Remembrance of the Past

by Lory Lilian

  Elizabeth narrowed her eyes and bit her lower lip. His self-confidence and her weakness in the face of his mischievous little games deserved an immediate, proper response.

  She changed her gown for a new one and then covered herself with a robe as she rang for the maid. She brushed her hair and pulled it back tightly; a quick glance in the mirror showed that she looked proper enough.

  Breathing deeply and fighting the voice of reason that whispered to abandon her plan, Elizabeth stepped to her husband’s room. She knocked at the door and waited to be invited in. His servant was just shaving him, and Elizabeth remained disconcerted in front of them.

  “May I be of some assistance to you, Mrs. Darcy?” asked the servant with perfect politeness.

  “No…no, thank you,” she replied tentatively.

  “May I be of some assistance, Mrs. Darcy?” inquired Darcy with a mischievous voice and a meaningful glance. That was enough to raise her courage to follow through on her little revenge. “In fact, yes, you may, sir. I would like a word with you, only for a moment. There is a matter of some urgency I would like to discuss with you.”

  “Now?” he asked, puzzled; then, with a gesture, he dismissed the servant.

  “Elizabeth, what has happened?” He sounded worried and she felt even more pleased with herself.

  “Nothing really.” She smiled and leaned her head near his, as he remained in the chair. She put one hand on his shoulder and the other, daringly, rested on his thigh. Her lips were almost touching his ear as she whispered, “I just wanted to say that you were right about what happened earlier; I did enjoy myself…very much…in a different way than before.”

  She looked at his image in the mirror and watched his expression change; she smiled and briefly brushed her lips over his cheek. He turned his head toward her, but she withdrew before his mouth could capture hers. Only her fingers touched his lips for a moment, and then she left. Just before she closed the door behind her, she cast a last, quick glance in the mirror, only to see an astonished Darcy staring incredulously at her reflection.

  She knew she should feel ashamed for her wanton flirtation, but she felt quite pleased: whatever power her husband might have over her, her own power was no less. She entered her room laughing, wondering how it was possible that she, Elizabeth Bennet, once a country girl not pretty enough to tempt Mr. Darcy to dance with her, made him tremble only by whispering a few words and kissing his cheek.

  That was indeed extraordinary, and she enjoyed every minute of it!

  ***

  Caroline Bingley was gone for only five days, and she was happier than ever before. Her tour with Lady Sophia was the most enjoyable time she had had in years, and there were many long weeks ahead to anticipate.

  Of course, Lady Sophia had not been entirely honest with her, but Caroline forgave her after her ladyship explained to her the reason for secrecy. After all, she was correct: Charles never would have allowed her to leave if he had known that Viscount Markham would be in Lady Sophia’s group!

  Caroline was shocked to see Markham on the second day of their trip, and for some time she was not inclined to talk to him. She felt betrayed and hurt by his abominable behaviour two months earlier.

  However, Lord Markham proved to Caroline that his interest in her was still alive. He patiently allowed her time to recover from her anger; he continued to be polite with her without being too insistent, and she could not ignore his charming manners for long. Just the evening before, she allowed him the opportunity to explain what happened during that horrible night at Netherfield.

  He admitted that he had imbibed an excess of brandy and did not remember exactly what occurred.

  He did recollect that he went into the yard to take some fresh air and that Miss Bennet was there—but he was at a loss as to what happened next. He had some memory of somehow falling over a woman, and he suspected it was Miss Bennet, but the others pretended it was Lady Cassandra—so that was the best proof that, whatever he might have done that night, it was only the result of his state of confusion. As he was an honourable man, he had even offered to marry Miss Bennet in order to satisfy his duty, but Mr. Bennet refused his offer. So, the next morning when he awoke and learned about the incident, he felt so ashamed that he preferred to leave the house immediately without daring to see Caroline and beg her forgiveness. Even more, Lord Markham confessed that he had insisted Lady Sophia allow him to join their group, precisely because he wanted to meet Caroline once more and win back her friendship.

  At such an open declaration, Caroline surrendered completely. Her forgiveness was granted instantly, and all her hopes for an advantageous marriage to a handsome future earl were renewed. And this time she had no doubts she was correct in her judgement as that very morning the viscount sent her flowers—a most personal gesture—which clearly proved his intentions.

  However, she would not repeat the same errors; she would not acknowledge to anyone these unexpected developments until she had received a clear offer of marriage. Only after she accepted the offer would she notify her family. That way neither Charles nor his friends would be able to interfere and ruin her future again!

  ***

  Elizabeth and Darcy were in the carriage, face-to-face, silently staring at each other. They had barely spoken three words since they left the house, and each was waiting for the other to take the first step. Both had hidden smiles in their eyes, and each tried to conceal it. Biting her lips in an attempt to control her mirth, Elizabeth turned her eyes to the carriage window and watched the snow.

  “It is lovely weather,” she said.

  “Lovely indeed—though quite cold,” he admitted with perfect composure.

  “I cannot wait to see Georgiana and Cassandra; I have missed them so much. I even missed the colonel. Did you not miss them, sir?”

  “In truth, I just separated from them five days ago, and I have not had much time to think of them lately. But I will be pleased to see my sister and my friends again.”

  “Are you upset, sir? You do not seem inclined to talk to me,” she said, sweetly.

  “I am not upset; I am only astonished to see how much you have changed so soon after our wedding, Mrs. Darcy. You were such a sweet young lady before, and now you are quite evil. It seems you find great pleasure in tormenting your husband—among other things.”

  Elizabeth burst out in laughter just as the carriage stopped in front of Cassandra’s house. Darcy helped her out and directed her toward the main entrance, but she delayed him a moment.

  “I do not deserve such censure, sir. I have never been a ‘sweet lady,’ nor am I evil now. I may be called, perhaps, ‘impertinent’ as I always have been, but I hoped you would be accustomed to it by now. As for tormenting my husband, I confess I enjoy doing it as much as he enjoys tormenting me. In this we are evenly matched.”

  Her eyebrow arched in challenge, and there was such a mixture of sharpness and joy in her voice that he could not restrain his laughter. Without considering the impropriety of his gesture, he pulled her to him and kissed her lips passionately. Fortunately for their reputations, it was snowing, and there were few people on the street.

  Cassandra’s butler opened the door and started coughing meaningfully until the couple finally noticed him.

  “Good day, Simons, how are you?”

  “Good day, Mr. Darcy, and welcome. I am very well indeed, thank you, sir.”

  “Have you met Mrs. Darcy before?”

  Elizabeth smiled and the servant bowed to her. “I met the former Miss Bennet a few months ago. I am happy to meet you again, Mrs. Darcy. May I congratulate you on your marriage?”

  “Thank you,” she replied kindly and finally entered followed by her husband.

  Simons was just taking their coats when Georgiana hurried to her and threw herself into Elizabeth’s arms. Her new sister embraced her tightly, almost tearful at such an open display of affection.

  “Elizabeth, I missed you so much! Let me look at you—you are so beautiful
! You seem changed since we last met though it was only a week ago!”

  “Dearest, I agree Elizabeth looks beautiful, but I doubt she has changed in a week,” replied Darcy.

  Georgiana turned to greet her brother, and he kissed her forehead tenderly.

  “I have to say that I agree with Georgiana,” the colonel intervened, approaching them and bowing to Elizabeth. “You look more beautiful than ever, Mrs. Darcy. And you, Cousin, are changed, too.”

  “Really?” Darcy replied while shaking his hand. “Do I also look ‘more beautiful than ever’?”

  “Heaven forbid, Darcy. I have never considered a man to be beautiful; that is a word I use only for ladies.”

  “You look different, Brother,” Georgiana said. “You look more. . . I cannot find the proper word.”

  “Perhaps more ‘married’ would be the word?” Darcy replied, and all started to laugh.

  “Or perhaps ‘happy’ would be the proper word,” Darcy whispered to Elizabeth, and she squeezed his arm, smiling lovingly.

  “Oh, look who is finally here!” Cassandra exclaimed from the settee.

  Elizabeth embraced her. “You look very well, indeed, Cassandra! I am so happy to see you!”

  “And you look beautiful, my dear. I dare say that marriage suits you very well—better than any other young woman I have seen in a long time,” Cassandra said with affection.

  “That is because she wisely chose the proper husband,” Darcy intervened, approaching his friend and kissing her hand. “You do look well, Cassandra; that is true.”

  “Thank you, ‘Elizabeth’s proper husband’!” laughed Cassandra.

  Their little chat continued until dinner was ready. A small table was arranged so that Cassandra could reach her plate. Elizabeth and Georgiana were seated on either side of Cassandra, and the two gentlemen were opposite them. Their small gathering was warm and friendly; they chatted, teased each other, and made plans—as much as it was possible. The dinner was a bittersweet affair.

  The subject of the colonel’s departure was discussed for some time, mostly among Darcy, Georgiana and the colonel himself. Though preoccupied with meeting her husband’s glances as frequently as possible, Elizabeth did not fail to notice the behaviour of Cassandra and the colonel, nor their distress and their unsuccessful attempts to appear easy and joyful. They seemed to avoid facing each other, yet they forced their smiles all the time.

  “When will you leave for Pemberley?” the colonel asked Darcy.

  “The day after tomorrow.”

  “Will you take Georgiana with you?” the colonel continued, and all eyes were turned to Darcy, waiting for his answer. Elizabeth blushed, Cassandra smiled and Georgiana seemed worried.

  “Oh, Brother, please allow me to stay with Cassandra until Christmas,” the young girl pleaded to Darcy’s utter relief. “We will come to Pemberley together in less than six weeks.”

  “Of course, I will allow you, dearest. I mean, if that is acceptable to Cassandra.”

  “Cassandra wants me to stay, do you not, Cassandra?”

  “I certainly want you here, sweetie. It is settled, then; see, Georgie, I told you Darcy would not object to your staying in Town as you feared.” Her mischievous smile made Darcy gulp some wine and Elizabeth stare at her plate.

  “That sounds like a good arrangement,” the colonel said gravely. “I think Georgiana’s presence will be good for Cassandra, considering she is not yet fully recovered.”

  “I will take care of her, do not worry,” Georgiana assured him.

  The colonel smiled at her as he cast a quick glance toward Cassandra. “I do not worry, dearest. You are a very trustworthy young lady, Georgiana.”

  “I hope you will join us at Pemberley for Christmas, too, Colonel,” said Elizabeth. “We do count on your presence, you know.”

  “You are very kind, Mrs. Darcy. I will try to be there; however, I cannot make a promise that I am not certain I will be able to keep. The army is not a place for making long term plans, you know.”

  “I know, sir; however, we will hope and pray to see you there.”

  “The entire Bennet family will be there.” Darcy addressed his cousin. “And the Bingleys, the Hursts and maybe Caroline Bingley, too. I do count on your presence, you see,” he added meaningfully, and Elizabeth looked at him with mocking reproach, while the others started to laugh.

  Cassandra’s face was pale, despite the smile on her lips, and she barely spoke at all for the rest of the evening. When Georgiana inquired about her lack of humour, she blamed her fatigue, and that was a sign for Darcy to announce their departure. Cassandra thanked them for their presence without attempting to delay them. Hesitantly, the colonel offered to remain a little longer in case his help was needed to take Cassandra to her room. She agreed and expressed her gratitude with distant politeness.

  Darcy and Elizabeth said their goodbyes, and the colonel accompanied them outside. The snow continued to fall, steadily. All was whiteness and silence.

  The carriage moved slowly. Darcy put his arm around Elizabeth’s shoulders and tenderly caressed her face. “You spent quite some time watching the snow.”

  “I love when it snows.” She leaned her head against him.

  “Then you will love Pemberley in winter.”

  “I will love Pemberley anytime.”

  He took her hand and then suddenly chuckled. “I was at a loss for words when David asked me if we would be bringing Georgiana with us!”

  “I felt very embarrassed, too; we did not even talk about her! I hope she did not feel neglected.”

  “She would have felt more neglected if she had joined us as I plan to selfishly engage all your time, Elizabeth. I am not quite ready to share you with anyone.”

  She only smiled; he had expected more of a reaction.

  “What is the matter, my dear? Your thoughts seem to be elsewhere. Or perhaps you are displeased with the prospect of being alone with me for more than a month?”

  “Oh, that remark does not even deserve an answer,” she replied with mocking severity. “It is about Cassandra.”

  “Cassandra? But she looked very well indeed. She has improved greatly in the last week.”

  “She did look well, but she is so sad, and so is the colonel. I cannot stand to see them like that.”

  “Oh, I understand. But Elizabeth, there is little we can do in this matter.”

  “I know, but I cannot help thinking of us—of our situation a few months ago.”

  “My dearest, things are completely different with them. There are no misunderstandings between them! The colonel declared his affection and his intention toward Cassandra openly and honestly. She is well aware of his feelings, and all she has to do is recognise her own wishes. David was a perfect gentleman when he decided to wait patiently for her decision. You know I am fond of Cassandra, but I cannot see any fault in David’s behaviour toward her, and I do not believe she is in any danger from him. Would you not agree?”

  “I do agree. Though I was quite upset with the colonel at times, I must admit that his devotion and care for Cassandra has been beyond reproach. It is just that they seem unable to speak to each other—to confess what they want. No, not both of them—only Cassandra.”

  “Cassandra is a courageous woman. Things will settle between them eventually. I am very confident.”

  Though her heart was still heavy with worry, Elizabeth accepted her husband’s conclusions for the moment as they had just arrived home.

  ***

  David placed Cassandra on her bed and sat near her. As he had carried her from the dining room, her arms still encircled his neck, and he gently pulled his arm from behind her knees.

  For a moment they remained still, their bodies touching with every breath, their eyes locked.

  “I should leave,” he said, but he did not move. “I am glad to know Georgiana will stay with you. You need someone to care for you.” Cassandra smiled.

  “There is no need to worry for my health; I
have thirty servants to take care of me.”

  “You need someone to care for you,” he repeated soundly.

  “David, please be—be careful. I want nothing more than for you to return safely.”

  “Cassandra, I must be sincere with you. My hope is that you will want much more from me than to return safely. In the meantime, I give you my word that I will be cautious. I have no intention of letting myself be killed.” He smiled, but her face darkened.

  “David, please do not speak in jest about being killed. You promised you would allow me time to decide, and you kept your promise. And I will keep mine; when we next meet, I shall give you my final answer—if you are still interested in hearing it.”

  “Do you doubt that, Cassandra? Do you doubt the depth of my feelings?!”

  “I do not doubt you, but I know the paths of the heart can take unexpected turns.”

  “My heart is not as unsteady as you think.” He paused and looked at her intently. “Cassandra, I will confess something to you, but you must promise you will take it more like a jest. I would not want you to be upset with me, though I know my confession may sound highly improper.”

  “David, what are you trying to tell me?”

  “I am trying to tell you about the first time I fell in love with you. I never told anyone, because I was deeply ashamed of my feelings, considering that I watched you growing up, almost like my sister; and even more, for a long time I was certain you would end up marrying Darcy.”

  “Oh come now,” she laughed nervously. “Do not tell me you have loved me since I was ten.”

  “No, thank God—not since you were ten, but close,” he replied as nervous as she was. “I first saw you not as my friend but as the most beautiful woman at your ball—when you were seventeen. I had not seen you in years, so when you appeared before me, I could not believe it was you—I simply could not take my eyes off you. I could not stand being apart from you, not even for a moment. It was the first time in my life that I felt my heart aching with desire to be close to a woman—to you. Please do not misunderstand me. Not for a second did I think of anything improper, but—I know it might sound ridiculous—I truly, deeply fell in love with you back then though you were almost still a child. I do not think you remember much of that ball, but for me it was a night of torture and delight. Do you remember you danced the first set with me? Your first ‘official’ dance.”