father refused to leave here for an entire day. He asked me to stay with him, and he spoke to me about my mother for hours.” She paused as the tears flowed over her cheeks, and Elizabeth wiped them gently away with her handkerchief. “A week later my father died…” She struggled against her emotions with no success. Elizabeth moved closer and embraced her, caressing her hair.

  “Please forgive me, Elizabeth,” whispered Georgiana when she finally stopped crying.

  “My dear, please do not apologise. There is nothing to forgive.”

  “Yes there is! There are many things for which I have to apologise. If you only knew how silly I acted and how badly I betrayed my brother’s confidence, you would not be so kind to me. It was my behaviour that forced William not to come to this place last year, and he likely would not come now if not for you.”

  Elizabeth blushed again while she tried to smile and caressed her friend’s hand. “Oh, I think you are too harsh on yourself and give me much more credit than I deserve.”

  “No, I am not. I know the truth of what I am saying. I almost ruined myself and my family name last year with my inconsiderate behaviour. I grieved and disappointed my brother. I do not deserve his forgiveness.” Elizabeth’s worry turned into distress as she could easily guess the reason for the girl’s disturbance and desperately wondered how to react. Should she confess that she knew about Ramsgate? Would that be a betrayal of Mr. Darcy’s confidence in her?

  “Georgiana, from what I have witnessed every time I was in your company, I am convinced beyond any doubt that your brother has nothing but the deepest affection and love for you.”

  “Yes, he is the kindest and best brother anyone could hope for, but if you had seen him last summer—his pain, his sadness. It breaks my heart when I remember. I have suffered so much more for him than for myself. Then we were separated for a few months, and he started writing to me several times a week as he did when I was at school. I was so happy! When we met again last December, I could easily see he was not yet well. He always looked preoccupied—distracted—but he seemed to enjoy my company. We used to talk and walk through the park; sometimes we would read together. I played the instrument for him every evening, but then…”

  Elizabeth struggled to find a way of stopping the
confession, as the grief obviously was too much for Georgiana to bear. However, before Elizabeth could say a word, the girl resumed her tale. “Then I remained alone to spend Easter with my relatives—the Fitzwilliams—and my brother left for Rosings as is his habit every year. When he returned…Oh, Elizabeth, if you had seen him then!” The tears that threatened were flowing freely down Georgiana’s face; Elizabeth’s eyes were filling, too, as she fought in vain to comfort her friend and hide her own torment.

  “For a whole week he barely spoke to anyone. I did not dare confront him, but I begged him a thousand times to tell me how I could help him. Of course, I could not possibly help him in any way as clearly his pain was caused by my behaviour.”

  “That cannot be, Georgiana! You said you were not even with Mr. Darcy during that time!”

  “Yes, but the consequences of my actions remained! I almost eloped with a man who cared nothing for me and wanted only to take advantage of my silliness—and of course my dowry—to take revenge on William. Something must have reminded him of it while he was in Kent, which brought him to that state. If you knew, Elizabeth…He barely left his room, and when he did, he secluded himself in the library; he never joined me for either breakfast or dinner. In fact, I think he barely ate anything; he only drank and demanded silence and solitude.”

  Elizabeth gasped and covered her mouth with her hand, and Georgiana, startled, then added in a great hurry, “Oh, please do not presume William became so drunken as to lose his mind. He is not that kind of man! But he was drinking excessively and rarely ate anything, and he hardly ever slept! I could hear him walking through the house in the middle of the night and could not bring myself to sleep either. I knew not what to do. I asked my cousin David’s help, but for some reason, William refused to talk to him either. So I wrote to Cassandra. She was my last hope.”

  Georgiana paused again and breathed deeply a few times without looking at Elizabeth. She kept her eyes fixed on a tree in front of them and continued her tale. “Cassandra was in Paris but returned immediately. She arrived in the middle of the night; we talked for more than an hour. I remember crying the whole time. Then she suddenly left me and dashed into William’s room. I followed her to his study but did not dare to go further. I could hear their voices. They talked calmly at first; then they fought. I could hear Cassandra yelling at him and then his angry voice. They argued for such a long time, and then everything was quiet, and I could barely hear them speaking. It was almost dawn when Cassandra came out, and she looked so distressed, so sad. She said I did the best thing in writing her. She was so kind, so loving to me. She remained with us that night and the following week. The next day, William slept until nearly dinnertime. Can you imagine? Cassandra sent a tray of food to his room, but he did not eat much. So she sent the tray back to him and threatened that she would have the servants tie him up, and she would force-feed him with her own hands.” Georgiana started to laugh—a nervous, liberating laugh—but Elizabeth had no strength to join in her amusement.

  “Can you imagine, Elizabeth? William tied up and Cassandra feeding him? The next day she demanded he join us for dinner or else she would move the dinner table into his room and we would all eat there with him—so he finally came down to join us.”

  She laughed again, this time turning her eyes to Elizabeth, and gasped at seeing her white face.

  “Oh, my dear Elizabeth, I am so sorry! Please forgive me! I have been so selfish to take advantage of your friendship and burden you so! I have certainly ruined your day completely.”

  Elizabeth could bear it no longer. “Georgiana, please stop and allow me to speak now. I am afraid you will not be so willing to call me your friend when I finish.”

  The young girl frowned, staring inquiringly and incredulously at her. “Georgiana, all this time you have tormented and blamed yourself for no reason. It was I who brought so much distress to Mr. Darcy, though I never could have imagined something would happen as you just described. I could not have imagined our dispute would affect him so much.”

  “You? I do not understand, Elizabeth. How can that be? My brother has spoken so highly of you since the beginning of your acquaintance. He never mentioned any disagreement between you.”

  “Oh, but there have been many disagreements between us. In fact, Mr. Darcy and I misunderstood each other completely for months. We came to realise that when we met again in Kent. Did your brother not mention to you that we met last April in Kent?”

  “Yes, he wrote me from Rosings and informed me you were visiting your cousin and his wife.”

  “So it was. Then one day Mr. Darcy and I had a grave quarrel, and though I remain convinced that my decision at the time was correct, I now deeply regret it, mostly because of my own faults and shortcomings. We both said things that never should have been said. Only the next day did I come to understand how wrong my opinion had been and how unfair I had been in my judgement. Even worse, I foolishly trusted another man’s lies about your brother, which I had angrily thrown in his face during our argument. What do you think of me now?”

  A lump in her throat made her voice tremble. She felt Georgiana gently squeezing her hands; only then did she notice that her hands were trembling, too. “Elizabeth, I cannot understand. You said you were correct in your decision. What decision? And how did you come to quarrel so violently with my brother? Were you alone?”

  “Georgiana, please do not be upset with me, but I cannot offer you more details, at least not at the moment.”

  “I see…” The girl’s tone was different and so was the glare she fixed upon Elizabeth. “But if your quarrel was the reason for my brother’s distress, how was it possible that he kept you in such high esteem? After he somehow regained his old spirit, he used to mention your name quite a lot, but he never spoke one unkind word about you. When we met that day in the park, I am certain he was pleased to see you. Even more so, he has encouraged me to become your friend. He certainly would not have done that if he did not think highly of you. How can that be?”

  “I really do not know, Georgiana. I confess I was certain that, were Mr. Darcy and I ever to meet again, he would avoid me as his worst enemy. I never dared to imagine he would be so kind and friendly toward me, especially after what transpired between us in Kent.”

  “I see…” Georgiana rose from the blanket and started to pace the grove. Elizabeth followed with her eyes, suddenly feeling cold; she shivered and wrapped her arms around herself.

  Finally, the girl returned to the blanket, sat down again, and then asked in a tone that demanded straight answers, “Elizabeth, can you at least tell me who the man was you trusted against my brother?”

  She hesitated only a moment. “Mr. Wickham.”

  Georgiana immediately turned pale but did not seem surprised. “I suspected as much. My brother told me he was in Hertfordshire, and I guessed it could not have been a coincidence. Maligning William’s name seems very much like Mr. Wickham. He is also the man I told you about, but I am certain you already knew that.”

  “I did. Mr. Darcy trusted me with this revelation when we were in Kent.”

  “Why did you not tell me? Why did you allow me to speak as if it were a secret just revealed?”

  “Because I felt you needed to free yourself of this burden. Then, during your confession, I could not find the proper moment or the proper way to tell you what I already knew.”

  “I see…” she repeated, a stern expression on her face. Miss Darcy seemed sadly to have aged several years in a few minutes. “Elizabeth, you said you cannot tell me much about your disagreement with my brother, but I confess that, after everything you told me, I have strong suspicions about the nature of your quarrel. May I ask you another question? I know it is highly improper, and you may feel free not to answer; I would not mind.”

  “Of course, please ask me. I would not mind either.”

  “What is your opinion of my brother now?”

  Elizabeth needed a few moments before she felt comfortable enough
to answer. “I think he is among the best men I have ever known.”

  Miss Darcy smiled meaningfully. “Well, that is what I would say about my brother. I was wondering if you could say something more.”

  A deafening thunderclap startled them and made them both scream. Only then did they notice the dark clouds that had covered the sky and the wind that started to blow furiously.

  Suddenly, a cold darkness and fierce rain fell all around them. Georgiana shouted something, but another clap of thunder muffled her voice. Instantly, Elizabeth grabbed the blanket and took Georgiana’s hand, forcing her to move under a bushy tree. Elizabeth pulled the girl close to her, trying to find a poor shelter under the soaked blanket, watching with horror as the rain violently turned to hail. The sky was streaked with flashes while the sound of hail and thunder made Georgiana tremble. “Elizabeth, what can we do?” she cried, her voice barely audible.

  Elizabeth knew not what to answer; the tree offered them some protection against the hail, but not for long. Branches began to fall, breaking around them, and Elizabeth lifted her eyes, desperately trying to see something—to discover a new place or a new shelter—with no success.

  She was certain her senses betrayed her a few moments later when the silhouettes of two horses moved through the curtain of rain and Mr. Darcy’s voice called to them.

  Less than a moment later, Mr. Darcy dismounted together with Lady Cassandra and moved toward them.

  “We must leave immediately,” cried Lady Cassandra.

  “We have to go on horseback around the lake,” added Mr. Darcy, and Elizabeth struggled to understand his meaning.

  With little patience, Lady Cassandra grabbed Georgiana’s hand. “Pull your dress up, and let us go, now!”

  Elizabeth watched as Georgiana lifted her dress and mounted straight, as a man, with Lady Cassandra behind her in the same manner. A moment later, their horse disappeared from sight, and Elizabeth turned her eyes, frightened and mortified, to the gentleman. Surely, he could not ask her to do the same. He suddenly unsaddled the horse, keeping only the bridle. Then he leaned toward Elizabeth and spoke in her ear so she could hear him.