Remembrance of the Past

by Lory Lilian

  “Well, Darcy, Elizabeth and I were just saying that you absolutely must change the poor impression you made last year—so you will have to dance every set.”

  “Well, my dear friend, I am exceedingly pleased to see you take such a delight in laughing at me.”

  “Thank you, Darcy. You are such a sweet, kind boy—as Mrs. Reynolds would say!”

  Elizabeth burst out in peals of laughter and immediately covered her mouth with her gloved hand. Darcy’s amusement was openly displayed in an immense smile.

  “And,” Lady Cassandra continued, “did you notice your old friend Miss Cardington?”

  He cast a quick glance at Elizabeth, trying to find a proper explanation; he had no time to reply as Cassandra addressed Elizabeth.

  “Miss Cardington is one of Darcy’s greatest admirers—even more so than Miss Bingley. In fact, I can safely say that she and her mother have chased Darcy for almost five years now—

  “Cassandra, that is not a jesting matter. I have done nothing to encourage their behaviour; I have never called at the Cardingtons, and if I remember correctly, I danced with Miss Cardington on one occasion a few years ago at a ball in my aunt’s home, but I never spoke privately with her—not for one moment.”

  “Oh, come now, Darcy, it was only a joke! Elizabeth is not jealous that there were other young ladies competing for your attentions, I am sure of that!”

  “Oh, but I am jealous,” replied Elizabeth. “And I will surely not approve if you should dance more than one set with Miss Cardington this evening.”

  Cassandra laughed once more, and Darcy was certain she had winked at Elizabeth.

  “Are you both mocking me now, ladies? I certainly have not the slightest intention of dancing with Miss Cardington at all, not even half a set! In fact, I plan to dance with no one except Elizabeth.” He paused briefly and continued, “Oh well, maybe with you, too, Cassandra, and with Miss Jane…and…oh for heaven’s sake, how many sets are in a ball? And how many sets am I allowed to dance with you, Elizabeth?”

  This time both his companions laughed so openly—despite their efforts to keep their voices down—that Mrs. Gardiner and Georgiana turned to them and approached their little group. In a corner of the room, the colonel was talking to Mr. Gardiner and Mr. Bennet and cast brief, repeated glances in their direction.

  As the music began, Mr. Bingley took his place with his betrothed. It was universally acknowledged among the guests that Jane Bennet was extraordinarily beautiful. Never had Mrs. Bennet been so pleased in her life, and there was not a single person near her who did not hear of it.

  Elizabeth and Darcy talked very little during the first set. They spent the entire half an hour with eyes only for each other. Their hands touched and squeezed tenderly, and their fingers entwined briefly each time the steps brought them together. Darcy’s eyes left Elizabeth’s only to allow his adoring glance to travel along her face, to rest some long moments upon her crimson lips and then to move down to the creamy skin of her neck and return to meet her loving gaze. Shocked by his own thoughts in a room full of strange people, all he could think of was the taste of her soft lips and the sensation of her arms embracing him.

  Never had a set of two dances passed so quickly for Darcy, and never before had he regretted the end of a dance. He accompanied Elizabeth to her relatives while she congratulated him for his elegant dancing skills. She was teasing him, and he adored her.

  In the next set, Elizabeth stood up with Mr. Bingley and Darcy with Cassandra.

  For the third set, Elizabeth’s partner was the colonel, and during that half an hour, her feeling that something had occurred between the gentleman and Lady Cassandra became a certainty. It was not something the colonel said but more the lack of his usual liveliness and his reticence in mentioning her ladyship’s name.

  Cassandra exited the house as soon as she could. She needed fresh air; she felt she could no longer breathe properly. She departed quickly, hoping no one would see her as she could benefit from the solitude. She simply could not bear the noise, the crowd, the eyes staring at her, and the rumours. Moreover, she could not bear trying to keep her attention away from him.

  In truth, nobody followed her, and she sat on a stone bench for quite a while. She forcefully wiped away a tear from her eye, breathed deeply and walked back toward the ballroom. She hoped that she would be able to retire to her room shortly.

  The colonel’s sudden appearance startled her, and for some time, all she could do was stare at him. He bowed to her, while people around them cast quick glances at the strange pair frozen in the middle of the doorway.

  “Lady Cassandra…”

  “Colonel…”

  “Would you allow me to escort you inside?”

  “I…” He had already offered his arm, and the hall was crowded, so she could do little else than accept it. She took his arm tentatively.

  They walked toward the ballroom, but he quickly directed her down the left hall toward the library. She barely had time to react; when she did, her disapproval was obvious.

  “Colonel, what on earth are you doing? I have to go to the ballroom this instant.”

  “Please forgive me; I will only delay you for a moment. Cassandra, are you well?”

  “I am well enough, thank you for asking, sir. Let us return to the others.”

  “You are quite pale—

  “Colonel, please…” Her voice was severe and cold, and she pulled her hand from his arm. “As I already said, there is no need to worry about me. It is a ball, you know; you had better go and dance. I have noticed you barely danced at all, and I am sure there are many ladies who would enjoy your company.” She prepared to leave, turning her back to him, when he violently grabbed her hand and forced her to face him.

  “I beg your pardon? Did you just suggest that I go and dance?” Their eyes met in a furious challenge as he continued, struggling to keep his voice down.

  “So this is your opinion of me? I am a heartless cad who has put everything aside, and I am now ready to enjoy other women’s company. Did you take any pains to consider my situation in the slightest? Certainly not! Excuse me for detaining you so long, your ladyship. I shall leave you now.”

  “David, please…” She seemed not to breathe at all. Her voice was trembling, and this time she took hold of his arm.

  “Forgive me for offending you; it was not my intention. I just…I know I have been cruel to you. I do not know what has possessed me. I did consider your situation; believe me. That is why I do not know what to do; I do not know whether I should stay until the wedding or leave now. I cannot cope with this much longer.”

  She could not fight the tears that were now rolling over her cheeks. She covered her face with her gloved hands and turned to hide from his glare. Desperately, she ran from him and entered the first room she found—the library. In a moment, he was behind her, and though she fought to push him away, he embraced her tightly until she finally abandoned herself to his arms.

  “Cassandra, there is no need for you to leave. I shall leave tomorrow morning after the ball.” She tensed and lifted her eyes to him.

  “I still hope that someday you will change your mind and heart about me. I cannot give up this dream nor can I give up on you. No, do not say anything. I expect no answer for now. Let us return to the ballroom, shall we?”

  David took her arm and escorted her back into the ballroom. No one noticed their entrance; the general attention was turned toward the musicians, who started to play the first notes of the most infamous of dances.

  ***

  Elizabeth had spent many minutes searching the room for Lady Cassandra. She had walked around the room, greeting friends and old acquaintances and smiling politely to the new ones, but Cassandra was nowhere to be found. She intended to continue her search outside the ballroom when she heard Miss Bingley calling her name.

  “Eliza, how lovely of you to come to speak to us!”

  “Miss Bingley!”

  “Miss Carding
ton, allow me to introduce to you Miss Eliza Bennet, Jane’s sister. Eliza, this is my friend, Miss Cardington.”

  “One chaser—two chasers,” was Elizabeth’s first thought, and she barely suppressed a laugh.

  “Miss Eliza Bennet, I have heard so much about you!”

  “And I about you,” replied Elizabeth, instantly casting a quick, amused glance toward Darcy.

  “You must be very happy with your sister’s engagement, Miss Eliza,” said Miss Cardington.

  “I am indeed. Mr. Bingley is a most worthy gentleman, and their affection is mutual. She will be very happy and deserves to be so.”

  “Mr. Bingley is quite wealthy, too,” Miss Cardington added with a meaningful smile.

  “Yes, he is, and my sister’s good fortune is even greater. A worthy, wealthy gentleman—is that not what all of us are looking for?”

  Elizabeth was certain both Miss Cardington and Miss Bingley were disconcerted by her rather impertinent answer, but she continued to smile genuinely.

  “Are you looking for someone, Miss Eliza? You seem very preoccupied scrutinising the room,” said Miss Bingley.

  “Yes, in fact I was looking for Lady Cassandra. Have you seen her, by any chance?”

  “No indeed. However, I have to confess I did not look for her at all. But does Mr. Darcy not know about her? I am sure you could ask him, considering you danced the first set with him.”

  Miss Cardington’s insinuating voice, instead of disturbing Elizabeth, only amused her all the more. At that moment, she saw Lady Cassandra entering the room with the colonel, and she breathed in relief. She then turned her full attention to the two ladies in front of her.

  “I imagine you are a close acquaintance of both Mr. Darcy and Lady Cassandra since you know so much about them.”

  “I am, indeed. Mr. Darcy and I have been very close acquaintances.”

  “How fortunate,” was all Elizabeth could say.

  “Yes, quite. And because of our closeness, I have to say I was very surprised to see him dancing almost every set. I know he dislikes this kind of diversion.”

  “He is a wonderful dancer, though.” Elizabeth could not hide her smile as she replied.

  “Yes, he is. I have had the pleasure of dancing with him in the past. However, I am sure he only tries to be polite to his friend. Mr. Darcy cannot find any pleasure in dancing at a country ball.”

  “Indeed, Mr. Darcy is all politeness,” said Elizabeth. From the corner of her eye, she noticed Darcy walking toward them slowly. She returned her attention to her companions and could see the expression of utter shock and disgust on their faces a moment later when the music started, and the sound of a waltz invaded the room.

  “Waltz? That cannot be!” cried Miss Bingley, turning to her friend to gain her support. “Surely Charles has lost his mind completely to admit such an outrageous thing.”

  To complete the disaster, Charles Bingley seemed to have lost his mind, indeed, as he smiled in utter happiness as he took his betrothed’s hand, inviting her onto the floor. Raising both whispers of admiration and complete disapproval, they began to dance gracefully, and Mr. and Mrs. Gardiner joined them almost instantly. Then, shortly, Elizabeth could see the colonel leaning toward Cassandra and apparently whispering an invitation to her, as after a brief hesitation, she allowed him to escort her toward the other pairs.

  The expression of shock on Miss Bingley and Miss Cardington’s faces was something to remember.

  “I never would have imagined something like that, Caroline!” cried Miss Cardington. “If I knew, I must say I would not have accepted the invitation. I surely cannot be associated with such a scandalous event.”

  “Please believe me. I am as shocked as you are. This is the most—

  “Mr. Darcy, what think you of that?” asked Miss Cardington the very moment Darcy was close enough to them. She even moved closer to him and attempted to take his arm but he linked his hands behind his back, taking a step back to post a greater distance between them.

  “Think of what, Miss Cardington?” His eyes rested on Elizabeth, and they were met by hers. He could see how amused she was.

  “About that! About the waltz! How can you tolerate such a thing?”

  “Indeed Miss Cardington, this is Mr. Bingley’s house and his ball, and we are all his guests. It is not for me or anyone else to tolerate anything. We can only retreat to our rooms if we are displeased with the progress of the evening.”

  His voice was polite, even friendly, but decided. Miss Cardington’s mouth and eyes opened widely, and she stared at him, hoping she had not heard properly.

  “Mr. Darcy!” At Elizabeth’s voice, three pairs of eyes turned toward her, but she was only interested in his. “I certainly hope you do not intend to retire now, sir.”

  “Surely not, Miss Elizabeth,” he replied, moving toward her, completely ignoring the others.

  “I am glad to hear it! And…would you do me the great pleasure of dancing with me?”

  She could see that he was surprised and found great delight in his reaction. She had waited for this since the moment she had learned to waltz. She briefly wondered whether Miss Cardington and Miss Bingley were still about or had merely fainted—but only for a moment as she cared little about them.

  “Miss Elizabeth, I wish for nothing more at this time than to dance with you.” He offered her his arm, and a moment later they were tightly embraced in the flying rhythm of the waltz.

  Elizabeth moved awkwardly at first, her feet seemingly refusing to listen to her as they had during their rehearsals. Darcy whispered to her, his voice burning her skin from such a close embrace.

  “Allow me to direct you. There is no need to worry about the dance steps; the music will conduct you—and so will I.”

  She blushed violently and nodded in agreement. Her eyes were locked on his; one of his hands was holding hers and his other arm encircled her waist; her head was spinning with happiness, and gradually the sound of the music enveloped her as she forgot her anxiety about the order of the steps. As Darcy said, he was directing her.

  “This is the most extraordinary surprise,” he said when he saw her more relaxed.

  “It was all Cassandra’s idea, of course.”

  “Of course.” He laughed. “And Bingley and Miss Bennet approved of it?”

  “Without hesitation. I was surprised to see Jane so willing to shock the entire neighbourhood.” Her eyes sparkled with delight. “Cassandra was our teacher, and Georgiana played for us!”

  “I see…there was an entire conspiracy meant to surprise me.” He smiled. “I am very impressed, I must say.”

  “Unfortunately, I have not been a very apt pupil. My dancing skills are in great need of improvement. I am sorry I embarrassed you.” Her cheeks were crimson, and she was slightly uneasy.

  “Embarrassed me? My dearest, you could not be further from the truth. I would tell you what I truly feel this very moment, but I am afraid I would embarrass you with such declarations.”

  She blushed even more—her neck burning as much as her cheeks—and averted her eyes from him to cast a quick glance around the room.

  “Besides, you are a very good dancer; Sir William Lucas himself has declared it so, remember?” She nodded and smiled at the memory of that dance—that fight—when Sir William interrupted them to express his admiration and to congratulate them for their superior dancing.

  “However, it is true your steps are not perfect yet, but as my aunt said last spring, you will never waltz truly well if you do not practice more.” She laughed and closed her eyes a moment, allowing the music to spoil her.

  “On the other hand, you, sir, are truly proficient. Should I suppose you have practiced very diligently? And if so, may I wonder when and with whom?”

  Her eyebrow rose and her lips twisted in reproach. Yet, he could see she was truly curious.

  “You may ask, and I will answer you some day. However, we were talking about the improvement of your dancing skills. Would y
ou allow me to tell you what I have in mind?”

  “Please do, sir.” Elizabeth began to feel warmer—partially from the effort required of the dance but also from his closeness. The way he talked to her was more distracting than his hands embracing her.

  “I think what you need are some private lessons, and I am more than willing to be your teacher. We will be able to practice as much as you like once we are married. While in town these next days, I will take the opportunity to order a music box—a most special one—which will play the waltz for us so we can dance any time we wish.”

  She laughed with utter delight and did not dare allow her mind to imagine how their dance would be once they were married. She forced a light-hearted reply.

  “Oh, there is no need for a music box. Georgiana can play for us; she plays the waltz masterfully.”

  Darcy looked at her with such an intense gaze that she forgot to breathe.

  “Elizabeth, if you think a private lesson would include the presence of my sister, you do not know the meaning of the word privacy. However, I will be more than willing to teach you that as well.”

  Elizabeth had no reply, for she was preoccupied with the attempt to remain upright as her knees grew weak and she fought to hide a most pleasant embarrassment. She changed the topic suddenly.

  “When will you leave tomorrow?”

  “I plan to leave early in the morning, immediately after the ball. David will accompany me.” He seemed tense and averted his eyes from hers.

  “Will you not be too tired?”

  “No indeed. I will go on horseback as I want to arrive in London as soon as possible and return immediately after I conclude my business.”

  They were still waltzing, and the dance floor became more animated and crowded. Several other pairs joined the first couples, and the murmurs of disapproval diminished considerably.

  “I…Will you be leaving on the main path to London?”

  “Most likely, yes. Why do you ask?” He seemed truly puzzled.

  “I…I might take a walk in the morning and thought perhaps I would see you briefly before your departure.”

  “The ball will finish at dawn…You should be home and asleep. It is cold, and you will be tired.”