Remembrance of the Past

by Lory Lilian

  “Lady Cassandra, do you think Miss Darcy would agree to see me for a few minutes?” asked Elizabeth as she regained some composure.

  “Yes, I believe she would. In fact, I would suggest we go and ask her directly. Miss Bennet, would you mind if we left you in the company of Mr. Bingley for a short while?”

  “Oh no, your ladyship. I know my sister has long wanted to see Miss Darcy. I would not mind at all.” Jane’s cheeks coloured at her obvious and improper enthusiasm. To remain alone with Mr. Bingley with no chaperone was unthinkable, yet it appeared the only possible alternative for the moment. She blushed and cast her eyes to the floor. Lady Cassandra smiled again.

  “Thank you, Miss Bennet. You are very kind. Mr. Bingley, I trust you will take excellent care of Miss Bennet while we are gone.”

  “Indeed, your ladyship, with pleasure.” Bingley hurried to assure her though no one in the room really doubted it. Jane’s face seemed on fire.

  ***

  “Miss Bennet, there is something we should talk about before visiting Georgiana,” said Lady Cassandra immediately after they exited the room.

  “Of course, your ladyship; is anything the matter?”

  “Well, not quite, but…Georgiana is upset with you and claims no desire to meet with you. In fact, she is also upset with Darcy and me as well, but I imagine that is little comfort to you.” She looked at Elizabeth for a sign of surprise, but none appeared.

  “Lady Cassandra, thank you for telling me. I feel deeply sorry for Georgiana’s distress. If she does not want to see me, I shall respect her decision; however, I would still like to talk with her this one time. Then I will not disturb her any further if that is her wish.”

  “I am glad to hear it; you are being a caring and devoted friend to Georgiana. But are you not curious to know why Georgiana is upset with us all?”

  Elizabeth glanced at her quickly and then averted her eyes, searching for the proper answer that would help her conceal the truth without lying.

  “Walking out of doors is not only healthy but also surprisingly enlightening at times,” continued Lady Cassandra.

  Elizabeth startled and then met her eyes. There was no need to deny the evidence—surely not with Lady Cassandra. “Your ladyship is correct again,” she admitted with a tentative smile.

  “Very well, Miss Bennet, I shall not insist on further details…for the moment. Here is Georgiana’s room; I shall leave you to talk privately.”

  “Thank you.” Before Lady Cassandra turned to leave, Elizabeth touched her arm gently. Lady Cassandra, surprised, stopped and waited.

  “Lady Cassandra, I thank you for everything you have done for me and my family.”

  “Oh, stop this nonsense. There is nothing for which you need thank me.”

  “Yes, there is. How can I express my gratitude for your incomparable generosity in visiting my aunt during the dreadful time of my sister’s elopement? As for myself, I—

  “Miss Bennet, this will be the last time we have this kind of conversation, so I will tell you as clearly as I can that there is indeed nothing for which to thank me.” She paused a moment, looking straight at Elizabeth. “I do like you, you know. I liked you the first moment I saw you on the stairs at the theatre without even knowing who you were.”

  “I will admit I am a little surprised to hear it; at the beginning of our acquaintance, I was not at all certain that your ladyship harboured any kind feelings toward me.”

  Lady Cassandra laughed. “It is refreshing that you are not in the slightest intimidated by my forward manners, Miss Bennet. Yes, you are correct; my behaviour toward you was not as proper or as kind as it should have been when I discovered your identity. I confess that, when Darcy told me of your previous dealings, I was equally intrigued and angry with you for your unfair treatment of him. The daughter of a country gentleman with four more sisters and a small dowry who could refuse Darcy—such behaviour is not often seen. And a woman who could misjudge Darcy so completely was a mere simpleton to me. So you can imagine how I felt when we were introduced to each other.”

  “Yes, I can imagine, and I remember your ladyship did not struggle much to conceal her opinions.”

  “No, I did not hide my feelings at all—quite the contrary; you are perfectly right, Miss Bennet. But in that we are alike, are we not? Neither of us made any effort to conceal our opinions.”

  “No, perhaps we did not,” answered Elizabeth, slightly blushing. “I, too, expressed my opinion with rude frankness on some occasions, and unfortunately, I soon discovered how wrong I was.”

  “I see—so you mean I was rude and wrong in what I said, as well.”

  “I spoke of myself,” replied Elizabeth, trying to hide a smile.

  “And well you should, because I was not wrong in the slightest, Miss Bennet! That evening at the theatre, it was not difficult for me to notice your opinion of Darcy had changed. I have also come to understand that you were jealous of me that night. Am I wrong?”

  The abruptness of this unacceptably rude question startled Elizabeth, and her first impulse was to answer accordingly; no one had the right to address her in such a manner. Yet, a moment later, she abandoned that thought; indeed, perhaps it was time for them to have an ultimate, clear understanding.

  “No, your ladyship is not wrong. You are correct in your understanding.”

  “Thank you for your honest reply; I will end my speech shortly. My last doubts vanished the day I found you and Georgiana playing at the pianoforte during your second meeting. I watched your face as you were talking to her. Many times in the past, I have seen other women insinuate themselves into Darcy’s life and use Georgiana’s acquaintance to do so. You looked nothing of the kind.”

  “Yet, that day when we left in your carriage, I was under the impression you rather disapproved of my newly formed friendship with Georgiana.”

  “I see you are still bothered by our conversation in the carriage that day.”

  “Not truly bothered, Lady Cassandra, rather—intrigued. I was not accustomed to being addressed so directly, and I did not expect your ladyship to do it, that is all.”

  “Yet, you did not object overmuch; in fact, you were kind enough to answer most of my questions.”

  “Yes, I did, because I felt your ladyship was mainly considering Georgiana’s well-being, which was more important than my hurt feelings, especially as I felt…guilty and responsible for the pain and suffering I had caused Georgiana.” The last words were spoken in a slightly trembling voice.

  “You are a remarkable young lady, Miss Bennet; I have known that for quite some time, and you continue to prove me right. My good opinion about you, begun in London, was further improved at Pemberley, and it was not long before I wished for an understanding between you and Darcy. I am certain your presence would be good for them both, as well as for Pemberley.”

  Elizabeth’s emotions left her little to say, so she silently waited for Lady Cassandra to continue.

  “And then, during those moments that followed the revelation of your sister’s elopement, I will not conceal that I was profoundly impressed with your character, Miss Bennet—and I am rarely impressed. I know you refused Darcy last spring, despite his situation in life, because his manners were disastrous and your feelings for him were not of a tender kind. But to leave, to run from him after you had actually seen Pemberley and all his properties, after you were certain of the nature of his feelings and yours, to throw away your greatest chance of happiness, the chance of making a love match with such a wealthy man—it was astonishing. And to know you had done so to protect Darcy and Georgiana, without considering your own well-being and interest was unfathomable. You have gained my deepest respect, Miss Bennet.”

  “Your ladyship is too kind; I do not deserve such praise.”

  “Of course you do, but let us not argue about which praises are more deserved, shall we?”

  Elizabeth laughed—more from uneasiness than amusement—and struggled to regain her spirit as she answ
ered teasingly, “You are correct again, your ladyship; there is no reason for us to argue at all. Let us just affirm that we are both worthy of praise, shall we?”

  Lady Cassandra burst out in peals of laughter and nodded. “As for the Gardiners, I was not being kind to them, Miss Bennet—quite the contrary; I sought out their company for selfish reasons. I am simply delighted to be around them, as I truly like them and have come to appreciate them more with each new encounter. There are few people whom I like as well as your uncle and aunt. And now you had better go and talk to Georgiana so you will be able to join us all downstairs.”

  “Thank you. I shall do so at once. Would you be so kind as to inform my sister I shall return shortly?”

  “Of course—when I return to the drawing room. However, it might take me quite a while as Netherfield is still new to me, and I could easily get lost. But I am sure Mr. Bingley will act as the most perfect host in the interim,” she said, a mischievous smile overspreading her lips.

  Elizabeth could not believe that her ladyship was devising a scheme worthy of Mrs. Bennet. Then she laughed. “A little delay could do no harm, Lady Cassandra. I shall see you later then.”

  “Oh, Miss Bennet…Should I say anything to Darcy in case I see him? Or would you rather tell him personally?”

  Elizabeth’s face coloured anew. She turned her head impetuously and daringly answered, looking straight at her companion: “There is no need to say anything to Mr. Darcy; I have already told him everything I wanted to. As for the rest, it can wait until we meet.”

  Lady Cassandra remained motionless in the middle of the room, staring at the closed door.

  ***

  Elizabeth knocked tentatively at the door; Georgiana’s soft voice invited her in. When she did so, the younger girl’s surprise could not be misinterpreted.

  Elizabeth advanced a step further, summoning a smile to dissipate the obvious tension in the room.

  “Georgiana, welcome to Hertfordshire! I am so happy to see you again. I have missed you.”

  “Miss Bennet…I am pleased to see you, too.” Her voice showed anything but genuine pleasure.

  “I hope you are well. Mr. Darcy and Lady Cassandra told me of your fatigue from the journey.”

  “I am quite well; thank you for your concern. You are well, too, I hope?”

  Elizabeth remained equally disconcerted and saddened by her cold attitude. She was pained by this unexpected rejection, especially as they were soon to be sisters.

  “Georgiana, I have missed you so,” Elizabeth repeated, her voice even more soft.

  “Miss Bennet, may I offer you some sweets or some tea? Or have they already been offered? Have you been at Netherfield long?” Her tone was proud and distant; Elizabeth had never seen her so before.

  “We just arrived a few minutes ago, and I have come to see you directly. But no, I do not need sweets or tea; I should like my friend Georgiana back, if possible.”

  The girl turned instantly, and their eyes met: dark eyes moist with warmth and hope, and blue ones casting cold barbs and displaying profound sorrow.

  “I am quite at a loss to understand your meaning, Miss Bennet; to which friend do you refer? The one who trusted you implicitly and confessed to you her darkest fears, opening her heart to you though she had barely known you a month? Or the one you purposely deceived when you left Pemberley, despite the fact she had begged you to tell her the truth?”

  The harshness of the girl’s words and her bitter tone made Elizabeth pale; she stared at her young friend, their eyes again in a painful, silent confrontation for several, unbearable moments.

  “You had better leave now, Miss Bennet; I am feeling unwell. Thank you for visiting me,” the girl said, struggling to defeat the tears that invaded her eyes and made her voice tremble.

  “I know you are upset, and I know I deserve your censure, but I have never deceived you, Georgiana. If I caused you pain when I left unexpectedly, I beg your forgiveness. But you must believe that everything I did was to protect you.” Her voice was overwhelmed by emotion, and Elizabeth did nothing to conceal it.

  “To protect me? How did you imagine you were protecting me, Elizabeth? Keeping me ignorant and hoping I never would discover the truth? Can you imagine my shock when I accidentally found out about your sister’s wedding in my uncle’s dining room, where apparently everybody else was aware of it? Can you imagine how I felt when I understood that this was the reason for your sudden departure and that you deceived me?”

  As her tone grew angrier and her face lost its colour, tears rolled down her cheeks. Elizabeth could not resist moving closer and taking her hand. Georgiana withdrew it furiously.

  “Georgiana, I cannot tell you how sorry I am. I never imagined you would discover the truth in such a manner. That day at Pemberley…I did not say anything precisely because I knew how insupportable the subject would be for you. I was ashamed, distressed and deeply worried for my family—and for you, as well. I was certain that leaving Pemberley as soon as possible was the best thing for me to do in order that you not be exposed to the situation. I would have done the same for my own sister. I care deeply for you, Georgiana.”

  “I know you care for me, Elizabeth; I never doubted that, but you never trusted me enough to tell me the truth and allow me to decide what was best for me to do. You said we were friends, but you did not consider me so. I know I am younger than you, but I had hoped we could trust each other.”

  “Your age has nothing to do with this situation—I would have done the same if you were ten years older than me. I do trust you and cherish our friendship. How can I convince you?”

  “You told Cassandra, though I believed you two were not on such friendly terms as we were. And she told William, but she kept me in the dark and concealed the truth from me even when we went to London. Did you ask Cassandra and my brother to keep the secret from me? Or did they simply treat me like a child, too, as always?”

  “I did ask—demanded—from Lady Cassandra that she keep the secret from you and from Wil—from Mr. Darcy, too. I would not have said a word to Lady Cassandra if she had not happened upon me when I read the letters that revealed the dreadful event.”

  “But my brother knew. I am sure of it!” she replied, looking doubtfully at Elizabeth. “He went to London the very next day, and I am certain he went in search of your sister.”

  Elizabeth’s cheeks coloured highly from mortification. She smiled bitterly to herself as she warmly squeezed Georgiana’s hand.

  “Georgiana, Mr. Darcy was not informed by my wish. In fact, I had tried diligently to keep this matter from him as well as from you. I had hoped to keep you both unaware of the scandal and disgrace in which my family was involved. But Mr. Darcy somehow figured everything out for himself…and perhaps he had also spoken to Lady Cassandra. I do not know all the facts myself! I did not know he was involved in the search for my sister, and the notion that he attended their wedding was astonishing to me—almost as astonishing as it was to see Mr. Darcy return to Hertfordshire!”

  “I do not understand! I thought you were the one who informed him! How could you have been astonished to see my brother again? I was certain you had an understanding.”

  Elizabeth turned pale and then crimson in the next instant. She looked at her companion for a moment before averting her eyes.

  “My dear friend, let us move to the sofa, and I will tell you everything—shall we?”

  ***

  Half an hour later when Mr. Darcy entered his sister’s room, his gaze instantly enveloped both ladies as he searched their expressions with alarm. The warm smile on Elizabeth’s face and Georgiana’s tearful eyes melted his heart and put aside any concern about a possible argument between them.

  “Miss Elizabeth, how delightful to see you again! Please forgive me for not being able to receive you properly when you arrived. I hope I did not interrupt your conversation—

  “No interruption at all, Brother. Elizabeth was kind enough to share the latest new
s with me.”

  “I am pleased to see you, too, sir,” whispered Elizabeth.

  “Are you well, I hope? And your family?”

  “Yes, I am very well, thank you.”

  “I am glad to hear it.”

  Their neutral dialogue would have been considered merely a proper and polite greeting if not for their intense glances at each other and Elizabeth’s constant blushing. Georgiana was slightly embarrassed as she felt like an ignored intruder in their intimacy; then she smiled, finally lighthearted for the first time in weeks.

  “Would you please excuse me for a moment? I would like to prepare myself and then will join you downstairs. I would like to greet Miss Bennet.”

  “Yes, by all means,” answered Darcy, only half hearing what she said. She seemed very well and reconciled with Elizabeth, and that was all that mattered to him.

  The moment Georgiana exited the door toward her dressing room, Darcy stepped closer to Elizabeth, his eyes never leaving hers. He did not touch her, nor attempt to take her hand; only his eyes captured hers. Her lips became drier as her hands ached from the longing of being held. Slowly, his gaze left hers and travelled along her face, toward her half open mouth then back to her cheeks and returned to meet her eyes again, so tenderly that his intense stare felt like a caress.

  “I presume you and Georgiana solved all the differences between you,” he said in a low voice.

  She swallowed hard and licked her lips so she could speak. “Yes, we did.”

  “I am happy to hear it, and I am happy to see you again, Elizabeth.”

  She had no time to tell him how happy she herself was as Miss Darcy returned to the room and froze in the doorway. She apologised and attempted to exit again, but Elizabeth regained her composure immediately.

  “Georgiana, do not leave please! This is your room, my dear, is it not?”

  “Yes it is, but…I thought you were talking, and I did not want to interrupt you.”